Baby Now That I've Found You
by aprilhope
Summary: Old school S&C fic! Sarah Brown as Carly days! Starts fluffy then takes a decidedly angsty turn. 2000 miscarriage done differently. Features some missed characters, such as AJ, Chloe, Johnny the bodyguard , Leticia. Also Liason in later chapters.
1. Would You Ask Me?

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

(Author's note: I can't believe I'm posting this fic, lol. I started writing it years ago (used to post at Time After Time, and Wicked Games before that). Though I've lost interest in writing for GH, the story is close enough to being finished that I am determined to, in fact, finish it. It's a Sonny and Carly story (with a few secondary couples I'll let you be surprised by), set way back in 2000 (Sarah Brown as Carly days). Back when Carly was first pregnant with Sonny's baby and she'd moved in to the penthouse. It begins with the May 2000 scene where she agrees to marry him. What if S&C had gotten married _before _they lost the baby? What if Carly's fall had happened differently?

I will warn you two things... One, the first 15 or so chapters of this fic are extremely fluffy. After that, it still has fun moments, but the story becomes extremely angsty. So, be prepared for the shift! lol... Two, I have through Ch. 44 written currently. After those are posted, I'm not sure how long it will take me to finish the rest, so perhaps read slowly.

xxx

**AUTHOR'S NOTE UPDATE (1/29/10): **The fic will NOT be properly finished, so be aware if you start reading (which I hope you still choose to). It will "end" with a brief summary of what was to take place in the remaining 7 or 8 chapters that never got written.

xxx

Thanks for reading! Chapter One is basically a prologue... just what happened on that show, all actual dialogue, plus a little description of the scene.

I do not profit from GH or these characters in any way, and I only own Dr. Harvey Byers.

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Baby, now that I've found you  
I won't let you go  
I built my world around you  
I need you so  
Baby, even though  
You don't need me now

Baby, now that I've found you  
I won't let you go  
I built my world around you  
I need you so  
Baby, even though  
You don't need me  
You don't need me, no, no

Baby, baby, when first we met  
I knew in this heart of mine  
That you were someone I couldn't forget  
I'd stand right and I'd bide my time

Spent my life looking for that somebody  
To make me feel like new  
Now you tell me that you want to leave me  
But darling I just can't let you

Now that I found you…  
I built my world around you  
I need you so, baby even though  
You don't need me now

Baby, now that I've found you  
I won't let you go  
I built my world around you  
I need you so  
Baby, even though  
You don't need me  
You don't need me, no, no

("Baby, Now That I've Found You" by Alison Krauss and Union Station)

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Ch. 1 - Would You Ask Me?

"_I want to marry you. I want to have our children more than anything that I ever wanted in my life, but I, I will let you go before I put you or the children in any kind of danger. That's all I have to say."_

Carly lowered her head, trying to get a hold on her emotions before responding. She looked back up into Sonny's eyes and spoke, her voice a teary whisper.

"_I'm afraid for you."_

"_Well, don't be. Fear wears you down, makes you crazy."_

"_How am I supposed to stop? Every time you walk out the door… I don't know where you're going, I don't know what you're doing. But I do know that you might never come back."_

"_First of all, you don't have to cry, all right?" _

Sonny reached out and wiped the falling tears from her face with his thumb. She looked away at the tender gesture.

"_Listen, I… I will, I give you my word that if things ever get bad, if there's a chance that I won't come back, I will warn you. But that's not gonna happen, because I… I may be a hell of a lot of things… and a lot of things may be wrong with me…" _

He smiled widely at his last comment, showing dimples and laughing at himself. She laughed with him, and he was happy that he could get some of the fear and sadness to leave her face.

"_But I tell you what… I do know how to stay out of jail."_

He walked past her to the bar, picked up his glass of water, and stood watching the back of her… waiting for her to turn around and tell him his future.

She steepled her fingers in front of her face, wiping some remaining tears away, as she gathered the courage to make the decision her heart so wanted to make.

"_Um… okay."_

"_Okay what?"_

Sonny set down his glass as she turned around. He noticed that she kept looking down, even as she said what he'd hoped he would hear.

"_I'll marry you."_

He smiled again, as they began a flirty exchange.

"_You keep saying that, but every time we disagree, then it's a question again."_

"_Well, it's the only leverage I have. Not that it does me much good."_

"_But you don't need leverage against me. We're on the same side. That's what, that's what this is for, you see?"_

He held up the engagement ring that she had promised to wear… someday. That day was today.

"_Very pretty, huh? It's my promise to you." _

Smiling, Carly shrugged her shoulders girlishly.

"_Would you ask me?"_

Sonny was surprised but not at all bothered. In fact, he was honored. And he knew it was the very least she deserved. Still, he teased her a bit.

"_Again?"_

"_Well, technically you never did. I mean, you kept telling me."_

"_What, you want me to get on one knee?"_

"_I'm not that demanding."_

"_All right."_

"_C'mon." _

"_Give me your hand."_

She held out her hand and he took it gently.

"_Caroline Benson…"_

The use of her full name almost made her laugh, somehow nervous. She turned more serious as he continued.

"_Will you marry me? I promise to honor and protect you. To love our children. And never leave you. So help me God."_

Carly's face was all lit up… That was more than she had expected him to say.

The ring got stuck for a moment as he tried to put it on her finger, and they laughed playfully as she fixed it. She gazed at the ring as he gazed at her. She looked up with smiling eyes and a sure heart.

"_I'll marry you. And I promise to honor and protect you. And love our children. And I'll never leave you… so help me God." _

She looked heavenward and laughed at the last part.

Sonny couldn't believe how right it felt that he had just said, in effect, _vows _to Carly Benson. He couldn't believe how much… more than ever… he wanted to be with her.

"_Okay, you may kiss the bride."_

Carly grinned at those words coming from Sonny's beautiful lips. She grabbed his face and pulled him to her for a sweet but passionate kiss, sealing their commitment to each other and their family.


	2. He's Like An Eclipse

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 2 - He's Like An Eclipse

The kiss came to an end slowly, yet too soon for both. Her hands remained on his face and his at her waist, as they pulled back just enough to see the happiness in their eyes reflected back at them.

"So…" Carly smiled suggestively and grabbed hold of Sonny's hand, starting to walk them towards the stairs that lead up to his… well, their… bedroom.

Sonny wanted nothing more than to take her to bed… except to marry her, and the sooner the better. Now that she was finally wearing his ring, he felt more assured that she wouldn't be easily scared off. He decided to take a shot and hope she wouldn't change her mind about what she'd just said to him.

"So ya gonna marry me tomorrow?"

Carly dropped his hand, purely from shock. She whipped back around to face him with a half-shocked, half-amused expression, like she didn't know whether or not he was kidding. He was smiling, but she could tell he was completely serious about this latest "proposal." It took a minute for any words to come to her.

"Tomorrow? What happened to July 7th??"

"Come on, you know that was just you dragging your feet in the beginning."

"That wasn't that long ago, Sonny. What, two weeks?"

"Maybe so… but a lot's happened in two weeks."

She flushed as he gave her a look that brought up thoughts of every night they had spent making love the past couple of weeks.

"And, every day I think you start to love the idea of being Mrs. Corinthos a little bit more."

He moved in towards her and kissed her neck softly, nibbling and teasing the sensitive skin. She did her best not to give him the reaction she knew he was going for, but failed miserably… yet happily.

"Whatever made you think that?… _mmmm_…"

"Well, when you moan like that, for one."

She hit his arm… semi-lightly… and he laughed.

"Okay, Mr. Ego-That-Ate-Port-Charles Corinthos… Even if you're right, how the heck could we get married tomorrow? I thought you wanted the whole church thing."

"I do, and we'll have it."

Carly was confused and thrown, to say the least. All of a sudden Sonny wanted to marry her tomorrow? And he was making it sound like it was actually possible. The man was crazy! _Of course he is, that's why he's such a perfect match for you. _Truly, what was freaking her out the most was how much she really did want to marry him… any place, any time. Sonny was her future and she knew that. Still, she was nervous… and she started babbling questions to the would-be groom.

"How? How do you even know Father Coates or the church are free tomorrow? I mean I know you've got lots of power in PC but how'd you get a priest in your pocket, Sonny? And what about a dress? And… and…" Now she was mentally scrambling for things to list. "Bobbie's gonna freak."

"Nah, I am every mother's dream son-in-law, right?" He winked and dimpled simultaneously.

_My God, you can't look directly at him when he does that, he's like an eclipse. _

Out loud, Carly said, "Charming, perhaps. But she'll still be convinced it's a mistake, just because she knows that's what I do, I make mistakes… usually big ones."

He heard the note of sadness that entered her voice as she thought of all her past regrets, and of her mother's tendency to expect the worst of her. He guided her to the sofa and sat on the ottoman before her, holding her hands and making her look at him.

"Do you feel like you're making a mistake with me?"

She squeezed his hands and shook her head. She didn't even have to think about it. "No."

Sonny smiled with relief, letting out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Then stop worrying about the little stuff."

Carly laughed sarcastically. "Little stuff? Oh, like the church and my dress and my mother? What's left??"

"There's the vows… We already know we say them pretty nice."

Sonny raised her left hand to his lips and kissed near the ring he had put on her finger, all the while maintaining eye contact that made her heart flutter. These glimpses of _Sonny, The Romantic _really got to her sometimes.

"Bobbie loves you, she'll be fine. I'll take care of the church, your dress is beautiful…"

"Huh? You picked out my wedding dress?" Carly was incredulous.

"Something like that."

"Good grief… You know, the term 'control freak' is really starting to lose all meaning with you! I need stronger words!"

She found his action rather presumptuous, but the image of Sonny picking out a wedding dress was just so cute and so funny that she couldn't keep the corners of her mouth from turning up, even as she fussed at him.

"Trust me, you'll love it. But you better marry me fast 'cause I have a feeling it won't fit you quite the same in July."

He expected another playful smack for that comment about her expanding waistline, not to mention the laughter he paired it with. He knew she was a bit sensitive about how much weight she might gain during her pregnancy. But instead she just studied his face and… discovering something unexpected… smiled knowingly at him.

"You're really afraid I'll change my mind, aren't you?"

"I just want to marry you tomorrow. You got a problem with that?" He put on his best show of dimples to hopefully put him over the top.

_Oh man, he's doing that eclipse thing again. _"You know, I know I should..."

Two toothy grins met in an exhilarated kiss, a-rush with the happy nerves of people who will be married before they know it. After a few moments blissfully lost in the heat of Sonny's mouth, Carly somehow had a thought and pulled back.

"Wait, wait, I do…"

"Oh, see? Now you're anxious!"

"No, no…" She kept giggling between his relentless kisses, trying to escape them just long enough to speak. "Not 'I do'… I mean I do have a problem."

Sonny tried not to show the sudden worry he was feeling, waiting for Carly to clarify.

"Another compromise maybe, Sonny? Since I thought we were getting so good at those…"

"I'm listening."

"How about day after tomorrow? That'll give me just a little time to… breathe, to go shopping… I know you said the dress is taken care of, but trust me, I can still find things I need… Ever heard that wedding tradition? Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue… something lacy and something see-through?"

Sonny's eyebrow arched in delight and he pulled Carly into his lap. "No, but I like it."

"And speaking of… In keeping with the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding on the big day, I will be spending the night before my wedding at Bobbie's… assuming she lets me in. So you want me to do that tonight?"

She stroked the back of his neck and rained kisses on his ear, listening to him quietly groan and then laugh at her persuasive ways. She knew she had him.

"Fine. Day after tomorrow it is."

"Thank you, Sonny."

"But if you're putting me off a day… are you gonna make it up to me?"

Her eyes twinkled with mischief and desire as she hopped up and pulled him… this time, successfully… upstairs.


	3. Rose Petals Or No Rose Petals

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 3 - Rose Petals Or No Rose Petals

Carly was a late-sleeper and always had been, but this morning she was discovering one advantage to waking early… getting to watch Sonny sleep. He was simply beautiful to behold, and she couldn't believe that face was hers to wake up to for the rest of her life. She was still having trouble believing all of this… Still getting used to this amazing feeling of closeness with a man she had thought she hated, and who had hated her, just short months ago… Still getting used to waking up in his arms. He looked so peaceful, and his breathing was so nice and even. She was pretty sure he hadn't had any nightmares in a while now. Though she knew it was ridiculous… the idea that she could bring anybody peace… she liked to think that maybe she had a part in that, and that maybe she really was good for him.

Sonny woke up to the feel of her gaze, and he opened his eyes halfway to find her head resting on his shoulder, soulful brown eyes centered on him. It took a moment for her beauty to come into focus, but he didn't miss the blush that crept across her cheeks at being caught staring at him. He wondered if she had any idea that most mornings he did the same thing… watched her in the early light, torn between wanting to touch her… to make love to her again… and not wanting to break the spell of her slumber. Probably not.

"Since when do you wake up before I do?"

"Since I wore you _out_ last night."

Sonny raised an eyebrow and grinned, remembering… and thinking how quickly her bashful side had just disappeared. "You did?"

Carly raised an eyebrow right back at him. "I didn't?"

"I didn't say that… But I wasn't the only one who got worn out… Maybe I need to refresh your memory…"

He pulled her somewhat on top of him as he kissed her… her hands splayed on his chest and her hair tickling his neck. He fully intended to make her lose all her senses, but before he could perform his trademark move… of rolling them over before Carly even knew what was happening… she was taking one last nibble of his lips and pushing herself off of him.

"Mmm… Trust me, I remember. And as much as I'd love to remember some more, we have a busy day!" All of a sudden she was hopping off the bed with more energy than Sonny ever would have believed Carly could have so early in the morning.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I have to go shopping, deal with Bobbie… You have to do… whatever it is you have to do, _everything_ I guess…"

She had slipped her robe on and was running around the bedroom, picking out clothes for after her shower. He lay back with his hands behind his head, smiling and enjoying her nervous excitement.

"Oh, God…" The clothes she was holding dropped to the floor, and she sat back down on the bed.

"What's the matter?" He sat up and scooted over next to her.

"I just thought of… Sonny, who's gonna come to this wedding? Is it just gonna be you and me?"

"Who do you want there?"

"I don't know. Bobbie I guess. Michael." She laughed quietly, in a sort of sad realization. "You're right, we don't really have a bunch of adoring friends…"

"Throwing rose petals at our feet?"

"Yeah." She smiled at his remembrance of the sarcastic words she'd said to him when he had first tried to tell her they were getting married…

"_Where would we put the crowds of adoring friends that gather to throw rose petals at our feet?"_

"_Benny would throw rose petals. I'm sure Johnny would, too, if I asked him."  
_

"Who do you want there, Sonny?

He placed a finger under her chin and looked at her honestly. "You…" He moved his hand to her slightly rounded tummy. "And you, too."

Carly smiled deeply, tears in her eyes from his simple answer. This man kept surprising her.

"You don't need to invite us, we'll be there… rose petals or no rose petals," she laughed. "Now are you just gonna laze around in bed all day or what, Mr. Corinthos? Don't you have work to do? You know, I might even let you share my shower if you're real nice."

She stood up and started walking towards the bathroom, letting her robe slip slowly off her shoulders as he watched.

"Rrrreally?"

And in the time it took to drawl out that one word, the only thing covering Carly was Sonny.

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After conserving water with a shared shower, getting dressed, and having a family breakfast, Sonny was in the kitchen cleaning up and Carly was on the phone to GH.

"Bobbie Spencer, please…… Hey mama, it's me. I was just wondering if you maybe wanted to have lunch with me today."

"Well, this is a treat," came Bobbie's reply, somehow genuine and immediately suspicious at the same time. "What is this, the second time in a week that you've wanted to have lunch with me? What's going on, Carly?"

She sighed. "Why do you sound like that? I just want to talk to you."

"Okay, what news should I brace myself for? Last time you told me you were going to marry Sonny."

Oh, and that was so horrible?? She felt hurt somehow by her mother's mere statement of fact. Maybe it was just something in the tone of her voice. But Carly got defensive.

"Well, I'm telling you again. I'm marrying Sonny. Tomorrow in fact. Just thought you might like to know."

"Carly, I…"

"Sorry I bothered you, Bobbie."

She hung up the phone, cutting her mother off… frustrated with Bobbie, but also with herself for getting defensive so fast… just as Sonny came up behind her. He'd heard the end of the call and knew it hadn't gone how Carly had hoped. He placed his hands on her shoulders, massaging them gently.

"You know what? I don't need anybody at my wedding. Just us and Michael, that's all we need, right?"

Sonny's chance to respond was interrupted by the phone ringing.

"That's probably Bobbie," he guessed.

Knowing he was probably right, Carly shook her head at him to mean she did not want to talk to her, not yet. She begged him with her eyes, holding her breath as Sonny picked up the phone.

"Hello… Hi Bobbie, could you hold on for just a second?" Covering the mouthpiece, to Carly he said, "Look, why don't you go shopping or whatever you need to do, and just let me take care of this too? Take Francis."

She grinned, grateful and relieved, and mouthed "control freak" at him… before grabbing her purse, kissing him quickly on the mouth, and heading out the door.

"Sorry, Bobbie… Look, Carly's left to do some errands, but I was hoping you might be willing to have lunch with me instead?"


	4. Doing The Right Thing

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 4 - Doing The Right Thing

A few hours later, morning shift at the hospital done, Bobbie was starting her afternoon shift at Kelly's. She spotted Mike entering the diner… looking cautiously optimistic… and walked briskly out from behind the counter and up to him.

"Mike, have you spoken with Sonny lately?"

"Just about an hour ago. He asked me to meet him for lunch, which is extremely… not like him. Why? Do you know what's up?"

"So you haven't heard… Sonny and Carly are getting married tomorrow."

"Shucks, Bobbie, you spoiled my big surprise."

Both turned at the sound of Sonny's voice. The look of shock on Mike's face at the news amused Sonny, though he wasn't looking forward to the tiresome words he knew would soon be coming out of his father's open mouth.

"Michael, when did this happen? I thought you guys were gonna get married in a couple of months."

"That was only if I couldn't get her to marry me before then. What can I say? I, uh… changed her mind." Sonny grinned.

"It just seems kind of sudden is all."

"Look, why don't we sit down before we get into all this?"

Sonny indicated a table with a slight tilt of his head. Mike and Bobbie exchanged wary looks, and all three sat down.

"Yes, Carly and I are getting married tomorrow. I asked her yesterday about moving it up, and well, she was as surprised as you two at first, but then she agreed. And we're happy about this. It's gonna happen no matter what, but I know it would mean a lot to Carly to have your support." He paused for a moment. "Bobbie, I saw the hurt on her face when she got off the phone this morning."

"I didn't say anything! She just automatically assumed I was coming down on her. Sonny, you know how she is."

"No disrespect, Bobbie, but if _you_ know how she is, maybe you should try and consider that when you talk to her. Underneath all her attitude she just wants her mother's approval."

Bobbie blinked, looking at Sonny and then down at her hands, hit by her soon-to-be son-in-law's words about her daughter. She knew he was right. But she was somewhat surprised at the fact.

"Now, I understand that you have some major reservations about her marrying me…"

"You know I think you're a good man, Sonny. I just…"

"I'll take good care of her, Bobbie."

"You don't love her."

Something in Sonny kind of tightened up at that statement, and he didn't know why. He had said it himself to Bobbie just days before, and… it was true. So why was his first instinct to tell her she was wrong? He shook off the bothersome mental question, his face never showing its existence.

"She knows that. She doesn't love me either, but… we're making this work. We feel like a family already… her, me, Michael, the baby… and we want to keep that."

Sonny's sincere argument for his family had only a moment to sink into the minds of the parents, before the waitress on duty walked over to their table.

"Bobbie, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I've got a customer trying to pay and the register's stuck again."

"Ugh, it's always doing that. It's okay, Penny, let me see if I can fix it." Rising from her seat, she let out a sigh of frustration, but smiled at Sonny and Mike. "Excuse me, I'll be right back."

As soon as Bobbie was out of earshot, Mike leaned forward on the table and spoke to Sonny in a lowered voice.

"Son, I didn't want to say anything in front of Bobbie, but…"

"Then don't say it at all, Mike. If you couldn't say it in front of Bobbie, that probably means it was something bad about Carly. And what makes you think you can say anything bad about Carly… the woman I'm marrying tomorrow, and the mother of my child… to me?"

"I wasn't going to insult Carly, I just… Michael, are you sure you know what you're doing here?"

"I'm doing the right thing." He gave his standard answer. But this time, he realized as the words left his mouth that it was also what he wanted… what he needed. She was what he needed.

"I hope so."

Bobbie sensed tension between the two men… not that that was anything new… when she returned.

"What did I miss, boys?"

"Nothing, nothing. I was waiting for you before I brought up where I'm hoping you guys will fit into this wedding. Bobbie, I think it'd mean a lot to Carly for you to be her maid of honor."

"I wish I were as sure of that as you are. But of course I will. It'll mean a lot to me, too. Now I need to get back to work. You can buy me lunch some other time."

"Some other time you'll be my mother-in-law, so I think I'll have to cook you something at the penthouse. And, eh, _maybe _I'll invite Carly." He wigged his eyebrow suggestively.

Bobbie had to laugh at that. "Ahh, thank you, Sonny… for giving so much consideration to what would make Carly happy, and trying to make this special for her."

"That's my job. Now, you don't have to worry about your dress or anything, it's all taken care of. Why don't you give Carly a call tonight? You guys can work things out, and she'll tell you time and place for tomorrow. There's a lot she won't know about this wedding until it happens, but she does get to know that much," Sonny laughed. "And I'd like her to know her mother's gonna be there for her."

Bobbie patted Sonny's cheek and walked away feeling that maybe things were working out for the best, after all.

"Mike, I was hoping you'd walk Carly down the aisle."

That suggestion more than stunned Mike. It was hard to believe Sonny even cared whether or not he showed up to the wedding at all, but to give Carly away? Obviously she hadn't told Sonny about the fight they'd had when he took her home from the Grille. Though he'd felt it was the least he could do, as Sonny's father, to warn Carly about the importance of protecting that baby, he felt a little bad now about how hard he'd come down on her. He couldn't imagine that his company down the aisle would make her happy.

"Uh, did you talk about this with Carly? Because I really don't think she'd want…"

"Look, she doesn't have a father. Her closest male relative is Luke, and I do at least know she'd rather be on your arm than his. I think she'd like you to do it… But you gotta respect her, or I'll kick your ass, old man, I don't care if we are in church. So what do you say?"

Seeing Sonny like this… so protective of Carly, and at the same time smiling, laughing… Maybe his son really was doing what was right for him. Either way, he was reaching out, and Mike wouldn't dare turn him away.

"I say I'd be honored… So, who's gonna be your best man?"

"Ah, I'm not gonna have a best man, I don't think."

"Oh."

"But if you… ehh, you know, when you're done walking Carly down the aisle… if you wanted to stand next to me and hold the rings, that'd be okay."

A deep smile spread slowly across Mike's face. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Good, that's settled then. Now figure out what you want to eat before I change my mind about paying."


	5. Sleeping Beauty

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 5 - Sleeping Beauty

Sonny returned home to the penthouse sometime in the early evening hours, after a long day of taking care of wedding details… including a honeymoon that his bride-to-be knew nothing about, and wouldn't until she was practically there. He'd also been working hard to wrap up some loose ends with both of his businesses, so that in the coming days he could concentrate solely on Carly.

The penthouse was surprisingly quiet as he entered, and he closed the door quietly in case Carly had fallen asleep downstairs again. Sure enough, as he got closer, he saw all sorts of toys on the floor and on the ottoman. And there were Carly and Michael curled up together on the couch, apparently worn out from playing. Mother and son made the sweetest picture Sonny had ever seen. Michael had one tiny hand holding tight to a toy jet, while the other laid protectively over his little brother in mommy's tummy. She had one hand on Michael's, and the other had fallen still while stroking his hair. Sonny smiled.

This was his family.

He cleared a space on the ottoman and sat down, content to just watch them for a while. Michael… the lighter sleeper of the two… sensed his _Unca Sonny _near and woke up. He opened his eyes but didn't stir much, so Carly remained asleep. Wise as he was for a two-year-old, Michael even whispered so as not to wake her.

"Unca Sonny."

"Hey Buddy."

"Mama's ahseep."

"I see that. I tell ya what, it's just a little early for bedtime. Why don't you let me take you up to Leticia… you guys can play, and read, and fun stuff… while I wake Mama up and fix dinner for all of us?"

"Sketti?"

"Sure, I'll fix spaghetti. No problem."

"Mama no help."

Sonny tried not to laugh too loudly. "Don't worry, Michael, I won't let Mama in the kitchen."

Ever so carefully, Sonny disentangled Michael from Carly and lifted him up into his arms. As he was carrying the boy upstairs, Sonny realized that he and Carly hadn't presented the idea of them getting married to the person whose life it would affect most… Michael. He suddenly felt the need to ask for the blessing of a toddler… for permission to marry his mother.

"Michael, do you know what happens tomorrow?"

"Mawwied!" he cried happily.

Sonny grinned at Michael's exuberance. "Ahh, your mama told you about that, hmm? So what do you think? Are you happy about me marrying your mama?"

Michael bobbed his head up and down. "Mama happy too," he added confidentially to Sonny.

"You know what?" Sonny winked at his soon-to-be stepson. "Me too."

After handing Michael over to Leticia, Sonny went back downstairs to Carly's sleeping form. He sat on the ottoman and just stared at her. She was beautiful. The hem of her long dress had inched up so that it draped her legs at mid-thigh. He reached out to pull the material down, but instead found himself unconsciously caressing her thigh, one finger running over the smooth skin… as he smiled remembering another time he'd come home to find her asleep on the couch…

"_What are you doing down here? You should be up in bed."_

"_No, 'cause I can't hear anything up there, and… I wanted to make sure that I knew you came home. I was worried."_

"_You don't have to worry about me."_

"_I tell you the same thing, but you do anyway, right?"_

"_Yeah, but the difference is I'm always right, you're wrong."_

"_Ahh, you forget that every single time! Okay. You wanna use your birthday gift now?"_

"_You mean my 'okay I win this argument' card? Nah, I'll save that for a harder one. Besides, this is a no-brainer. You don't have to worry about me."_

"_Well, I don't now. Okay. Anyway, it's good to have you home… safe."_

"_Well, it's good to… come home to you."_

They had both been surprised by the cuteness of the moment. Since when were they cute?? They had laughed shyly, and Sonny had even played with the mood by… sort of… singing "la, la, la" as he sauntered closer to hug and kiss her. Then they had gone upstairs…

"Sonny?"

Her voice snapped him out of his memory and into the present. He had been too in a trance to notice that his attentions to her leg had woken Carly up.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty."

Carly blushed. She sat up slightly as she ran a hand through her hair, which had gotten a bit mussed. But she didn't move her legs, upon which Sonny's hand still rested. The skin of her thigh tingled from his touch.

"Where's Michael?"

"Upstairs playing with Leticia. He told me you told him about the big day tomorrow."

"Yeah. I thought it might be tricky, but he totally understands. At least I think he does. Actually, to him it's probably just like some brand new holiday," she laughed. "But he also knows it's about us becoming a family. He seemed pretty happy about it."

Sonny sat next to her on the couch, as close as he could possibly get. "He told me his mama was pretty happy about it too."

Carly blushed again. She didn't remember ever blushing in her life, until lately.

"Did she ever say she wasn't?"

She turned her face towards him to speak, not realizing how completely in her body space he was. There was nowhere for her mouth to go but to his. His lips brushed hers like silk on satin, pulling her in with their heat, and deepening the kiss slowly. She snuggled her body fully into his until she was on his lap. His hands cradled her face… God, how she loved when he did that.

He pulled back and raised a teasing eyebrow at her. "So… does this mean you are happy?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm happy, dammit!! I probably shouldn't be saying it out loud, but yes! Okay, where's the bolt of lightning?"

Sonny laughed at her dramatics, yet inside he couldn't help but wait for that same bolt of lightning to come strike them down.

Carly sighed and leaned back against his chest, resting her head on his shoulder and tilting her face ever so slightly into his neck… breathing in his spicy warmth. She raised her left hand in front of her and studied it with a blissful smile.

"Have I mentioned how much I LOVE this ring?"

Sonny smiled. "No, I don't think so. But I'm glad. You sure it's not too light for you?"

"Huh?"

"Well, ya know, it is a step down from your last one, size-wise."

Carly crinkled her brow. "It fits the same."

"I meant the diamond."

"Oh."

He tried to silence his laughter but she felt the rumblings from his chest against her back, shaking her slightly. It was almost like being in a massage chair. _Kind of nice, actually… mmmm. _But she stuck an elbow in his ribs.

"You're laughing at me again."

"Just a little."

"Fine," she spat out, sounding persecuted… then gave in and laughed at herself. "And to be nice and answer your question, no it's not too 'light' for me."

"I could get you something bigger, if you want."

"Okay Sonny, first of all, this is no pebble, all right? This is a major rock. Second, I already told you it was perfect. And third, thank GOD it's smaller than the one AJ gave me. AJ's rings were meant to weigh me down, meant to feel like… I don't know, shackles. And that's exactly what they were."

"But after you got mugged and Jason replaced the rings, they became Jason's rings to you. They didn't weigh you down then, did they."

Sonny made that a statement, not a question. He himself felt weighted down suddenly by his own mention of his best friend… or former best friend. Why was he bringing up Jason? What if Carly changed her mind again and decided that she couldn't marry anyone but Jason?

"Actually… they did. They weighed me down with wanting what I couldn't have. I shackled myself to a dream that was never gonna be real."

Her words surprised him. "But I know how hard it was for you to take those rings off."

"It's hard to let go… but not impossible."

"I never thanked you."

"For what? You don't have to thank me for that, Sonny."

"But I basically asked you to give up the last hope you had left… of having everything you always wanted."

She reached for his hand. "What I always wanted was a family, and a man who made me happy… and I have that now."

This time, her words took his breath away. He held her tighter, pressed a kiss to her cheek, and snuck a glance at the clock on the mantel. _Just under 24 hours now… and she'll be my wife._


	6. Something For You

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 6 - Something For You

The family enjoyed a delicious meal of spaghetti, steamed vegetables, and homemade bread that night. Carly had offered her assistance in the preparation, and Sonny informed her that he was under express orders from her son not to let her near the kitchen. Though she was not as upset or as disbelieving as she pretended to be, it was a good excuse to be playful with him. Following close on his heels into the sacred room, she started accusing him and his cooking of turning Michael against her, and laughingly thwapped him over the head with potholders.

During dinner, Carly and Sonny kept having the same silly thoughts running through their heads… things like, _This is our last dinner as unmarried people. _They'd catch themselves looking at each other, smile a little, and look away. To shake away the fluttery tension, Carly would start pressing Sonny for wedding details… wanting to know who, what, when, where, how, etc. All he'd tell her was that it would indeed take place at the Church of Angels at 5:30 p.m. the next day. And that she could expect a phone call from Bobbie any minute.

Sure enough, Bobbie called once the dishes had been cleared. She and Carly quickly smoothed over the phone incident from that morning, then turned to talk of the wedding. Carly was very happy to hear that her mother would be her maid of honor, just as she had hoped. Having given up on getting anything out of Sonny, she tried grilling Bobbie for more information, but Bobbie assured her daughter that she was every bit as in the dark as she was. Finally, they decided that Carly and Michael would spend the night at the brownstone so that Sonny wouldn't see his bride before the wedding… "Sonny and I are both extremely screwed up people to start with. Trust me, we don't need any unnecessary jinxes!"… and also so that Bobbie could, in her words… "help you keep your head on straight when you feel like it's about to go spinning off your shoulders."

Once Carly got off the phone, she went upstairs to find Sonny. He was finishing up giving Michael a bath… an adorable sight to behold… and she filled him in as they dried the little boy off. She then went to help Leticia pack an overnight bag for Michael, while Sonny told Johnny to get the limo ready. When Leticia and Michael came downstairs, Sonny kissed Michael goodnight and told him he'd see him tomorrow for the big day… gave Leticia a little wink… and after getting the all clear from Johnny, sent them down to the car. He wondered what was taking Carly so long and headed upstairs to check on her.

"Carly?" He stuck his head into her room… well, her old room. She hadn't been sleeping there in weeks, and she certainly wouldn't be now that they were about to be married, but most of her things still resided in there. Indeed, her travel bag was on the bed, seemingly all packed.

"I'm in here," came her voice from their bedroom.

He entered to find her sitting on the bed, holding what looked like a shopping bag from Wyndham's and grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"Are you ready to go? Leticia and Michael are down in the limo."

"Actually I told them I would be a few minutes. I was waiting for you to come up here. I got you something while I was out shopping."

"Oh yeah?"

"Call it a wedding present if you want. Even if I did buy it with your money."

Both laughed as he sat next to her on the bed.

"You gonna let me see it?"

"Yeah, yeah, keep your bloomers on."

Sonny's mouth fell open. _Did she just say bloomers?? _Carly laughed and put a finger under his chin, closing his mouth again, then reached into the bag and pulled out a wrapped present.

"It's not much. It's two things actually, but it's still not much. I just… thought of you."

She finally handed it to him, continuing to ramble as Sonny made his way into the box with curious eyes and hands.

"It seemed to make you happy on your birthday… the jumper, I mean. And I know this won't help keep your ego in check… but I had to get it anyway."

Picking up his prize, Sonny held up a tiny T-shirt… fit for an infant… with something written across the front…

"'_If you think I'm cute you should see my daddy'_?" Sonny burst out laughing at the shirt's playful message, but as his laughter subsided he was also filled with an indescribable warmth… at the thought of Carly buying it, and of their son wearing it. "Wow."

"What can I say? It made me laugh. Great, I can see your head getting bigger before my eyes."

"You think I'm cute," he teased.

"Oh shut up and look at the other one."

Looking under the layer of tissue paper, he found the other present. This one was a much larger T-shirt, but with a somewhat similar saying across the chest…

"'_If you think I'm hot, check out my wife'_?"

Carly grinned widely at the latest expression on his gorgeous face... some mix of amused, incredulous, and jealous. _Jealous of a T-shirt? Yeah, right. _"I know you won't ever wear it, but… well, it's just so true."

She dropped her head for a second in a laugh, and when she raised her eyes to Sonny's face again she saw that he was giving her that LOOK of his… the one that always turned her into melted butter before he even touched her. But this time he was touching her, having put his hand on her knee, and he leaned into her.

"Maybe I don't want people checking out my wife."

Carly didn't quite know what to say to that, but it didn't matter, because Sonny kissed her… powerfully, passionately… leaving her heart beating fast and nerves wanting to take over. She stood up suddenly.

"I'm not your wife yet though, right? Maybe Carlybabes should put on her boots and hit the town tonight, a little bachelorette party of one," she joked, smiling a nervous smile. "What do you think?"

Sonny stood as well, answering her by taking her face in his hands and kissing her again.

"You said that already," was Carly's dazed response.

"Thank you for my presents."

"You're welcome."

They just stared into each other's eyes for several moments. After a minute or so a thought seemed to pop into Sonny's head, and he took Carly's hand in his and squeezed it.

"You know what? I have something for you, too."

"You do? Sonny, I didn't get you a gift so you'd get me one."

"I know. I wanted to give you this last night, but I, uh… got distracted."

They shared a wicked smile, knowing exactly what distracted him. Sonny led her to the dresser… and the jewelry box that sat atop it.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hand."

Surprisingly, she did so without complaint. Sonny then opened a secret compartment in the jewelry box and took out a beautiful gold pin… old and delicate, in the shape of a single rose in bloom… with a small ruby in the center. He turned to her and placed it on her open palm.

"I want to give you this."

Carly opened her eyes and quietly gasped when she saw the pin. "Sonny… It's beautiful."

"It was my mother's."

"What?" Carly was stunned.

Sonny tried to keep his emotions down while he told the story of the pin. "It was like the one really nice thing she owned, at least that didn't end up in hock… or sold for gambling money. Her father gave it to her on her fifteenth birthday, and they were really close, so it always meant a lot to her. Anyway, she gave it to me right before I left home. I wanted her to keep it because I wanted her to have something that was worth something in case she needed to leave, even though I knew she'd never leave Deke, and even if she did I knew she'd never sell that pin. But it seemed really important to her that I take it, and I also kind of wanted a piece of my mother to take with me, so I did. She told me to give it to the woman I would marry… who would be the mother of my children… the woman who would make my house a home. That's you, Carly, so… I want you to have it."

Carly was in tears as he pinned it on her blouse, by her heart.

"Sonny, I… I can't believe you would…" Her words drifted off as she remembered what his mother said to him. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You can try."

"When you married Lily, did you give the pin to her?"

Sonny took a deep breath, speaking matter-of-factly, though with a twinge of guilt. "No."

His answer surprised her. She put a hand on his shoulder. "Why not?"

"I don't know. Maybe I wasn't ready yet, to give away a piece of her memory like that."

"Not even to your wife?"

"Maybe I just knew it wasn't meant for her."

"But you loved her."

"Yes I did, but I didn't love her like I should have until… the end. It was an arranged marriage."

Carly dropped her hand. "Isn't that basically what this is, Sonny? A marriage arranged by you because I'm pregnant, so you can be near your child and keep an eye on my crazy self?"

"Carly, why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Try to make this sound like less than it is."

"What is it, Sonny?"

He sighed deeply. What was the answer to that question? "Look, I think we're both past the point of feeling trapped in this. Or, even if we are stuck with each other, we're pretty happy about it, right?"

"Right." Carly started to giggle.

"What?"

"I just started hearing that song in my head."

"What song?"

"You know, that old Huey Lewis song… _'Yes it's true, yes it's true, I'm so happy to be stuck with you_…'"

"You have weird taste in music."

"Pardon me, but the 80's were the coolest."

"If you say so," he allowed, laughing and shaking his head. "All I'm saying is I don't want you to think of this like an arranged marriage. No matter how things started out… I want to marry you and have a family with you. I hope you said yes to me because you want the same thing, and not because I tried to make you feel like you don't have any other options. You're too smart to believe that's true."

"Thank you. It's good to know you think so." She smiled at him. It was the first time he'd actually called her smart. "I said yes because I wanted to, Sonny, okay? _Each _time."

They laughed at her emphasis on "each," thinking of how she had agreed to marry him about three times.

"This pin just… I wasn't expecting… I mean, it was your mother's, and… I gave you T-shirts…"

"Carly." He spoke her name and she calmed.

"It's just the most wonderful gift anybody's ever given me. I mean, not counting…" She put his hand on her stomach and smiled up at him shyly. "Thank you, Sonny."

Sonny brought his other hand up to her face and kissed her lips gently. Things began to heat up, but Carly pulled away… very reluctantly.

"I really better get down there. They've been waiting a long time, and it's past time for me to put Michael to bed."

He knew she was right, but that didn't keep him from sexily growling in her ear… "Can't you put me to bed first?"

She felt the shiver down her spine but she gathered her control, leaned into him and whispered in his ear…

"Save it for the honeymoon... stud."

She pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek, then turned, grinning, and nearly ran from the room. Sonny followed slowly to walk her down, touching his cheek and thinking about tomorrow.

Funny... He always used to dread thinking about tomorrow.


	7. When Did That Happen?

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 7 - When Did That Happen?

_The moonlight filtered in through the balcony window of the bridal suite and cast a glow upon their tangled, sweat-drenched bodies… and the matching wedding bands that adorned their fingers. Their first night as husband and wife. They lay in each other's arms, sated, exhausted from hours of making love. He would whisper in her ear in English all the things he wanted to do to her… and in Spanish all the things it was harder for him to say, like how he felt about her. She didn't speak Spanish, but still somehow she understood. He told her she made his life better. He told her he needed her. He told her he thought he was falling…_

"Mama, wake up!"

Carly was in the guest room at Bobbie's, doing her best to remain asleep with a fired-up toddler nearly jumping on her head. Still mostly out of it, she tightened her hold on the pillow she'd been cuddling all night and softly moaned, "Sonny."

A laughing snort from the doorway finally awoke Carly fully. She sat up, opened her eyes and saw Leticia.

"Just what is so funny, Let?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothing." Leticia chuckled silently. Yup, she's got it bad. "I was just picturing you walking down the aisle with that bed hair."

"Cute, real cute." Carly stuck her tongue out at the nanny before turning to her son, who had situated himself on her lap. "How does mommy look, Mr. Man?"

Michael reached out a little hand to clumsily smooth her hair down and answered, "Booful, mama."

She hugged him tightly. "Thank you, sweetie. Now why don't you go on downstairs with Leticia, 'cause it smells to me like Grandma's cooking something yummy. I guess I didn't oversleep breakfast after all?"

"Nah, your mom was waiting for you to wake up. But I think she decided wafting aromas might provide some incentive for your…" Leticia covered Michael's ears, who she was now holding. "… lazy butt to get out of bed. Like you should need any more incentive than the fact that you're marrying a positively drop-dead gorgeous man in about seven hours!"

"Leticia!!" _First she insults my hair and now she's drooling over my man? Tell me why I… well, why Sonny pays her again??_

"Carly, calm down!" Leticia laughed at Carly's shocked and jealous face. "You know I'm dating Reggie. And at this point I think of Mr. Corinthos as somewhere between an employer and a big brother. But I've got to tell you, the first time I saw the man I nearly fainted."

Carly burst out laughing. "I guess I can understand that. That's how all women react to Sonny… even Lila!"

"Yes, but he doesn't notice any woman but you."

_Right. _Carly continued in what she thought was the same lighthearted tone, but a barely hidden sadness pulled at her voice. "Well, that's because… God willing… I'm the only one carrying his child." She put on a goofy grin and struck a pose. "Plus, how could he resist bed hair like this?"

Leticia sighed. "You just have no clue, do you?"

"No clue about what?"

"Nothing, nothing. I'm hoping you guys will figure it out for yourselves soon enough. Now Michael and I are going downstairs 'cause we're starving. And don't take an hour to get ready 'cause whatever primping you do to yourself will just have to be redone later!"

"Yes, Miss Bossy! Sheesh! You're lucky my son loves you!!" Carly called out teasingly as Leticia and Michael disappeared from the doorway.

Carly sat cross-legged on the bed and just sat for a moment. She breathed in and slowly exhaled. _This is my wedding day. And it's not part of some big stupid plan. And it's not to the man I thought it would be, but he is the man I want… When did that happen? _She didn't even know if she was surprised by her thoughts. Maybe she didn't know exactly when it happened, but it wasn't as recent as she liked to pretend. She played with her engagement ring, caressing the band, centering the diamond perfectly and gazing at it. Then she turned to the nightstand and lovingly picked up her other most precious possession, also a gift from Sonny… his mother's pin. She still couldn't believe he had done that. She knew how much he loved his mother and how sacred her memory was. He couldn't give the pin to Lily, but to her he could? _He said that I make his house a home. That's where I am, finally… home. _

_Now  
I can trust you now  
As I feel at ease  
How lost in you  
Should I be_

She set the pin delicately back atop the dresser, then rested her hands on the slight convex of her stomach… her and Sonny's truly most precious gift. She talked to the baby.

"Hey you in there. It's your mama. But you know that, don't ya? Well, do you know what today is? Today is the day I marry your daddy and become happier than I have any right to be. Happier than I even want anybody to know I am. So if you could not tell anybody how silly I'm being I'd really appreciate it. I know, that's bad. You're not even born yet and I've got you keeping secrets for me. But, I'm just not used to this, ya know? How your daddy makes me feel. I can't really explain it either. I've told you about his eyes, right? They're so dark and deep, but when the light hits them… there's no words to describe it. And when he smiles… which once upon a time I didn't even think he was capable of, but now he actually does fairly often… he's got these amazing dimples that just take over his whole face. I bet you'll have 'em too. And you'll flash 'em to get away with stuff just like your daddy," Carly laughed.

"Anyway, I'm not sure what to tell you about your daddy and me. We started out really badly. The night you came to us, we were at our worst and our best. I didn't realize what a blessing you were at first, but you are, for so many reasons. Mostly just because you're my baby, and I can't wait to hold you when you're born, the way I didn't with your brother. But you've done so much for your daddy and me. Because I think he knew before that maybe there was more to me than he'd originally thought, but he'd never have admitted it. He needed you to give him a reason to allow himself to get to know me, and then inevitably to like me. And now… he really does care for me, I can tell.

"And you… oh my God, he loves you so much. I'm sure he's gonna spoil you like crazy. He is so excited for you to get here. I can tell what a great father he's gonna be from how he is with your brother Michael. You made us see that we could be a family, as crazy as that should have been. It was the last thing we… well, I know it was the last thing I expected. But your daddy is… special. And I get to marry him today. And I would be honored for you to give me away."

_Now  
I can see you clear  
As the day begins  
How lost in this  
Should we be _

Just then, Carly felt the baby kick. "I'll take that as a yes."

xxxxxxxxxx

Sonny was in his kitchen, making lunch for himself and Mike, who was on his way over. Since the wedding was taking place late in the day, Mike had convinced his son they should have a nice leisurely lunch before busying themselves with getting ready for the big event. That was good for Sonny, because cooking gave him something to concentrate on, and a way to keep up his calm exterior, when inside he was anything but calm. He was sure of what he was doing… happy and excited even… but he was still nervous. He had NOT expected to be nervous. But things had changed a little each time she had said yes to marrying him. Each time they were a little closer. Before he had wanted to marry the mother of his child. Now he wanted to marry Carly… _When did that happen?_

Cooking also reminded him of his mother, as she… admittedly, along with Mike… had taught him how to cook. He knew she would be happy that he finally found the woman her pin belonged to. Quietly, he began to talk to her.

"Mamá, I'm marrying a hurricane today."

He laughed softly. "A beautiful hurricane named Carly Benson. Months ago, if anybody had told me this would be happening, no way I would've believed them. She was everything I hated, or at least that's what I told myself. I had made my mind up about her before I even met her, and all I would see in her were the worst parts of myself. I treated her like dirt but she never backed down from me.

"When she found me broken… about ready to join you… she stayed with me and cared for me even though I'd never given her reason to do anything but hate me. She fought to expose Hannah and kept me out of prison even though I just yelled at her more every time she tried to help me. We betrayed Jason when we were together, but… I don't know. I don't want to say I'm happy about it, because I hurt my best friend. But I can't regret anything that led to what I have now, because Carly and the kids mean too much to me to wish away.

"She's a great mother, much better than I ever gave her credit for. I see it every day with her and Michael, and I know she'll be a great mother to our child. I knew I was gonna marry her when I first moved her in with me. Of course I didn't tell her that." He laughed again. "But I just thought I was doing what was right for my child. Now I really feel like… I dunno, I can see my future in Carly. I'll admit that scares me a little. She likes to call me a control freak all the time, and she's right, I know that. The thing is, she can make me feel out of control… and I like it. She's kinda crazy, but so am I, so it works.

"Bottom line, she makes me happy. The last person I would have expected. She gave up the dream she'd held onto for so long and let herself become a family with me. And she's marrying me today. I really wish you could be there, mamá. I hope you will be."

_Now  
As I touch you here  
As the day begins  
How lost in this  
Should I be_

Mike stood just outside the kitchen, having caught much of Sonny's talk with his mother. He knew better than to make his presence known, but he was deeply affected, both by his son's obvious missing of his mother and by his words about Carly. Mike had no doubt left now that Sonny was doing what was best not just for the baby, but for him. After Sonny had stopped talking and wiped his eyes, Mike gave it another minute and then stepped inside.

"Smells good, Michael… So, you got anything planned for today?"

Sonny turned around and rolled his eyes at his father, then laughed in spite of himself. "Yeah, I thought I might go to church later. Grab a plate, old man."

_Share  
And say you'll bring  
To me deep love  
You can't say that it's too soon  
To say how you feel_

(Lyrics - "Deep Love," Mandalay)


	8. The Note

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 8 - The Note

"Carly, how long does it take to put on a dress?!"

Leticia grumbled good-naturedly at her employer and friend, who was in the changing area of the bride's room at the Church of Angels getting into her wedding gown.

"A long time when it's this damn gorgeous and, no doubt, expensive! I am being extremely careful of every perfect inch of it!" Carly fired back.

"Do you need some help, honey?" Bobbie was also waiting anxiously.

"No! I want to do that big dramatic reveal once I'm all ready!"

"She's just staring at herself in the mirror. What do you wanna bet?" snickered Leticia.

Carly poked her head out. "I heard that."

"Well, Carly, I know you. And I saw the dress, too. It's gorgeous but simple. You can't still be putting it on!"

"What do you mean you saw it?!"

"Okay, I peeked in your closet," Leticia admitted sheepishly. "I'm living vicariously, all right?" she defended to Carly's evil eye. "Don't look at me like that. Just come out and show off. You know you want to."

Carly grinned. "When you're right, you're right!" With that, she stepped out of hiding and slowly twirled in front of her two bridesmaids. "Whaddya think, ladies?"

She wore a beautiful white satin sheath… form-fitting to her curves, but not tight, allowing room for her slight bit of pregnancy tummy… with spaghetti straps… opalescent beading at both the sweetheart neckline and tea-length hemline… and a slit on one side to just above the knee. Her blond hair was left down, and its natural wave had been exaggerated into big, soft, romantic curls. She wore a delicate headband, decorated with tiny rosettes made from the same beads that adorned her dress… with an understated veil of sheer illusion attached, flowing down her back to just slightly past her hair.

Leticia and Bobbie were overtaken by genuine _ahhh_'s and other exclamations of how beautiful she looked, how she glowed, and how Sonny was going to forget his own name once he saw her coming down the aisle.

_Yeah, right_… thought Carly. "Well, I'll remind him of his name if he reminds me of mine," she laughed. "You two look pretty fabulous yourselves. You trying to show up the bride, or what?

"As if we could, honey. You are the most beautiful sight I've ever seen," gushed Bobbie. "Although I must say, I love these dresses." She gestured to herself and Leticia.

The bridesmaid dresses were similar to Carly's in silhouette and length, but were off-the-shoulder, with necklines cut straight across just under the collarbone. They featured no beading, but were striking in their complementary hues… deep purple for Bobbie and lavender for Leticia. Leticia looked lovely with her dark hair in a classic chignon, while Bobbie wore her fiery red hair in its usual long, straight style, not wanting to copy her daughter's look by opting for curls.

Leticia struck a model pose, then looked down gleefully at her dress. "Yeah, I never would have guessed in a million years that I'd be wearing a Chloe Morgan original, for anything!"

"I can't believe Sonny got Chloe to do these! When would she even have had time…?" Carly trailed off. "You know, if I know Sonny, I bet he asked her even before I said I'd marry him the first time. He's full of himself like that." She delivered the would-be criticism with a warm smile and even a hint of pride in her voice.

"What I want to know is how she got the measurements right," spoke Bobbie in awe. "Mine fits like it was really made for me."

"Mine too," chimed Leticia.

"Well, she did make a dress for me once before, when I was at the Q's. She could have used those old measurements for mine… Maybe added just an inch or two around the waist," Carly admitted grudgingly. "For you two… I don't know. She may have just guessed, based on mental pictures of you stored in that overly talented head of hers. The girl is that damn good… Do you know if she's here?" Carly and Chloe weren't close, but she was pretty much the only female in Port Charles, besides her mother and Leticia, who was nice to her. She wouldn't have minded her as a wedding guest.

"Um, I think when Jax found out what the design project she was working on was, he conveniently decided to whisk her away for a romantic European vacation."

"Figures," Carly sighed, a bit disappointed. "Oh well. Let's get down to business here." She took a deep breath and her eye caught the clock. "Oh my God… Oh my God, I'm getting married in, like, a few minutes!" The nervous energy started to hit her full blast. "Enough with the chit-chat! Do I look okay? I mean, really? Has my hair gone frizzy? Is this eye makeup too much?"

"Yes, yes, no, no," laughed Leticia. "You look gorgeous. Calm down before you start sweating."

"It is hot in here, isn't it??" Carly was walking to and fro, fanning herself with her hands. Finally, she picked up her hair dryer, switched it on low, hit the cool button, and aimed it at her chest, under her arms… as Bobbie as Leticia watched, stifling laughter… and very carefully at her face, trying to preserve her carefully applied makeup and took-forever-to-curl-properly hairstyle.

"Honey, put down the dryer, because it's time for presents."

"Presents?"

"Something old, something new…"

"Oh goody!"

"Now, you've already got your 'something old.'" Bobbie gave Carly a meaningful look.

"Yes, I do." Carly spoke almost with reverence, and there was a light in her eyes. She went to her purse and took out the small box she had found to keep it in. Opening it, she gazed lovingly at Sonny's mother's pin. "I kind of hate to stick a pin in this dress, but it's important that I wear it… for me, for Sonny, and his mother."

Bobbie stepped forward to pin it on carefully.

"Thanks, Mama," said Carly to her mother in front of her… Then, with a subtle raise of her eyes heavenward, in her heart offered the same sentiment to both her mama Virginia and Sonny's mother, Adella.

"It's perfect, sweetie." Bobbie had been even further convinced of Sonny and Carly's true affection for each other when her daughter had shown her this gift. The way Carly's eyes shone and her voice caught a little when telling how Sonny had given it to her, and what he had apparently said, all added up to make Bobbie feel very good about this day. "And in companion… here's your 'something new.'"

Carly accepted the small velvet box Bobbie handed her, opening it up to find a pair of earrings… tiny gold roses. "Mama, I love them! They match almost perfectly!" She immediately put them on. "How did you find them so fast?"

"Call it fate. I'd seen them in my favorite jewelry store a couple of weeks ago, and when you showed me the pin last night, I remembered. I ran out early this morning while you… surprise, surprise… slept in, and I bought them. I was so worried they wouldn't be there."

"Must've been that fate thing again," sighed Leticia, who was starting to get all sappy. "Well, I know I can't compete with that! I brought my jewelry box so I could give you 'something borrowed,' but you look perfect like you are. I don't want to over-accessorize you."

Carly laughed. "It's okay, Let, you already took care of me in that department."

"What do you mean?"

"I borrowed your lipstick."

"Oh! I thought that shade looked familiar. Well, yeah, I guess that counts. Cool."

"And before you say anything, I took care of the 'something blue' myself."

"Oh yeah?"

"I'm wearing powder blue toenail polish."

"Ahh, very cute."

"I thought so… Ooh, speaking of very cute…"

"Why don't I go see how your little Mr. Man is doing in his little monkey suit? No problem." Leticia walked up to Carly. "C'mon girl, air kisses."

They put on snooty expressions and loudly kissed the air to the sides of each other's faces. "_Mwaa_, _mwaa_!"

"I'm very happy for you and Mr. Corinthos, Carly. And I'll see you out there at the top of the aisle."

"Thanks, Let," a laughing Carly called to her friend as she headed to the door. "Psst… You can call him Sonny around me, I won't tell!"

All three were giggling as Leticia opened the door to reveal Johnny, fist poised to knock… who immediately closed his eyes.

"Hi Johnny… Bye Johnny." Leticia slipped through the doorway past him, laughing at his modesty, and then again when she caught him open one eye to watch her walk away.

"Yo, John, you're in danger of drooling over there," Carly teased. "And I think you can open both eyes now. Sonny's the one who's not supposed to see me yet."

Johnny cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, just in case somebody wasn't dressed…"

"Johnny, if we were naked, we wouldn't have opened the door."

Johnny blushed. "Sorry… I just came to give you something from Sonny." He handed her an envelope.

_What is this? A note? _She couldn't help but get a sinking feeling in her stomach. "He's… He's out there, right Johnny? This isn't a brush-off? Tell me it's not."

"It's not, Carly, I promise. He's out there and he's looking forward to this."

Carly breathed a sigh of relief, kicking herself for thinking the worst. Curious, she opened the envelope. Johnny went to leave but she stopped him. "Wait, I might need you."

She pulled out a folded piece of paper. When she unfolded it and saw what it was, she smiled… It was the birthday _gift certificate _she had given Sonny. It had a note attached to it, which she pulled off and read…

_You're still going to marry me, right? I'm prepared to use my birthday gift to win this one, but please tell me I don't have to. S_

Carly smiled even wider, thinking of the perfect way to respond. "See, Johnny, I told you I might need you. I need you to take something back to Mr. Corinthos for me."

xxxxxxxxxx

A few minutes later… Sonny stopped his nervous pacing in front of the altar when he saw Johnny walking towards him. His usually expressionless guard looked almost pained. Sonny hadn't really thought Carly would change her mind, but he didn't take this as a good sign.

"What did she say?"

"Uhh…" He just handed Sonny back the same envelope.

Sonny looked at him annoyed as he opened it, afraid of what he would find inside. He pulled out the gift certificate with the note attached, noticing she had used the other side of his note to write on…

_For the answer to your question, say "Hit it, Johnny!" C_

_(P.S. Be nice.)_

The beginnings of a smile tugged at the corners of Sonny's mouth. What's she up to now? "Uh, I've been instructed to say 'Hit it, Johnny.'"

Poor Johnny swallowed and, very stiffly, proceeded to… _sing_. "Yes, it's true, I'm happy to be stuck with you… Yes, it's true, I'm happy to be stuck with you… Because I can see that you're happy to be stuck with me." Johnny couldn't believe the things Carly could sucker him into. He straightened his tie and cleared his throat again, not quite looking at Sonny. "That was from Carly."

Sonny couldn't help it. He was laughing so hard tears were springing to his eyes. "No shit, John, I thought it was from you."

"You know, if you didn't pay me so well, and if I didn't want to get the two of you married so badly, I might not put up with this sort of thing… Boss," he added quickly at the end, thinking he'd been way too flippant.

Sonny, meanwhile, had been surprised by Johnny's comment about wanting to get him and Carly married, and didn't know what to make of it. Still laughing slightly, he just slapped Johnny on the back and said, "Don't think we don't appreciate you, man… So was she all ready?"

"She seemed to be. I don't know how she could improve upon what I saw."

"Watch it," Sonny warned firmly, only half-teasing. "That's my bride you're talking about."

He spotted Leticia with Michael… She had come to take the boy from him a few minutes earlier… And she gave him a thumbs-up, which he took to mean Michael's last minute trip to the bathroom before the ceremony had been taken care of. The handful of guests were there and seated. Father Coates was in position.

"It's time."

(Lyrics Johnny sang… also mentioned in Ch. 5… are from the Huey Lewis & the News song, "Stuck With You.")


	9. Husband And Wife

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 9 - Husband And Wife

_Back in the bridal room, moments before show time…_

"Mama, don't cry… You'll make me cry! And then our makeup will run!"

"Oh honey, mothers are supposed to cry at their daughters' weddings."

"You didn't cry at my wedding to AJ," Carly pointed out. "Though I sure wanted to."

"Well, Carly, your heart wasn't in that marriage."

Carly suddenly found her shoes fascinating. "So… you think my heart's in this one?"

Bobbie tilted her head and smiled, looking at her daughter pointedly. "Isn't it?"

Carly turned from her mother's gaze and walked away a few steps, keeping her eyes down as she nervously smoothed the satin of her dress. "I don't know how to answer that question. What, you think I love Sonny or something?" She tried to say that sentence on a laugh, as if it were funny… but didn't quite pull it off.

"I didn't say that," Bobbie insisted, though she was pretty sure she'd heard evidence otherwise in Carly's voice. "I just meant you actually want to marry Sonny. So I think this marriage stands a better chance than yours and AJ's."

"God, talk about damning my marriage with faint praise."

"Oh, Carly, you know that's not what I was doing," Bobbie sighed. "I am celebrating and supporting this marriage! Why do you think I'm standing here, in a church, in a purple gown, bawling my eyes out?"

Carly had to laugh. "Okay, Mama, I get it. Thank you. And I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie. Now are you ready? Because I think they're about ready for us."

"Um, can you go ahead? I'll be right out. I just need a second… with myself, if that makes any sense."

"Sure, honey. But, you're okay?"

"I've honestly never been better in my life. Go… Go tell them to start the music."

Bobbie hugged her daughter carefully, yet tightly. "I will."

Once her mother slipped out the door, Carly walked to the mirror and stared at the woman inside… the beautiful, shaky, yet smiling and sure bride she could hardly believe was her. She knew Bobbie and Leticia were exaggerating about what Sonny's reaction would be, but she hoped he liked what he saw. Just the thought of Sonny in his tux was enough to make the butterflies in her stomach do nose dives and loop-the-loops. "Baby boy, you tell those darn things to settle down. Mama's getting married out here."

One last look at herself, a final application of Leticia's lipstick… partly just as a nervous activity, but partly to make sure her lips were the most inviting Sonny had ever seen them… a look at the clock, and it was 5:30 exactly.

"It's time, baby. Let's go marry your daddy." Carly took a deep breath and opened the door, immediately greeted by a rather unexpected person. "Mike? Shouldn't you be down at the end with Sonny?"

"Not yet. That's my second job."

Carly looked at him questioningly. "What do you mean?"

Mike smiled, unsure but hoping she would go along with it, if only for Sonny's sake. "Carly, I know I'm probably not your favorite person, especially after… well, what I said to you after that incident with AJ and Hannah at the Grille. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come down on you like that. I know you'll take care of this baby."

Carly smiled back, surprised and happy. She didn't understand why Mike needed to clear that up just then, but she was still glad for what he said. "No, you weren't my favorite person that day. You were still ahead of AJ and Hannah, though," she laughed. "It's okay, Mike. I get why you did it, after everything Sonny's been through. You're trying to look out for him. That's actually a good thing. But thanks, I do appreciate you coming to me like this… even if you've chosen kind of an odd time." Her crinkled brow showed her continued confusion.

"I'm glad you feel that way… Because I'm hoping you'll let me have the honor of escorting you down the aisle."

"What?"

Mike presented her with a bouquet of lavender roses, which he'd had hidden behind his back. "Bobbie gave me this… I believe it's yours," he charmed. "Will you let me do this for you and Sonny?"

"Mike, why would you want to? You apologized and that was really nice of you, but I know you don't want me for a daughter-in-law. Look, I'm not gonna keep you from seeing Michael or the baby like I threatened, so you don't have to pretend you're happy about this. It's okay."

"Carly, you're wrong. Maybe I didn't think this marriage was a good idea from the start, but I've seen the change in my son… He's happy, really happy. I can't remember the last time I saw that. It doesn't come naturally for him. But you make him happy, Carly, and I'm grateful to you for that."

"Mike, don't you dare make me cry."

"I'm sorry, dear," he chuckled. "But I mean it. You know, Sonny's even more willing to deal with me these days… I guess because he's actually in a good mood most days now. It was his idea for me to walk you down the aisle. He thought you'd like it, and I hoped for his sake he was right. But I understand if you don't want…"

At that moment, she heard her musical cue. Carly took Mike's arm before he could get another word out, giving him a brilliant smile. "They're playing our song! Let's go!" They took a few steps… "Oh, wait! I have to ask someone first." She rubbed her tummy. "Baby, is it okay with you if your grandpa shares the giving away honors with you?" In about two seconds she felt a strong kick. "I'll take that as a yes," she said. "Okay, Mike, let's get this party started."

xxxxxxxxxx

Inside the chapel, the guests turned their heads towards the back of the church when they heard the soft strains of the string quartet begin in earnest. The guest list consisted of Lucas, who kept pulling at his tie as he kept an eye on his nephew, Michael… a beaming Lila Quartermaine, with a reluctant Reginald (who, between Lila and Leticia, pretty much had to come)… Juan and Emily, though Juan had to keep whispering to Em that they were there for a wedding, not a funeral, and to please smile… and Benny, who sat holding a small velveteen bag Sonny had given to him minutes before. Francis and Adam were there, too, but on duty. Johnny was standing next to Sonny up by the altar, as groomsman.

Sonny took a deep breath, the scent of roses and gardenias mixed with burning candles filling him with the sweet reality of what was about to happen. The gentle music washed over him as he watched the double doors open. He was vaguely aware of Bobbie and Leticia making their way down the aisle, but all he could think of was the moment he would see Carly standing there in her wedding dress.

And then, there she was…

_Please forgive me  
__If I act a little strange  
__For I know not what I do_

On the outside, Sonny was frozen… But, on the inside, an indescribable warmth had taken him over. She was so beautiful. Still, he couldn't quite comprehend why his heart was beating so fast. Feeling like this was never part of the plan.

Carly gripped Mike's arm tighter as she got her first look at Sonny and felt her knees buckle. She'd never seen him more handsome, and that was saying a hell of a lot. Mike looked down at her, concerned, but the expression on her face and the way she and his son were looking at each other made him smile.

_Feels like lightning  
__Running through my veins  
__Every time I look at you_

Their eyes were locked, and everything else fell away.

_Every time I look at you_

Somehow Carly's legs managed to carry her all the way down the aisle. Reaching Sonny, Mike took Carly's hand and placed it in his son's, then took his place between Sonny and Johnny. Mike shared a knowing look with Johnny as they watched the bride and groom, how they never for a second lost eye contact.

Sonny relished the feel of her hand in his, as well as the way her warm breath tickled his ear when she leaned in to whisper to him…

"We've come a long way, baby."

Their faces broke into mutual megawatt grins. Sonny winked. Father Coates smiled at this interaction, seeing that they indeed had come a long way from the last time he'd seen them, offering marriage counseling, only to have Carly vehemently deny that a wedding would be taking place. Now she and Sonny both seemed completely sure of this decision. They were so focused on each other he had to clear his throat slightly to get their attention… And the ceremony began.

_Help me out here  
__All my words are falling short  
__And there's so much I want to say_

"Friends, family… We are gathered here today, in the presence of God, to unite Michael Corinthos, Jr. and Caroline Leigh Benson in the state of holy matrimony…"

_Want to tell you  
__Just how good it feels  
__When you look at me that way_

They stood facing Father Coates, Carly's right hand in Sonny's left… but their eyes kept drifting back to each other.

_When you look at me that way_

"If anyone knows cause why these two may not be joined, let him speak now or forever hold his peace."

Complete silence. The priest quickly moved on. "Who gives this woman to this man?"

Mike spoke up. "I do." He looked at both of them. "Very happily."

Sonny swallowed, surprised by the tightening in his throat that Mike's words brought. Then he remembered someone very important. "Psst," he whispered loudly over his shoulder, directed at the smallest occupant of the front pew.

Michael's red head was already droopy from excitement, but it perked up suddenly. "Oh… I give mama too!"

Everyone laughed.

_Throw a stone  
__And watch the ripples flow  
__Moving out across the bay_

"Now will the two of you turn to face each other and join hands? And Michael, please repeat the following to Caroline: I, Michael, take you, Caroline, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as long as we both shall live."

_Like a stone  
__I fall into your eyes  
__Deep into some mystery_

Sonny let those soulful brown eyes of hers give him the courage he needed to say all that he wanted to say. "I, Michael, take you, Caroline, to be my wife… Who would've thought?" A brief chuckle went through the room before he continued his vows, one hundred percent serious, one hundred percent sincere. "And to have and to hold from this day forward… for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as long as we both shall live. I promise to honor you… to protect you and our children… to love them, to love your son as my own… to cherish you… my family. And you know I keep my promises. Mostly, Carly, I promise to try to make up somehow for all the ways I mistreated you before I took the time to get to know the beautiful person you are. I like my life now, my home actually feels like a home, and it's because of you. I thank God for opening my eyes, I thank God that you're in my life… and for the chance to share it with you."

_Deep into that mystery_

Carly couldn't help it. Teary-eyed and amazed, she leaned in and gave him a small kiss on the lips. "That was a lot more than what he said," she whispered to him. "Since when do you say any more than you absolutely have to?"

He shrugged, a bit nervous after being so open. "Did you like it?"

"Very much."

He smiled. "Then just take it and be happy."

"I am happy." She kissed him quickly one more time.

_I got half a mind  
__To scream out loud  
__I got half a mind to die_

Father Coates almost hated to interrupt, but… "Ahem."

Carly straightened up. "Sorry, Father, I know that doesn't come 'til later, but… Wow."

"That's quite all right. Now, Caroline, please repeat the following to Michael: I, Caroline, take you, Michael, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as long as we both shall live."

_So I won't ever have  
__To lose you girl  
__Won't ever have to say goodbye_

"Who would've thought, is right," she laughs, while nearly crying. "But I absolutely do. I, Caroline, take you, Michael, to be my husband… to have and to hold from this day forward… for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as long as we both shall live. I promise to honor you… protect you and our children… to love them, and hopefully be as good a mother as you are a father… You already are, Sonny… And to cherish you… my family. I think we've both made a lot of mistakes that turned out to be blessings. For the first time in so long, the future is a joy to think about. And maybe for the first time ever, it's real, not a scheme or a fantasy." She gives him a meaningful look. "I'm not missing anything. I thank God for opening my eyes, I thank God that you're in my life… and for the chance to share it with you."

_I won't ever have to lie  
__Won't ever have to say goodbye_

Sonny squeezed her hands tightly, mentally counting down to the end of the ceremony, and the moment she would finally become his wife. But there were just a few traditions left.

"The rings, please," said Father Coates.

Sonny took Carly's ring from Mike, and little Michael ran up to give Sonny's ring to Carly. She kissed his head and sent him back to his seat.

"The perfect circle of a ring symbolizes that which is eternal, while gold is a symbol of all that is pure and holy. As you give these rings to each other, our prayer is that your marriage will be all these things. Michael, take this ring and place it upon Caroline's finger."

_Please forgive me  
__If I act a little strange  
__For I know not what I do_

Sonny did so, saying to her, "I give you this ring, that you may wear it, as a symbol of my devotion and my trust."

Carly, with a somewhat shaky hand, then put Sonny's ring on his finger, and repeated his words. "I give you this ring, that you may wear it, as a symbol of my devotion and my trust."

_Feels like lightning  
__Running through my veins  
__Every time I look at you_

"For in as much as Michael and Caroline have made this solemn covenant of marriage before God and this company, by the power invested in me, I now pronounce them husband and wife, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen."

"You may kiss the bride!" declared Carly.

"Uh, yes… what she said." Father Coates laughed and nodded at Sonny.

_Every time I look at you_

Sonny didn't waste a second. He dropped her hands for the first time since the ceremony started, only so he could put his hands on her face and bring her in close… for a kiss more full of life, more full of promise, and more full of possibility than anything they even could have imagined. The fact that they were in church put a limit on their passion for the moment, but both found their thoughts drifting ahead to the wedding night.

_Every time I look at you_

When the kiss finally ended, they could hear clapping and Father Coates' voice calling out, "It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, Mr. And Mrs. Michael Corinthos, Jr."

They turned and smiled at their guests, then arm in arm they nearly ran out together, only making a brief stop in front of Benny… who pulled out the small velveteen bag and opened it, showering the enclosed rose petals upon the ground at Carly's feet.

_Every time I look at you_

(Lyrics - "Please Forgive Me," David Gray)


	10. You Would Have Gotten Me Doves?

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 10 - You Would Have Gotten Me Doves?

"Sonny, I can't believe you did that!"

"What? I thought you wanted somebody to throw rose petals at…"

"No, I wasn't talking about that! Although, that was mighty cute," Carly laughed.

"Glad you thought so, 'cause Benny was a tad reluctant at first."

"No wonder, poor guy. He's nice enough to come to his boss's wedding, and you make him play Tinkerbell."

"Oh, and you're one to talk? After what you did to Johnny?"

"You mean getting him to serenade you? I thought you'd like that."

"It was… memorable." Sonny shook his head, finally laughing with Carly. "But you realize I'm gonna have to give him a raise now, don't you?"

"Good, you should! But he did that 'cause he loves us."

"Mm hmm… Weren't you shocked about something a minute ago?"

"Oh yeah! I was just saying…"

The newlyweds were snuggled in the back of Sonny's limo, being driven from the church. Both were still trying to absorb what had just happened… especially Carly, as most of it had been a surprise to her. They were breathlessly happy, exhilarated, and full of an energy that their playful verbal banter was attempting to keep from coming out in other… more distinctly man-and-wife… ways. They'd been holding hands the whole ride, loving the feel of the rings on each other's fingers. They sat with their sides pressed against each other, Carly's head on Sonny's shoulder, and he would occasionally stroke her hair. But little interaction of a less innocent nature was going on, as both were determined to wait until they had reached their destination to give in to what they'd been dreaming of ever since they'd seen each other across the expanse of that aisle.

After running from the church, officially husband and wife, they would have been happy to just jump into the limo and zoom away without even giving their guests a backward glance. But they knew they couldn't do that, so they had filled the moments by kissing passionately on the church steps, until the small but genuinely supportive group made their way out to join them.

xxxxxxxxxx

Carly hugged her mother, her brother, Leticia, and, of course, rained hugs and kisses upon Michael. She even hugged Johnny and Benny, which earned the men threatening looks from Sonny, even as he thanked them. Sonny kissed his mother-in-law on the cheek, high-fived his little brother-in-law, then pecked Leticia on the cheek as well (nodding respectfully at Reginald), taking Michael from her arms and swinging him around, before carrying him over to where Carly stood with Lila, Emily, and Juan.

"Lila, thank you so much for coming." Carly took Lila's hand and kissed it appreciatively, looking down at the beautiful elderly woman. "Did you slip away from the mansion in secret? Or are the Quartermaines all having hissy fits right now?"

Lila laughed, like the tinkle of a bell. "Edward was blustering a bit, as I recall. Fortunately, my dear, I know when to ignore him."

"When's that?"

"Most of the time."

Carly grinned. "That's what I thought."

Sonny stepped up, chuckling at that, and sat Michael down gently in Lila's lap, before taking her hand. "Michael wanted to come see his favorite great-grandmother. Mrs. Quartermaine, you get lovelier every time I see you."

Carly slapped his arm in mock jealousy, as Lila blushed. "Leave it to you to flirt shamelessly with another woman on our wedding day!"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but Lila is my one weakness." He flashed his dimples, full-blast, at both of them.

Carly fought the urge to smile, instead lowering her eyes, and sniffling, "I understand." Then Sonny kissed her nose and she looked up, not fighting her smile anymore.

Juan watched how they were with each other, nudging Emily a bit with his shoulder to make sure she was seeing it, too. He walked forward to hug the man who was still a father figure to him. "Congratulations." Juan hugged Carly, as well, surprising her slightly. "To both of you." He then gave Emily an encouraging look. She finally spoke.

"It really was a beautiful wedding, you guys."

Carly blinked in disbelief. "Thanks, Emily. I, uh… was surprised you came. I know we never exactly got along."

Emily gave a half-smile at her understatement. "True, but I needed to be here. Partly, for Juan… But he's not the only one who asked me to come."

Sonny and Carly exchanged a look, both confused and hopeful.

"I talked to Jason. And he said, since he couldn't be here, he wanted me to in his place."

Tears of joy and relief stung Carly's eyes, an old wound healing. She saw Sonny with his head down, most likely heavy with their best friend's acceptance, guilt so much more natural for him to carry. She wrapped her arm around his waist and felt him relax into her.

"Look, I was really mad at the two of you for hurting my brother. But he's forgiven you, so what right do I have to stay so upset? Sonny, you've always been really good to me. And, Carly, I think, at least for Michael's sake, the two of us can get along."

"I really appreciate that," Carly told Emily, sincerely.

"Besides," Em added, "After that ceremony in there… Really listening to what you guys had to say to each other… I don't know. Maybe everything happened like it was supposed to." She gave them a sly look, taking Juan's hand and walking away.

After letting Emily's words sink in for a moment, Sonny leaned in close to Carly and whispered in her ear, in a deliberately sexy tone. "You ready to get out of here?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

"You're not hungry, are you?"

"For food? No."

He grinned at her answer. "Good." He turned to face their guests. "Everyone? Thank you for coming. I know it means a lot to Carly and myself, and we hope you enjoyed yourself. Now I'd like to invite you all to proceed to The No-Name for dinner, and everything is on me. Ah, I guess you could call it a wedding reception, except that my bride and I won't actually be joining you. We've got, uh… more pressing matters to attend to."

Carly jabbed him in the ribs, and the guests twittered with knowing laughter.

"We get the picture!" shouted Juan.

"Oh wait, 'picture'! I didn't take any yet! Hold on!" Bobbie fumbled in her purse, finally coming up with her camera. She whispered to Michael, now held by his Aunt Emily, and he piped up.

"Say 'mawwied'!"

"MAWWIED!" Even though Sonny hated having his picture taken, he couldn't help but call out Michael's new favorite word along with Carly. Their laughing faces were pulled into pose-perfect smiles, as Bobbie clicked her camera mercilessly. When it seemed she had come to the end of her roll, Mike, who had been standing somewhat off to the side this whole time, finally approached his son and new daughter-in-law.

"I just wanted you two to know how honored I was to be a part of this." He smiled warmly at both, then his gaze alighted on the gold rose pinned to Carly's dress, and he felt tears fill his eyes. "I think Adella feels the same way." Mike hugged Carly tightly, his emotion causing her eyes to glisten as well. Mike then stepped over in front of Sonny, putting his hands on his son's shoulders. "Looks like you just might have to get used to being happy, Michael."

Carly watched as Sonny gave in and let himself embrace his father. It was a sight that tugged at her heartstrings, and she was thrilled to notice Bobbie capturing the moment on film. Luckily, her mother had brought a backup roll.

Silently, Sonny left the arms of his father and joined hands with his wife, kissing her quickly and guiding her towards the limo door, held open by Francis.

Carly was just about to step inside, when Leticia yelled, "Girl, if you don't throw that bouquet already, I'm gonna come grab it out of your hands and beat you over the head with it!"

Carly looked down, realizing for the first time that she was still holding her bouquet. Without turning around, she threw it, over her head. "Okay, but I'm not aiming!"

The sweet bundle of roses flew through the air… Bobbie ran in the other direction, too many failed marriages under her belt for her to have any interest in catching a bouquet… Emily, stars in her eyes over Juan, was tempted to go for it, but knew she didn't stand a chance… Leticia, on the other hand, jumped like Michael Jordan and caught it with one hand, crying "Yes!!!" as she did so. Everyone applauded, including Carly from inside the limo.

"Way to go, Let! That means your turn next! Bye, everybody! And we'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Man!" She blew her son kisses. "We love you!"

Francis shut the door, and Sonny and Carly watched through the tinted glass, loved ones waving goodbye. As the car pulled away, Sonny rested a hand on her stomach, and an arm around her shoulders, and looked deeply into her eyes.

"We did it, Mrs. Corinthos."

"I was just saying, I can't believe you threw a wedding reception and didn't invite US!"

"You said you weren't hungry… for food, that is." He quirked his eyebrow at her, suggestively.

She bit her bottom lip and tried to not let his teasing get her overheated. "Oh, shut up."

"Other than your disbelief on that point, how did I do?" He touched her cheek and asked seriously, "Did you like your wedding?"

"Are you kidding? I loved it!"

"I did okay with the guests, and the dresses, and Mike, and all that?"

"Sonny, it was perfect."

"You didn't want, like, doves or something?"

"Doves?"

"Yeah, you know… flying around, or whatever they do. Don't people have doves at weddings?"

"You would have gotten me doves?" Carly stroked his chin, as she did her best to stifle both a giggle and a tear. "That is the sweetest and most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."

"I just… I didn't want you to think I didn't care enough to ask what you wanted, but I really wanted to surprise you."

"You did, all wonderful surprises, even… Did you ask Father Coates to take some of the prayers and things out of the ceremony?"

"Yeah. I mean, I know you believe in God, but I also know you're not that big on church. And a traditional Catholic wedding can be a little intimidating. I wanted to make sure you were completely comfortable."

_I barely heard anything Father Coates was saying, I was so lost in your eyes. _"Thank you, Sonny, for thinking of me like that. But are you sure it was still okay with you? I know being Catholic is important to you, and I'd hate it if you felt like you shortchanged yourself somehow…"

"I don't, Carly. To me, what was most important was the vows and 'I now pronounce you husband and wife.'"

"And '_You may now kiss the bride'_?"

"Oh yeah, your favorite part. Definitely that, too." He inched his face closer to hers, until he could feel her breath on his face, forgetting all about making temptation wait.

Carly, however, didn't forget. She put a finger to his lips and continued to talk. "Did I say that was my favorite part? Well, okay, you got me there. But I'd say the vows ran a close second. I think we even managed to improve on the ones we said when you proposed."

"Yeah?" He kissed her fingertip as he spoke the word.

She shivered, deliciously. "Yeah. You, uh… said some pretty nice stuff."

"So did you."

"Yeah? Well, thanks. I just kinda followed your lead for most of it. The rest, I guess I just…"

"Spoke the truth?"

Carly made a face like he'd lost his mind. "ME?? The truth??" she said, sarcastically and playfully. "Couldn't be, not Carly Benson!"

"You're Carly Corinthos, now."

"Oh, _yeah_!" She snapped her fingers and smiled brightly, loving the sound of her new name. "Good point."

They gave up on restraint and came together in a kiss that turned passionate quickly, but ended too soon… or just in time, depending on how you look at it… when they realized the limo had stopped.

"You know, you never did tell me where we were going." She wiped her lipstick (actually, Leticia's) from his lips with her thumb, as she wondered where they might be. A five-star hotel? Or maybe some beautiful old out-of-the-way inn, the kind with a four-poster bed and a fireplace in the room?

"No, I didn't. Guess you'll find out in a minute." Sonny wore a decidedly impish smile on his face.

Carly found herself holding her breath until Francis opened the door, and she found herself being helped out of the limo, looking at…

"Harborview Towers???"


	11. Nervous Again

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 11 - Nervous Again

Carly kept looking from the building, to the limo, to Sonny, and back again, as if one of the three would eventually explain their location. Finally, Carly asked Sonny, "What are we doing here?"

"We live here. Where else would we be?"

She couldn't help the disappointment she felt at his simple response. She concealed it, however, by turning suspicious. "Sonny, I wasn't timing it, but I know we were riding in that limo longer than it takes to get from the church to here. What, did you have Francis just drive around in circles, trying to confuse me? Make me think we were going… someplace else, then just bringing us back home?"

He hid a smile at her frustration, at how cute she was when she narrowed her eyes at him like that, and at the sound of her calling the penthouse "home." "Well, if we didn't exactly take the straightest path to get here… and I'm not admitting anything… but _if_ we didn't, maybe I just wanted time cuddled up in the backseat with my beautiful wife."

Though his last few words did their best to melt her, she only rolled her eyes.

"C'mon, Carly, where did you think we were going?"

"I don't know! I don't know… I know you didn't say anything, but I thought maybe it was another surprise… Like, maybe you got Leticia to pack a suitcase for me, and all our luggage was in the trunk, and we…"

_Carly, stop talking! Don't mess up this perfect day with a lot of rambling, romantic fantasy crap… He never said anything about a honeymoon… Just because the man gave you the most beautiful wedding… and said all those amazing things, in front of other people… and would even have gotten you DOVES, for crying out loud, to make you happy… Well, it means a lot, but it doesn't mean you should start expecting things… Don't get confused about this marriage… It is real, to both of us… I know that… But it's about our family… It's not like this is about love… or anything._

"Nevermind!" was what actually left Carly's mouth. "Just, too much excitement today, it's got me talking crazy. Let's go on up, okay?"

Her smile was only somewhat forced as she touched his arm, then started walking as quickly as her dress would allow towards the building… leaving Sonny leaning against the limo, chuckling knowingly to himself.

xxxxxxxxxx

The elevator ride up to the penthouse was quiet, maybe a little tense. It wasn't angry at all, except perhaps for Carly's slight anger towards herself for getting caught up in "rambling, romantic fantasy crap" and expecting a honeymoon. Sonny's hand stayed comfortably at her waist, keeping her close, though she mostly kept her head down. When she did look up, she caught him with a definite smirk on his face.

"What?"

He just smiled wider at her. "Nothing." The elevator dinged. "We're home, Mrs. Corinthos."

Those words sent a rush of warmth through Carly like she had never known, and she smiled in spite of herself. _I'm home. I'm Mrs. Corinthos. _

The elevator doors opened, and Francis stepped out first, checking things out… and nodding at Johnny, who was just coming out of the penthouse. Johnny returned the nod to Francis, who then nodded at Sonny, who nodded at both of them, as he and Carly stepped into the hall and neared the penthouse door. Carly missed this little interplay, but she did note Johnny with surprise.

"Hey you, you're supposed to be having dinner at the No-Name. Sonny, did you not give him the night off?"

"He did, Mrs. Corinthos. In fact, I'm headed there now. I just had something I had to take care of first." With another nod of approval from Sonny, Johnny said his goodnights and headed to the elevator.

Carly scrunched her eyebrows together, naturally curious over what Johnny had meant. But, before she could even open her mouth to interrogate her new husband about it, Sonny scooped her up in his arms.

"Sonny?? What are you doing??"

"What do you think? I'm about to carry my wife over the threshold… into our home, and into our life together." He leaned in towards her face, looking right in her eyes. "If you don't mind."

The playful quality in his tone took nothing away from the seriousness in his eyes, and of his words. Carly couldn't believe now that she'd thought she wanted to be somewhere else tonight. This was their home… the place where their baby had been conceived… where they had begun to understand each other… where they shared their bed… where he'd proposed and she'd said yes… where they would be raising their family together. To her, the good memories had overtaken the bad long ago. Why would she want to be anywhere but here? She felt a few tears creep up, but managed to blink them back semi-successfully, as she touched his cheek and responded to him.

"No, I don't mind."

"Good. In that case, then…"

Francis opened the door to the penthouse, and Sonny walked inside, still with Carly in his arms. It took her a moment to notice anything different, because she was so busy looking at Sonny. But the sweetly perfumed air soon caused her to cast her gaze around the room, and she gasped at the sight of what had to be hundreds of flowers of every color and kind.

"Sonny! Wha…?"

"I thought the place seemed a little too dark for a day like today… So I had it brightened up a bit. Like it?"

"I, uh… Wow. I thought there were a lot of flowers in the church, but this… Don't tell me Lila gave you her entire garden's worth. Not even you are that charming."

"I'm not?"

"Okay, maybe you are! Just shut up!" Carly laughed and grabbed his chin, pulling his grinning face to hers for a slow-building, dizzying kiss.

They separated slowly, her arms now wrapped securely around his neck. Sonny took advantage of Carly's still closed eyes, managing to reach for a rose and bring it up to her lips, tickling them.

She finally opened her eyes and stared into his, so close to her, trying to control her breathing. "You better be careful, Sonny. I, uh… I shouldn't get used to this."

"Why not?"

Carly didn't really have an answer. She just still couldn't believe sometimes how far she and Sonny had come… or, understand exactly where they were now. They were married, and they were having a baby. Anything beyond that was best left unexamined. They weren't a couple built on romance, but this kind of gesture… the kind that made her eyes glisten with tears, made her heart race… was starting to come more regularly from him. Carly didn't quite know how to handle it. She looked away, and her eyes landed on another addition to the décor.

"Oh my God, I love it!" Carly burst out laughing at the sight of a banner hung over the fireplace mantel. It said…

_**Welcome home, Miss Bens-… I mean Car-… I mean, Mrs. Corinthos!!  
**__**(Oh, and Mr. Corinthos, too… Congratulations to you both!!!)**_

"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny," Carly continued to giggle.

"That's not how I wanted him to do it, but he said you'd get a kick out of it. And I guess he was right."

"Yup."

"Good, glad you like it. Now, a man's probably not supposed to say this to his bride on their wedding night, but…"

She waited. "Yes?"

"You're getting kinda heavy."

Her mouth dropped open and she narrowed her eyes, even pinching him on the skin between his neck and shoulder (yielding a small "ow" from Sonny). But she realized he had been carrying her for a while, and she was a little heavier than normal, being five months pregnant. Besides, she recognized his teasing as just an indication that, like her, he was ready to take the celebration upstairs.

"Aww, poor baby. You must be tired. Why don't we get you in bed, then?"

Sonny's dimples burst forth at hearing that… "Sounds good to me."… And he carried her up the stairs, and into their first night together as husband and wife.

xxxxxxxxxx

Carly felt nervous. _Again_.

When Sonny had kicked the door open to the bedroom, and carried her inside, her breath was taken away once more. The room was filled with lit candles, the sounds of soft music and a crackling fire, and rose petals scattered over blue satin sheets. As soon as he let her out of his arms, she had to sit down on the bed, for fear she would fall over. Part of her was so excited to be with Sonny, she just wanted to pull him down next to her and rip his clothes off. And she didn't know why she should be hesitant about doing so. It wasn't like they weren't sleeping together on a regular basis now. But, the difference was finally hitting her, as she looked around the room, at the ring on her hand, and at Sonny.

They were married now. This would be their first time together as husband and wife. She was feeling much like she did the first time they slept together again, after November… those same butterflies in the pit of her stomach, drowning in desire. She had been so nervous, because she had grown to care about him so much, and she knew to be with him would be making love… or at least the closest to that she'd ever experienced. Was that really only just a few weeks ago? It had been so wonderful. Every time with him was more so, and she knew this would go beyond anything before. If only she could look at him.

Sonny knew she was nervous. Truth be told, so was he, but in the best way. He was about to make love to his wife. He remembered her being nervous like this that first time a few weeks ago… the real first time for them. She'd acted differently then, playing with her hair and babbling about things like how the room was decorated. This time, she was quiet, not looking at him, but the sense he was getting from her was the same. He had helped make her feel comfortable then, and he would do the same tonight.

Next thing Carly knew, Sonny was sitting down next to her on the bed and handing her a glass of what looked like champagne. She made a face at him. "Sonny?"

"Welch's '00, finest vintage of fizzy white grape juice money can buy."

That made her smile. She started to take a sip, but he stopped her.

"Hey, I haven't made my toast yet. Actually, as best man, it's Johnny's job to make the toast. But since we skipped the reception, I guess we missed the speeches. Ahem… Caroline… I just want to thank you for marrying me, and for giving me a family, and for being the most beautiful bride I've ever seen."

Carly looked down, but Sonny lifted her gaze with a finger under her chin.

"And if you want me even half as much as I want you right now, please relax…" He leaned forward and kissed her shoulder lightly. "And let me make love to you."


	12. Reaffirmation nc17

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 12 - Reaffirmation

Carly felt herself trembling, biting her lip, wanting to taste him there. No more being afraid. She placed a hand on the back of his neck and kissed him, now nibbling his lips instead, and running her fingers up into his dark hair. He reciprocated gladly for several moments, before remembering the still full glasses they held. He pulled back, taking her glass from her, and walking over to set them both on the bedside table. He then returned to her, offering his hand and pulling her to stand.

They shared an intense, long look, before Sonny turned Carly around. He bowed his head to the crook of her neck, his lips playing upon her skin. He kissed down her neck to her shoulder, his hands on her waist, her arms wrapped around herself. Sonny's right hand caressed its way up her arm, the index finger then gently sliding the strap of her dress off her shoulder. The other hand followed suit on the left side. Being form-fitting, of course, the dress did not fall. Sonny found the delicate zipper at the back and pulled ever so slowly, tantalizingly down, until the gown puddled at Carly's feet. She stepped out of the material carefully, also stepping out of her heels, and turned to face Sonny again. But, as she did, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror above the dresser, and froze.

"Caroline Corinthos," Sonny whispered in her ear, low yet firm. "Listen to me."

He knew that she'd started to become sensitive about the weight she was gaining with pregnancy. The amount was slight, yet lately she'd become self-conscious about it in the bedroom, always insisting on keeping covered with the sheets, always keeping the lights very low. The idea of Carly being shy about her body was so ridiculous to him. But he saw the way she was looking at herself, and it pained him. He knew that what she saw was not what he saw when he looked at her. He had to make her see.

"You are…" Sonny stood behind her, his hands resting on her nicely rounded hips, as they stared at the reflection they made. "… the sexiest woman I have ever known." He stopped only briefly, occasionally, to kiss her earlobe or the top of her head. He kept his eyes on her image in the mirror the whole time. "You always have been, even when…"

"When you thought I was dirt?"

"When I didn't really know you yet," Sonny quickly corrected. He noticed she was looking at the floor. "Carly, look at yourself."

He watched until their eyes met in the glass. His hands crept up her back and unfastened her white strapless bra, letting it land next to the dress, exposing her full breasts. He kissed his way down her back as he dropped to his knees, pulling the delicate lace of her panties down slowly until they had fallen to her ankles, and she lightly kicked them away. Sonny brushed his lips along the smooth skin of her ass, then pressed his cheek to her lower back while his hands reached around to her newly convex stomach, just reveling in the feeling of the life Carly held within her. Finally, he stood again, placing one hand on her shoulder and the other over their baby.

"Look at yourself. You are so beautiful, and you don't even know the half of it. And pregnancy is only enhancing that fact."

He ran his hands over her even larger than usual breasts, feeling her shiver from the tenderness. She leaned her head back, turning her face into his neck, as his hands next caressed her stomach. Carly felt she might cry again, so she soon raised her head, not wanting Sonny to feel the tears, even though they were happy ones.

"You're having my child, and you are my wife, and I have never wanted anything as much as I want you right now." Abandoning the mirror, he turned her around and took her face in his hands. "What do you think about that?"

That did it. The tears fell into a watery smile as she kissed his lips softly. "I think I love… that," she sniffled. Their foreheads pressed together. "I feel silly," she whispered, embarrassed by her own self-consciousness, as well as all the care and attention Sonny was offering her.

"Don't feel silly," he whispered back. "No one but us here." He pretended to look around for someone, and smiled full of dimples when he heard her giggle. "And hey… we got all night."

Carly felt a flutter in her heartbeat when Sonny repeated those words he'd used to ease her nerves less than a month before, letting her know he wasn't rushing her. He lightly rubbed the bare skin of her arms reassuringly, and she stared into his eyes, drifting away. The day… her wedding day… washed over her like warm water. It was then that she realized something.

"We've got forever," she thought aloud.

Upon her words, Sonny dipped his knees and wrapped his arms around her, capturing the shy smile her lips offered him in a heated kiss. He started with greater pressure, then lessened, softening the kiss, taking her lips in between his one at a time to suck their sweetness. He was definitely becoming aroused, Carly's naked body a feast for his eyes, not to mention the feeling of her pressed up against him. She surprised him when she grew tired of his slow, playful kisses and took over his hot mouth with a passion, slipping her tongue between his lips… to dance, to duel, to make him crazy. And she surprised him again when, just as he started to match her, she pulled back from him.

"Mm mmm… Nuh uh, Sonny."

"What's wrong?" he asked, rather out-of-breath and wondering what he had done.

Carly stood back and looked him up and down… down to his perfectly shined Italian shoes, all the way up to his incredibly handsome, worried face. "Relax, Sonny." She smirked at the chance to tell him to relax. "Nothing's wrong." She gave him another lingering look. "Except that you appear to be majorly overdressed here." Carly turned them so they both faced the mirror again… Carly wearing not a stitch of clothing, and Sonny still in his tuxedo.

"Oh, rrreallly? This looks just fine to me."

"Oh, rrrrrreally?" Carly imitated.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… I think we should take some wedding pictures like this."

She laughed and "hid" behind him, sliding her arms under his, reaching around to undo his bowtie and unbutton the crisp, white dress shirt. As she removed the shirt from his body, Carly couldn't help but remark to their reflection, "I think it looks even better now." She continued to undress him, all the while whispering teasing comments, her hot breath tickling his ear. "You know, though, I probably shouldn't say things like that to you. You don't really need the 'you're beautiful' pep talk, do you? You know just how gorgeous you are."

Soon, Sonny stood in only black silk boxers. Her fingertips floated across his stomach and up his muscled chest. She kissed his shoulder blade, the heat of his skin a delightful burn. She rested her head there, just holding him; her body pressed against his back, letting him feel her heartbeat and the slight curve of her belly. They simply breathed each other for a moment.

The stillness was nice, but both were beginning to crave something more active. Carly raised her head to look once more into the mirror. "Only one way left to improve on this picture."

Her hands crept to the waistband of his boxers, and her thumbs snuck underneath. She pulled the silk down his hips and over his developing arousal, and then discarded the garment to the now clothes-strewn floor.

"Oh, yeaahh… Much better," Carly enthused, in a low, throaty whisper. 'Beautiful' wasn't a strong enough word for him. He always amazed her, but what really amazed her now was that he was hers. He made promises to her, to be loyal, faithful, and she knew he would keep them. Just thinking that made her ache for him more. She walked around to face him, brushing her hand over his tight butt as she did. "I don't know about you, Sonny, but I need…"

His mouth sought hers before the words could make their way out. But, no matter, because he was in just as much need as she was. Their kiss only intensified as Sonny walked Carly backwards towards the bed. When the backs of her knees hit the mattress, he gently lowered her down. She pulled back the sheets for them, and he joined her underneath them.

Carly loved these sheets. Ever since that night in November, she found that just the sight of that same kind of deep blue, or the feel of satin, got her wet. Of course, that vexed her greatly for a long time; but now, she could just give in and enjoy it. Not that she needed sheets to turn her on… She only needed Sonny.

His kisses covered her mouth, graced her cheeks, and rained down her neck. She kept her hand tangled in his hair, tousling, bringing out the curls, as he made his way down to her breasts with his lips and tongue. He took his time with each, worshipping the generous flesh. In turn, he placed a hand on either side, as he would hold her face so sweetly when kissing her lips. He took the erect rosy buds between his lips, and lightly with his teeth. He suckled them and worked them with his tongue, while Carly began to pant his name. Sonny looked up at her flushed face and grinned.

"You enjoying married life so far?"

Though part of her wanted to laugh, the greater part was already too overheated for a witty retort. He had one of his legs between hers, and she could feel his erection against her hip. Her ache was intensifying and her need for him was seeping onto her thighs. All she could do was tighten her grip on his hair and shift her hip to try and bring him in contact with her center.

Sonny allowed it briefly, loving how eager she was. He positioned himself over her, letting the tip of him graze her folds. He could feel the moisture and the heat pouring from her. When he heard Carly whimper and felt her hand come down to wrap around him, he was almost lost. He wanted to thrust inside her right then, make her his wife in every way. But, instead, with what remained of his perpetually weakening willpower, he removed her hand and spoke.

"Shhh," he whispered, his voice raspy yet soothing. "All night, remember?"

She knew what he had on his mind, and let herself lie back and relax. He began the slow slide down her body… massaging her breasts with his hands, the increased sensitivity that comes with pregnancy only adding to the fire within her… kissing her stomach, not just with reverence for the life inside, but also for Carly herself… moving lower and lower, skimming over her triangle of soft curls affectionately with his nose, finally arriving at his destination.

Carly felt his hot breath on her mound and yearned to feel his teasing tongue on her, inside her. She didn't have to wait long before he reached out to taste her, making her hips jump, only advancing herself further onto Sonny's face. He held her there, more aggressively running his tongue up and down her glistening folds, to open her up to him. Something about her scent was so intoxicating. He breathed her hungrily as he dived into the treasure before him, and she became more and more vocal in response to his exploration. Finding her ripe clit, he sucked on it, circled it a few times before seeking out her entrance, pushing firmly into her with that very skilled tongue of his. He swirled his tongue around inside of her, in what could be called the deepest of kisses, until she screamed. Her juices flooded his mouth and he drank her in. As she quieted and calmed, he raised up, rubbing her sticky, quivering thighs with both hands and licking her sweet buttery cream from his lips. When she could breathe again, she pulled him back up to her and kissed him soundly.

"The answer was yes."

"What?"

"You asked me if I was enjoying married life."

"Oh, I see," Sonny laughed.

"Yeah, I thought about it and decided I am." Carly grinned up at him. "How about you?"

At that, she took him solidly in her grip once more. Kissing the corners of his sexy mouth, still flavored with her desire, she began to stroke him. She loved the feel of him in her hands, so strong and powerful. She loved knowing she could bring him pleasure, and she lengthened her strokes when she heard that raspy voice in her ear, saying her name over and over. It urged her on, and she increased her pressure, covering every impressive inch of him.

Carly suddenly felt his hand on top of hers. She thought he was going to remove her hand like before. Instead, he slowly stroked with her a couple of times, and then helped her to guide his manhood to her waiting sex. She bit her lip, happily anticipating. He barely pressed into her at first, gaining just the slightest entrance, while she wrapped her legs around him loosely. Her hands moved to his back, dancing along his skin, feeling the muscles underneath. She was memorizing his body more and more, just as he was hers, and she considered herself blessed to have such knowledge.

He caressed her cheek and gazed down into those incredible brown eyes, smiling. "Yeah, I think I'm enjoying married life just fine."

_Your softly spoken words  
__Release my whole desire  
__Undenied… totally_

She smiled back at him brightly enough to light up a universe with no stars. A tiny nod of her head and a blazing look in her eyes told him she was ready. Slowly, deliciously, he slid his way inside her wet heat. Her legs tightened their hold on his waist as he slid out and pushed back in again, this time stretching her further. She cried out in ecstasy when, the third time, he entered her with a strong thrust. It always felt so unbelievably good to be with him like this. And while it had only been a couple of days since the last time, in a way, Carly felt she'd been waiting for this moment forever.

Sonny placed a soft kiss upon her lips, then began a series of thrusts, slow but deep. His eyes never left hers as he moved within her, choking out these words…

"I, Michael… take you… Caroline… to be… my wife."

_And so bare is my heart  
__I can't hide  
__And so where does my heart… belong_

Carly's eyes filled with tears, from the reaffirmation of his promise, or from pure physical pleasure. Maybe it was the look in his eyes… the look she didn't understand, but would be willing to drown in. She wrapped her arms around him for dear life, and dug in her heels, bringing him even deeper. At the same slow pace, she thrust her hips with him, managing to whisper…

"I, Caroline… take you… Michael… to be my… husband."

_Beneath your tender touch  
__My senses can't divide  
__Oh so strong… my desire_

And with a kiss, sacred, yet full of the kind of passion they couldn't express in the church, they re-pronounced themselves husband and wife. The kiss did not cease as their lower bodies began to pick up speed, rocking together in perfect sync. The kiss only ended when their passion overwhelmed them so much that they were desperate for a breath.

_And so bare is my heart  
__I can't hide  
__And so where does my heart… belong_

Carly's tightness was surrounding Sonny… her heat, her scent, her very essence. Moments like these, he wanted to stay inside of her forever. He knew he wouldn't last much longer tonight, but now he also knew they had many more nights to share. Maybe even "forever," like she'd said.

_Now that I've found you  
__And seen behind those eyes  
__How can I… carry on?_

Sonny knew what set her body on fire, knew all the right moves to spark every last nerve ending. And he was doing so, with every touch. She felt him drive deeper and deeper, burning her walls, making her arch her back. Her neck exposed, Sonny dropped his head and turned his face into her sweet-smelling skin, moist with sweat. The nails of one hand dug into his back, while her other hand held his head against her neck. Rocking harder, faster, her cries and his moans fought for dominance, until both at last exploded in a glorious tie. The force of her orgasm around him was so powerful, he could no more have stopped himself from following her than he could have stopped a speeding train… not that he would have tried. He came gladly inside of her, and she relished the feeling.

_For so bare is my heart  
__I can't hide  
__And so where does my heart… belong_

The aftershocks continued to shake them as they held each other, their bodies still tingling deliciously… kissing lightly, leisurely… before giving in to exhaustion and falling asleep in each other's arms, for the first time as husband and wife.

_Belong… belong… belong_

(Lyrics - "Undenied," Portishead)


	13. Stupid Honeymoon

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 13 - Stupid Honeymoon

"Good morning, beautiful."

_Good morning, beautiful  
__How was your night?  
__Mine was wonderful, with you by my side  
__And when I open my eyes  
__And see your sweet face  
__It's a good morning beautiful day_

Carly was enjoying possibly the deepest, most glorious sleep of her life. That's what a wedding full of surprises and a night with Sonny… _mmm, simply beyond words_… will do for you. But a sexy male voice was making its way through the fog. Carly let out a contented sigh as she rolled over onto her back and her eyes began to flutter open. She grinned lazily up at the very handsome face that was slowly coming into focus.

"I was having the wildest, most wonderful dream… And you were there."

"Oh yeah? Which one was I… the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, or the Cowardly Lion? Don't tell me I was Toto." Sonny joked, while gazing at his wife and stroking her hair. He'd heard that pregnant women had "a glow" about them, and that the same could be said for a new bride, but… God, she was amazing. He could swear there was light just pouring from her face, and it seemed to triple as he watched her smile widen.

Carly giggled at Sonny making a reference to a movie like _The Wizard Of OZ_. She was getting to know him better all the time, but this unexpected capacity for silliness was something she was still getting used to. "Nope, just you. Well, actually there were some other people there for part of it… But I really only remember you."

He pulled her more snugly into him, so that her head rested on his bare chest. "I assume you were there too? So, what were we doing?" he whispered wickedly into her ear.

She took a deliciously deep breath of the warm spicy scent that was so unmistakably Sonny, then turned her face towards his with an amused expression. "We were getting married. Can you believe that?"

He saw the twinkle in her eyes and joined in her game. "Nooo, you don't say? You and me? Where do you come up with these things?"

"Same place I come up with all my famous plans… my crazy brain."

"Well, what if I told your crazy brain that we really did get married?"

"Then I'd call you the crazy one, my dear, or else demand to see the proof."

"Like that pile of wedding dress and hastily discarded tuxedo over there on the floor?"

"Hmm… Keep talking."

"And these?" Sonny took her left hand and held it in front of her face, clearly displaying her rings, and then showed his own.

"Huh… Whaddya know…"

"Any of this ringing a bell yet, Mrs. Corinthos?"

"Ooh, that did!" Carly, all of a sudden, fairly attacked him with noisy, appreciative kisses over his cheeks and lips. "The 'Mrs. Corinthos' part… Yeah, that definitely _rings_ my bell!"

"Mmm…" Sonny mumbled around her kisses. "Mine too."

_I couldn't see the light  
__I didn't know day from night  
__I had no reason to care  
__But since you came along  
__I can face the dawn  
_'_Cause I know you'll be there_

_Good morning, beautiful  
__How was your night?  
__Mine was wonderful, with you by my side  
__And when I open my eyes  
__And see your sweet face  
__It's a good morning beautiful day_

Carly finally pulled back to look at him, a hand tenderly cradling his face. She moved onto her side, propping up her head with the other arm. Sonny did the same, and they lay facing each other.

"All kidding aside, Sonny… I did wake up once in the middle of the night, just for a minute, and I had to convince myself that it wasn't all a dream. I stared at my rings for I don't know how long… until they started to go all blurry and I fell asleep again… and dreamt every detail of yesterday over and over."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Like… looking down the aisle at you, and you looking so good that if Mike had let go of my arm I probably would have fallen over."

His fingers played over the bare skin of her arm. "I, uh, think you got that backwards. I was not the one all our guests couldn't stop staring at."

"They were staring at me?" Carly fell back onto her back and pulled the sheets more tightly around her. "Probably in shock over my wearing white."

Sonny shook his head at her talent for making these little digs at herself. _She's almost as good at putting herself down as… as you used to be at putting her down. _He leaned over her, touching a finger to her cheek and making her really look at him. "No, I think it just had something to do with you being the most beautiful bride in the world."

Her mouth fell open. _Somebody was obviously downing something other than Welch's last night. _"Ohh, is that what it was??" she laughed nervously. "Gee, Sonny," Carly playfully admonished, eyes tearing, "Lay it on a little thick, why don't ya? You can stop watching the Romance Channel now, you got me where you want me!"

He raised an eyebrow at that, causing Carly to laugh again when it occurred to her where they were. Sonny sat up a little to look her up and down… lying in their bed, naked as he was underneath the satin sheets… and flashed his dimples suggestively at the thought of her being exactly where he wanted her. His lips silenced her unnecessary "You know what I mean," by descending upon hers once, twice, and almost a third time… but pulling back to speak.

"Who needs the Romance Channel, remember?"

Carly blinked slowly, still feeling the effect of his kisses. After a moment or two, she was shining her big, beautiful brown eyes directly into his. "You certainly don't seem to, Mr. Corinthos."

Sonny let out a little growl, nibbling at her neck and pulling her on top of him. This elicited giggles as his lips tickled the sensitive skin behind her ear, yet they faded as her thoughts began to drift… to wonderful memories that somehow made her sad. All the details of yesterday that she'd spent the night dreaming about… from the wedding itself, to the way he'd made love to her, like she'd never… These memories were too beautiful to truly be hers, weren't they? And even with Sonny's arms around her… even with the matching gold bands they now wore… even though she didn't doubt his promise… something inside of Carly just wouldn't let her believe things could stay feeling like this. Sonny noticed the change in her.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh?" Carly snapped out of her haze. "Oh, nothing, nothing." Instead of looking at him, she focused down on his chest, absentmindedly tracing hearts and such on his skin. Suddenly she looked right up into his eyes and smiled. "You know what?"

He knew something was still bothering her, but for now he was just happy to see her smile. "What?"

"I just want to thank you, not just for everything you did to make yesterday special, things you really didn't have to, but for all of it these past months… just making an effort to be nice to me… making me feel, like, it no longer fills you with horror to think of me as the mother of your child."

"I'll let you in on a little secret… After a while, it wasn't really that much of an effort for me to be nice to you. And you are a terrific mother, Carly, and I feel honored to have the chance to be a parent with you."

Sonny let his fingertips brush back and forth across her stomach as he spoke. He jumped slightly when he suddenly felt a tiny earthquake beneath his touch.

She loved the surprise and wonder that was always in Sonny's expression, no matter how many times he felt the baby kick. "Baby Corinthos is ticklish," she declared with a wink.

His eyes narrowed and his mouth formed a silent "hmm," as if he were trying to figure out if that were actually possible. "Carly…"

"Or… maybe he just wanted to say 'Hi, Daddy," she continued, watching him smile. "Or congratulate us on staying married a whole, let's see… sixteen hours so far!"

Sonny glanced at the bedside clock as she had, then returned his gaze to her. He reached for her hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing it. "Then, happy sixteenth-hour anniversary. Sorry I don't have a gift." A lopsided smile and a show of dimples, added to the sweet burn of his kiss still felt on her hand, and she realized her heart was racing. Somehow she managed to laugh.

"S'okay. I know one year is the paper anniversary, so I'm thinking sixteen hours couldn't be more than… pocket lint, at the very best."

"So I should cross pocket lint off all present and future anniversary, birthday, and Christmas lists?"

Both Sonny and Carly burst out laughing at that, Carly even taking the opportunity to bop him over the head with a pillow, sending his natural, bed-mussed curls even more flatteringly in all directions. Sonny's hands immediately came up to smooth them down, but Carly's hands soon covered his, their fingers running through his hair together, before ending up happily entwined behind his head.

_I never worry if it's raining outside  
_'_Cause in here with you, girl  
__The sun always shines_

_Good morning, beautiful  
__How was your night?  
__Mine was wonderful, with you by my side  
__And when I open my eyes  
__And see your sweet face  
__It's a good morning beautiful day_

"Besides, I don't think you need to be giving me any gifts. Yesterday was enough of one to last me for a long time."

"Does that mean no more taking your good buddies, otherwise known as my credit cards, to Wyndham's?"

"Oh, no, THAT I can still do!" she laughed.

"I kinda figured."

She quieted after a moment and looked at him seriously. "I mean it, though, Sonny. Yesterday… was really special, and I just want to thank you."

"Carly, why do you keep thanking me, like our wedding was something only for you? Granted, I wanted to make you smile, but the day was just as important to me."

She found that hard to believe, but it still made her feel warm all over to hear him say it. "Good." Carly dropped her head back down to his chest and couldn't help but note with delight that his heart now seemed to be racing as well.

"And you know what else?" she began, talking out loud, as much to herself as to Sonny. "I've realized that I don't need more. I don't need to be on some beach somewhere or in some snooty hotel. I don't need to be literally swept away, because it's the little things that make me feel…"

"Carly??"

"Yes? Oh… oops." _Why the heck did I say all that?_

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing!" she insisted a little too quickly. "Just '_yapping_,' like I do, you know."

"Carly," Sonny started, but he could tell she was poised to keep answering "nothing" to his questions. Changing tactics, he put both hands on her face and pulled her mouth to his, kissing her demandingly until he believed she was ready. When he finally released her, he asked a now decidedly dazed Carly a question. "Carly, are you talking about going on honeymoon?"

"Yeah," came her sheepish reply.

"You don't need that?"

Carly wanted to hide but she tried to play it cool. "Of course I don't. It's not like I expected… I mean, why would I? They're hardly necessary, are they? And the baby doesn't need one, and you really didn't sign on for something like that."

"What do you mean I didn't sign on for something like it?"

"We got married, right? We got married for our family… you, me, Michael, and the baby."

"Mm hmm… So?"

"So, a honeymoon would just be about the two of…" She caught herself, and sighed dramatically. "Okay, I'll admit that for just a minute or two after the wedding, I thought maybe we were going somewhere and it was a surprise. But, the point is, I was being silly, and I don't need a stupid honeymoon, and let's just drop it, okay?" She smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Okaaaayy." It was times like these he wanted to hug all the breath out of her… one, to hold her close, and two, to shut her up. "But how 'bout if I need one? You think you could at least… want one?"

She looked at him, surprised. He dropped his voice to a whisper.

" 'Cause I already made all the arrangements."

Her eyes watered with a mix of shock, embarrassment, and joy. "You did?" she squeaked.

"Yup, for our very own stupid honeymoon."

Sonny grinned shamelessly as Carly threw her arms around his neck.

"Where are we going???" she asked excitedly.

"Oh, no, no." Sonny shook his head, still smiling. "You don't get to know where."

"What?!"

"C'mon, I have to have a few surprises."

"How am I supposed to know what to pack??"

"I can pack for you if you want."

"Oh, good grief. Maybe you should just buy me all new stuff when we get there. How's that?"

"Well, you could probably get away with packing light. That's as much of a hint as I'm gonna give."

"Not very much of one."

"Okay, how about this to make up for it? You get to say when. Any time you want us to leave, we can."

"How about now??"

"Ahh, unfortunately I do have to check in at the warehouse, take care of just a few things first. Is tonight soon enough?"

Carly faked a pout. "Ohhh, I guess it'll have to do." Letting her very heartfelt smile shine through, she hugged him tightly, and then kissed him for all she was worth. She just knew this would be another day she would never forget.

_It's a beautiful day…_

(Lyrics - "Good Morning Beautiful," Steve Holy)


	14. Doesn't Mean Anything

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 14 - Doesn't Mean Anything

"Mrs. Corinthos?"

Carly looked up from where she sat playing with Michael on the floor by the ottoman, to smile at Johnny standing in the doorway. "Yeah, Johnny?"

"Your mother is here."

He ushered Bobbie inside, and then just stood there, a look on his face like he wanted to ask a question.

"Johnny? If you're waiting for a tip, you're gonna be there for a while," Carly joked.

"No, I was just wondering…"

"What?"

"Why you didn't tell me to call you Carly."

_He's right, I didn't. _She smiled slowly as she contemplated the reason. "I guess I really like my new last name."

Johnny couldn't help but smile back. "Good, that makes things a lot easier for me!"

Carly and Bobbie both giggled at the adorable bodyguard as the door closed. Bobbie hugged her daughter, and then reached out to ruffle grandson Michael's hair as she took a seat on the sofa.

"I was going to call you," said Carly, excited to share the news Sonny had surprised her with that morning.

"Well, surprise! You don't have to," laughed Bobbie. "So, what did you have to tell me? It must be good news, because somehow you're even more aglow than you were yesterday. Speaking of yesterday, how's married life treating you?"

Carly blushed, recalling Sonny's similar question of how she was enjoying married life so far… last night, just after pleasuring her so intensely she nearly passed out.

"That good, huh?" winked Bobbie, going by her daughter's far-off eyes, blissful grin, and crimson-flushed cheeks. "Sorry I asked," she added with a chuckle.

"Oh hush," Carly replied, as her mother's teasing snapped her out of it. "But, yes, that good… Better than that good."

"I'm happy for you, honey."

"Don't tell Sonny, though. I'm trying to keep his ego so that it's at least smaller than the state of New York."

"So where's your handsome hubby now? The warehouse?"

_My handsome hubby? _She smiled to herself. _Yup, that's who he is. _"Yeah, he's just taking care of some boring business stuff so he'll be free to… go away for a while."

"Go away? But you two just got…"

"Let me clarify. I should have said, so we'll be free to go away for a while."

"Ohh! He's taking you on honeymoon?"

"Shocked?"

"No, no, of course not! You just hadn't mentioned it…"

"It's okay, I was shocked. And I didn't mention it because I didn't know until this morning. For a man who hates surprises himself, he sure is big on throwing them my way."

"So, where are you going? How long?"

"You think I know??" Carly laughed, rolling her eyes. "What did I just say about surprises? I'm guessing we'll be gone a week, maybe two. But I have no idea where we're going. All he told me was I could get away with packing light."

"I'd say that implies a warm climate."

Carly mulled that over, an idea springing to her brain in moments. "Warm as in tropical, perhaps? I bet I know exactly the place! He took me there once before, right after we went to the Dominican Republic to get my divorce from AJ. Did you know Sonny has his very own island?"

Bobbie raised impressed eyebrows. "You're kidding."

"Nope. I mean, he owns it, the whole thing. And the casino on it. We went and Sonny gave me some silly lecture on quitting while you're ahead."

"That tends to be pretty good advice, you know," Bobbie pointed out, Carly rolling her eyes again. "Well, did you like it there?"

"The island? Oh, it was fabulous, Mama! The sun, the white sand, that deep blue-green water… The smell of the salt air and those tropical flowers… And at night there were so many stars in the sky. I remember Sonny and I sitting outside just taking it all in. I mean, we still didn't even like each other very much then. But I think there's something magical about that place, because we actually started to talk to each other, and listen, you know? We talked about taking Michael and the baby there someday. I started feeling like maybe we could get close and things could work out after all. Then…" Carly got quiet.

"Then what?"

Carly bit her lip, reluctant to bring it up. "That was when we got the call that Sorel had grabbed you. Sorry, Mama." She could see Bobbie's skin crawl at the memory. "Then came that oh-so-long week of him totally freezing me out over the whole letting you into his desk thing. I didn't think he was ever gonna trust me again."

"But he obviously does now. He married you." Bobbie took Carly's hand and squeezed it. Carly now sat next to her mother on the sofa, Michael content playing by himself.

"Yeah, he does. He trusts me like I trust him." Carly smiled, shaking her head softly. "It's just so weird, isn't it? I mean, you know how Sonny and I were not long back. Would you ever have guessed in a million years we'd be married, and having a baby… though not necessarily in that order… and trust each other, and even kinda like each other?"

"'_Even kinda like each other'_? Honey, please."

"What?"

"Carly, I'll admit I didn't think you marrying Sonny was the greatest idea at first. I thought it was for the baby only and that wasn't enough to build a marriage on. But I was at that wedding yesterday. Everyone who was there saw it. I understand now."

"Understand what?"

"That you two are in love."

Carly had not been expecting her mother to say that. And she had no idea what to say back. Her mouth fell open a little, no words came out, and she closed her mouth again. She looked at her son, who was conveniently starting to droop a little, and she had found a distraction. "I need to put Michael down for his nap. Be right back."

Bobbie kissed Michael's head before Carly scooped him up and made her way toward the stairs. "Okay… It'll still be true when you get back." Left alone, she smiled a mother's knowing smile and pulled from her purse what she had brought for Carly to see. _She really doesn't know yet. She hasn't let herself. But maybe she'll see it now. As they say, a picture paints a thousand words._

After about five minutes worth of trying to sort out her emotions and debating herself in her head, Carly came back down the stairs in full denial mode, already spouting reasoned explanations for Bobbie's hastily drawn conclusion.

"I'm not in love with Sonny, okay? And he's not in love with me. We just… It's like I said before. I know we're pretty dramatically different from how we used to be with each other not that long ago. And I get how that could make you jump to the L-assumption. But, this is me and Sonny. We're never gonna get to a place that… normal," she tried to laugh.

Bobbie just looked at Carly, and Carly kept talking.

"I mean, we have feelings for each other, sure. We care about each other, a lot. And, okay, I can say without a doubt that he's the only man I've ever really made love with. But that doesn't mean we are in love… Totally different thing. And that's not why we got married. We got married so we could have our family." Carly looked down and slipped one of her sandals on and off, repeatedly, to avoid looking at her mother.

"Well… I have to get to the hospital now. But, here, I mostly came to give you these." Bobbie handed Carly what had been resting in her lap. "I did one-hour photo and got my rolls of your wedding pictures developed. They came out great. Very clear. In fact, some things are downright unmistakable." She hugged her daughter goodbye and walked to the door, turning back with her hand on the doorknob. "And, if you say I'm wrong about you and Sonny, I won't bring it up again. But, it seems to me… you want a family mighty badly with someone you claim not to love."

Then Bobbie was gone, leaving Carly to look at the wedding pictures. The very first was a picture of her and Sonny kissing just outside the church doors. They really did look good together. She could remember the feel of that kiss just by looking at it. She could feel the warmth pouring through her. _Doesn't mean anything… Or does it? Damn it, Bobbie's got me all confused now! _She flipped to the next picture, taken when they were talking to Emily and Juan… and Lila.

_Yes, Lila! I need to talk to Lila. I need some of her wisdom. Maybe she can help me figure out how I feel. Because, if I really do __**love **__Sonny… this marriage could be in trouble. _


	15. Be Prepared

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 15 - Be Prepared

Carly shook her head in frustration at the hurricane of clothing strewn across the bed… tops, pants, skirts, dresses, shoes, swimwear, lingerie… and next to it, her empty suitcase.

_Argh, I hate packing. How am I supposed to know right this second what I'm gonna want to wear a week from now? And that's if I even know where we're going. _She picked up a swimsuit she'd bought recently while maternity shopping. _A one-piece? Me? _Carly made a face and sighed. _I'll still look fat, you just won't be able to see my belly button. Big whoop. _Putting that one down, she picked up one of her more scandalous bikinis, remembering with a wicked smile when she could wear it and know she was the hottest thing around. _I could prance around in this for Sonny right now, though… or hell, even in my ninth month… and he'd still think I was sexy. _She smiled, tossing the two tiny pieces of material into the open suitcase. _Sonny…_

She had pretty much decided to table the love issue for now. She didn't want to risk ruining the honeymoon trip by letting her mind go there. Carly was almost afraid of what Lila's advice on the subject would be, considering what a romantic the elder woman was and how much she adored Sonny. _Better to just forget about it_, Carly thought… Like she could.

Carly let out a sigh and sat down for a moment on the clothes-covered bed, unconcerned with what she might be wrinkling. She skimmed the pictures Bobbie had brought and landed on a sweet one of Michael in Lila's lap. _Michael! _Carly suddenly realized that she didn't know whether or not her son was being included in the trip. On one hand, she couldn't imagine leaving him behind. On the other, she was pretty sure most newly married couples didn't take their kids on honeymoon with them. _I better call Sonny, find out what he has planned._

Just as her hand was reaching for the cordless phone to call Sonny at the warehouse, the phone rang.

"Sonny?"

"Sorry, it's just me."

"Oh, hey, Let! I was just about to call Sonny, so I thought… maybe it was … Nevermind. How was Michael last night? And how did you and Reg enjoy the honeymoon suite?"

Sonny had put Leticia and Reginald up in the honeymoon suite of the Port Charles Hotel's rival, the Excelsior. He figured since he and Carly were spending their wedding night at home, someone might as well get pampered. Leticia had volunteered them to take Michael, insisting that not only would the romantic mood remain intact, but that maybe the chance to be parents for a night would lead to talk of their future. It did, but unfortunately the conversation didn't go quite the way Leticia had imagined.

"The suite was really lovely. Tell Mr. Corinthos thank you again."

"Let, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I… I'm fine. Why?"

"Maybe it's just me, but you sound like you're trying to smile through tears. I mean, last night was my wedding night, and you spent the night in a fancy hotel with the man you love… We should be gossiping and giggling! Like we always do with each other, but ten times more shamelessly!"

Carly heard the soft but distinct sounds of her friend crying and began to panic.

"Oh my God, Let, is it Michael? Is something wrong?"

"No, no, no… Calm down, Carly," the nanny sniffled. "I'm sorry. Michael's fine. He's napping."

Carly began to breathe normally again, and shifted all her concern back to Leticia. "Sweetie, what's wrong then? Is it something to do with you and Reggie?"

"It's over."

"What? Did you guys have a fight?"

Leticia spoke with sadness in her voice. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"I'm sorry, Let. But you know Sonny and I fight all the time, and we're actually doing really well. Not that we're this shining example of a normal healthy couple, whatever that is, and please don't pattern yourselves after us…"

"No, but that's just it… I'm almost jealous of that. When I think about it, Reggie and I didn't really have a 'fight.' We never have. We don't have enough passion for that. We just talked about some things we should have talked about a long time ago," Leticia sighed.

"Like what?"

"Like the fact that he doesn't want to have kids."

"He what?!"

"Nope. Turns out, he never wanted that. I guess I'm just stupid for assuming that he had to know I wanted children, at least someday. I mean… I'm a nanny! I love kids so much I decided to basically make them my life! You want to know what he actually said to me? He said he thought Michael would be enough for me, since it's not like you raise him or anything."

"Oh no he didn't," Carly managed to say through clenched teeth.

"Trust me, I laid into him for that. Don't worry, though, we didn't raise our voices around Michael. He was asleep during all this."

"Hon, I wasn't worried about that. I know you're always looking out for Michael. I'm worried about you. And I can't believe Reg is such a complete idiot!"

"I think me catching that bouquet really kind of freaked him out. That was actually where the discussion started… I brought up the M-word. I thought it was something we were naturally leading up to in our relationship. But he just kept playing it off, changing the subject. I should have gotten the hint, but I kept talking and talking. When I mentioned kids, he finally responded… just not how I expected."

"Let, I'm so sorry if I contributed in any way to this…"

"You didn't! Hey, I'm the one who should be sorry. You just had, I presume, the best night of your life, and I'm raining all over your morning."

"You have a right to be sad when you lose the future you thought you were gonna have."

"Thanks, Carly. I am sad. But, you know, I think I'm sad because I'm realizing it's that future itself… marriage, kids… that I wanted more than I wanted Reggie. I enjoyed being with him, and it was definitely one of my less disastrous relationships, but mostly it was just comfortable. We never had that passion, that soul… that says '_this is the person I need to be with for the rest of my life_.' You know what I mean? What am I talking about? Of course you do."

_What does that mean?? Is she talking about Sonny and me? Leticia knows the unusual circumstances of how we got together, why we got married, everything. So why would she say that? Not that I'd try to argue the passion point… We've certainly got that._

"Carly?"

"What? Oh… Well, maybe it's good that you realize that. I liked Reggie okay. I thought he had good taste, since Lila's the only Quartermaine he listens to or does anything for, and because he was dating you. But, honestly, I never thought he was good enough for you. And if he doesn't get how incredibly lucky he is to have you show even remote interest in him, then he is blind and a fool," Carly declared. "Who knows who's waiting out there for you, Let… Your real future's gonna be better than anything you ever dreamed of before."

"Speaking from experience?" Leticia asked, now with a hint of a genuine smile in her voice.

"To tell the truth… yes."

"Finally she's admitting it," whispered Leticia under her breath.

"Ahem, did you say something?" Carly pressed, suspicious.

"No, not a thing," Let fudged. "I am sick of listening to myself mope. I wasn't even gonna go into all this drama, I swear. I just called to find out what time you wanted Michael back home."

"Michael! Just what I was calling Sonny about. What exactly did Sonny say to you about today? I mean, about what might be taking place… what to expect?"

"Just that he had a surprise for you and to be prepared."

"Okay, since when did he become a friggin' Boy Scout?? He told you to _be prepared_? Nothing more specific than that? Say, about the honeymoon trip I'm getting?"

"I don't ask Mr. Corinthos a lot of questions, Carly."

"No, you don't. What's up with that?"

"Trust me, you ask more than enough for everybody."

"That's only because he never tells me anything!"

"Then you should know not to bother asking, huh?"

"Oh, traitor," Carly grumbled, then she and Leticia finally had a good laugh. "Okay, about Mr. Man, um… Could you just keep him for another hour or so? I have to call Sonny, then just take care of a quick errand."

"No problem."

"Thanks, Let. And, again, I'm sorry. Losing love… even just what you thought was love… can hurt like hell. You're getting big hugs when I see you."

"I'll take those. But don't squash your own happiness for me, okay? You just got married to a wonderful man. You have the sweetest son and a baby on the way. Enjoy it all."

"And my children have the world's best nanny, who also happens to be the best friend I could hope for."

"Shit, Car, you're making me cry again… but in a good way," Leticia giggled and sniffled.

"Well, dry yourself off and give my boy a big kiss when he wakes up. I'll see you soon?"

"Sure. But, Carly…"

"Yes…"

"It _was_ the best night of your life, wasn't it?"

"Didn't I just say '_yes_'?" You could almost hear Carly wink, as she added a "see ya, chica," and switched off the phone. She held it to her chest for a moment or two, saying a little wish to herself that her friend would find real love soon.

Leticia also held onto her phone a few moments after hanging up, smiling at how her friend had made her feel better. She knew Carly wanted her to find the real thing… that passion, that soul she had spoken of. Little did Carly know she'd already found it.

She had often felt guilty in her relationship with Reginald, even though nothing really ever happened with this other man, who had been rather complicatedly involved with someone himself. But nothing could happen, even now, with both relationships ended. The distance made it somewhat easier, but every day she had this reminder of him. Carly had no idea about any of it. And if she didn't think Reg was good enough, _what_ she would think of him…

xxxxxxxxxx

"Yeah?"

"That's a romantic hello."

"Heyyy, baaabyy… That better?" Sonny smiled on his end of the phone, from where he sat at his desk at the warehouse. "Impatient for your trip, or did you just miss me?"

"Um, if I were being very honest I'd probably say both," Carly replied, her heartbeat a bit erratic from that second greeting. "But since that ego of yours is so monstrously out-of-control, my official answer is neither. Actually, I called to ask you something kind of important."

"Whether or not Michael's coming with us."

"Yeah… How'd you know?"

"Well, we didn't talk about it this morning. I figured either you'd assume we were taking him, and we would… you'd assume we weren't taking him, and we wouldn't… or eventually you'd call and let me know what you want to do."

"You mean it's my decision?"

"He's your son, Carly."

"I'm just a little surprised. I mean, that wedding yesterday and this honeymoon thing are at least half mine too, and I don't remember getting much of a say in those…" She heard his exasperated sigh and quickly spoke back up, laughing. "Not that I minded that, 'cause you did such a great job, and because I trust you."

"Rrrreally?" he purred. "Okay, so what do you want to do? Just so you know, it's covered either way. I got in touch with Bobbie at the hospital just before you called, and she's more than willing to take turns with Leticia watching him. But if you want to make it a family trip, I'm sure Leticia won't mind the chance for a… well, not a vacation, but a new locale. So, whaddya say?"

_Part of me wants to be totally alone with Sonny. I know we're going back to that island. I had such a great time with him there before, and that was back when we were just starting to tolerate each other. It would be so different now. I can imagine us walking along the beach together, or looking up at the stars like last time, except this time we'd be in each other's arms… Maybe that's what I'm afraid of. All that time alone with Sonny, in such a romantic setting… My heart's confused enough as it is. I might start saying things I don't mean, or, worse, that I DO mean… and ruin everything. With Michael there, it'll be easier. I'll be able to be alone with Sonny sometimes, but other times we'll be playing with Michael, showing him the ocean… just being the family we've become. I can just picture Sonny taking Michael in the water. I think I really want to see that. Plus, I really think it would be good for Leticia to have a little time away from Port Charles right now…_

"Carrleee?"

"Let's take him. Maybe it's not traditional, but, hell, we're certainly not. I think I'd miss him too much if we left him behind. And this way we can be alone when we want to, and we can do the family thing, too, show Michael the water like we said we would one day…"

"Ahh, so you figured it out."

"That we're going to your island? Please, give me a little credit, Sonny. 'Pack light' means warm climate. And I can't think of any place I'd rather go. Aside from that snotty songbird and you two making fun of me in Spanish, I loved it there. You've done such a great job arranging everything else, where else would you take me?"

"Actually, 'pack light' means 'clothing optional'… hehehe."

"Dream on, babe."

"Hey, it's a private beach."

"We're definitely taking Michael."

"That's more than fine by me. But don't think you're getting away that easily, Mrs. Corinthos."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Corinthos."

"Mmm, sounds good," Sonny laughed. "Anything else? I should be back at the penthouse in a couple of hours. Will you be packed and ready?"

"Yeah, I just need to throw my entire closet into the biggest suitcase I own. I'll call Leticia and get her to come home, get herself and Michael packed. Then I just have one quick thing to run out and do, but I'll be back in time."

"Whoa, whoa… Where are you going?"

First, Carly mumbled something so low and under her breath that Sonny couldn't understand a word. At his "What?" she spoke again, only slightly louder and more clearly. Sonny finally got frustrated.

"Carly, where the hell are you going!!!"

"To the Quartermaines, all right!!!"

Sonny didn't say anything for a minute, thinking he should be mad, but too busy being confused. "Why on earth would you want to set foot in that house ever again? That place you so lovingly termed 'a prison'? That place I got you out of so you'd never have to go back?"

"Sonny, I'm not afraid of that house. I was afraid I'd never get Michael and me out of there, but you made that happen for us, and you know I will always be so grateful. But that place, those people, they have no power over me anymore."

"So, you wanna go to prove some kind of point??"

"No, I just want to go yell at Reginald!"

Sonny rubbed his face with his hand. "Do I even want to know?"

"He and Leticia broke up. And… well, it's not like he cheated on her or anything, but he was still a complete idiot. And a jerk. Maybe it's all for the best, but she's sad right now. And I have a few things I'd like to say to him, is all. Plus, Bobbie brought me some pictures from the wedding already, and I might pop in and show them to Lila."

"Carly, I don't like the idea of you going over there. Just being in that house is bound to cause you stress, nevermind the people you might run into. You're pregnant, you don't need that."

"You don't have to remind me that I'm pregnant," she laughed. "And I won't get stressed, I promise. Look, Alan and Monica will probably both be at the hospital. AJ doesn't even live there anymore. I bet the only ones there will be Lila and Reg, and uh… I think I can handle them, Son."

He was silent on the other end of the line, except for the sounds of him thinking, deliberating, sighing loudly, and occasionally growling.

"Sonny, I'm learning to think the controlling thing is cute… at times. But if you start telling me where I can and can't go, husband dear, we have a problem."

A growl turned into a grumble, and then a sigh, almost of resignation. She knew she had him.

"Take Johnny with you."

"I will. And I'll be back before you are."

"Give Lila my love. And if Reggie hurt Leticia, get him double for me."

"You betcha." She blew him a kiss through the phone.

"Carly, just… just be careful, okay?"

"Always."


	16. Whispered Words

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 16 - Whispered Words

The doorbell rang in the Quartermaine mansion and the "butler" (term used loosely) went to answer it, not realizing he was taking his life into his own hands with the simple opening of the door.

"Well, if it isn't my ex-almost-friend-in-law. Aren't you just… 100 percent of the daily allowance of dumbass!!!"

Reginald sighed and shook his head. He should have known this was coming. "Problem, Carly?"

Standing there with her arms crossed, her expression quickly changed from rage to a blinding, sarcasm-laced fake smile. "Why, no, of course not! I just swung by to chat, maybe have a cup of herbal tea with my good buddy, Reggie. I'd suggest International Coffees, but I can't have the caffeine, since I'm expecting and all. Oh, but you know, I've so missed those wonderful croissants we used to have here…"

"Carly, Leticia and I are none of your business. And, sorry, we're all out of croissants." He started to shut the door in her face, but she stuck a well-clad foot in the way, then shoved the door open again suddenly, knocking him to the floor.

Carly couldn't help but giggle. "What a shame."

He sat there looking unimpressed as he heard her call for her bodyguard, who seemed to appear from out of nowhere. "What, this guy's gonna beat me up now?"

Carly rolled her eyes and shook her head vigorously. "Oh please, he's got a lot more important people to beat up than you. But Johnny's Leticia's friend, too, and I promised I'd yell when I got to the good part… so he could watch."

Reginald's eyes widened as he soon felt the pointy heel of Carly's shoe pressing into his breastbone, and the toe putting weight upon his windpipe. His hands moved towards her ankle, and Carly barked sweetly…

"Touch me, and Johnny goes from bystander to eager participant."

Reg retracted his hands in a flash, taking a welcome gulp of air as he felt the pressure release from his throat, Carly's dainty Chanel settling with a click once more on the cool, hard floor.

"Good boy."

She bent down next to him.

"Now, look, you and Leticia seem to have ended things on fairly civilized terms. And I guess the only real crime you're guilty of is basically… stupidity. Yeah, just neglect to tell your long-time girlfriend, who obviously adores children more than anything, that you never want to have kids… Yeah, that's real smart. So maybe, despite the fact that she's my best friend, you're right and it is none of my business. I just expected better from you, butler boy." Carly lightly slapped Reginald's cheek a couple of times, adding a disapproving sigh. "Oh well. Let knows she'll find something better out there. Don't you wish you could say the same?"

She stood back up and then nodded dismissively down at Reginald.

"That was it. I'm here to see Lila. She in her sitting room?"

"Yes," Reggie croaked, his voice a bit hoarse from having Carly's foot on his throat.

"You two the only ones here?"

"Yes," he managed a little better, standing himself and looking for his dignity.

"Johnny, I hope you enjoyed the show. You can go wait in the limo now." From the looks he was giving Reginald, Carly thought she'd better separate them as soon as possible.

Johnny knew he couldn't leave the limo unattended, but… damn, he hated that guy. "Are you sure Mr. Corinthos okayed this visit, Mrs. Corinthos?"

"Not that I need his okay, but yes, Sonny actually did. And you heard what's-his-face, it's only him and Lila here. So, I'm going upstairs. You two, quit the evil eye routine and go back to business as usual."

She stopped and turned only a few steps up.

"Oh, but Reg, Leticia did mention to me what you said about me not raising my kid. I'll admit that Leticia helps out a lot, that's what she gets paid for. But I am in every way Michael's mother. That's how come he calls her 'Ticia' and me 'Mommy.' So unless you wanna argue with Michael, next time I suggest you keep your mouth shut."

Carly smiled sweetly at Reginald, winked at Johnny, and continued gracefully up the stairs to see Lila… leaving one rather disheveled butler and one very proud bodyguard in her wake.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Sonny?"

Mike peeked his head into his son's office at the warehouse and found him at his desk staring, smiling, at what appeared to be a picture in a frame. Last he knew, Sonny didn't have any pictures in his office.

"Oh, hey Mike." Sonny set the frame down, almost embarrassed, and stood to greet his father with a quick, slap-on-the-back-type hug.

It wasn't quite the embrace of yesterday, but Mike still considered it a miracle. And as far as he was concerned, he had Carly to thank. "I'm assuming I know who that's a picture of?" he questioned with a wink.

Sonny dropped his eyes but retained his smile as he turned the frame around for Mike to see, revealing Carly holding Michael. It was taken as they played together on the floor of the toddler's room. Michael was reaching up a tiny hand to squeeze his mama's cheek, and Carly's eyes danced with laughter, her smile a mile wide at his antics.

"Leticia actually gave me this yesterday as a wedding gift. I don't think Carly even knows she did that."

"Speaking of your beautiful bride, why are you here instead of at home? You haven't even been married twenty-four hours. You should be with her."

"Trust me, that's the plan, Mike. I just came here to make sure everything was running smoothly so I can be clear to take Carly away on honeymoon for a while."

"Good for you, son. I think she deserves that."

Sonny raised an eyebrow at his father. "It's strange to hear you saying all this nice stuff about Carly."

Mike smiled and countered with, "I could say the same about you."

Sonny grimaced briefly, then let out a small laugh, at the truth of the statement. "Yeah, I guess so. Things definitely… definitely changed."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Carly, my dear, how lovely to see you again."

"You, too, Lila." Carly bent to kiss Lila's cheek in greeting. She set her purse down on the small round table with the elegant lace tablecloth and sat across from the elderly woman.

"You're still glowing from yesterday, aren't you? It was such a beautiful ceremony. And Mr. Corinthos looked so handsome."

"Yes…" Carly's voice trailed off and her fingers found themselves twirling a piece of her hair.

"Dear, you seem very happy, but also a bit troubled. Is something the matter?"

"Um, not exactly. I just kind of wanted to talk to you about some things… I guess get your input, your wisdom." Carly had nearly twirled the piece of hair out of her head by this time. She remembered the contents of her purse and was soon postponing the greater purpose of her visit. "Oh, I have pictures!"

Lila had a sense of what Carly needed to talk about, but she allowed the stall tactic for the moment, responding enthusiastically as Carly handed her, one by one, the pictures Bobbie had taken at the wedding.

"I think this is just about the most precious picture I've ever seen, Lila… this one of Michael in your lap. He was really happy to see you. You can tell by how his face is all lit up."

"He seemed extraordinarily happy already to me. I think he was almost as happy about you marrying Mr. Corinthos as Mr. Corinthos himself."

Carly bit her lip as Lila's words mixed with the image of the next picture in her hand, the one of she and Sonny kissing on the church steps. She passed it on with only a slightly shaky hand.

"What a magnificent-looking couple you two make. You'll have such a beautiful family."

A teardrop landed on the next picture… one of Carly, Sonny, and Michael all together… and Carly suddenly realized she was crying.

"Carly? Have I said something to upset you?"

"No, no, Lila, of course not." Carly wiped a hand under her eyes and then dabbed at the wet spot onthe picture with her sleeve. "I'm just… ah…"

"Why don't you tell me why you really came to see me, dear?"

xxxxxxxxxx

"What changed so quickly?"

"It wasn't really that quickly, at least not how it must have seemed from the outside. It's been over months… of getting to know her. I don't think I ever really believed all the terrible things I used to say to her, which were probably worse than you know. Trying to hide how much I wanted her, I guess… from her or myself, I'm not sure. I just hung on to everything Robin had told me about Carly, what I had decided before I even met her, for the longest time, and wouldn't let my attitude about her change. But now I know Robin was wrong… I was wrong. What she said about the things Carly did may have been true, but not what she said about who Carly is. Carly's a good person… too good."

"Michael, why do you say things like that? Carly is just as lucky to have you as you are to have her."

"Sorry if I can't agree with you there. You don't even know… I'm just starting to realize everything she's given me. And I'm not just talking about the baby, or Michael."

Sonny lowered his head, part of him not wanting to share his secret… his and Carly's… but part of him needing to.

"You remember last August? That time after Juan got beat up… that I wouldn't talk to you, see you… or anyone? Never left the penthouse?"

Mike closed his eyes, recalling how worried he had been about his son. "Yes, I remember."

"It was close, Dad." Sonny didn't even realize what he had called his father; his mind was in another place. "Maybe the closest it's ever been. The darkness was swallowing me whole… and I was letting it."

Mike's eyes were filled with unshed tears as he watched his son's eyes move from staring at nothing to resting upon the picture in the frame once more.

"And then she showed up."

"Carly?"

"Yeah… of all people. She wouldn't leave. And that was when she hated me. Maybe it was for Jason, maybe not… but she saw I needed her and she stayed. She wouldn't let me scare her away. And I tried to make her go. I can't remember, you know, all of it… just bits and pieces of what I said and did… But I know I yelled at her, threatened her, broke… things. I smashed a bottle, she bandaged my hand. Next thing I know, I'm telling her about Lily… reliving that night. Maybe that's what gets me more than anything… I told her that story and she still married me."

Mike's head was spinning and his heart full of gratitude for his new daughter-in-law, who had quite possibly saved his son's life in more ways than one. "Well, I think there's a very important reason for that."

Sonny assumed, incorrectly, that Mike was referring to the baby. "Yeah. I thank God every day that we were blessed with this pregnancy. That wasn't what changed how I saw Carly, but it gave me an excuse to finally stop fighting so hard… fighting the truth."

"What is the truth?"

Sonny looked at his father, swallowed hard. He knew what the truth was. He couldn't deny it after last night. He just didn't know if he was ready to deal with it yet… especially if she wasn't.

"The truth is… Carly was there to catch my fall. And, for the rest of our lives, I will be there to catch her."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Lila, when you look at these pictures, what do you see?"

"I see a lovely, happy family, my dear. Why?"

Carly's eyes fell a bit.

"Were you hoping I would see something else?"

Carly put her head in her hands, feeling foolish. "No, I just… It's just that Bobbie said something to me earlier, and now I'm… a little confused."

"What did she say?"

_Carly, you're comfortable talking to Lila. Stop fidgeting and spit it out already._

"She said… she said that watching the wedding yesterday, it became obvious to her that Sonny and I… are in love."

Lila only smiled as Carly kept talking.

"I don't know what it is she thinks she saw, but all of a sudden she's decided this. Leticia sort of hinted at something similar, too. And Sonny surprised me this morning with news that we're going on honeymoon, which kind of threw me for a loop… but a happy loop. I just… never thought this would be an issue. And I don't even really know what _this_ is." She sighed deeply. "_Quit thinking about love… We've never said 'love'_…"

"Carly," said Lila sweetly, "I'm not sure what you're asking me here. Do you want me to tell you whether or not Mr. Corinthos is in love with you? Or whether you are in love with him? I can't do that. Only you can find those answers."

"I'm afraid to find out… and I don't even know which answer scares me more."

"Carly, were you happy yesterday when the priest declared you 'husband and wife'?"

"Yes."

"Were you happy this morning when you awoke in your husband's arms?"

Carly felt her cheeks warm slightly. "Yes, very happy."

"Then enjoy your marriage. Enjoy the life you have. The answers will come to you when they're meant to. There's no reason to fear your own feelings and no point in running from them. And if it turns out the marriage you have entered into is not loveless as you thought… that's not necessarily a bad thing." Lila spoke with reassurance in her frail voice, and a teasing edge as she added the last part.

Carly reached for Lila's hand and squeezed it gently. "See? I knew you'd have some wisdom for me."

She gathered the pictures together, placing them back in the photo sleeve and into her purse, save for a few extra prints she left for Lila. She then stood, bowing to kiss the elegant lady goodbye.

"Thank you, Lila, for listening to my silliness." Carly ran her hand over her belly. "Hormones, mostly." She headed for the door, then turned back. "But, if any answers get figured out, I promise I'll let you know."

xxxxxxxxxx

Having said goodbye to his father, Sonny was left once again staring at his picture of his family… primarily Carly's face. He tried to work but his eyes kept floating back. Thankfully, all he really had to do was sign his name a couple of times and then he would be with them.

He thought of her the night before… at home, in his arms, in their bed. She was so beautiful, he still couldn't get over it. His wife. Mother of his children. No matter what Mike said, he knew he didn't deserve her. But he was going to hold on… just not too tightly and scare her away. He'd been afraid that was exactly what he had done, sometime after they fell together from the heights of making love. He hadn't been able to help it. The whispered words hit the air before he even realized they had passed his lips. But did she hear? He didn't know. She seemed to drift to sleep quickly, so maybe not. But why did he feel she had? That left him vulnerable, and with the words unreturned. But this morning she was happy, acting normal, and excited at the prospect of a honeymoon, so he brushed off his worries. He hadn't yet let the fear grip his heart at the fact that he truly meant it. He was only relieved he hadn't chased her from his life. Not when they were just beginning, and things were going so well. But now nothing had to change. He'd just have to be more careful.

Sonny laughed at himself. His whole life, he had only said those words to one other woman, and the process was like pulling teeth. One day married to Carly and he'd have to be careful he didn't accidentally say them again… What was happening to him?

xxxxxxxxxx

Carly walked down the hall slowly, deep in thought, the words of advice she'd been given repeating in her ears. She decided Lila was right. She wouldn't worry so much, but instead would just be happy in the here and now with Sonny… starting with the honeymoon trip.

They were leaving tonight, within hours. She knew, if she calmed down and let herself enjoy it, it would be the most wonderful time of her life. She would get to watch him play with her son on the beach, teach him to swim. It always filled her heart so much to see how much Sonny loved her little boy. That was one thing she was sure of… that and how much he loved their child, and what a beautiful father he would be to him as well.

At night it would be just the two of them. Sonny, undoubtedly having taken care of everything, would surely have a few surprises up his sleeve for them. If he didn't use up all his romantic surprises yesterday, that is. Somehow, she knew he hadn't. But he was the biggest surprise of all. She shook her head as she remembered how for so long she had assumed he was the cold man he appeared from the outside. For his sake, she still hated that the time in August had happened, but she was also thankful. She got to see him from the inside, and the view was not at all what she expected. Without August, would November have happened? Would they have gotten past all they had, made it down this strange path to the place they stood now… married, having a baby? She sincerely doubted it. That being true, she wouldn't dare change a thing.

Memories of times with Sonny played in Carly's head as she reached the stairs… things they had said or done, but mostly looks he had given her. From the way he looked at her during the breakdown, in that intense, quiet moment before Jason came in… to the first time they slept together, when the roughness turned still ever so briefly, and he held her face in his hands just before crashing into her… the pure light in his eyes when they saw their baby's sonogram… when he finally asked her to marry him, for real, and his sweet, almost shy look… when he gave her his mother's gold pin… when they stood in the church and said their vows… and as they chanted them breathlessly last night, making love, never breaking eye contact until they gave in and broke against each other.

That last image lingered and warmed her body head to toe as she began her descent down the staircase. She could feel his arms around her and the sweet lull of his breathing. Suddenly, unbidden, a memory within that memory presented itself in her mind, and she froze just a couple of steps down. At first she wasn't sure if it was real or a dream, but something told her it was very real. It was a few seconds at most that must have come when she was in that precarious state between being awake and asleep. Was that what allowed her to lose the moment, or not be able to process it, until now?

_Their heartbeats slowly returning to normal, they held each other, their bodies having nearly melted into one. Carly's hand settled over Sonny's heart, and his hand tenderly caressed her back. Her eyes closed, and slumber had just begun to wash over her when she felt, more than heard, whispered words against her shoulder…_

"_I love you."_

Carly gasped. It had indeed been very real.

She felt light-headed. Her knees weakened and gave way, sending her body pitching forward. One hand tried to grab the banister and the other to protect her stomach, but both seemed to be too late. Her purse flew from her hands, coming open and raining wedding pictures. Carly fell and seemed to just keep falling, her body absorbing the impact of every single step on the long way down.

xxxxxxxxxx

Sonny had just given Carly's picture a wink and was about to walk out of his office, when suddenly he felt a sharp ache in his chest. It made him stop, turn back, and touch a trembling finger to the glass in frame, to trace her face. Something was wrong.

"Carly…"

He ran from the room without another thought in his mind or heart.

xxxxxxxxxx

Finding Carly unconscious at the foot of the Quartermaine stairs was not what he expected, to say the very least, and the man tried not to panic. He didn't know what to do.


	17. Stay With Me Here

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 17 - Stay With Me Here

AJ's mind was desperately trying to process the surreal sight before him. There lay his ex-wife at the bottom of his family's stairs, apparently unconscious and… _Oh God, is that blood?? _He knelt down close enough to tell that she was still breathing. He almost touched her, perhaps to shake her slightly to try and wake her, but realized that might make matters worse and drew his hand back instead. His thinking was foggy, but he suddenly remembered the reason why Carly and his son were now living with Corinthos.

_Shit, she's pregnant…_

"HELLO???" AJ yelled. "IS ANYBODY HERE??? REGINALD!!!"

Reginald heard AJ's distress call and reluctantly left the kitchen, where he'd been watching his favorite soap opera with Cook, to follow the sound. "What is it, AJ? Don't tell me, the bar needs restocking…" The butler stopped short at the sight of Carly. "Oh my God, what happened?"

"What? I, I don't know! I found her like this! What's she even doing here??" AJ stood again quickly, swaying just a bit, and ran his hand forcefully through his hair.

"She was visiting Lil-…"

"Forget it, forget it!! Just call the ambulance!"

Reginald ran for the phone, feeling stupid. He could tell AJ was drunk, yet AJ was the one who thought of calling 911. As Reg waited for someone to pick up on the line, he finally thought of something. "She had a guard with her. He should still be outside."

AJ took a deep breath. He did not want to have to deal with one of Sonny Corinthos' bodyguards, especially since he knew he was not completely sober, and because he knew it would mean soon having to deal with Sonny himself. But AJ knew he needed to be told, because Carly needed all the help she could get. For some reason, he took a second… even though he knew she probably couldn't hear… to say to Carly, "I'll be right back," before heading outside.

Johnny sat in the driver's seat of the limo, an uneasy feeling beginning to gnaw at the pit of his stomach. It seemed to him that Carly had been in there for too long now. He was just opening his door to head inside and check on her, when he saw AJ Quartermaine running down the long driveway towards him. _What's that weasel up to? I thought he wasn't supposed to be here!_

AJ recognized this one from the time he had tried to see Michael in the park, and though part of him seethed inside, he found himself miraculously remembering and using the man's name. "Johnny! Carly's hurt!"

In a flash, Johnny had passed AJ, as both men ran back into the mansion. Johnny was a man capable of witnessing, even causing, pain and violence when necessary in his line of work, with barely a blink. But the sight of his friend's prone body, the blood on the floor surrounding her… was a true shock to his system, and he nearly threw up right there. Still, he had a job to do: _Take care of Carly and… oh God, the baby._

After Reginald assured Johnny that the ambulance was on its way, Johnny knew his next responsibility was to get in touch with Sonny. He dialed Sonny's cell number, growing more and more frustrated as it rang and rang, finally forced to leave a frantic message on his voice mail. He couldn't understand why Sonny wouldn't answer his phone. Johnny probably would have worried that something had happened to his boss if he weren't already so caught up in worry about Carly. Little did he know that Sonny had raced out of his office… out of some purely instinctive fear for Carly's safety… so fast that his cell phone had fallen out of his jacket to the warehouse floor, unnoticed.

Johnny's fear for Carly was turning into anger. He turned suddenly to AJ, grabbed him by his shirt collar, and slammed him against the wall. "What did you do to her???"

AJ struggled for enough breath to respond. "Noth-… nothing, I sw… swear!!" Johnny's grip loosened just enough so that AJ could speak. "I came in and…"

"Came in from WHERE?? Why didn't I see you???"

"I came in from Grandmother's garden out back, I'd been hiding out there all day… drinking. I had no idea Carly was here! And when I got here, she was on the floor!"

"So WHAT happened???"

"I don't know! If she was here to see Grandmother… she was upstairs… I don't know, I guess she… she fell??"

"How do I know YOU didn't PUSH her???"

AJ's eyes widened in shock at that thought, and in fear at the thought of what might happen to him if Sonny and his man really believed it.

"Maybe you thought you'd found the perfect opportunity to get Michael back, huh?? Or maybe you were just bombed and got a little temperamental?? Either way, if you're responsible for this, I will kill you," threatened Johnny in his deadliest voice. "I take that back… Mr. Corinthos gets first crack."

"Look, I know you have no reason to believe me, but I SWEAR… No matter what differences Carly and I might have, I would never do something like this! I've only been trying to help her!"

AJ's eyes now pleaded for his life and Johnny's eagerly searched them for guilt. But, to his surprise, Johnny saw what looked like truth. From the sidelines, Reginald had been watching the tension escalate, while holding Carly's hand and every now and then squeezing supportively. Even though he had never much liked AJ, the butler piped up, "He was the one who told me to call the ambulance."

Johnny continued to stare AJ down for about another ten seconds before letting him go, apparently satisfied that he was innocent in this, but almost disappointed to not have AJ to blame. "What the hell's taking that ambulance so long, anyway? Maybe I should just take her in the limo…"

"I really don't think we ought to move her. It's only been a few minutes," Reginald tried to assure, though he knew it felt much longer.

"It's only been a few minutes since you called, but you have no idea HOW much time passed between her falling and AJ finding her!"

"If you move her, you'll just make things worse!" yelled AJ, then calmed. "For her and the baby. You know that. The paramedics will be here any second now."

Just then, the door burst open and someone came running in, but it was not the paramedics.

"CARLY???" Sonny cried out before he was even inside the house. He was stopped by the faces of the three men, standing helpless, their expressions terrifying mixtures of fear, guilt, and sadness. After the first moment, none of them would look him in the eye, and their gazes made their way towards the bottom of the staircase. His painfully followed. "_Carly_…"

He felt weak, but what was left of the adrenaline that had gotten him there so fast propelled him to her side. His heart pounded in his chest as he dropped to the ground, afraid to touch her and afraid not to. Why wouldn't her eyes open? She looked so pale. A few strands of her hair had fallen messily across her face, and his shaky hand brushed them aside. Thank God, her cheek felt warm. But there was a small pool of blood on the floor under her head, and more… lower down on her body.

Sonny felt his life leaving him. There was a knife in his gut, a vise on his heart, and he could not breathe. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was screaming a million questions… like, _"What happened???"… "Was this an accident???"… "Or did someone hurt her???"… "Besides me, I mean… I let her come here… Why did I let her come here???"_

But, for now, he could only really think or feel one thing… _I can't lose you. I can't lose you or our baby._

_It's taken much too long  
__To get it right  
__Would it be so wrong  
__To maybe find someone  
__A miracle_

Johnny spoke up softly. "The ambulance is coming, Sonny. I tried to call you…"

But Johnny's words were barely registering with Sonny. He was in his own world that consisted of nothing but Carly… the beautiful face that was not smiling, the soulful eyes he wished he could see, the voice that was all too silent now, and the body that lay still, every cell no doubt wracked with pain. He held her hand tightly in his and massaged her palm with the pad of his thumb.

_And all you really need  
__Is everything you could never be  
__And so you'd give it all  
__For a miracle_

"Carly," he whispered, emotion choking his voice. "No, no, no, baby, no… You've got to stay with me here. You have to. We just got married yesterday. Remember how beautiful it was? It was just the beginning for us. We're supposed to be going on our honeymoon, you know, and I'll even tell you everything I've got planned if you'll just… just be okay. And you've got to try to help the baby be okay, 'cause I was thinking I'd change your mind about Lamaze classes when we get back home." He tried to smile for her, even though she couldn't see. His mind told him to shut up about the Lamaze, that he was just tempting fate by talking about the baby at all, but he couldn't stop. "I know you said you'd rather be on drugs, and I know you probably think we'll just fight, but I really think we can get through it together. That's an important word, Carly… _Together_."

_Is there a trace  
__Inside her face  
__Of a lonely miracle  
__And so you wait  
__And lie awake  
__For a lonely miracle_

He swallowed hard and leaned down closer to her. "Maybe I asked for too much of God when I married you. Maybe it was wrong to think I could have you and Michael and the baby in my life. I knew you were more than I deserved, I knew it. I knew it then and I know it now. But I don't care. I'm selfish. I'm not giving up on you, and neither are you. I will fight, and I will pray, and I will do anything for you. Do you know that, Carly?" He brought her hand to his lips. "Because you are my wife… and I lo-…" His voice gave out as he finally broke down, sobbing.

_You never really know  
__What it is  
__Not until it goes  
__And if it comes again  
__It's a miracle_

Somewhere in the background of Sonny's speech, the sound of an ambulance siren had started softly and grown louder. Johnny had opened the door and waved in the paramedics, who rushed in with a gurney, firing questions, assessing the situation. He, Reggie, and AJ answered what they could. All this happened in a blur around Sonny and Carly.

_But what you miss is love  
__In everything below and up above  
__And could she bring it all  
__A miracle_

"Which of you is the baby's father?" one paramedic asked, though it seemed obvious to him as he witnessed the heartbreaking scene.

"He is," said Johnny, pointing to Sonny still holding Carly's hand.

"Sir?" The paramedic touched Sonny's shoulder, trying gently to get his attention. "Sir, we need to take her to the hospital now. How far along is she?"

"What? Oh… uh, about five months. Twenty… maybe twenty-two weeks, I think? Yeah." Sonny wiped his eyes quickly with the back of his hand, but never looked away from Carly as he gave the requested information.

"Okay, sir? We're going to need to get her on the gurney now, so if you could please step away…"

"I'm not leaving my wife!"

_Is there a trace  
__Inside her face  
__Of a lonely miracle  
__And so you wait  
__And lie awake  
__For a lonely miracle_

"Of course not, sir. You can ride in the ambulance with her," the paramedic promised.

This calmed Sonny somewhat, and he finally released her. Johnny stepped forward to place a steadying hand on his boss and friend's shoulder, as they watched Carly being carefully lifted onto the gurney. As soon as she was in place, Sonny reached for her hand again. Holding on to her, he walked quickly to keep up as she was wheeled away. He spoke softly to her, whispering, "Don't be scared, sweetheart, I'm right here," all the way to the hospital.

_All you wanted was a…  
__All you needed was a miracle  
__A miracle  
__All you wanted was a…  
__All you needed was a miracle  
__A miracle_

Johnny decided he should follow the ambulance to the hospital in the limo and be there for Sonny. Reginald decided to check on Lila, to see if she had heard the commotion and, if so, figure out how to tell her what had happened. AJ decided that he was more sober after all that drama than anyone would ever want to be, but he had no intention of finding another vodka bottle to drown in right now. He surprised himself with how much he wanted to go to the hospital as well. Even with her keeping Michael away from him, he couldn't quite make himself hate Carly, though at times he had wished he could. But, truth was, he had always had a soft spot for her, and he certainly did not want her to die. Besides, she was very much beloved by the two most important people in his heart… his son, and…

_I have to call her. _He walked to the phone and picked up the receiver, dialing her cell number from memory.

_It's taken so long  
__To get it right  
__Could it be so wrong  
__To maybe find someone  
__A miracle_

"Hey, it's me… It's good to hear your voice, too… Look, I know we decided I shouldn't call anymore, but something's happened… It's Carly… She was here at the house and I found her at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious… I think she fell… I know, I know she's pregnant… I don't know how bad it is, but I was thinking I might go to the hospital and find out… Yeah, Sonny's there with her… I'm sure the guard or somebody would have called you, but I wanted to… I'm so sorry, baby, I know how close you are… Hey, hey, it's going to be all right… She's tough, you know that… So you're going to the hospital now? … I wish I could pick you up and take you, but I guess that wouldn't be smart… Yeah, I understand… I'll see you there, okay? … Just hold on, baby."

_Is there a trace  
__Inside her face  
__Of a lonely miracle  
__And so you wait  
__And lie awake  
__For a lonely miracle_

Though he felt a pain in his heart from hearing the woman he loved so obviously upset, his lips formed a small smile just from the passing of her name over them.

"Bye, Leticia."

(Lyrics - "Miracle," Vertical Horizon)


	18. Someday, Niño

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 18 - Someday, Niño

Why did hospitals have to be so _damn_ bright?

Sonny sat in the emergency waiting area, looking lost and broken, barely able to remember how he'd gotten there. He kept closing his eyes, trying to forget where he was… where she was… but the lights were so bright they kept screaming their way in, inside his head. The lights in a hospital, with the way they reflect off the sterile white walls, seem to have the ability to make any pain, physical or emotional, ten times more intense. It's enough to make a person's eyes water. But most people in hospitals always seem to be crying anyway, so it's hard to tell. Sonny was. All he could see was Carly on that table, doctors and nurses all around, and think how she had to be okay, because there was no existing anymore without her.

xxxxxxxxxx

When Carly was first rushed in, he was right there with her, still holding her hand. He had to be told several times to let her go so they could help her. He did so, numbly, and suddenly he was looking at her through the glass pane in the swinging doors. At first he couldn't look away, afraid that she'd just disappear. Then he had to look away, because it just hurt too much. After a while Tony had come out and started explaining Carly's condition, but the words just swirled around in Sonny's head… _placental abruption… cerebral contusion… bleeding… a concern. _He did hear Tony say that they were still picking up the baby's heartbeat, and Sonny was thankful, but he knew that couldn't mean everything was fine. Things were never that way for him… for the people he loved. He finally found enough voice to ask the question he wasn't sure he could hear the answer to.

"Could Carly die?"

"It could be life-threatening, yes."

Tony saw the fear in Sonny's eyes and actually felt sorry for him. No matter what he thought of him outside of that moment, right then Sonny was just a man threatened with the loss of the wife and child he obviously loved. Tony wanted to offer some reassurance.

"I promise we will do everything possible to help them both, Sonny."

Sonny had just nodded, looked at the floor then back up at Tony, while continually rubbing with his thumb the wedding ring that had only been on his hand for a day.

"Can I sit with her?"

"For a while."

Sonny sat by her bedside… holding her hand, laying his head gently on her stomach, trying to be close to the baby and give both of them strength… until Tony came in and asked him to step outside to talk. Sonny touched Carly's hair, then leaned over to kiss her forehead and whisper a shaky, heartfelt plea in her ear… "Don't leave me, please"… before following Tony out the doors.

The look on Tony's face told Sonny there was no good news to report; what he said only confirmed it. Apparently Carly's blood wasn't clotting properly. Five words rang loudest in Sonny's head…

"Carly's running out of time."

Sonny struggled to see through the haze of pure fear and hurt that clouded his vision and understand what was really being said. But he did understand. He just couldn't accept it.

"Can't you give her a transfusion or something? I mean, can't you…"

"It's not that simple, Sonny. I'm sorry, but the longer Carly continues this pregnancy, the less likely it is that she'll survive."

"Are you asking me to choose between Carly's life and our child's? No. No, what if… I know she's only a little over five months along, but there are incubators, right? I'll pay for whatever…"

"Sonny, I need you to hear me. The baby is still too young to be born, and Carly's body can no longer continue to support its life. Carly should be able to come out of all this just fine, but only if we act now."

Sonny felt like there was no longer breath in his body. He heard Tony all too well. "You need to take the baby," he stated rather than asked, his voice dead.

"We need your permission, yes."

Sonny closed his eyes and tried to only concentrate on the thought that Carly could be okay, on saving his wife's life, and not to think about the tremendous price. There was nothing else to be done. He should have known he wasn't meant to be a father. He used to know. She made him forget.

"Yeah," he said finally, with a tired nod of his head, feeling his heart break. "Do what you gotta do."

Tony nodded sympathetically, suddenly hit with memories of B.J. "Thank you, Sonny."

_Don't thank me for killing my child_, Sonny thought, but he simply said, "I need to see her first."

"That's fine, you can take a few minutes. I'll come get you when the surgeon is ready."

Sonny squeezed Tony's shoulder in thanks, surprising Tony once again with his humanity, and pushed through the doors to where Carly lay, hooked up to a frightening number of machines. A nurse attending to Carly looked at Sonny with sad eyes, knowing what was to come, and left him alone with his wife. He took his place next to her once again, holding her hand in both of his, and trying to figure out what it was he'd come there to say.

"Hey, Caroline. It's me again. Now, I know how hard you've been fighting, for you and for… the baby… to be okay and to stay here with me. And I want you to know, if I forget to tell you every day for the rest of our lives, how strong and how… just amazing I think you are. But sweetheart… I guess you can't really hear me, at least not so that you'll remember. But I wanted to, warn you somehow. Our baby…"

Sonny looked up at one of the machines, noting sadly the baby's lessening heartbeat.

"He can't… He can't be with us right now like we wanted. We're not gonna be able to hold him." Sonny paused to clear the emotion from his throat before he continued. "We're just gonna have to hold him in our hearts. I know it's not enough, not nearly. But, for now, it has to be. I let you all down… you, the baby, Michael. I was supposed to protect you, and look how long that promise lasted. I'm so sorry, Carly."

A couple of new tears fell from his eyes as he cradled her face with one hand.

"But… try not to worry about him. He's going to a good place, where he'll always be safe and happy and he'll never hurt. Maybe… maybe he was just too good for this world, you know?" He ran his thumb lightly across her cheekbone. "But not for you. You would have been the best mother, and he would have loved you so much. He does love you so much. And I think he gets to carry that with him, Carly. So you dream about him, okay?" he whispered lovingly, painfully. "You have one last dream about our boy."

Sonny stood slowly, on hollow legs, and prepared to leave, but stopped for one last chance to speak to his son.

"You were one of the two greatest miracles ever to happen to me. The other one was your mother. She gave me you, but… you gave me her, too. And I really need her… now more than ever. I guess God needs you too much right now and that's why you can't be with us. So we, uh… we have to not be sad, little one. Because it's just for now. We'll all be together again someday, niño."

He blew out a deep breath, wiped his eyes with his hand, and bent to kiss Carly's forehead once more.

"Stay strong, Mrs. Corinthos… and come back to me."

xxxxxxxxxx

Johnny looked with concern at his boss and - if they admitted it - friend, from across the waiting area. Sonny's entire world was crashing down, and there wasn't anything Johnny could do to make it better. He hadn't even come up to Sonny since he got to the hospital. He didn't have the perfect supportive words to offer, and he sensed Sonny wasn't in any frame of mind to hear them anyway. But he knew Sonny knew he was around, if he was needed.

Truly, Johnny was there for Carly herself as much as for Sonny. Johnny cared quite a bit for Carly. He considered her almost like a sister. Or maybe like your sister's hot best friend you have a crush on. She was the boss, but even when she was ordering him to do things… like go on a donut run… it was just like she was talking to a friend. And he couldn't even describe what she had done for Sonny. Sonny was actually happy… a highly unusual condition for a highly troubled man. But she had brought light and laughter and a delightful sort of chaos into his life. She'd given him a marriage and family and a reason to hope. Johnny didn't know if the words had been said, but he believed his bosses were in love. And he prayed that this tragedy only brought them closer together, rather than drove them apart.

"Johnny!"

Leticia ran up to her friend and coworker, out of breath and desperate for news. One look at his face and her shoulders slumped, her eyes already stinging.

"Carly…?"

Johnny spoke cautiously. "The doctors say Carly should be fine."

Leticia heard what he wasn't saying. "And the baby?"

Johnny looked down and shifted uncomfortably. "They, uh… they had to take the baby. She's in surgery now."

_Take the baby? _"Oh, God…"

They hugged, each knowing how hard this was for the other. Leticia pulled back, sniffling.

"I took Michael to my mother's. I had to see Carly and I knew I couldn't bring him here. She said she'd take care of him as long as we need."

"That's good."

"Speaking of mothers, is Bobbie here? Has anyone told her?"

"She wasn't on duty, no. But I think one of the nurses was trying to get in touch with her. I'm sure she'll be here soon. Hey, how did you know to come, anyway? I forgot to call you."

"Um…" Leticia thought of her phone call from AJ. But she couldn't give that answer. "Reggie told me," she fibbed.

Johnny seemed to accept that and she sighed quietly in relief. She felt horrible for lying at a time like this, but she couldn't help but want nothing more than to seek out the solace of AJ's arms.

"I think I'm going to go to the chapel for a while, okay?"

"Do you need company?"

"No, thanks, I'll be fine by myself. You stay here and keep an eye on Mr. Corinthos."

Johnny nodded and Leticia turned to leave, but stopped to observe Sonny… sitting with his head down and his eyes closed. They watched as he made the mistake of opening his eyes with his head still down and was greeted by the sight of his white shirt marked with Carly's blood. He trembled a little, clenched his fists, and closed his eyes again.

Leticia's heart wept for the man who had always been so kind to her, and she knew her best friend loved so much. He was so meant to be a father. Why was this happening to him again?

"Johnny, is he going to be all right?"

"I don't know… I really don't."

xxxxxxxxxx

Leticia walked down the relatively desolate hallway in the direction of the hospital chapel, her best friend's tragic loss hitting her harder and harder. The tears filling her eyes were making it difficult to see. Finally, she just stopped walking, instead semi-collapsing against a wall and turning to face it.

It was there he found her, holding onto the wall, still crying. He hated to see her cry.

She didn't realize he was there until he softly touched her shoulder and spoke her name.

"Leticia."

A small sob was swallowed by her gasp of surprise. Her pulse jumped at the sound of his voice. And when she looked up, she wanted to cry again from how much better she felt just to have him there.

"AJ," she breathed.

He took in the sight of her beautiful, tear-stained face and ached to hold her. He reached for her, but someone suddenly walked past and Leticia stepped back. It wasn't anyone who knew them, still it broke the moment slightly. AJ reached for her again, taking her hand this time. He walked a few doors down, Leticia following, and pulled them into an empty and dimly lit private waiting room. Turning to her, he touched her cheek and stroked away what was left of an old tear.

"Will you let me hold you now?" he asked.

She closed her eyes at his touch and melted at his words. "Please," she whispered, as she went into the arms she'd been waiting for.

He held her tightly, running his hand over her hair and down to her back, rocking her slowly and whispering that everything was going to be all right.

"I'm so glad you found me," she spoke against his shoulder.

"If you needed me, I was going to be here."

"You're right, I did need you… I do. But you're wrong about everything being all right. It's not all right, and it's not going to be."

"How is Carly?" AJ asked gently, not wanting to upset her more, and also not really wanting to hear the answer. He could tell from Leticia's emotional state that Carly's situation was as bad as he'd feared.

"Johnny said Carly should be okay. But…" She took a shaky breath and pulled back to look at him. "They had to take the baby. There's no baby anymore, AJ," she cried. "And I think I'm partly to blame."

"What? Leticia, what are you talking about? How could any of this be your fault?"

"Because I think Carly went to the mansion at least partly because of something I said to her earlier today."

"Leticia, Carly fell down the stairs. It was an accident. It doesn't matter why she was there, you can't possibly blame yourself…" He watched her shake her head and finally he gave in. "Okay, fine. I want to know what it is you said that you think caused all this."

She swallowed, praying that he would continue to disagree with her, even after she told him. "I think Carly went to talk to Reggie because I told her…"

"Told her…?"

"I told her that… he and I broke up."

AJ stopped breathing for a second, unsure of what he'd heard. "You and he… _what_?"


	19. Somewhere, Nowhere

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 19 - Somewhere… Nowhere…

"We broke up."

AJ put a hand to his head, but it couldn't stop the spinning he was feeling. He'd heard correctly. She and Reginald weren't together anymore. But why? Was he the reason? His heart was hopeful yet confused. They had decided they couldn't be together. They had decided to put their feelings for each other out of their minds, not that it had worked. AJ knew he shouldn't have gone along with it, but she had claimed she was happy with Reggie. He wanted happiness for her. But he couldn't help wanting it to be with _him_.

Leticia knew what he was thinking. She knew she had thrown him with the news of her breakup and that he had to be wondering what happened. She saw a far-off look come over his eyes and realized he was remembering that day they had, in effect, said goodbye. She had told him Reggie was who she really wanted. God, she had never told anyone, including herself, a bigger lie. She'd cried so much that Carly even commented that she looked like she'd been crying, and Leticia made up some lame excuse about having just seen a major tearjerker of a movie.

_Carly._

Her thoughts came sadly back to her best friend and the reason she was at the hospital, and Leticia felt guilty for even letting them wander to her own personal dramas. She looked at AJ, who was looking back at her, apparently awaiting further explanation.

"AJ, I can't. I'm sorry. All I can think about right now is Carly. Please don't ask me to get into talking about… us."

AJ saw the pain in her eyes and decided the answers he wanted would have to wait. Sighing and shaking his head, he took her hand once more and pulled her down to sit next to him on the nearby couch.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I know you need to focus on Carly now. But I'm still worried about you too. How can you possibly think you're responsible for what happened?"

"Because… I called her and told her Reggie and I broke up. Then she got upset at him, defensive of me, you know how she is."

"Her protectiveness of you is one of the things I actually like about her," AJ said sincerely but with a light tone.

"I know she must have gone over there to yell at him or something, so that means she was there because of me…"

"Wait a minute, what exactly got her so upset? Leticia, what did he do to you?"

"Nothing, AJ, calm down. It was mutual, okay? But, I told you, I can't…"

Leticia appeared on the verge of crumbling once again. AJ rubbed her shoulders and whispered soothingly, praying that he could hold her together. He prayed that he could be what she needed. He'd been a failure all his life, but he knew now that there was something he could be good at… loving her.

"Okay, I want you to look at me." He took her face in both hands and waited until her eyes focused completely on his. "First of all, Reginald told me Carly came to visit Grandmother. So that blows your little theory about it being all because of you."

Leticia's brow crinkled with a question, but she continued listening.

"Second, it doesn't matter why Carly was there. What happened was an _accident_. She fell. She got hurt. She lost the baby. It's horrible, okay, it's tragic… but still an accident. There's no way you could have known or stopped it from happening."

"You're right, it doesn't matter why," she spoke quietly.

AJ's face relaxed, thinking his words had gotten through. But she didn't mean quite what he hoped.

"All that matters is, my best friend is supposed to be starting her honeymoon right now, with her husband she just married yesterday. Instead she's lying in a hospital bed, unconscious. And what does she have to look forward to when she wakes up? The news that she and Sonny aren't having a baby anymore. She loves that baby so much, AJ. I don't know what this is going to do to her. And I don't know if there's anything I can do to help her."

"Just keep being her friend." AJ scratched his head in lack of something more perfect to say. "That's all the advice I can give. You know, I don't… I don't actually have any friends… except for you." He smiled and tucked a piece of her hair, wet with tears, behind her ear. "And I've never won any Mr. Sensitivity contests, so I probably shouldn't be giving out advice at all. But you have the most wonderful, beautiful heart of anyone I've ever known." Seeing the tears that loomed in her eyes again, this time from his touching words, he added, "Okay, maybe tied with my grandmother."

He smiled again as her tears spilled from the lightest of laughter.

"You do, that's why you're in so much pain for someone else right now. You're such a caring, compassionate person, Leticia. I've always been so happy that my son had you, because… well, sometimes it was hard for me to see the good in Carly. And I knew compassion wasn't a quality Michael was going to get from me," AJ sighed. "I guess… I guess I'm just trying to say that all you have to do for Carly to help her is be there, and be _you_. Listen to that beautiful heart."

_Listen to my heart? _Leticia thought that suggestion ironic, since all she could hear following his speech was her own heart pounding. She touched his face with a shaky hand and looked at him wistfully.

"Like I should have listened when it told me you were the one."

AJ did not respond with words, because it was not a question, but a statement of truth. He only laid his hand upon hers for a moment, before removing it from his cheek slowly, leaning forward even slower still, until his warm lips found her salty sweet ones, and pressed ever so softly.

It was a pure kiss of love and comfort, nothing frenzied or overheated about it. They remained almost still, simply sharing each other's breath, each other's space, the beat of each other's pounding heart. It had been so long since their last kiss… and since it had been a kiss goodbye, the memory so bittersweet… that every moment was to be savored. When it did finally end, he leaned back against the couch, pulling her closer to him, and her head came to rest on his chest. They remained quiet for several minutes until, now calmed, Leticia voiced something she had wondered earlier.

"When did Reggie tell you Carly was visiting Lila?"

"When we were waiting for the ambulance."

"That's right, I almost forgot you were the one who found her. I know you told me when you called, but I was in such a state of shock… Thank God you were there, AJ. Even if nothing could be done for the baby, you saved Carly's life."

"I wouldn't go thanking God for me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm sure Reginald would have come walking out of the kitchen, or Johnny would have come beating the door down to check on her before long."

"But it was you."

"Yeah, because all of a sudden, uh oh, my flask was empty, so I just had to sneak in from out back to get some more vodka." AJ sat up and looked away from her, not wanting to see her disappointment.

"Oh, AJ…"

"If Carly's alive because I can't stay on the wagon, what kind of fucked up sense does that make? If my child's mother lives because of the very same reason she won't let me near him?"

She turned his face back to her. "AJ, you know I hate your drinking. But it's only because I know how much it hurts you, mostly by keeping you from Michael. Don't use it as another reason to convince yourself you're not good enough, because feeling like that just sends you reaching for another drink." She wrapped her arms around him in a hug. "You are a good man."

He pulled back enough for her to see his expression of disbelief. He believed that she believed it, just not that it was true.

Leticia smiled reassuringly. "I'm just listening to my heart."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Mr. Corinthos?"

Sonny raised his head from his hands, blinking once more at the harsh hospital light that seemed designed to illuminate the harshness of reality. Unable to read the expression on the surgeon's face, he could only pray that his reality would be kind this time.

"I'm Dr. Iserman, I performed the…"

Unwilling to hear unnecessary introductions, he stood quickly and rushed to the doctor, despite his tired body, knowing the rest of his life lay in the next sentence the man uttered. "How is my wife?"

Finally the doctor smiled. "Your wife is doing just fine, Mr. Corinthos. The procedure went very smoothly, no complications. The two of you should have no problems conceiving another child in the future."

Sonny didn't quite know how to feel after hearing those words. Mostly, of course, he felt able to breathe once again, knowing that Carly was okay. But, something about the way the doctor said "no complications" ate at his heart. _Yeah, no complications, we just lost our child. _

Dr. Iserman was only trying to be positive, Sonny knew, as when he said they could have more children. This too filled Sonny with mixed emotions… the sad thought of trying to _replace_ the baby only just taken from them, the fear that maybe he could lose still another child, as well as the desperate hope that he and Carly would indeed have more children, and the love he already felt for just the idea of a little one with her eyes. But, he simply shook the doctor's hand and said, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. She's heavily medicated and will be sleeping for quite a while, but if you'd like to sit with her, you can go on in."

Sonny watched the man walk away, then turned to the door that led to Carly. He placed his hand against it with intent, but something kept him from pushing it open. He just couldn't do it. He wanted to be with her, but he couldn't face her this time, even if she was still asleep. Suddenly, his hand sprang off the surface of the door as if it burned, and he started walking somewhere… maybe nowhere… fast.

Johnny began to follow him, and Sonny waved him away angrily, yelling.

"Damn it, Johnny! Stop! You don't have to follow me around or be with me every second! I don't need a babysitter!"

Johnny stopped and nodded dutifully, accepting that Sonny apparently needed time alone.

But Sonny's demeanor changed immediately, softening, as he asked Johnny to do him a very important favor.

"Sorry, I just… I have to go for a little bit. She's gonna be okay, but, uh… Would you stay with her for me? I don't want her to feel left. You don't have to go in. Just stay close by, maybe look through the glass and say a prayer for her?"

Johnny nodded again, giving assurance to his boss' watery eyes as he replied, "You didn't even have to ask."

Sonny's eyes thanked Johnny through the layer of tears, and then the guard watched him make his way down the corridor, past nurses who looked at him with sympathy. Even a young patient, out taking a "drive" in his wheelchair, knew instinctively from one glance at Sonny's face that he would not choose to trade his physical pain for this dark man's emotional hell.

Johnny occupied the space where Sonny had stood, in front of Carly's door. He could just see the profile of her face through the pane of glass, and he remained there as he was trained to do… standing, watching, and waiting.

xxxxxxxxxx

Just a ways across the floor, Tony was saying goodbye to another patient. Chloe Morgan had grown much too familiar with GH as of late. She and Jax had just returned from a trip to Brussels, a bit early due to her worsening headaches. Having gone through a new round of tests, she was leaving armed with a new prescription and an ever-protective Jax by her side. In thanking Dr. Jones, she found herself looking towards Johnny, who she recognized from seeing him around town with Sonny and Carly.

"Isn't that one of Sonny Corinthos' bodyguards? Did something happen?" Chloe asked Tony. Her natural first thought was that maybe Sonny had been shot. _God, what that would do to Carly… _

"Where is Carly?"

Tony looked down for a moment before answering Chloe. "Carly took a pretty serious fall down a flight of stairs tonight."

"Oh, no… But she'll be all right, won't she?"

"Carly should recover just fine, yes," Tony replied, after a slight pause.

"And her baby?"

The pause and the look down were longer this time. "Take care of yourself," was all he said before he nodded goodbye and walked away.

Chloe's hand went to her heart at what Tony didn't say. "Poor Carly and Sonny. They just got married yesterday, Jax. To have this happen…"

He wrapped her in his arms. "It's a terrible tragedy."

"Carly and I aren't extremely close, but I do like her, and I do know how much she wanted this baby. Sonny, too. When he talked to me about what he wanted for Carly's wedding dress, I could tell how deeply he cares for her and how much he was looking forward to…"

As Jax listened to the woman he loved speak so admiringly of the man he hated, he just couldn't help but say something. It was only muttered, but as they were still in mid-hug, Chloe heard every word.

"He's not here, though, is he?"

She pulled away immediately. "Jax! I know you don't like Sonny, but could you be at least a little sensitive? The man just lost his child."

"I know, and I'm sorry for that."

"Are you?" Chloe looked at Jax's eyes carefully. "Or are you thinking that child is better off?"

Jax couldn't answer her.

"Unbelievable," she sighed sadly. "I don't even know what to say, that is so wrong. And as for Sonny not being here, how do you know? He could be by her bedside right at this moment. Or maybe he's in the hospital chapel praying. Or maybe he's with Carly's son Michael, trying to explain why Mommy isn't at home. Or maybe he's just somewhere trying to figure out how to be strong for his wife, and how to keep them both going when they feel like their life's been blown apart. I think he's allowed that much." Chloe was fired up now, and her heart still heavy for the Corinthos family. "What do you know?… I guess I did know what to say, after all."

"Chloe…" Jax attempted to reach out to her, but she had her eyes fixed in Johnny's direction.

"He looks sad, too."

Jax chose to ignore her observation. "Come on, let's go home and forget all this. You need to rest. This stress isn't good for you."

"Somehow I don't think it's good for Carly or Sonny, either. But they don't get a choice, do they, Jax? Let's go talk to the guard and give our condolences."

"We're not conversing with one of Sonny Corinthos' hired thugs, Chloe, I don't care how sorry you feel for these people."

Chloe felt worse than he realized. Though her headache had begun to fade, she was facing a different kind of pain… that of seeing the man she loved in a new and far from flattering light. She knew he hated Sonny, courtesy of the whole history with Brenda thing. But the insensitivity he was displaying still shocked her.

"Jax, I love you… though at the moment I feel like I don't even know you. But I don't have to agree with you, and you don't get to speak for me." She looked once more at Johnny, then back at Jax. "I'll meet you at home, Jax, and we can talk some more. But right now I have something to do."

With that, Chloe turned and strode towards Johnny. Jax was left speechless. When his mental functions returned, he contemplated running after her and pulling her away, but he knew she just couldn't understand why he felt so strongly about this, and to do so would surely only upset her further. So, tightening his jaw in frustration at the sight of Chloe next to Sonny's paid muscle, he got on the elevator and jabbed angrily at the down button. But, even in anger, Jax was confident that by the time Chloe came home she would know that he was right.

Meanwhile, an ever alert guard had whirled around at having his shoulder tapped.

"Oh, I'm sorry to creep up on you like that."

Johnny exhaled, even smiled slightly upon seeing who it was. "Not generally a good idea. But it's okay."

"You're Johnny, right? I'm Chloe Morgan."

"Yes, that's right. And I know. I mean, hello, Miss Morgan." Johnny couldn't believe she knew his name.

"I wanted to come over because… Well, Dr. Jones told me about what happened to Carly. I just wanted to let her know how sorry I am, for her and Sonny… and you, too," she added. His expression might have appeared blank to most, but she noted the worry there.

"She's asleep now, but I'll make sure to tell her you…"

When her mention of him caused him to look at her in surprise, she simply said, "You're hurting for them."

Johnny swallowed. "Carly and Sonny have been really good to me."

"Where is Sonny, by the way?"

"I don't know. He was about to go in to sit with Carly again after her surgery, then all of a sudden it was like he couldn't deal with it. He said he had to go, and he asked me to stay near her. I don't know where he went. The only thing I know for sure is that no one hurts like Sonny does, and even he's never hurt like he has today."


	20. Regrets

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 20 - Regrets

For such a sinner, Sonny was a religious man. He attended church regularly, and he had somehow managed to hold on to the faith his mother had instilled in him as a child. As hard as it was to reconcile with the way he had made a life for himself, he called on it still… to wash his soul enough, make him human enough, to be able to keep going… and now also to be what his family needed. But every time he entered one of God's houses, as he now entered the hospital chapel, he couldn't help but half expect to burst into flames.

Sonny walked with heavy footsteps to one of the front pews and sat down. He wasn't even sure why he was there. Did he come to thank God for saving his wife's life? To rage at God for killing another innocent baby, that he never even got to hold, as a means of punishing him? Maybe to do both? What kind of sense did that make?

None. Nothing made any sense anymore.

He knew he should be with Carly at that moment, but instead he had run like the coward he was. How could he let himself sit with her, hold her hand, when he had already broken his most important promise… to keep her and the baby safe? Carly had almost died, and their child… the force that had united them, the little miracle they came to dream of raising together… was gone. And Sonny experienced the familiar, yet never lessening, feeling of his heart being ripped out once again. He felt pain, he felt sadness, but what was gripping him most fiercely right now was fear.

It was the fear that kept him out of Carly's room… fear of the look in her eyes when she realized what had happened… and the fear of having no idea what to say to her when she woke up. Would she even want him anywhere near her when she did? Or would he be just a painful reminder of what they had lost? He would do his best to be strong and do whatever she needed, but he truly thought it would kill him if she turned away from him.

"I don't know if I'm strong enough for this, God," Sonny finally prayed quietly. "I know they say you never give people more than they can handle, but I don't believe that. I survived Deke, yeah… Mike leaving… losing my mother, and Stone, and Lily and our baby, and Brenda… and getting shot and breaking down, but this is different. Maybe you figured you could take my child and I'd be okay, since you did it before. And you know what, I probably will live through. But… I don't know how I'm gonna survive the tears in Carly's eyes. I can already see them there. And it breaks me apart… to think of her hurt. See, that's what gets me." Sonny clenched his hands into fists until his knuckles went almost white, as a tear made its way down his cheek. "I get why you would do this to someone like me. But not to Carly. She's not perfect, but she is so…" _Special… Beautiful… Amazing. _"She would have been such a great mother to our…"

Sonny's mind drifted to too many memories of Carly excited about the baby… Showing him the sleeper and the little T-shirt… Talking to Michael about how he was going to have a brother to play with and look out for… Sonny even caught her singing a lullaby to her stomach one time when she didn't know he was listening. He had thought he would hold onto to that memory forever, but instead he shut his eyes so tightly that everything faded to black, and shook his head roughly back and forth, trying to shake the image from his soul. At last he stopped, dizzy from the weight of the day and his own desperation. He knew it wouldn't work.

"Please God, for Carly… Help me help her somehow. Give me the words to help me take care of her. There's nobody stronger than Carly, believe me, I know. But that's mostly because she had to be, kinda like me. She shouldn't have to be that strong all the time."

Sonny's hands gripped the back of the pew in front of him and he leaned back, his bleary red eyes focusing upward, where he directed his intense whisper.

"Don't you try and break her… I won't let you."

xxxxxxxxxx

"They're more than just employers… You consider them friends, don't you?"

"Well… it's not like we hang out or anything." Johnny's mind couldn't quite wrap around the idea of 'hanging out' with Sonny and Carly, though Carly had tried to invite him in to breakfast with them more than once. "I mean, I am with them pretty much all the time, but I'm always working. But… yes. Carly's always been nice to me, even before she started being nice to Sonny… Way before, actually."

Johnny and Chloe smiled at the humor in that as he continued.

"And Sonny's always been a good boss, a fair boss. And I'm pretty sure he trusts me, as much as he can anyone who's not Jason. But ever since Carly came into his life… he's just been happier, so he's even, you know, joked with me a couple of times…"

"Sonny?"

"Shocked the hell out of me too," Johnny laughed, then stopped abruptly when his gaze landed on Carly through the window. He looked guiltily down. "I guess he won't be joking again anytime soon."

"Hey," Chloe spoke soothingly, reaching for Johnny's hand. "Anytime you find something to smile about, don't force it away… And Sonny," she sighed, "Sonny and Carly will make it through this, because they have each other to hold on to."

Johnny seemed to just be staring at her, and finally she asked him why. "It's just that most people in this town would think they don't have a reason to stay together anymore."

"Most people would be wrong, wouldn't they? Even without being at that wedding, I know there's more to their relationship than the baby."

"I just hope they know it, too." Johnny squeezed Chloe's hand, which for some reason she was still letting him hold.

Chloe joined Johnny in silently watching Carly through the glass for a few minutes, and then she turned to him. "Do you think you know where Sonny is?"

"Yeah, I have a pretty good idea," he responded solemnly.

"I think you should go to him. Talk to him and ask him to come back. I have a feeling he'll regret it if Carly wakes up and he's not here."

"He was in pretty bad shape when he left. I don't know if he'll listen to me. It's not really my place…"

"Just try. Chances are he could use a friend… and that's what you are."

Johnny nodded at this sweet and beautiful woman in front of him. "You're right. But, I promised I'd stay here with her. Sonny wanted someone who cares about her close by. There are other guards here, I know, and they all adore Carly, but it's not the same."

"They're here as guards, working… You're here as a friend, who just happens to be a guard?"

"Something like that."

"Well, I'll be here," Chloe offered. "And I care about Carly. Does that help?"

Johnny marveled. He knew she liked Carly, but he couldn't believe that she had stayed talking to him for so long. He never would have thought she was planning to still be around by the time he (hopefully) brought Sonny back. "Not to be too personal, Miss Morgan…"

"Have I not asked you to call me Chloe yet? Please."

"Chloe," he said unsurely at first, then decided he loved saying it. "Chloe, won't…" he paused to clear his throat, "Mr. Jax be expecting you?" He found he said "Mr. Jax" in an oddly forced way. Apparently he had picked up Sonny's distaste for the egomaniac Australian. Johnny hoped Chloe didn't notice.

The powers of observation and attention to detail that made her a world-class designer also made her very good at reading people, and she in fact did notice, and filed it away for future pondering. For the moment, all she could do was close her eyes briefly at the mention of Jax, remembering his callous behavior… and then, upon opening her eyes, say to Johnny, "This is where I want to be."

"Thank you," he replied softly, finally releasing her hand that had felt so warm in his. "Wish me luck," he called over his shoulder as he turned and began walking away.

"Luck," she called back with just a slight smile, which faded slowly as she thought of what Sonny and Carly must have gone through in this day… and how the worst part, at least for Carly, still lay ahead. Conflicting thoughts about Jax also fluttered around her mind, with thoughts of Johnny now added to the swirl… his soft-spoken pain and beautiful sad smile. She was just heading to one of the nearby couches to sit and collect herself a bit, when the voice of a frightened mother began to grow loud in the hospital… a mother named Bobbie Spencer.

"Where is my daughter?! Where is she?! I want to see her!!!"

Chloe stood quickly to intercept Bobbie, who came around the corner so fast they almost collided. The look on Bobbie's face was horrible… stretched tight with fear, eyes wild and panicked. Chloe touched her arm and she jumped, but then grasped Chloe's arms in the manner of clinging to a life preserver, so glad to have found someone who seemed willing to tell her something.

"Bobbie, try to calm down, okay?" Chloe said gently, not sure what exactly Carly's mother knew.

"Chloe, where is she? They said she was brought into the ER, I didn't even give them a chance to… Please, tell me what happened!" Bobbie implored, still far from calm.

Chloe looked reluctantly over to the room that held Carly, which was really just a few feet away, walking closer so that Bobbie could follow her. Reaching the door, Bobbie's eyes fell to the pane of glass… that allowed her to see her daughter's unmoving body on the other side.

"Oh my God," she cried, hand to mouth. "My baby girl."

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Johnny stepped inside the small hospital chapel and found it empty, save for one hunched, wretched figure sitting in the second row. He walked closer, all the way to the front, and sat in the pew before Sonny. Even after turning to face him, Johnny wasn't sure Sonny knew anyone was there, until he raised his dark head slowly, mumbling.

"How'd you find me?"

"I knew you wouldn't go far from her."

Sonny nodded slightly to himself, and straightened up suddenly in his seat to really look Johnny in the eye. "Did you come because… something else went wrong? Is she, is she okay? Tell me, Johnny!"

"She's okay." He waited until Sonny's posture relaxed and he could see the man take a breath again before saying anything else. Johnny took a deep breath himself. "And I'm not here to be your babysitter, Sonny, or certainly not to try and tell you what to do. But I think it's time you went back. I don't know how much longer she'll be sleeping, but you know that if she wakes up without you there you'll regret it."

"I'll regret it, huh?"

A part of Sonny knew that Johnny was right, but the other part was taking those last words of his sentence and running with them to the dark places.

"Tell me, Johnny, why… if you have such insight into me, what I'll regret and what I won't," he spoke in a voice almost mocking, low and gravelly from tears and exhaustion. "…why you didn't warn me about all the regrets I would have today!" Sonny shot up and away from Johnny, raging, pacing like a caged animal. "Regret that I let her go to that stupid house! Regret that I didn't go with her! Regret that I didn't just sweep her off to the airport this morning, to leave right away when she asked!" He softened. "We're supposed to be starting our honeymoon right now, still planning for September when the baby comes." His voice broke. "Would have come. So, huh," he laughed once, without humor. "I have a few regrets already."

Johnny took Sonny's anger, knowing that it was all really directed inwards, just with so much force that it was spilling over onto him. He wanted Sonny to yell at him… first, to let as much pain as he could out… and second, because even without sharing Sonny's talent for self-blame, he felt that he should have prevented this. Yes, his job was pretty much to protect Carly from Sonny's enemies, meaning men with guns, not a flight of stairs. But if he had insisted on staying inside the Quartermaine mansion, at least he would have been right there when she fell. To catch her before she made it all the way down? To call 911 faster? He didn't know what he could have done, but damn he would have tried.

"I'm sorry, Sonny," he said, meaning so in more than one way. _Sorry I upset you worse… Sorry about the baby… Sorry either one of you has to hurt like this… Sorry if I let you down… as a guard… as a friend. _

Sonny's hand rubbed his forehead hard, as if to relieve a tension he knew well was permanent. "No, no, I didn't mean to…" He looked shamefully at his loyal man, Carly's favorite guard, and tried to do something he wasn't used to doing… apologize. "Johnny, I'm sorry," he said quietly. "And I want to go back. I just, I don't know how… how I'm gonna face her when she wakes up. As much as I want to see those brown eyes again. What am I gonna say to her?"

"I don't know," Johnny admitted. "But she's probably gonna be confused, and she'll need somebody to tell her. Do you want that to be you, her husband? Or Dr. Jones?"

Sonny blinked, hit by Johnny's words, realizing he was right. His wife needed him. "Let's go."

xxxxxxxxxx

"I know you want to go see how she's doing, too, but we should probably head that way separately, don't you think?"

"Yeah… Are you sure it's even okay that I'm here? Maybe I should go."

"AJ, you have a lot of right to be here." Leticia cupped his face as she reassured him. "Regardless of what you said before about me not thanking God for you, you are a hero."

AJ shook his head, completely unused to anyone praising him. She was something else. "I just want her to be okay… you know, as much as she can be."

"I know." She smiled warmly at him, a smile that wanted to turn into another kiss, but she stopped herself. Before, it was greatly comfort, but this time she knew she would only start thinking about what it meant for them. And too much was going on right now. "Go ahead. I'll follow in a few minutes."

"Okay, if you're sure. You think Johnny will actually tell me something?"

"Like I said, I'll be there in a few minutes." She squeezed his shoulder. "Go on."

AJ took her hand from his shoulder and kissed it, then turned and walked out of the room, into the hall… and straight into Sonny and Johnny.

"Whoa, sorry." AJ took in their serious, sad faces… Sonny looking even more destroyed with the time that had passed since they had all left the Q mansion. "Hey."

Sonny narrowed his eyes, not understanding why AJ was talking to them or why they had to put up with the bastard now of all times. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I just, you know, wanted to check on Carly."

"How did you know she was here?" Sonny growled, suspicious, getting in AJ's space.

_This could be trouble_, thought Johnny. For the first time, Johnny realized that… not only had Sonny been so consumed with grief about the baby and worry over Carly that he hadn't yet demanded the circumstances of what had happened at the mansion… Sonny had been so wrapped up in his wife that he hadn't even known or remembered AJ was there.

AJ took a small step back from the wild look in Sonny's eyes. "What, what do you mean? I was there. I was right there when you ran in…"

"Sonny, before you…" Johnny began.

Too late, Sonny already went there. He grabbed AJ's collar, semi-slamming him into the wall and holding him there… the second time that had happened to AJ that day.

"What did you do, you son of a bitch?" Sonny yelled, with as much venom and volume as was possible through gritted teeth.

Before Johnny could even debate whether or not he should try to pull Sonny off of AJ, or AJ could struggle to say anything in his defense, another made their presence known.

"He saved Carly's life, that's what!"

Sonny released AJ in surprise at Leticia's sudden appearance and declaration. "What are you talking about?"

"Sonny," she said gently, unable to be angry at this man in so much pain. "Carly fell down the stairs at the mansion. She just fell, as simple and terrible as that. AJ found her. He got Reggie to call 911. He got Johnny from the limo. He stayed by her side, talking to her, until you got there. That's why he's here."

There was silence for a few moments while what Leticia said was absorbed. Sonny couldn't believe it was true, but why else would Leticia say it? AJ was so amazed and proud that she had defended him like that, but he and she both hoped she hadn't said too much. Johnny watched the two exchange a secret glance and started thinking he'd been right when he'd had that first crazy suspicion.

If Sonny was actually about to offer an apologetic word to AJ… and it's doubtful… he never got a chance. The air was pierced by a loud scream. Could have been any female, but Sonny knew.

"Carly!"

All four rushed towards the heartbreaking sound, indeed bringing them to Carly's room. They joined Chloe, Bobbie, and Tony, all simultaneously trying to find out what was wrong with her. Sonny barreled right for the door, a frantic mother and concerned doctor right behind him. Everyone else seemed to know they should stay outside, so AJ and Leticia and Johnny and Chloe headed for the couches, sat, and waited.

Inside, Carly's screams were weakening somewhat, but now they were half sobs. Sonny was sitting by her side in an instant, stroking her hair even as she thrashed her head around, and trying to calm her. When he first heard her scream, he had thought she was awake. But now he saw that she was still sleeping, and trapped in some terrifying nightmare. He knew all about those, and he wanted to free her from hers.

"Carly, wake up! Wake up, sweetheart," he told her, squeezing her hand with one of his, and tapping her cheek with the other. "It's okay, nothing's gonna hurt you."

_Liar_, he thought.

Bobbie stood near the door, watching her daughter and crying. Tony was on Carly's other side, checking her heart rate, which was quite accelerated. He said something to both Sonny and Bobbie about giving Carly a mild sedative, just as Carly began to wake. She was crying, "No! No, come back! I'm sorry!"… But once she heard Sonny's voice and opened her eyes enough to see his beautiful face, she finally started to calm. Tony had already injected the sedative into her IV, but she hadn't even noticed that she had an IV. She didn't notice Tony or Bobbie or that she was in the hospital. Only Sonny.

"Hey you," she whispered.

She actually smiled at him. How was he gonna get through this? "Hey," he smiled back.

"God… I'm sorry I was making such a fuss. I was having the most awful dream." Another tear fell as she remembered it. "Well, it started out as a really good dream, but then it… changed."

"You want to tell me?" He massaged her hand comfortingly, vaguely aware of Tony and Bobbie leaving the room so Sonny and Carly could be alone.

She really didn't think he should hear it, but she was still pretty emotional and wanted to get it out of her head. "Well… at first it was just, like, a bunch of happy thoughts… of you and me, Michael, and the baby… So beautiful, he looked just like his daddy."

Sonny swallowed hard to stifle a cry that wanted to rip from his throat.

"We were watching them play at the park… We were having a picnic… We were having dinner at home… Oh, I do remember that Michael wanted to know why the baby couldn't slurp spaghetti."

She smiled, and Sonny tried his hardest to do the same, for her.

"But then, it was like all the happy little scenes were playing at once in my head. And in each one, the baby… disappeared. And we'd look for him, and call for him, and… he was just gone."

Her tears were coming back and Sonny could feel his on the way.

"And… you know that nightmare I woke you up from that time? The one where Lily was standing on the stairs holding your baby, waving goodbye?"

"Yeah." He was afraid of what was coming next.

"I was the one standing at the top of the stairs this time. And I was holding our baby. And I didn't see you, but I knew you were there somewhere, so I was calling to you and waving hello."

"And then?"

The sedative was taking effect, so her voice grew smaller. "I fell… all the way down to the floor. And when I picked myself up, and looked in my arms and all around me, the baby was gone."

Her voice choked and her face grew slicker with tears every time she talked about the baby being gone. And she thought she was only talking about a dream.

"And then you were there," she continued. "But you just looked at me like… I don't know."

"Like what?"

Her eyes fluttered with exhaustion. Her heart hurt to say the words. Actually, she was realizing her whole body hurt. "Like you blamed me."

"Oh, Carly." _Never… Not ever._

"It's okay, don't worry. I know it's not real. We have our baby safe right here…"

She sleepily slid a hand down to her stomach and… Something was wrong. Oh God, something was very, very wrong.

"Sonny?" she squeaked. Her eyes opened wide, despite the sedative, and suddenly she was taking in the entire setting… the bright lights, the medicinal smell, the IV in her arm… the fact that her body was in pain… the haunted look in Sonny's eyes. "Sonny, what happened??" She fought for answers, even though the sedative was taking its toll once more. "Please tell me," she begged sleepily. "You have to tell me…"

Sonny gathered up every ounce of inner strength he possessed. He knew she already knew in her heart, but that didn't mean it would be any easier. His thumbs swept away her tears as they spilled from her eyes. He held her hand tightly in both of his, bringing it to his lips and holding it there for a while before he could speak.

"Caroline, you had an accident… a bad fall. You got hurt pretty bad. And the baby…"

"Say it," she implored, voice trembling.

"The baby didn't make it."

Sobs sprang from Carly's throat anew, though shallow, as the sedative was pulling her further under. Her body felt too heavy to move and her mind was clouding. But her heart felt the fresh stab wound, every nuance of the pain that losing her baby brought. She was frustrated, needing to go crazy, to cry and scream. But all she could do was drift on the edge of sleep, her face wet, and mutter denials.

"No, it's not true… It was just a dream… Dreams can't hurt you, remember… Our baby is okay, he's okay… Where… where is he?"

All her husband could do was listen… dying slowly inside… praying for answers that wouldn't come.


	21. Watching Her Drown

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 21 - Watching Her Drown

Silence. Sadness. The empty.

It stretched between them in the limo all the way from GH to Harborview Towers. On their way home, Sonny and Carly still felt lost… wanting to comfort each other, but floating in their own worlds of grief and painful introspection. His hand rested clasped in hers in the middle of the seat, but their bodies sat a mile apart. Their tired, sad eyes stared out opposite windows, thoughts greatly of each other.

Occasionally, Sonny's eyes would drift to his wife, and he was almost glad that her head was turned too far away for him to see the pain in her face. He hated that he didn't know how to help her. How could he help anyone? He'd always been damaged, and now more than ever. God, she had cried so much at the hospital. Even as she slept, tears still fell from beneath her closed lids. He was so afraid she was having more nightmares and was too drugged to escape from them. He stayed up for hours, by her side, wiping each tear away, before falling asleep with his head against her shoulder. She seemed so purely lost and sad the next day. She spoke rarely, and also more slowly and softly than he had ever known of Carly… like whatever inside her that was still holding her together would break if she spoke louder. It broke his heart. She hardly ever looked him in the eye, and she tensed when he went to hold her. But she would always reach for his hand, in fact seemed unwilling to let go, and he felt relieved she was not retreating completely.

_I just want to feel safe in my own skin  
__I just want to be happy again_

Carly hoped she was doing a good job of pretending she still felt human, for Sonny's sake. But she really felt like that doctor had cut out her soul when he took her baby from her. She felt… everything and nothing all at once. She didn't even know how that was possible, to know pain so extreme that it makes you numb, hollow… yet you continue to hurt. How is it possible to experience so much emotion all at once and know that you are dead inside? Part of her wanted to rage at the world, while part of her wanted nothing more than to disappear from the world. Sometimes she wanted to hit Sonny, find a way to blame Sonny, and at the same time wanted nothing more than to hold and kiss him forever. But, at that moment, Carly was just trying to deal with her fear of the limo ride's end. Sadly, she had still more to lose.

_I just want to feel deep in my own world  
__But I'm so lonely  
__I don't even want to be with myself anymore_

Even without a view of her face, Sonny could feel the sadness and confusion radiating from her. Not a word had been spoken since they left the hospital. He didn't know what to say. He prayed things would somehow be easier once they got home, that there they could help each other. In the meantime, Sonny tugged gently on the hand he held, trying to encourage her towards him. Carly turned her head slightly, looking quickly at Sonny and then down, but allowed her body to move to sit next to him. With his free hand, he carefully… waiting to see if she flinched or moved away… guided her head to rest upon his shoulder. There was something sad in their awkwardness, but neither could deny the small sense of comfort the contact did provide them. They rode like that, unmoving… still silent, yet the empty not quite so threatening… the rest of the way home.

xxxxxxxxxx

The door to PH4 opened, and for a moment it was like Sonny and Carly had stepped back into another time… one that seemed a life ago, but was amazingly just a matter of days. The last time they were there they had been so happy. They had let themselves get caught up, like fools, giggling over secret honeymoon plans and dreaming of their future. Their future together and with their child. Their child who no longer existed.

Carly was flooded by sensations both welcome and excruciating. As her eyes took in the familiar surroundings, she remembered various conversations with Sonny regarding the baby that had taken place in nearly every inch of the penthouse. She looked toward his desk and could feel the memory of his arms around her waist as they stood there that last perfect morning. His hands on her still rounded stomach.

_I know I was stupid to think it could all last, but why my baby? Sonny's baby? This wasn't supposed to happen to him again. I wanted to give him his son. But I knew all along, didn't I? I knew this wasn't meant for me. Why did I let myself get so happy?_

She flashed onto a memory from the day before the wedding…

x

_His lips brushed hers like silk on satin, pulling her in with their heat, and deepening the kiss slowly. She snuggled her body fully into his until she was on his lap. His hands cradled her face… God, how she loved when he did that._

_He pulled back and raised a teasing eyebrow at her. "So… does this mean you are happy?"_

_She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm happy, dammit!! I probably shouldn't be saying it out loud, but yes! Okay, where's the bolt of lightning?" _

x

At the moment Carly's own words played in her head, she felt something akin to a strike of lightning hit her heart, her womb, and she let out a cry.

Sonny was right by her side and instantly reached for her, trying to see into her eyes, asking what was wrong. But she just shook her head and pulled away, walking towards the fireplace, breathing slowly and deeply.

"Carly, tell me what's wrong," he pleaded. "Do you need to go back to the hospital? Carly, ba-…" Sonny stopped short at calling her "_baby_," now afraid to say the word. "Sweetheart," he tried again, "please."

_on a different day, if I was safe in my own skin  
__then I wouldn't feel lost and so frightened_

She heard the desperation in his voice, and his careful avoidance of an endearment that used to only make her heart soar with joy. He was still being so good to her. She felt so guilty for so many things, including the way she was already distancing herself. She had almost hoped he wouldn't care. But he seemed to. And she couldn't just shut him out.

"I'm fine, Sonny," Carly responded, turning and managing to return his gaze. She saw the doubt and concern, and she amended her words. "I mean, I don't need to go to the hospital. That's the last place I want to be." She mumbled the last part.

Sonny was still half ready to signal Johnny to get the car, but Carly had answered truthfully enough. Physically she was fine, except for some slight residual pain she knew was normal, and that intense but fleeting moment of emotional trauma manifesting itself in her body.

He walked just a step or two closer, not wanting to crowd her. "Okay, if you're sure." Another step closer. "You should still rest, though. Why don't you sit down here on the couch? I could make you some lunch. I bet, after hospital food, you'd even be willing to eat something green," Sonny tried to joke. He forced a semi-smile, hoping to coax one from his beautiful wife's lips, but to no avail.

"Where's Michael?" Carly asked, pretty much ignoring Sonny's attempts at taking care of her.

"He and Leticia are still at your mother's. I wasn't sure, you know, what you'd want to deal with as far as other people were concerned. But I can call right now and get them over here."

Carly looked at him as if he were slow. "Michael's not 'people,' Sonny, he's my son. Yes. Call." Before he could even start to dial, she grabbed the phone from his hand. "Tell Leticia not to let Bobbie come with them. I can't handle her apologizing anymore. It's not like I was even conscious before she got to the hospital, or anything. It's stupid. And it's not her fault her car broke down."

"That she forgot her cell?"

"Maybe that."

She handed him back the phone wearily, almost like speaking four sentences in a row had been too much for her. It was probably the most she'd spoken since waking up in the hospital and insisting through drugs and tears that the baby couldn't be gone.

"I'm gonna… go upstairs for now. Let me know when Michael's home."

"Sure. I'll call, then I'll make you something to eat and bring it up to you."

"I'll eat after I've seen my son," Carly said flatly, and started for the staircase. Sonny stopped her with a hand on her arm, to press a gentle kiss to her cheek. She allowed it, and even allowed herself to close her eyes and love the feeling, briefly… before turning and walking quickly to and up the stairs.

_but this is today and I'm lost in my own skin  
__and I'm so lonely  
__I don't even want to be with myself anymore_

Sonny made the call, and then… nothing else to do but fix himself a drink at the bar… headed to the kitchen.

xxxxxxxxxx

"How's she doing?" Leticia asked, as she entered the penthouse.

"I don't know," Sonny sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I don't even know how I'm doing. But it's not good. And I… I can't even imagine what it's like for her. She had that life inside of her, you know? And now it's just gone… in more ways than one," he trailed off sadly.

Let's heart hurt for her friend, both of them. "Should I take him upstairs to her?" She gestured towards her own shoulder where Michael, for the moment, was napping.

"Yeah, she was pretty anxious to see him. But…"

"Yes?"

"Do you think he understood… you know, when you told him… about the baby? I mean, I don't know what you said."

"I told him God picked out his baby brother to be a special angel, to watch over all of us from heaven."

Sonny blinked back the sting of tears. "Thanks. But, you know, you really shouldn't have had to do that in the first place. I'm his family. It was my responsibility… I just don't know how I would have gotten through it."

"Sonny, Carly is like a sister to me. That makes Michael much more than just my job. I love you guys, and you're going through hell. If I can take a tiny bit of it on myself, I want to."

He nodded appreciatively at her. "Does that mean you'd say no to a raise?"

"I would say 'not acceptable at this time.'"

"When would you accept one?"

"When you two are able to smile again."

And, at that, he almost smiled. Seeing Michael's little red head start to lift, Sonny reached out for him. "C'mere, buddy. I know you want to see Carly, Leticia, but I'll take him to her for now, if you don't mind. I made some lunch, so why don't you take a break, go in the kitchen and have a snack?"

"No problem. You give your wife, my best friend, a big hug from me, okay?"

Sonny nodded again as she walked to the kitchen… he, to the stairs with Michael… and he thought, _If my wife will let me touch her._

xxxxxxxxxx

Carly had spent the waiting time on the floor of Michael's room. She had made a little circle around herself with toys, and whiled away the minutes mindlessly moving plastic trucks back and forth with her hand. But she couldn't shut her mind off after all. She kept thinking of times with Michael, but two very distinct kinds… formerly happy ones of him asking about the baby… and memories of when Michael was born, so sick, and she was scared to death to hold him.

Sonny found her facing away from the doorway, her arms wrapped around herself. He couldn't tell if she was crying or not. He whispered her name to get her to turn around, at which point he saw that she was actually hugging one of Michael's stuffed animals… a brown and white puppy… for dear life. There was no trace of tears on her face, but the look in her eyes led him to believe that was only because she had none left to cry. He watched for the spark that always came into her eyes when she saw Michael, and though it was infinitely dimmer than usual, thankfully it was still there.

"Hey, Mr. Man." She tried to sound cheerful as she carefully stood and walked to her son… her surviving son. She reached out a shaky hand and grazed her fingertips over his hair, that baby fine hair, and then leaned in to breathe him. He was getting bigger every day, but he still had that baby smell.

Sonny, glad for the moment of closeness, brought the hand that wasn't supporting Michael to Carly's lower back. It was almost an embrace. Just for that moment, even without the baby, Sonny felt like his family was whole again.

Suddenly, Carly pulled away. The baby smells she had been relishing had become a knife in her heart.

"Mama!" Michael was now more alert and stuck out his arms to be held by his mother.

Sonny saw the stricken expression on Carly's face and figured she couldn't yet handle the physical strain of carrying a squirmy toddler. "Why don't I set him down here on the floor and you two can play?"

No sign of response.

"Carly?"

He had been wrong. She did have a few tears left. He watched one fall ever so slowly, from her eyes… half-wild, half-dead… down her cheek, as she struggled to form words.

"I… I can't."

"Can't what? Carly, I'll do whatever you need. Just talk to me."

Michael reached for her again and her heart tore in two. She wanted so badly to hold him to her, to be with her child, love her child. But the longer she looked at his angelic little freckled face, the more she thought of all she had put him through in his young life. He had almost died coming into this world, and now she'd gone and taken his baby brother away from him. And still he was calling out for her.

She stepped farther back. "No, I can't… I can't touch him. I can't touch him, I'll hurt him. I always hurt my babies," she cried.

Sonny watched her wrap her arms around herself again, this time to keep herself from reaching for Michael. She had lost one son, and now she was denying herself another. He didn't understand what was happening. It was as if he was watching her drown.

"Carly," he tried softly, "you're not gonna hurt…"

"YES I AM!!!"

His mother's scream frightened Michael and made him start to cry, which then caused Carly's sobs to double. Sonny was going crazy, trying to calm the child in his arms, but also desperate to hold his emotionally wrecked wife until she could find some kind of peace, and stop her ripping herself to shreds. He took a step towards her, but she stopped his advance with a violent shaking of her head.

"No, no, no… See? I told you I hurt my babies… Get him away from me, Sonny… Get him away!!!"

Realizing that Michael really shouldn't see her like this, Sonny finally gave up and retreated back into the doorway. "Okay, shhh. Carly, it's okay. I'm gonna take him downstairs to Leticia now. But I'm coming right back up here. You don't have to protect me, Carly, and I'm gonna be here with you."

Her cries now quieting, he watched her sink to the floor. He was unsure whether she had heard him or not, but he left quickly, so that he could return to her that much faster.

"I love you, Michael," Carly whispered brokenly after they'd gone.

_I just want to feel safe in my own skin…_

xxxxxxxxxx

"Carly?"

Sonny flew back up the stairs, after handing the boy back to Leticia with no real explanation. Leticia had heard the screams too, so no explanation was really needed. She just went back into nanny mode, distracting him as best she could from the drama.

Meanwhile, Sonny found his wife curled up into a ball on Michael's floor, so exhausted, so drained, that she had fallen asleep in the mere minute he'd been gone. He knelt down next to her and stroked her tear-dampened hair. He wanted to scoop her up and carry her to their bed, the floor looking like an extremely uncomfortable place for an already aching body to get any much needed rest. But he was afraid of waking her. He didn't know what would happen if he did. And the sight of her sleeping… so peaceful, that peace he had wanted to give her… was such a beautiful one.

He picked up one of Michael's blankets and spread it over her. And then, even though it was the middle of the day, he climbed in under it as well, spooning himself behind her. He held one of her hands in his, and felt his heartbeat grow stronger against the warmth of her back. He thanked God for the chance to finally hold and comfort his wife, but also prayed that God would make the comfort less necessary.

"Sleep, Caroline. Sleep and heal. I can't make everything better, but we can get through this if we hold on to each other. Just hold on to me."

_I just want to be happy again…_

(Lyrics - "Honestly OK," Dido)


	22. I Miss You

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 22 - I Miss You

Carly's eyes blinked, opening reluctantly, as she was awoken by the pounding in her head. She could feel Sonny pressed against her and hear the gentle breathing of his slumber in her ear. His presence was a comfort, unlike the hard floor on which they lay. She shifted slowly, so as not to disturb Sonny, until she was in a sitting position. Why was she asleep on the floor of Michael's room?

The pain in her head made it hard to think, but as she looked around the room, it all flooded back… _Baby gone. Couldn't hold Michael. Screaming at Sonny. Making Michael cry. Crying so much myself I felt like I was going to pass out. So tired, I'm so tired._

The memories were somewhat jumbled and fuzzy, for which Carly was glad. What was clear were the overwhelming feelings of pain and fear, and most of all guilt for letting Michael see her like that. She could hear the echo of his cries and that was bad enough. She didn't want to remember what exactly she had said or done, or be able to see the scared expression on his little face. She couldn't imagine hurting worse than she already did, but somehow she knew it was possible.

Carly looked down at the man sleeping next to her. _Sonny. _She ran her fingers lightly through his hair as she watched him. So far, he was being so good to her. Not that she thought that he wouldn't be, but part of her took their baby's death as a sign that it was time for her to wake up from the beautiful dream she had been living with Sonny the past couple of months.

_No, Sonny is my husband. He cares about me._

_Cares? Maybe. But he married the woman who was carrying his baby. And he gets stuck with somebody who can't even walk down a stupid flight of stairs without falling and destroying the one thing his heart has always longed for._

_Stuck… Sonny's stuck with me._

The thought of that phrase brought up a memory of happier times, when they were discussing his marriage to Lily…

x

"_I didn't love her like I should have until… the end. It was an arranged marriage."_

"_Isn't that basically what this is, Sonny? A marriage arranged by you because I'm pregnant, so you can be near your child and keep an eye on my crazy self?"_

"_Carly, why do you do that?"_

"_Do what?"_

"_Try to make this sound like less than it is."_

"_What is it, Sonny?"_

"_Look, I think we're both past the point of feeling trapped in this. Or, even if we are stuck with each other, we're pretty happy about it, right?"_

"_Right." Carly started to giggle._

"_What?"_

"_I just started hearing that song in my head."_

"_What song?"_

"_You know, that old Huey Lewis song… 'Yes it's true, yes it's true, I'm so happy to be stuck with you…'"_

"_You have weird taste in music."_

"_Pardon me, but the 80's were the coolest."_

"_If you say so," he allowed, laughing and shaking his head. "All I'm saying is I don't want you to think of this like an arranged marriage. No matter how things started out… I want to marry you and have a family with you. I hope you said yes to me because you want the same thing, and not because I tried to make you feel like you don't have any other options. You're too smart to believe that's true."_

x

_Maybe Sonny doesn't feel trapped. He did always make me feel like he wanted to marry ME, not just the baby. Still, that was probably easy to do when the baby and I were a package deal. How will he be happy with just me? Not even me. A broken me._

Carly stood carefully, acutely aware of every pain in her tired body as she stretched, as well as her lingering headache. Michael's Thomas The Tank Engine clock said the time was about 5 pm. She wished she could have slept the entire day away on that floor, however uncomfortable. She didn't feel entirely sure as to what bed she was supposed to sleep in now. If she just stayed asleep on the floor, maybe Sonny would eventually come pick her up and put her where he wanted her. But she had to get up. She was pretty sure her pain pills were downstairs and she definitely needed one. And she wanted to see Michael and let him know that everything was okay. Well, everything wasn't. But let him know he didn't have to be afraid of her.

She tiptoed out of the room, looking back once to make sure Sonny still slept, and continued down the hall to the stairs. She had a thought that after dinner, if she managed to eat anything, maybe she could just fall asleep on the downstairs couch. Avoiding the bedroom question. Just as she reached the stairs, she was stopped by voices. Leticia and Johnny's voices, talking by the penthouse door. Carly's eavesdropping instincts took over and she listened in.

"It sounded pretty bad from outside."

"It was even worse in here, believe me. I wasn't in the room, but I could hear everything. Every cry and every scream. She was screaming that Sonny had to get Michael away from her because she hurts her babies. Michael was crying too, of course, and Sonny had to bring him to me. Took a while for him to calm down, but eventually he just exhausted himself and he's been napping on the couch since."

"What about Carly?"

"I think she must have just exhausted herself too. Sonny's stayed with her. I'm just so worried about her, Johnny."

"Me too. I'm actually surprised I'm not more worried about Sonny. But I think they'll get other through this."

"I hope so. I'm going to the kitchen for a drink. You want anything?"

"Nah, I'm good."

Carly absorbed what Leticia had said for a moment. This was what she had not wanted to remember. Screaming about hurting her babies. _Truth hurts, doesn't it? _No, she wanted it out of her head. Just thinking it was making her head ache more, the pounding coming with every heartbeat. She was going to see her son. She didn't want to talk to anyone, so she'd just sneak down while Leticia was in the kitchen. And she wouldn't even wake him. She'd only watch him for a minute and make sure he was all right, peaceful.

Carly had encountered a staircase since falling at the Q's. She had made her way rather quickly up the penthouse stairs earlier that day. But this was her first attempt at going _down_ stairs again. She didn't give it a thought at first, but two steps down, the feeling of falling overtook her. Her arms flailed for a second but soon clutched the railing desperately. She gave a high-pitched squeal that wasn't particularly loud, as her voice was caught in her throat from fear. Carly stood frozen on that second step, unwilling or unable to move.

After about a minute, Leticia came out of the kitchen with a glass of juice and walked to the ottoman to be near Michael. Carly wasn't far enough down the stairs to be visible from the living room, but before Let could even pick up a magazine to read, she heard what sounded like a small strangled cry. It could only be her best friend. _Maybe I should just leave it between Carly and Sonny. But where is he now? Is she even upstairs? She sounds almost like she's…_

"Carly?"

Leticia called her name softly as she made her way up the staircase. Past the landing, she finally spotted her friend white-knuckling the banister like she was on the ledge of a building, up one hundred stories high. She couldn't tell if Carly even heard her name. Her eyes were jumpy but looking at nothing. Leticia knew Carly was aware of her presence, at least, because her breathing would become more irregular when she tried to come closer.

"Carly, it's Let. I just want to help you, okay? You can go back upstairs and rest, or we can go downstairs and you can see Michael. He's fine, Carly, if you're worried about before? He's fine."

Consciously, Carly knew where she was and that she wasn't in danger. But white-hot flashes of memory were exploding inside of her. Falling forward. That first sense of panic. Every crash of her body on the way down. Feeling the wedding pictures brush her legs and arms as they fell with her. And the most deeply terrifying fear she'd ever known, as she said a desperate prayer for her baby, just before slipping into unconsciousness. All this hit her at once, and again the world went black. But this time there was someone to catch her.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa… I've got you, sweetheart."

Sonny had woken to the absence of Carly in his arms. He hadn't known what to think or how worried to be. After what had happened earlier that afternoon, he wanted to be with her, to be there for her every minute. So he went looking for her immediately. As soon as he stepped out into the hall, he heard her ragged breathing and slight sniffling, accompanied by Leticia speaking to her in a tone of voice that made him nervous. As though she were a bomb about to go off. He knew something was very wrong. And as soon as he realized where they were, he knew exactly what.

Sonny gave a relieved Leticia a grateful look as he scooped his wife up into his arms. "Thanks for trying to keep her calm."

Leticia shook her head. "I think I was just making it worse. All the thanks goes to you. Talk about good timing. I just can't figure out what was making her act like that. I guess it was just leftover effects of earlier…"

"Leticia," Sonny gently interrupted. "She was trying to go _downstairs_."

"Oh," she responded quietly. "God, I feel like an idiot. Poor Carly."

"I'm the idiot. I should have known something like this would happen. Of course she was gonna react like that. If I'd just thought…"

"Okay, Sonny, don't go into beating yourself up now while you're holding your wife. Your arms will fall off before you get finished. Just go lay her down on your bed."

"You don't think I should take her back to the hospital, do you? I know she wouldn't want to go, but if there might be something wrong…"

"I think you called it right, what was wrong, Sonny. And the problem's not physical. She fainted, is all. Sure, the reasons why are more complicated, but she needs you for dealing with those, not Tony Jones or any other doctor at GH."

Sonny nodded, looking down at Carly's face, seeing more than ever how pale she was. But still so beautiful. He kissed her forehead. "No hospital. But maybe we should just call Bobbie and get her to come check her out?"

"Good compromise. I'll call now."

Sonny carried Carly to their room, and Leticia went back downstairs. As she picked up the phone and dialed, she watched her young charge from across the room, and thanked God that he remained sleeping deeply, blissfully ignorant of the latest upset.

xxxxxxxxxx

"I appreciate you calling me, Sonny," Bobbie said, as she stood from her daughter's bedside. "I've checked her heart rate and her blood pressure, which is about all I can do. But she seems as fine as can be expected." Bobbie ran her fingers along Carly's messy hair, mentally cringing as she imagined the scene Sonny and Leticia had described. "My poor girl."

Carly was awake but trying not to be. She shied away from her mother's touch, rolling over to her side, just out of Bobbie's reach. Bobbie was hurt by the action, but she understood what her daughter was going through. Her son-in-law put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I was just so relieved when she woke up. She was taking a while there," he murmured thoughtfully, staring at Carly.

Bobbie took a long look at Sonny, noticing the dark circles under his eyes. This was really hitting him, too. But what she saw most in his tired eyes was pure love and concern for Carly.

"Thanks for coming," he added.

Bobbie nodded and smiled, whispering "I love you, sweetie" at Carly, then following Sonny out the bedroom door.

"I can show myself out, Sonny." He kept looking back to the bedroom, and she could tell he wanted to stay right next to Carly. "Go back and be with her. She needs you."

Sonny's eyes were filled with tears, full of doubt at that statement. "I don't know how to help her."

Unused to seeing him in such a moment of complete vulnerability, Bobbie threw her arms around him in a hug. "You have no idea how much you are doing for her, honey. It's just going to take time… rest… support. Just promise me you'll take those same things for yourself, too, okay?"

Sonny wiped quickly at his eyes and nodded once as he pulled away. He watched until Bobbie disappeared down the hall, and then he headed back to the bedroom, to sit with his wife. Praying that Bobbie was right, and that he really was helping Carly somehow.

xxxxxxxxxx

Johnny felt, rather than heard, his cell phone go off. That was how he knew he was especially happy to take the call. His business phone was set to a normal ring. His personal phone was set to vibrate, to keep things quiet, because he probably wasn't supposed to have a personal phone. Almost no one had the number, but a new friend of his did, and he found himself really hoping it was her calling. He took a deep breath before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hi Johnny, it's Chloe."

"Oh, hey Chloe."

"Is this a bad time?"

"No, no…"

"I just kind of wanted to check on you, and Carly, and…"

"I'm just at the penthouse, standing guard, like every day. Well, I guess not quite like every day."

"Why? What happened?"

"Carly came home from the hospital today."

"That's good, right?"

"Yeah, but let's just say this is gonna be a hell of a lot rougher on her than any of us even imagined."

"Oh, God."

"She wouldn't let herself near Michael. Started screaming and crying. That was first. Then later, she tried to go downstairs and freaked out. Fainted. Sonny just managed to catch her."

"Johnny, I'm keeping Carly in my prayers."

"Thanks."

"And, just know that, you can offer comfort to them… But when you need comfort, you can always call me."

"I… Thank you, Chloe, uh… You're a pretty special woman, you know that?"

There was a moment of silence then, the good kind. He would swear he could hear her smile.

"How are things with you?" he asked. "I assume you smoothed things over with Mr. Jax?"

_There's that funny, gritted way he says Jax's name again. _"Uh, yes and no."

"What does that mean? If you don't mind…"

"No, I don't mind you asking." She sighed. "Things are fine with Jax and me. At least, he thinks so."

"Okaaaaayy…"

"It's just that, I saw Jax in a different light that night at the hospital. And it wasn't very flattering. And no matter how hard I try to see him like I did before, it just doesn't seem to be working."

"Oh." _Don't let her hear how happy that makes you._

"I still think he's a great guy, although with the occasional fault or blind spot. There's just… something missing with us. I watch Sonny and Carly, a couple most people don't understand or think are real, and I see what I want. Not the pain they're going through right now, but the need to share every moment, be it bliss or misery, together. I want that."

"I know what you mean."

"I thought you would. So, do you think it's out there for us?"

"Definitely."

xxxxxxxxxx

_I pace a hundred miles, I end where I begin  
__Colors fade to gray as the light is growing dim  
__I strain for absolution but my excuse is wearing thin  
__I fear that in the fighting I've lost the will to win_

Sonny paced the bedroom, waiting for Carly to acknowledge that she was indeed awake and aware of his presence. He walked from the door to the window and back several times, as well as half-circles around the bed so that he could look at her from every angle. She wasn't bothering to pretend to sleep anymore. She was staring down at the blanket wrapped around her, as if fascinated by the weave. God, he missed the way she used to _really_ look at him. To gaze into his eyes and let him read her soul. She hadn't cast more than quick glances in his direction since… he told her.

_Passion's like the lovers that run off with the dawn  
__The tears I used to cry have all dried up and gone  
__I call across the distance but you can't hear me or what I say  
__My heavy head is bowed but my hands can't take the weight_

Carly knew how long Sonny had been there, and she also knew he wasn't going to leave. That should have done her heart good, but it only made everything more difficult. She wanted to reach out to him. To let him comfort her. To comfort him in return. But for some reason she just couldn't. So far, all she seemed capable of was losing her mind.

_It might be happening. People always said I'd end up back in Ferncliff. And this time I'll really belong there. No one would miss me. Michael? Sonny? They'd be better off. God, Sonny… I didn't mean to do this to you. But you were right. I destroy everything I touch. It was never you after all. It was me, just me. But I was gonna try to change. I was gonna try to be the best mother this time. I know it's my fault for getting so happy, but it just felt so good to have your baby inside me. Felt so good to have your arms around me and feel the baby move._

Carly jumped slightly and her hands flew to her stomach.

Sonny rushed to the bed, sitting beside her. "Carly, what's wrong?"

_I gotta take time to lay my head down  
__I miss the way your love would surround me  
__The sweetness of your breath and the touch of your hand  
__Gotta take time to lay my head down  
__Gotta take time to lay my head down_

She relaxed once again, an even greater sadness now in her eyes. She tried to brush it off. "Nothing."

"Damn it, Carly. Please," he pleaded, determined to take some of her pain, and to lessen the distance he felt already forming between them. "You've gotta let me in, just a little."

There was a long pause, and then she finally spoke, though still not facing him. "It was nothing, I just… I was thinking about being pregnant, and for a second… I thought," her voice cracked. "I thought I could still feel the baby kicking me."

There was silence on both sides, as both absorbed the emotional punch of her words. Carly believed Sonny must think her crazy without a doubt after that. But his actual thoughts were very different, and his actions very telling.

"Carly," he whispered, in a voice gravelly with tears. "I need to hold you. Is that all right?"

_I want to pray to Jesus and ask for him to come  
__Take both of my hands in his and let this ache be done  
__But you handed me your heart and said I'd hold it to the end  
__I'm straining to believe that you will trust me once again_

Carly was shocked at the emotion she heard, and then saw, in him. She tried to glance at him quickly, but something in his eyes caught her and held hers locked with his. It was the first time she had _really_ looked at him in days. _Maybe this is just pity. But I don't feel pitied. I feel… _

She nodded, and he moved up on the bed. He didn't crowd her, unsure how close he had come to scaring her off with his request. He wrapped an arm around her and gazed down at her beautiful, though tired, face. He cupped her cheek gently, at which Carly slightly whimpered. Sonny started to move away from her, thinking he'd done something wrong or hurt her in some way, but she put her hand over his on her cheek and held him in place.

"Sonny?"

"Yes, querida?"

"I miss you."

"I'm right here, sweetheart." He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I know." She sighed contentedly and let herself sleep for real.

_I gotta take time to lay my head down  
__I miss the way your love would surround me  
__The sweetness of your breath and the touch of your hand  
__Gotta take time to lay my head down  
__Gotta take time to lay my head down_

(Lyrics: "Lay My Head Down" - The Basics)


	23. Send Him Up

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 23 - Send Him Up

AJ stepped nervously out of the elevator onto the penthouse floor of Harborview Towers. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He had changed his mind about twenty times on the ride up, but it so happened that he was on "Yes, I should see Carly," when a _ding_ and the sliding open of doors signaled his arrival at the top.

_I may not exactly be welcome here, but I want to see her, so I'm at least going to make an effort. And it's not even an excuse to run into Leticia. _

That was the truth, AJ realized, somewhat surprising himself. Not that he would mind seeing her beautiful face one bit, especially if she was holding his son at the time. But he was indeed there for Carly. He wanted to see how she was doing, and also to make sure she knew he had not done, or even wished, her any harm that fateful day. It was important she know that, for some reason beyond keeping Sonny from killing him.

He steeled himself to, first, face whichever bodyguard was on duty… _Of course, I should have known._

"Not a good idea, Mr. Quartermaine," Johnny cautioned with a firm look, as AJ came around the corner towards PH4.

"Johnny, I come in peace, all right?" AJ held up his hands. "I'm not here to steal _my_ son away." Despite the honorable intent in his visit, he couldn't help but stress that Michael was his. "I know that Carly probably doesn't want to see me, and Sonny sure as hell doesn't, but… Look, I thought you'd at least have to believe by now that I don't want anything bad to happen to her."

At first Johnny had been convinced Carly's fall was caused by AJ, but he now believed that to be false. He thought of AJ's helpful actions at the mansion, as well as his worry at the hospital. The latter could have been a show for Leticia, he supposed… (There was definitely something going on with those two)… but maybe not.

"I just want to talk to her for a few minutes. See how she's doing."

Johnny sighed. What was he supposed to do with a sincere weasel? "How do you think she's doing? Not well, all right? And I really don't think she needs to deal with you today, or ever. Look, I'll tell Mr. Corinthos you're here. But if you think he's going to let you near his wife, you must be drunk again."

"Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, R…" AJ stopped at Johnny's steely glare. "Alphabet backwards. Not trying to be a wiseass, just proving I'm sober."

Johnny shook his head as he turned to knock on the door. _Sincere, sober weasel. Too weird. _He opened the door at Sonny's response, just enough to reveal the uninvited guest. "Uh, Mrs. Corinthos has a… visitor."

Sonny stood from his desk, expecting perhaps Bobbie, though he should have known differently by the tone of Johnny's voice. He fixed his eyes on AJ and spoke with contempt he had not yet seen reason to reevaluate. "Get the hell out."

AJ had expected a similar reaction. And, while he had no intention of begging Sonny to change his mind, he was determined to see Carly and would plead his case. "Sonny, I know you hate my guts. Surprise, surprise, that goes both ways. All I want is to see Carly for a few minutes."

Sonny was extremely tired, from sleepless nights spent helping Carly through her nightmares and avoiding the ones he would surely have if he slept. But he would not let his weak state show to AJ. He strode to the bar with angry steps to refresh his drink. "My wife has been through enough hell. Why do you think… I'm sorry, you want one?"

AJ winced slightly as Sonny gestured towards him with the drink he was holding. "No, thanks."

"Wrong liquor? You need vodka, right? Isn't that the alcohol of choice for drunks like you?" Sonny's eyes darkened, jaw tightened. "How much did you knock back that day, huh?"

"Sonny, I admit I was drinking. I'm not proud of it. But I didn't do anything to hurt Carly, no matter what you think. I'm no hero, and I know that. But what Leticia said at the hospital was true. I found Carly and did what I could to help her. And believe me or not, I am sorry about the baby. It was Michael's sibling, after all."

"Michael's not here. Don't think you're even gonna breathe the same air as him, let alone get your hands on him." Sonny pointed his finger in AJ's face as he spoke. His voice dripped venom, yet cracked slightly with weariness, possibly even fear.

AJ wanted to scream that Michael was _his_ son, not Sonny's, but wisely swallowed those words. "I didn't come here for Michael, Sonny. I told you, I just want to talk to Carly."

"You want to fuck with her head, is what you want to do! You want to feed her more of the same bullshit about how you're gonna get Michael back, and you think she'll buy into it now because she's vulnerable!"

"What? No, that's not…"

Okay, so he couldn't really blame Sonny for that speculation, however incorrect. He did always like to play mind games with Carly, often over Michael. But he wouldn't do that at a time like this. He wasn't a _total_ prick.

"Get out. I don't know why I wasted two minutes on you. You're not seeing Carly. Go!" Sounding deadly calm at first, then yelling when AJ didn't automatically turn tail and run, Sonny grabbed him by the shoulders and started to push him to the door.

"Sonny," called a small but sure voice from the top of the stairs. It was Carly. She wasn't visible, still unable to handle going down the stairs. But apparently she could hear very well from up there. "It's okay. I'll talk to AJ."

Sonny froze for a moment in surprise, looking from AJ to the top of the stairs. "Carly, you don't…"

"Send him up."

Tiny retreating footsteps could be heard, and Sonny knew there was no argument to be had. He was torn as to whether or not to do as Carly had asked. On one hand, he believed AJ was always out to hurt Carly, and he couldn't imagine why she would want to see him. On the other, it was such a blessing just to hear her speak, or for her to make even the slightest venture out of bed, that he knew he couldn't deny her request.

"Ten minutes. That's it. She needs her rest." Truthfully, she was sleeping about 18 hours a day. It was practically all she did, and more than anyone needed. But he wouldn't tell AJ that. "And if you do or say anything to upset her, you answer to me," Sonny warned, with cold eyes and gritted teeth.

AJ chose just to give a quick nod of understanding and head for the stairs before Sonny could change his mind. He was halfway up when he heard the door open and a certain lilting laugh mixed with a child's giggles.

"Swinging higher than all those big kids, yeah! I'm going to start calling you Michael, the swing king!"

As Leticia spoke, she felt someone's gaze on her like a warm caress, and her eyes were drawn to the staircase. The penthouse was the last place she would ever have expected to see AJ, and she nearly dropped her young charge at the shock. Sonny was already reaching for the boy, however, and didn't notice her strange reaction. Leticia saw the pain in AJ's eyes at watching Sonny in the father role, but he shook it off and smiled at her. Over Sonny's shoulder, they had a very brief, silent conversation.

AJ gestured up the stairs with his head, mouthing, "_Carly_."

Leticia smiled and mouthed back, "_Good luck_."

AJ started to turn, but kept her gaze for one more word… "_Beautiful_." Then he headed up quietly, so as not to let Sonny know he wasn't up there already, and Leticia returned to tousling Michael's hair and recounting tales of the park with a somewhat erratic heartbeat.

xxxxxxxxxx

Carly met AJ in the upstairs hallway. He tried not to start at her appearance. Even in the fairly dim light, he could see the dark circles under her raw red eyes and the lack of any makeup. Her hair looked like it had gone a few days without being brushed, let alone washed. She was wearing what had to be the least revealing nightgown she owned, with a cotton robe over top. More than anything, she carried the sadness of what she'd been through as an almost physical weight. Still, beyond all of that, there was something lovely about her.

_Not surprising. If she hadn't always been so gorgeous, I probably wouldn't have been so determined to marry her, and maybe we would actually still be friends now._

He followed Carly silently down the hall a few steps and then into a room.

"Guest room," she explained flatly. "Somehow I don't think Sonny would want you in our room. This is the only other room up here except for Michael's, Leticia's, and the bathrooms, so…" She stopped. "I lie. I forgot the nursery. Can't really call it that anymore, though, can I? Just a room." A sad, manic sort of grin took over her face. "Let's go. May as well, huh? And we'll turn it into a conference room!" She started giggling unnaturally, and AJ was rather terrified.

"I, uh… I like this room just fine, Carly. Why don't you sit here?" He chose not to even touch her arm to guide her, but simply gestured to the bed and hoped to God she would calm herself down. AJ pulled a chair a few feet away from the wall and sat in it, still not too close to her, and waited. Her laughter turned into silent half-sobs, but soon faded away completely.

"Thanks," she finally said, so quietly he almost didn't hear. He just shook his head and shrugged it off.

"I'm sorry I didn't bring flowers. I probably should have."

"That's okay. I don't think flowers would have won you any more points with Sonny."

"You're probably right," he acknowledged with a small smile, which vanished with his next words. "Carly, I just wanted to let you know I'm really sorry this happened to you. I understand if you don't believe that, but…"

"I believe you. Leticia told me what you did."

"She did?"

"When I said thanks before, I meant for everything."

"You're welcome. Wow. I hate that it took something like this for us to be able to have a civil conversation."

Carly nodded and pulled the comforter up and around her. "Yeah. This is nice, but… definitely not a fair trade."

She looked like she was starting to cry again, so he brought up a subject he didn't know if would make matters better or worse. "How's Michael doing?"

Carly looked like she'd been slapped for a second, but she recovered and answered the question. "I haven't really been able to be around him. I tried, but… Leticia's been great with him. She told him, you know, and she said he took it well. Sonny's great with him, too, but he's been so busy babysitting me…"

AJ's heart filled the way it always did when he thought of Leticia taking care of his son. Maybe it was that warm feeling, combined with Carly's words about her mob boss of a husband, that encouraged him to do something he never thought he would… Say something nice about Sonny Corinthos.

"Carly, somehow I doubt Sonny thinks of it that way. I was there when he first ran in and saw you unconscious on the floor, before the ambulance got there. The man was a wreck. He was frantic, begging you to wake up, come back to him. And it wasn't just about the baby, either," he added before she could argue that point.

"Why are you telling me this?" Carly asked weakly.

"I don't know. Because for some reason, I think you need to hear it. And you know I hate Sonny, so I've got no cause to lie about this. Carly, that guy really loves you. I'm not sure whether that's good for you down the line or not, but right now, I figure you need each other. Right?"

Carly braced herself, one hand on each side of her on the bed. "AJ, um… thanks for coming, all that. I need to be alone now, okay?"

"Sure, my ten minutes are almost up, anyway." AJ smiled carefully, concerned. "Take care of yourself."

As he left the room, Carly wondered if what AJ said about Sonny could be true… and why, when he claimed Sonny loved her, she suddenly felt as if she were falling off the bed.

xxxxxxxxxx

After putting Michael down for his nap, Leticia remained in his room for a while, alternately watching him sleep and staring out the window. The sun was past the point of being bright enough to keep the child awake, so she had allowed herself to open the curtains, which were decorated with cartoon drawings of different zoo animals, and ponder life while looking out onto Port Charles as Sonny so often did.

However, it was not a habit that she had picked up from Mr. Corinthos. No, it was something she had done for a long time, and not always alone. Seeing AJ earlier had brought certain fond memories to the forefront of her mind, and she was choosing to enjoy them rather than shove them away.

x

_(Q mansion… Michael's nursery… about seven months earlier)_

"_Come tomorrow, the light in your eyes… Shines for me brighter than the sun… To God I pray that your heart never cries… As I watch you sleep, my precious one_."

Leticia was just finishing tucking a now-sleeping Michael into his crib when she heard an unexpected voice… and sentiment… from the doorway.

"Beautiful."

"Mr. Quartermaine," she said in slightly startled acknowledgement. "Michael's just now fallen asleep. Mr. Quartermaine?" She said his name again because he hadn't moved yet or spoken again. He seemed to still be staring at her for some reason. _Did he say 'beautiful'?_

"Sorry." He snapped out of it. "I was just passing by and I heard you singing…"

She resisted the urge to cover her face with her hands. She knew by now that if you were going to be a nanny, you had to be willing to have people hear you sing lullabies. Usually it was just the kid you had to worry about, but she refused to be embarrassed.

"Well, I'm glad you liked it, but I think 'beautiful' is pushing it."

AJ froze for a moment. He didn't realize he had said that out loud. Watching her, standing by the window, with the moonlight all around her… made him crazy enough to tell her the truth, at least some of it. He walked into the room and stood next to her by the window.

"That too. But I meant the sight of you holding my son. Singing to him, rocking him, with the moonlight shining on you like that. It was just kind of… perfect. Perfect and beautiful."

"It's my job," Leticia answered nervously, turning to face the window and not him.

"And it's always beautiful. I just said so tonight."

Leticia was confused. If she didn't know any better, she'd think… It was almost as if he was hitting on… No, it couldn't be that. Well then, what _was_ up with AJ - uh, Mr. Quartermaine? Come to think of it, she thought she'd noticed him acting a bit differently around her lately. Just little things… She'd caught him looking at her a few times, but that's always easy enough to brush off, especially since she'd usually be holding Michael. And he had spoken to her a couple of times when he didn't have to, but it was usually no more than a "hi." Oh, but there was that one time he teased her for a good five minutes about how she needed to dump Reggie and find somebody better. He was kidding about that, wasn't he?

"You're going to make a wonderful mother. I'm so glad Michael has you."

She fixed him with a hard look. "I work for you, so I'll say this politely. Michael has a mother, and her name is Carly. Your wife. My best friend. Michael adores her, so be careful about conveniently forgetting she exists, especially when you're around him."

"Whoa, whoa. I was just trying to pay you a compliment. I know Michael has a mother. Trust me, I know." He made sure he kept his whisper nearly inaudible. "I don't think anybody could forget Carly if they tried, and I'm sure many have. My wife, yes… who's in love with my brother, of course… who I know is the 'real' father Michael loves and wants."

He pushed away from the crib and to the window, looking for some kind of answer in the darkness.

"I know Carly and everyone else, including you, must think I'm a terrible father. Carly always says I never spend any time with him, and she's right. I can't blame it all on ELQ."

"I don't think you're a terrible father, AJ- I'm sorry… Mr. Quartermaine."

"No, call me AJ. Please."

_Just for this conversation, or from now on? _The thought skittered across her brain. She was still trying to get used to the conversation itself, as it was definitely the most time she had ever spent with AJ one-on-one. What was even stranger was how much she was enjoying his company.

"Okay, AJ," she tried cautiously, happy when the results made him grin. "I don't think you're a bad father. I just think you're… well, you're scared. Maybe scared that Michael won't react positively to you? So you stay away, but all that does is keep you two you from getting to know each other and ever getting comfortable with each other."

"I know you're right. I just don't know if I can change."

They were interrupted by a small, fidgety sound of a waking baby. They turned to Michael's crib, peering down at the adorably dissatisfied face. AJ saw that Michael had kicked his blanket away in his sleep, and he reached down and pulled it back over the little one, hushing his cries before they could even begin.

Leticia impulsively grabbed his hand and smiled proudly. "I'd say that was a pretty good start."

The way he was looking at her, even in the semi-dark of the room, she could see the gratitude shining in his eyes… and maybe something else. Before she knew it, he had leaned in and was kissing her. AJ Quartermaine was kissing her. Nothing too over-the-top, not wanting to scare her off. Lasted about ten seconds. Just a good, solid kiss that left her skin tingly and her face flushed.

AJ pulled back, looking as surprised as she did, but then smiled and even winked at her before he left. "I'd say that was a pretty good start, too."

_(End flashback)_

x

Leticia touched her lips as she fondly recalled her first kiss with AJ. It had made her feel more alive than she had in quite awhile. She now thought it must be how Michael feels when he's on those swings, riding the wind.

Far too soon afterwards, reality had made its ugly presence known. But she did not want to think about that now, she decided. There was already far too much reality to be had here in the penthouse.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Carly?"

Sonny peeked his head into the guest room and finally found her. He couldn't tell if she had been sleeping again or not, but she wasn't now. He was worried that she had purposely moved from their bedroom to the guest room to get away from him.

"Carly, what are you doing in here?"

…_listening to the tick, tick, tick… not the clock, the bombs in my head… there's a lot of them… when they finally go boom they're gonna take me to be with my baby… but they're taking so long, too long… and the ticking is driving me crazy… it's making me so tired…_

She managed to sit up and face him. "I was… I talked to AJ in here, then I guess I just stayed."

"I can't believe I let him up here. What the hell did he have to say for himself?"

"He was just being a decent guy, Sonny, maybe for once in his life. No, twice. He did help save me." _Maybe he shouldn't have bothered, but he still did._

"You believe that 'aw shucks, I'm no hero' routine?"

"I believe the truth, Sonny. Everybody does but you. I understand why, though. Your first instinct is to put all the blame on yourself, but that's a pretty big guilt trip for you to handle right now. Takes a lot of strength out of you, and you need all you can get to take care of me. So you blame the easiest enemy, AJ. But it's no good, Sonny. You need to put the blame on the right person."

_Please don't mean… _"Who?"

"Me."


	24. There For Every Step

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 24 - There For Every Step

Sonny stared at the invoice in his hand. He'd been staring at it for a good ten minutes and still couldn't tell you what it said. The numbers were all a blur. His mind was, as usual, wrapped up in Carly. Slamming the paper down on his desk, he let his thoughts wander to the disturbing conversation that had taken place upstairs, after AJ's visit a couple of weeks earlier.

x

"_Your first instinct is to put all the blame on yourself, but that's a pretty big guilt trip for you to handle right now. Takes a lot of strength out of you, and you need all you can get to take care of me. So you blame the easiest enemy, AJ. But it's no good, Sonny. You need to put the blame on the right person."_

"_Who?"_

"_Me."_

"_What? Carly, honey, no. It was not your fault."_

"_Of course it was. I went to the Quartermaines. I was stupid and clumsy enough to fall. Nobody pushed me, Sonny. It was all me." She wiped her nose with her hand and spoke with a lifeless voice. "And you've been really nice to me. I know I should just shut up and be grateful, but…"_

"_Grateful? Carly, why do you say things like that? You are my wife. I just want to take care of you."_

_She accepted his gaze for a moment before suddenly getting up and heading for the door. "Please… please go." _

"_Carly…"_

"_Please," she repeated, shrinking back as he reached for her. "I want to be alone."_

_Heavy heart and shaking head, he did as she asked._

x

And, two weeks later, Sonny still felt he should have done something differently. He had wanted to give her space if she needed it, but maybe what she really needed was for him to refuse to leave her side, no matter what she said. Maybe she needed him to hold onto her with all his might, whispering over and over that it wasn't her fault until she believed it. That was what he wanted to do, so why was it so hard?

After he had left the room that day, Carly had made her first post-fall venture into the nursery. And, since, she'd been spending nearly all her waking time there. She had come to the point where she could be in the same room as Michael, but she still really couldn't hold him or play with him. So, mostly she holed herself up in the nursery, rocking in the chair Mike gave them and clutching the little _"If you think I'm cute, you should see my daddy"_ shirt she'd bought. Sonny had almost given away everything from the nursery so that Carly wouldn't have to be reminded, but he soon realized she would have been even more upset had he done that. He never could have gotten rid of that shirt anyway.

At first, he thought all her time in the nursery was healthy, and that she was finding a sense of closure, or healing, somehow. Needing to find that himself, he tried to join her a couple of times, and engage her in discussing the son they almost had. But she mostly just continued to quietly rock and stare at the crumpled shirt in her hands. Come bedtime, he would have to go get her and lead her to their room, otherwise she probably just would have fallen asleep in that wooden chair or on the floor. He was thankful that at least she was still letting him hold her at night, but he worried nonetheless. Living in that all too quiet nursery, she seemed to withdraw from the world, including him, more every day.

Sonny rose, determined, looking upward and huffing out a deep breath. Opting against a shot of courage from the bar, he headed upstairs with one goal… to bring his wife back to life.

xxxxxxxxxx

Surprisingly, however, Carly was not in her usual place. She was in their bedroom, sitting in the chair in front of the dresser. She had removed Sonny's mother's pin from the jewelry box in which she kept it safe, and was staring reverently at the golden rose, running her fingers over its smooth curves and edges.

"I messed up," she whispered. "He said I make this place a home, but that was supposed to include a baby. You must be disappointed in me. I don't deserve your pin. I killed your grandchild."

As she spoke, Carly unfastened the pin so that the sharp point stuck straight out. Then, very calmly, she pushed the pin into the pad of her left index finger. She felt the pain but did not cry out. She simply waited, adding pressure, watching until a plump drop of dark red appeared on her skin. She started to smile at the sight, unsure why.

"Carly?"

At the sound of Sonny's voice, she looked guiltily down, shoving the pin back into its box and hiding her bleeding finger in her mouth.

Sonny walked up behind her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, the other taking hold of her finger. "What happened?"

"Nothing, I just… accidentally pricked myself on your mother's pin. I was just taking it out to look at it. You know how much I love it."

"Looks pretty deep." His eyes searched hers with a question, but they evaded him, and he decided not to push. "You need a band-aid."

"Sonny, don't be silly."

"It's still bleeding. You're getting a band-aid. What kind do you want?"

"Plain, I guess."

Maybe he was being silly, but it was answers like that that made him realize just how much of her spirit had faded. He wasn't even sure if they had plain band-aids in the house, because Carly always bought all the most colorful and unique kinds available at the store, and not just for Michael. Sonny well remembered the sexy tickle fight they got into one time after he got a paper cut and she tried to stick Garfield on him.

He walked to the bathroom and came back with hydrogen peroxide and a cotton ball, as well as a band-aid, which he used to fix her up. "There, you get a Power Rangers one." He lightly kissed her newly bandaged fingertip.

"Thanks." She tried to smile, but it didn't come. "I'm gonna go to the nursery now."

"Whoa, whoa. Hang on." He moved in front of her as she headed for the hall.

"What, Sonny? My finger is fine. I didn't do it on purpose. My hand slipped. I'm fine."

Her nervous denials to accusations that had not been made filled him with new worry. His resolve was strengthened to bring up something he knew would not likely go over well with her, but which was the only way he could think of to help her at this point.

"No, Carly, not that. I was just hoping I could convince you to come downstairs with me."

Carly shook her head and closed her eyes.

"You need to eat something, Carly, something real. You're barely eating enough to get by. Let me cook for you, please? I miss being able to do that. I miss sharing meals with you."

She looked up at this new tactic. She was never hungry anymore, but she did miss being cooked for and sitting and eating with Sonny. But, downstairs… "If you wanna bring up a tray or something, I'll try and eat," she half-heartedly suggested.

Sonny considered taking that offer and just being glad for the possibility of actually getting some food in Carly's system. But he was determined to get her past the barrier of the stairs. Lord knows, he was sensitive to her emotional condition and what had caused it, but she couldn't spend the rest of her life only on the upper floor of the penthouse. If she couldn't face downstairs, how would she ever be able to face the rest of the world?

"Carly, it's not just about food. Sweetheart, you need to do this. You've been up here, all the time, for weeks now. A lot of the time, I need to be downstairs, or you don't want me upstairs. It's like you're living in another house. I want you to come downstairs for me, but also for you. I know you're still so sad, and you know I am too, but I refuse to watch you fade away like this. Please, Carly."

The pain in his eyes and determination in his voice was getting to her. "I just don't know if I can."

"I'll be there for every step. I'll pick you up and carry you if you want."

She imagined that for a moment. It just reminded her of him carrying her over the threshold on their wedding night, and how he teased about her being heavy because she was… pregnant. No, she didn't want to be carried. "I'm not crippled, Sonny."

He waited, unsure if she was agreeing to come downstairs or not, and also how or if she wanted him to help if she was. He watched her stride out into the hall and then step more gently to the top of the staircase.

"Michael's not here, is he?"

"Michael's spending the night with Bobbie, so you don't have to worry about him."

"Good, 'cause I don't want him to see me like… you know."

"I know. But you're gonna be fine," he reassured her.

"Could you just put an arm around my waist?"

"I'd be honored." Sonny smiled and did so, holding her securely. "Need anything else?"

"Let's try a step and I'll let you know."

Carly held her breath, leaned against Sonny, one arm around him and one on the railing, and took that first step down. She dug her nails into his skin as she tried not to feel the inevitable falling sensation. She very slowly released the air from her lungs, now painfully tight with panic.

"You okay?"

"Not if every step is like that. I won't make it."

"First step's the hardest. Now you just keep going. Tell you what, I'll provide a distraction."

"What if the distraction makes me fall?"

"You're not gonna fall. I'm right here and I won't let you. You keep focusing on taking those steps. I'm just gonna distract you from your fear."

The two of them carefully took another step. Then another and another. The whole way down, Sonny told little stories about Michael… things he had done or said to him or Leticia over the past few weeks. If Carly stopped to think about how sad it was that she was missing all of these moments with her son, then Sonny's words would not have had the positive effect intended. But, luckily, Carly was focused in her task, and she was happy to hear about Michael. Maybe she didn't laugh, or even exhibit much of a smile, but the stories did her good, in more ways than one. It was slow going, as she would concentrate so hard on keeping her knees from giving out, but then would have to concentrate again on bending them to take a step. But, before she knew it…

"Oh my God. We're here," she suddenly realized. "I made it all the way down." Carly was still holding on to Sonny, and she buried her face in his shoulder, swept with relief. "Thank you," she mumbled against him.

"Thank _you_ for letting me help." He kissed the top of her head. "So, how does it feel?"

She looked slowly around the living area, Sonny's desk, and over to the dining room. She hadn't forgotten how everything looked in a matter of weeks, but somehow the time had felt more like years. The feeling of being a stranger in her own home was momentary, but just the thought was enough to sadden her. "Feels kind of weird… but good," was her sincere, though incomplete, reply to Sonny. "I'm glad I did it."

"Good." He gave her a small hug, forcing himself to let her go easily when she pulled away after only a few seconds. Small steps, he told himself. "So, what kind of congratulatory meal would you like me to prepare?"

She paused briefly in her wandering around the room and touching… almost reintroducing herself to… the furniture. "A small one, if you're not planning on eating most of it."

"Carly, you said you'd eat."

"I said I'd try, and I will. But I'm really not hungry. I can't go from eating nothing to being expected to finish seven-course meals."

"Okay, I hear you. So what do you…?"

"Whatever's fine, Sonny."

He sighed as she turned from him again. _Be thankful for any response from her. She's out of that damn room, she faced the stairs, and you might even get some food in her. Maybe she's finally getting better. _

She turned her head to watch him walk into the kitchen. He was trying so hard for her. And she was being so selfish and so cold. He'd lost just as much as she had, but what was she doing for him? Acting like a mental case, that's all.

Carly leaned against Sonny's desk, thinking of him. Her eyes caught sight of an envelope peeking out of a stack of mail. It was one of those squarish ones used for invitations, and it caught her attention because it was addressed to them both - "_Mr. and Mrs. Sonny Corinthos_." That phrase still got to her heart.

The envelope had been previously opened, and Carly peeked inside with some curiosity. _God, I completely forgot about that. _After reading the card inside, she slipped it into the pocket of her cotton robe, to ask Sonny about during dinner.

xxxxxxxxxx

Sonny had actually made her a pizza. Sure, it was healthier than the store-bought kind, but it still tasted pretty good. Carly managed to eat a piece, and even take a bite or two of a second. She knew he was only voluntarily feeding her pizza because he so wanted to make her happy. That was too much to expect. But, she made a point to tell him how good it was.

"Even though it didn't come out of a cardboard box with frost on the sides?"

"Yeah, even… Um, Sonny?"

"Mmm?"

"Were you going to show me this?" She pulled the invitation to the Nurses Ball from her pocket. "It's addressed to us both," she added, thinking he might be upset with her for taking it off his desk.

He looked at the card in her hand, then at her, surprised and unsure what to say. "I- I don't know, Carly. That just came today, so I've barely looked at it. And I guess I thought neither of us would really be up to it this year."

Glancing at her, she was looking down at her plate and nodding.

"But, Carly, if you want to go, we will go. Maybe it would be a good thing for us."

Sonny watched as her head began to shake in a different direction, back and forth, a silent _NO_. She wore an unnatural grin on her face, which he realized was out of terror.

"Can't… No, can't do that. I don't know what's with me. I guess I just wanted to be told about it, for some reason. But I know I can't go. I can't go out. I can't be around all those people. No. No, no, no. I shouldn't have even brought it up." Her arms wrapped around herself.

"Carly, honey, calm down. Look, I'll make my donation either way, so it doesn't make a difference to me whether we go or not. But if you change your mind, just let me know. It's still a couple weeks away."

"I won't."

She let him give her hand a comforting squeeze, after which he stacked the dishes and took them into the kitchen. She decided to follow his suggestion of lying down on the couch. It was stupid that she felt tired after walking down a flight of stairs, but she did. She did not fall asleep, but rested her eyes for a few minutes, while Sonny loaded the dishwasher in the other room. He gathered his courage for the next suggestion he was about to make.

"Carly?" he called, as he arrived at the couch, softening his voice when he saw her.

"I'm not asleep." Her eyes opened, finding his. "Something wrong?"

He knelt down next to her. "No, nothing's… Well, yes. Sweetheart, I'm worried about you."

"Because I don't want to go to the Nurses Ball?" Carly knew there was a lot more to it than that, but she wasn't ready to think about everything that was wrong with her.

"No, I told you I don't care that you don't want to go to that. But I care that you don't go out _anywhere_. I care that you feel like you _can't_."

The truth was causing some tears in her eyes. She maneuvered a pillow so that it covered half her face. "So…?"

His hand reached around the pillow to brush her cheek. "So… maybe it's time you talked to somebody who can help you more than I can. Somebody professional."

Carly suddenly sat upright, holding the pillow between her and Sonny. "You mean a shrink?"

"Yeah, a psychiatrist, or just some kind of counselor. Your mom says GH has some really good ones."

"You've been talking about this with my mom?" Angry, she hopped up and away from Sonny, though she wasn't sure where to go. She just paced.

"We're both just trying to look out for you, Carly."

"You're not sending me to a shrink! I saw plenty of them at Ferncliff!"

"It wouldn't be like Ferncliff, Carly." Honestly, he was glad to hear her yelling, even if she was upset with him. It was so much better than the quiet, dead voice of recent weeks.

"Would you go?" she challenged.

"What?"

"Would _you_ go to a shrink? Next time I find you with a big piece of glass in your hand, I should take you to GH and sic Kevin Collins on you? Or you on him, I should say?"

Sonny's eyes darkened, then dropped. "Point made."

Carly felt horrible. She knew how ashamed he was that she had seen him like that last summer, and she'd just thrown the incident in his face. Maybe she was making a valid point, but she still wished she could take it back. "Sonny, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

An intense shared look was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Sonny answered it, slightly annoyed.

"Yeah? Oh, hey, Bobbie… Everything's fine. We just finished dinner… What? … That's sounds great, but I don't know if… Yeah, I think you're right… I'll do my best and let you know tomorrow, all right? … Bye, Bobbie."

Carly looked at the phone, hurt, as he hung it up. "Bye, Mama."

"It's not that she didn't want to talk to you. She just… wanted me to talk to you for her."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"I'm serious, Carly. She invited us… you, me, and Michael… to have dinner at the Brownstone with her Friday night. She got me to ask 'cause she was afraid you'd say no."

"She was right."

"C'mon, Carly, you can do this. Look at how far you've come just today. You made it down the stairs. You're eating again. The next step is to try actually going outside, seeing some other people. It's just a quiet dinner with your mom, maybe Lucas. It might be nice."

"Well…"

"I'll be right there with you. And, I tell you what… If you go, I promise to drop the whole therapy idea. Deal?" He stuck out his hand.

Carly looked at it, biting her lip. That sounded pretty fair. "Deal." She grasped his large, warm hand and shook it. "After all, it's just a quiet little dinner."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Lucas, honey? Before you go to bed, would you help me with something? Bring your notebook."

Bobbie's son landed next to her on the sofa, pen and paper in hand. "What's up?"

"Did you check on Michael?"

"Yes. He's asleep and boring as babies get. So, what do you want, Mom?"

"I'm planning for Friday, and I need to make a list. Now, help me think of everyone who should be invited to your sister's party."


	25. Learning To Be Human

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 25 - Learning To Be Human

"Carly, how are you doing? Almost ready?"

It was Friday night, and they were preparing to go to Bobbie's for dinner. It would be Carly's first venture outside of the penthouse since losing the baby. Sonny was a little nervous for her, but mostly he felt very hopeful that this would be a major turning point in her recovery.

Having been ready for about half an hour, Sonny checked on Carly, coming up behind her at the vanity in their room. He put his hands on her shoulders and she jumped slightly, making a mistake in her already unsteady eyeliner application.

"Damn it," she said quietly.

"Sorry."

"It's not you. It's just been so long since I've bothered to even try to look human that I think I've forgotten how to do this. How have you managed to stay here with me looking like I have all these weeks?"

"What are ya talking about? You know you're always beautiful."

"Right," she muttered, disbelieving. "Anyway, um…" She smudged the extra eyeliner and stood up. "I guess I'm as ready as I'm going to be."

Sonny took her hand and looked her up and down. She was wearing a sleeveless top and long skirt in complimentary shades of light and dark blue. "You look gorgeous."

She flushed at his compliment, as she always did, but was compelled to play it off, as she always did. "I've been wearing the same robe every day for God knows how long. Anything else is bound to look good to you."

"Carly…"

"I'm going to get Michael and head down."

Watching her walk out of the room, Sonny couldn't help shaking his head. He wished she wouldn't slight herself like that. Remembering the staircase, he followed her quickly down the hall. Though not the terrifying prospect it was just a few days before, he knew she would appreciate his arm in going down the stairs.

xxxxxxxxxx

With Michael on her hip and Sonny on her arm, Carly made her way up the walkway to the front door of the brownstone. Sonny heard her breathing a little funny and shot her a look of concern.

"I'll be fine," she tried to reassure. "I know I'm being stupid. It's just my mom. It's just, like I said… learning to be human again."

"I'm very proud of you."

The dark of his eyes was making her head swim. "Thanks. And, I, um… forgot to tell you something at home."

"What?"

"You look really… really nice, too."

Sonny leaned in and gave his wife a sweet kiss on the cheek… to which Michael started making little lip-smacking _mwaa mwaa mwaa _noises. Carly even laughed a bit, which made Sonny's heart soar. Feeling for the first time that everything was going to be okay, he rang the doorbell.

"It's open! Come on in!" Bobbie's voice called out from inside.

Upon opening the door and stepping in, both were treated to a rather unwelcome and unbelievable shock. This was no quiet little dinner with Carly's mother and brother. This was some sort of full-fledged party. It seemed like half of Port Charles was there in Bobbie's den.

Besides Bobbie and Lucas, Carly spotted Chloe and Jax… Juan, Emily, Lucky, and Elizabeth… Tony, Amy, Kevin Collins… Mac and the girls… Mike and Tammy… Laura… her mother's boyfriend, Roy… and Leticia, who saw a look come over Carly's face like she might pass out and wisely hurried up to take Michael.

Arms now empty, Carly turned toward Sonny, hiding her face against his chest and gripping his arms like she was in danger of falling again. Sonny held her close, trying to control his anger as Bobbie approached with a big smile on her face.

"Bobbie, what the hell is this?!"

"What do you mean, Sonny? Everyone's here for Carly, to support her."

_More like to celebrate my baby being dead_, Carly thought.

"Now, I know I said it would be just Lucas and me," Bobbie continued, "but then I thought this would be so much better, and I was afraid neither of you would come if I told you."

"You were right. And that should give you some indication that it was a _bad_ idea. Look at her, Bobbie. This is the first time she's left the penthouse. She can't handle being around all these people yet, even if you had invited people she liked."

Taking a good look at her daughter, who seemed to be shrinking away inside herself more and more, Bobbie wondered if perhaps she had made a big mistake. "But… I had no idea she was still so fragile. Whenever I'd call, you told me she was getting better every day."

Sonny sighed. He had done that. "Then it's partly my fault. I just didn't want you to worry about her more than you had to. But, bottom line is, Carly's not ready for a party. Thank you, but we're going home."

Carly was in a bad state, but she wasn't completely out of it. And she hated being discussed like she wasn't there. She also hated hearing herself being described as fragile, no matter that she knew it was accurate.

"No, Sonny, it's okay," she spoke up. "My mom went to a lot of trouble, so… Maybe this will be good for me." She raised her head and looked around at all the guests, realizing the room had gone silent and everyone was staring at her. Was that pity on their faces? It was a strange sight, knowing as she did that the majority of these people hated her.

"Are you sure, Carly? You don't have to prove anything." Sonny searched her eyes for proof that she could handle this.

"I'm sure. Just… just stay close, okay?"

"I'm right here."

Carly gave her mother a small hug before heading out into the crowd with Sonny. "Interesting guests, Mama. I'm surprised you didn't invite Taggert and Hannah."

Bobbie winced. "Actually, I did. They said they didn't think you would want them here."

Sonny and Carly just moved away from Bobbie, unable to fathom her any longer. Carly turned to Sonny and whispered, "How sad is it that two of our least favorite people in this world understand me better than my own mother?"

He kissed her temple, put an arm around her waist, and they faced the partygoers together.

xxxxxxxxxx

The party itself was sort of a blur for Carly. The mood was one of solemn respect for their loss and a (for the most part) forced friendliness. Instead of a sit-down dinner, Bobbie had set up a buffet, and people stood around in little groups chatting as they ate. Carly would not let go of Sonny, even when he went to get her a plate. He was being a rock for her, as always. She didn't seem able to even keep a polite smile on her face, let alone talk to these people who thought she was trash yet came offering condolences. Sonny took that pressure off her, saying thank you to people she knew he'd rather not have to deal with either… From Tony, who just reminded him of that horrible day… to Mac, the police commissioner, whose job it was to put him in prison… to Roy, who was FBI and his ex-girlfriend's father… to his own father, Mike, who was always a bit of a struggle for Sonny to talk to, even with the good relationship they currently had. Sonny would give her a comforting little squeeze and she would nod in agreement to his thanks.

She was pretty sure her cousin Lucky had actually hugged her, saying something about family taking care of each other. _I didn't know he remembered we were related. _Mac said something about understanding the pain of losing a child from when Maxie needed a new heart and almost died. _But there she stands, and she looks pretty healthy to me. _And Kevin Collins… _Did I imagine that? No, Sonny took it and put it in his jacket pocket. _Dr. Collins had pressed his business card into her hand, whether out of sincere concern or desire to trade her mental health for Sonny's wealth, she didn't really know or care. These people weren't her friends.

She scanned the crowd for Leticia and Chloe. She would talk to them.

"Jax, you cannot be serious about leaving this early. We haven't even spoken to Carly and Sonny yet!" Chloe tried to make Jax see sense, but she knew it was hopeless.

"That's exactly the point. Trust me, Chloe. Sonny Corinthos does not want sympathetic words from me."

"Well, maybe you're right. But can you understand that I need to stay? Carly is my friend."

"Do I understand why you're friends with Carly? No, I don't."

Chloe started to make an angry retort, but Jax continued.

"But I guess that, if you insist on being her friend, I understand that you need to speak to her. Go on over to her, tell her how sorry you are for her loss, and we can be out of here in time to meet Ned and Alexis for dinner at the Grille."

Chloe just stared at him, amazed in her realization that he honestly didn't hear anything wrong with what he was saying. "I actually used to think you were sensitive."

Jax sighed. "Chloe, let's not start this."

"I'm not starting anything, Jax. Go to dinner. Say hi to Ned and Alexis for me. I'm staying here."

"I'm getting a sense of déja vu."

Chloe looked at him with sadly matter-of-fact eyes. "Unfortunately, so am I."

Jax stared at her for a few moments. Nothing more to say, he left, shaking his head. Chloe blinked back a tear or two of frustration, and then she turned to walk over to where Carly and Sonny stood talking to Leticia… now without Michael, who was being fussed over by his grandparents.

Meanwhile, Leticia was apologizing to Carly. "I'm so sorry, honey. I knew this was a bad idea. But I didn't even find out about it 'til this morning, and it was all set up, and Bobbie was so…"

"I know, Let. It's okay," Carly told her, though with a voice so weak Leticia wasn't sure she believed it.

"How come we didn't see a bunch of cars?" Sonny inquired, still upset that he'd brought Carly into this.

"Well, I know I took a cab. But I think Bobbie told everybody it was supposed to be a surprise, so they all parked down the street a ways."

"Surprise," mumbled Carly.

Sonny and Leticia exchanged a look of worry. Just then, Chloe joined in. Carly was happy to see her and reached out for the hug her friend was offering.

"How are you feeling, Carly? You look wonderful."

Carly managed her first smile since entering the house. "Thank you. I'm… still breathing."

Sonny was thrilled to see her smile, though he wondered why she could believe the compliment when it came from Chloe but not from him.

"Where's Jax?" Carly asked.

"Uh, he had to leave. Sudden business meeting. But he wanted me to extend condolences on his behalf and wish you both the best."

Sonny nodded his head as she spoke, doing his best not to roll his eyes. He liked Chloe, but he also knew the only truth in that stuff she said about Jax was that he had left. Even if Candyboy had managed to say a kind word towards Carly, there was no way he would wish them _both_ the best. The ring of his cell phone interrupted his thoughts.

"Excuse me," he said to the three ladies before answering. "Yeah? Calm down, Benny. Okay. Just a second." He covered the mouthpiece and turned to Carly. "I promise it'll be quick, but I really need to take this in private. Will you be okay for just a few minutes?"

She wanted to keep him right next to her, but how sad and pathetic was she if she couldn't go two minutes without him? "Yeah, I'll be fine."

He gave her another kiss on the cheek. "I'll be right out back." Moving through the crowd, he headed for the back door. "Talk to me, Benny…"

Carly was vaguely aware of Chloe and Leticia saying something to her, but without Sonny she suddenly didn't want to be around anyone, even her friends.

"Guys, I'm gonna go fill up my plate again, okay?"

"You haven't eaten what's already on your plate," Leticia noted tentatively.

"Well, I… I don't like this, so I'm gonna go get something different. You two talk. Just don't worry about me." With that, Carly nearly ran for the buffet table.

"I guess she wants to be alone," said Chloe.

"That's what worries me," echoed Leticia. "But I guess there's not much we can do. So… not that I don't enjoy your company, but if you're looking for someone to talk to, I know a much better listener than me."

"Who?"

"Hmm, I shouldn't say. But he's outside sitting in the driver's seat of a limo as we speak."

Chloe tried not to light up at the thought of Johnny, but she seemed unable to help it. "And you think he'd be happy to see…?"

"Over the moon. Go."

"Thanks, Leticia."

Leticia watched Chloe go with a knowing smile. There was definitely something brewing with those two.

Her thoughts turned, as they always did, to AJ. It had been too long since she had seen him. She hoped he had stopped beating himself up, as he had encouraged her to stop blaming herself at the hospital. They had spoken on the phone only once in the past few weeks. It seemed neither of them knew what to do next. Sure, she was no longer with Reggie, and he was divorced from Carly, but their lives were still so different. They were still so different. If she let her heart imagine a future with him, was she just kidding herself?

xxxxxxxxxx

_knock, knock_

Johnny heard the delicate raps on the window and looked through the tinted glass to see Chloe. He made sure to convert his goofy grin to a cool, casual smile before stepping out of the limo.

"Did I startle you again?" she asked.

Somehow she was lovelier every time he saw her. Maybe that was because a lot of her smiles were aimed at him lately. "Nah, not too bad," he teased lightly. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Apparently Bobbie invited more guests to dinner than Carly and Sonny were aware of."

"How many?"

"Close to twenty."

"Seriously? Damn. What is Ms. Spencer thinking?"

"I don't know. When she invited me, I thought it was a sweet idea. Now I'm starting to feel guilty for being here."

"Don't, Chloe. I'm sure Carly was glad to see you."

"Yes, I suppose she was."

"That was my segue into the fact that I'm glad to see you."

Happiness tickled the corners of her mouth. "Back at you."

"So, what brings you by the limo?"

"Just wanted some fresh air," Chloe hedged. "And Leticia said…"

"Said what?"

"Um, that she thought you might be bored."

That was good enough for him. He'd be grateful for any reason that led to them spending time together. "Well, Leticia's always right."

Chloe thought of Leticia's assertion that Johnny would be "over the moon" to see her, and of her matchmaker twinkling eyes, wondering if she truly was always right. "I'll tell her you said that."

"Uh oh."

They laughed for a moment, leaning against the limo side-by-side. Simultaneously, they quieted, both thinking the same thoughts… thinking about Carly.

"I hope she's doing all right in there."

"Me too. I'm sure… I'm sure she is."

xxxxxxxxxx

Carly moved through the party like a ghost, quickly but quietly. She tried to eat some of the food from her plate, but everything tasted the same to her… pretty much like nothing. She kept her head down and prayed that no one would approach her, at least not before Sonny came back. She didn't know why she bothered to worry about that though. No one here wanted to talk to her. No one was here for her. With the exception of Leticia and Chloe, and maybe Mike, everyone only came because Bobbie asked them to. And even Mike really came for Sonny.

_Sonny_… What was taking him so long? He had probably only been gone five minutes, but it felt like forever.

In the kitchen, Emily and Elizabeth… plus Amy, who was tired of flirting with Tony to no avail… were gathered for a little gossip.

"You know, if you had told me before about what would happen to Sonny and Carly," voiced Elizabeth, "I would have said…"

Just then, Carly reached the other side of the kitchen door on her way to get a soda. She stopped when she heard the voices, only in fact hearing the words that would follow.

"… a child is lucky to be spared Carly as a mother, and Sonny will leave her now that she's no longer pregnant…"

Carly felt her heart stop beating. Carly felt sick to her stomach. Carly felt truly worthless in that moment, and the voices in her head drowned out anything further that was said. _It's true… It's true… They know it's true._

She couldn't breathe. She had to get out of there. She didn't think about anything. She just headed for the door, and once outside, started running.

She missed Elizabeth saying, "But I don't think that anymore. This baby was obviously a lot more than just a meal ticket to her. And have you seen the way Sonny looks at her and how he's been taking care of her tonight?"

And Amy saying, "I saw it at the hospital. They were going through hell, but the way they were with each other was really beautiful… Did I just say that about Sonny Corinthos and Carly Benson?"

And Emily saying, "Carly Corinthos, you mean. And you're right. I was at their wedding. I really think Sonny loves her. They love each other, baby or not."

Elizabeth raised her glass of iced tea. "I never thought I'd say this, but here's to Sonny and Carly."

_clink-clink-clink_

"WHERE'S CARLY??" boomed Sonny from the very center of the party, having made his way back inside, and looking around to find his wife nowhere in sight.


	26. Lost

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 26 - Lost

"Jax must be missing you."

Johnny heard the reluctance in his own voice. He didn't want Chloe to realize she had better places to be and leave him.

"Perhaps. But I thought supporting Carly was a bit more important than some dinner with Ned and Alexis we could have any time, and do."

"You mean he's not inside?"

"No. I mean, he was. He left after the first few minutes."

"For dinner with Ned and Alexis?"

"My official excuse inside was '_sudden business meeting_.' But yes."

"Well, maybe that's for the best. Keeping Jax away from Sonny usually is."

"That's basically what Jax said. I guess he was right. But he expected me to just run along behind him. I told him I was staying for my friend."

"Good for you," Johnny said, bumping her gently with his shoulder, to which she bumped him back. "I don't care what his reasons. He shouldn't have just left you here."

"I'm a big girl," she smiled, turning her face towards him. "I can take care of myself."

"I don't doubt it for a second," he breathed.

xxxxxxxxxx

"I said, _where's Carly_???"

Elizabeth, Emily, and Amy rushed out of the kitchen to see what the commotion was about. All the guests hushed their conversations and stopped to stare at Sonny.

"Sonny, calm down." Bobbie hurried over to her increasingly frantic son-in-law. "She has to be here somewhere."

"Nobody was paying attention to her?" he accused the room. "At this party in her honor? She just disappeared and no one noticed?"

"I just laid Michael down upstairs. I bet she snuck up there to see him." Bobbie went to check out her theory, confident.

Sonny put his hands to his head. He knew she wasn't upstairs. Something was wrong. "I shouldn't have left her alone."

"You were only gone a few minutes, Sonny."

He looked up to see Leticia standing next to him, trying not to appear as worried as he was. "What about you, huh? I left her with you for those minutes. How the hell did you lose her?"

"She wanted to be alone, Sonny. She seemed basically okay. She went to the buffet table, and I went to talk to Mike and Tammy for a bit."

As if on cue, his father came up and put a hand on his arm. "Michael, Michael… I'm sure everything's fine. Bobbie will come down with her any minute now, and Carly will be wondering why you got so upset over nothing."

Sonny turned suddenly when he heard Bobbie on the stair. With a confused expression, she shook her head.

"I checked every room."

Sonny was beyond worried now and fighting an urge to punch something. "Okay, last time… Did anyone here speak to my wife? Upset her? Did anyone see her leave?"

The room was silent, everyone just looking at each other and shrugging. Sonny was ready to give up on the lot of them and just start scouring the town, when he felt a tugging on the bottom hem of his suit jacket. He looked down to find young Georgie Jones.

"I know why she ran away."

xxxxxxxxxx

Johnny and Chloe's hands had somehow linked pinkies where they rested on the limo. Their faces seemed to inch closer with every word spoken between them.

"I don't know what's going on with Jax and me," Chloe whispered, not really sure why.

"What do you mean?"

"We didn't say it, but tonight… it felt like we were breaking up."

"Does that make you sad?" _Stupid question_, he thought. _Of course it does._

"I think I'm sad that I'm not as sad as I should be." Chloe was gazing right into Johnny's eyes, and she couldn't help herself. "But I don't think it's possible for me to really be sad when I'm this close to you."

Johnny couldn't help himself either. He gently grabbed her face and kissed her.

xxxxxxxxxx

Sonny tried to stay calm, afraid he might frighten this kid. He kneeled down to her level. "Your name's Georgie, right?" She nodded and he continued. "What do you mean you know why my wife ran away? You saw her leave the party?"

"She was crying."

Sonny felt Carly's pain in his own heart. All he could see now were the tears streaming down her face. "Why was she crying?"

"She heard what they said." Georgie pointed to Elizabeth, Emily, and Amy.

"What?" gasped Elizabeth.

Sonny stormed over to the three of them. "What the hell did you say to my wife?"

"Nothing, Sonny, I swear!"

"We haven't seen her except for when you were with her, Sonny," Emily agreed.

Amy was silent, paralyzed with fear that Sonny was going to have her whacked now.

"They didn't talk to her. She heard them through the kitchen door," Georgie piped up.

The women all racked their brains to think of what they could have said to send Carly running out of the place.

"Talking behind my wife's back?" Sonny pressed, still filled with rage.

"They didn't say anything bad… but she thought they did."

At that comment from Georgie, Sonny went back over to her, kneeling again. "Why did she think they said something bad if they didn't?"

"Because she only heard part of it. She was at the kitchen door when I went in to get some more cookies. I don't think she even noticed me. A lot of people don't. But when I went in, Emily and Liz and Nurse Amy were saying something that sounded mean."

"What did they say?"

"Something like, a child shouldn't have Carly for a mommy and you were gonna leave her."

Sonny gave the three in question such an evil eye that it was a miracle they survived to continue shaking in their shoes.

"I started to tell them they shouldn't say that, but they started saying nice things before I got a chance. The bad thing they said was just what they used to think. They said they don't anymore. And that it's really obvious."

"What is?"

"That you're in love," Georgie beamed.

Sonny was taken aback by this angelic child confronting him with a truth he managed to keep locked away most of the time… and with a room full of witnesses. But he had to concentrate on finding Carly. "She didn't hear that part, did she?"

"Don't think so. After the bad part, I thought I heard something, so I peeked out the kitchen door and saw her run out."

Sonny stood suddenly, realizing he was wasting time. Carly could need him right now. He had to get out of there and find her. "Bobbie, can you keep Michael?"

"Of course. Just take care of Carly."

_Best way I could have taken care of Carly would have been to not bring her here. _Sonny headed for the front door, and little Georgie ran after him.

"I'm sorry. I should've stopped her or something, huh?"

She looked so sad. Sonny bent down to hug her, not caring if it made Mac growl. "Don't worry about that. You've helped me a lot. Thank you, Miss Jones."

Georgie giggled at the man's formal name for her and ran back to hang out with her sister.

Sonny left the bizarre gathering behind, only to be greeted by another bizarre occurrence outside… his best guard making out with Chloe Morgan. Normally, he wouldn't have minded. In fact, the humiliation it might cause Jax would no doubt have put a smile on his face. But not tonight.

"HEY!"

Johnny and Chloe broke off their kiss at the sudden shout, and turned, blushing, to face a wild-eyed Sonny Corinthos.

"Sorry to interrupt, but did you happen to notice a very beautiful woman… otherwise known as my wife… running out of that house, crying her eyes out? Or were you a little too distracted?"

"Sonny, what are you talking about? What happened?" asked Chloe.

"Carly's gone! She left! She's missing!"

"Sonny, I'm sorry," responded Johnny, with a certain amount of guilt. "She must have snuck through the surrounding trees and come out further down the road so we wouldn't see her."

"Well, don't just stand there!" Sonny yelled. "Get in this car and drive! We've got to find her!"

Johnny nodded as his boss climbed in the backseat. Before opening the driver's door for himself, he whispered at Chloe, "Do you have a ride home?"

Despite worry for Carly, she managed to smile. "I promise I will find one."

He started to argue, but he could hear her voice in his head telling him she could take care of herself. And he knew better than to keep Sonny waiting. With one last look, he hopped in and the limo took off.

"Where to, Sonny?"

Sonny thought of half a dozen possibilities, from the docks to Queen of Angels. But he prayed that the simplest answer was the right one.

"Home." As soon as that word left his lips, his cell phone rang. "Carly?"

It wasn't Carly on the other end of the line, but Francis, who was standing guard at PH4. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he was pretty sure Sonny would want to hear it.

"Boss, Mrs. Corinthos has returned to the penthouse. She… Well, I think you need to get here right away."

"What aren't you telling me, Francis?"

"She was crying when she got here. She didn't say anything when I spoke to her. She just looked… lost. She ran inside… I think I heard a door slam upstairs."

"Speed up, Johnny," Sonny barked.

"I didn't think it was my place to go after her, Mr. Corinthos, but I wanted to make sure you knew."

"We're almost there." Sonny turned off his cell and held his breath. "I'm almost there, Carly."

xxxxxxxxxx

_By the shadows of the night I go  
__I move away from the crowded room  
__That sea of shallow faces masked in warm regret  
__They don't know how to feel  
__They don't know what is lost, ohh…_

"CARLY!!!"

Sonny skidded to a halt in front of the closed bedroom door, a tad out of breath from running all the way from the parking garage. He tried the doorknob and found it was locked. He didn't bother with waiting for her to answer, or going to find a key. He kicked the door in.

"Carly," he repeated, much softer… and sadder. When he walked into the room, his eyes found her immediately, curled up in the fetal position on the bed, her back to him. The room was dark, but he could see all too well as he came up behind her. He could see her hands and what was in them… In one, a bottle of pills, and in the other… his gun.

A shot of fear like he had never known coursed through him at the image of her like that… at the thought of how much more she must be hurting than he realized… and at the possibility of losing… _No._

_Lost in the darkness of a land  
__Where all the hope that's offered is  
__Memories of being taken by the hand  
__And we are led into the sun  
__But I don't have a hold on what is real  
__Though we can only try  
__What is there to give or to believe_

She still hadn't reacted to his presence, so he wasn't sure the best way to handle her. He crept up as close as he could to her… slowly… and grabbed the gun. His heart hammering out of his chest, he removed the bullets with shaking hands, dumping both bullets and weapon in the open lockbox that sat on the dresser.

"Carly, honey, what are you doing?" Sonny's voice cracked as he faced her.

Seeming to notice him for the first time, Carly sat up, holding some new item up for him to see. Looking closely, he saw that it was his mother's pin, though the pinback was all bent out of shape. She must have used it to pick the lock.

"Your mother helped me," she said, in a voice that gave him chills. "I didn't mean to mess up the pin. I'm sorry. But it was important." She looked up at him with teary eyes. "She forgives me, right?"

Sonny nodded his head ever so slightly, feeling she needed that comfort. "But, Carly, you are _not_… you're not hurting yourself with this," he said, eyeing the gun. "You hear me?" His desperate message was softly but intensely spoken.

"I know, Sonny. I know. I thought of that. You like everything neat. I don't want to be a mess for you to clean up. I didn't know what to do, but then I saw these."

_I want it all to go away  
__I want to be alone  
__Sympathies wasted on my hollow shell  
__I feel there's nothing left to fight for  
__No reason for a cause  
__And I can't hear your voice  
__And I can't feel you near_

She held up the bottle of pills… her pain pills prescribed after the miscarriage, he realized. She had taken very few in the weeks since it happened… wanting to feel the pain, perhaps because it was better than feeling nothing… so the bottle would be almost full. At least, he prayed it was still full.

"Carly, give me those."

"It's okay, Sonny. It's best this way. I get to go to sleep and be with our baby, and you get to be without me."

She opened the bottle and began pouring as many as she could fit into her hand. Before she could raise them to her mouth, Sonny slapped her hands and sent the pills flying in all directions. She looked at him like he had just stabbed her in the heart.

_Lost in the darkness of a land  
__Where all the hope that's offered is  
__Memories of being taken by the hand  
__And we are led into the sun  
__But I don't have a hold on what is real  
__Though we can only try  
__What is there to give or to believe_

"Why did you do that?" Carly dropped to all fours and started searching the floor for pills in a frenzy.

Sonny dropped to his knees beside her and threw his arms around her, holding her tighter than he ever had before. She struggled at first, but he didn't dare let her go. After a few minutes, she just went limp in his arms, exhausted, and then began to cry a whole new level of tears. He rocked her and stroked her hair, whispering soothingly as he cried along with her.

"Shhh… You're gonna be all right, cariña… I promise, and I always keep my promises… One other thing I can promise… I would not be all right without you… Not even close… And I don't want to be without you… ever."

_I wanted a change  
__Knowing all I could do was try  
__I was looking for someone…_

(Lyrics - "Lost," by Sarah McLachlan)


	27. Still

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 27 - Still

He was doing everything in his power to make her feel safe, cared for, and that this was a place where she could heal. When Sonny made the decision to take her to the island, he knew he had found the answer they'd both been looking for. He remembered how taken she'd been with the tropical air and the sound of the waves when he had brought her briefly before. Just being there seemed to help them make progress in getting along. So much had changed since then. They had grown so much closer, but their lives had also been torn apart, creating a kind of invisible distance between them. And he had failed her, insisting she reintroduce herself to an outside world that sent her running back to the brink of insanity. This time away was for Carly, but he knew seeing her healed would heal him, too.

The previous night was still so fresh in Sonny's mind, that first moment of seeing her on the verge of ending her life now tied with seeing her at the bottom of the Quartermaine stairs as the most frightening moment of his. If he had arrived home just a few minutes later…

He refused to think about that. All he was going to think about now was the fact that she was still in his life, and he had a second chance to be the kind of husband she needed.

"Carly?"

Sonny made his way out to the veranda, to the scent of exotic flowers and salt water, and the breathtaking view of the beach. He spotted his wife curled up on a chaise. She did not appear to be crying, he noted with relief, but her thoughts were troubling her.

"Carly." He sat down next to her on the chaise and took her hand gently.

She looked up almost shyly. "Hi."

He was afraid to ask what she was thinking. Looking her up and down, he tried another way to get her to talk. "Aren't you hot?"

"I'm okay."

"Sweetheart, it's 88 degrees and you're wearing a robe."

Carly sat up to defend herself and got her first good look at Sonny, who was only wearing a pair of dark blue swim trunks. "It's… it's, it's," she stammered slightly. "It's a bathing suit cover up."

"That defeats the whole purpose of a bathing suit."

"Purpose?" She eyed him skeptically.

"To not be covered up."

Sonny decided to take a chance that treating her the way he would normally would help her feel more normal. His fingers found the tie to her robe and tugged it. As the material fell open to reveal her tasteful two-piece, he watched her face to gauge her reaction. She did not become angry or upset, only shy once again. The last time he had seen so much of her body, she was pregnant. Carly looked down at her flat stomach with disgust.

"You're beautiful."

Her eyes flew back up to his face when he spoke. He always knew what she needed. The warmth in the way he was looking at her was enough to make her cry, but she had done much too much of that in recent weeks. Afraid that tears would spill from her eyes as easily as words from her lips, she responded simply by squeezing his hand.

"So, you ready for a swim?" Sonny asked with a charming smile.

Carly gazed out toward the ocean wistfully. "We were going to bring Michael here to swim."

"I know, Carly," he sighed. He felt bad about leaving Michael home with Leticia, too, but he knew it was what was necessary for now. "And we will. I just… I wanted you to be able to completely relax on this trip and only worry about yourself."

"Sonny, you can say it. You're scared to let Michael anywhere near me. I am, too."

"Hey, hey, hey." She had pulled her hand away, and he grasped it again. "I'll admit I was scared last night." She looked down in shame. "But I have no fears when it comes to you with Michael. You always take good care of him. That's why, just for a while, I wanted to have you all to myself… so we can take care of you."

Chocolate eyes met obsidian once more. Carly almost managed a smile. "Okay. But I really don't know if I'm up for a swim."

"That's all right," Sonny replied with a mysterious wink. "I've got an even better idea." Standing, he held out his hand for her to take. "You trust me, right?"

She placed her hand in his and let him pull her up after only a second's hesitation. "More than I do myself… though that's not saying much these days."

"Carly, I'm serious. Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then come with me."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Your mommy and Uncle Sonny love you a lot, Michael. I bet they miss you already. And you know what? We're going to go and be with them before you know it. Mommy's just missing little brother an awful lot right now, and she needs some time to learn how not to be so sad."

Leticia carried Michael to the swings and placed him in the toddler seat. A day at the park always put a smile on the boy's face, and with Sonny and Carly temporarily gone, he needed the distraction.

As she was pushing Michael in his little swing, a figure was coming up behind her… a man. She didn't notice, and continued paying attention only to Michael's giggles of delight. Hands reached slowly around to cover her eyes.

"Guess who?"

Leticia was just about to answer with delight of her own, when suddenly the warm familiar rasp in her ear turned into a struggle and shouting.

"Hey! Hey man, let me go!"

Whirling around, she found Francis, who had been guarding her and Michael from his post in the bushes, had AJ in a chokehold.

"Francis, stop!"

"He was about to attack you," Francis insisted, still holding AJ by the neck.

"I appreciate you doing your job, Francis, but I assure you I don't feel threatened. A-… Mr. Quartermaine was only saying hello. And Michael doesn't need to see violence at the park. You can let go of him now."

Reluctantly, the guard did so. "Sonny doesn't want him anywhere near Michael."

"Hey, that's my son you're talking-…"

Leticia put her hand up to silence AJ before he made things worse, then turned back to the immovable Francis, all the while continuing to push Michael.

"That was mostly because Sonny didn't want Mr. Quartermaine upsetting Carly. I'm also guessing it was before AJ quite possibly saved Carly's life. After that, I think we can at least treat him like a human being. If Sonny has to find out and has a problem with it, I take full responsibility."

Francis shook his head, puzzled at Leticia's strange behavior, but gave in. Women always confused him, anyway. "Fine. But I'll be close by, keeping an eye on him."

"That's because you're the best at what you do, Frankie. Don't tell Johnny I said that, 'kay?"

Francis disappeared back into the bushes, still shaking his head. _Women._

Leticia gave AJ an apologetic smile, looking at the red marks on his neck she wanted to kiss and make better. But, knowing they had an audience, she would have to settle for a brief whispered conversation. "I'm so sorry about that."

"Are you kidding? You're my hero." He touched her arm for just a moment, low enough for spying guards to miss. "I guess I should be glad it was this guy and not Johnny. Johnny hates me. I might not have lived long enough for you to defend me."

"I don't think Johnny really hates you anymore, since what happened with Carly. Besides…"

"Besides what?"

"I think he knows about us."

Leticia waited for AJ to have some kind of less than positive reaction… of worry, or just surprise… after dropping that little bomb. But he had neither. In fact, he grinned.

"In that case, he definitely would have beat me up."

"AJ, I'm serious."

"Well, so what? What's Johnny gonna do?"

"He could… tell someone."

He knew the someone she was thinking of. "What are you afraid of? Carly's your best friend. Do you honestly think she's going to fire you? Why would she even be mad? She doesn't hate me as much as she used to. And she never loved me, so it's not like you crossed some sort of line there."

Michael was starting to squirm in the swing, so Leticia pulled him out and sat him on her hip. "Maybe you're right. It's just that… she is my best friend. And I've been keeping something pretty important to me from her. That's basically lying, right? That's what I don't know if she'll forgive."

"If anyone should be able to forgive lying, it's Carly."

She watched AJ watching his son as he spoke and knew he was fighting not to reach out to him. She also knew he would never ask of her what she was about to offer. That's why she wanted so badly to give it to him.

"Do you want to hold him?"

This time, AJ's face displayed both surprise and worry… bordering on terror. "But, he doesn't really know me. What if I make him cry?"

"Then Francis will come back and I'll let him beat you up," she joked. He didn't laugh. "Kidding, okay? Michael will be fine. I have a good feeling."

"But, since you brought him up, what about Francis?"

Leticia glanced toward the bushes, then to another area of the playground. "Follow me."

AJ followed her to what turned out to be the children's slide. "Why did we come over here?"

"He's got an obscured view now. So, be a man and hold your son before Frankie finds a new bush."

He blinked, then laughed at her directness, taking Michael into his arms as she held him out. The boy looked at him inquisitively for a moment… before smiling. AJ felt an incredible rush of happiness. The only reason he even recognized the feeling was that he had learned it from the woman standing next to him.

"He's not crying."

"No, he's not," she proudly concurred, with a tear in her eye. This was her AJ… the one only she got to see… the one with the heart even bigger than his last name… the one who truly wanted to be a father.

Standing there, with his son in his arms, looking at the woman he loved, the woman who made the moment happen, he wanted to shout his heart to the world. Thinking about it, it was about damn time. "Leticia?"

"Yes?"

"What are we really waiting for anymore? I don't want this… _us_… to be a secret anymore."

"What are you saying, AJ?"

"I'm saying I love you and I don't want to pretend I don't."

"Keep your voice down," she whispered, though inside she was melting.

He obliged, but did not waver. "That's the point. I don't want to keep quiet about this."

"I know, I really do. I want the same thing. But…"

"But what now? Still Carly?"

"It's not just that. AJ, I know how your family would react to us being together."

"My family adores you."

"They adored me as _'the help.' _As in, _'Oh, look at the little low-class Puerto Rican nanny. Isn't she adorable?'_ But it's very different when the little low-class Puerto Rican nanny is trying to act like one of them."

"Now you stop that. I'm not saying my family's not full of snobs, but you've got more class than all of them, and you know it."

"Maybe," she admitted, unable to stop the start of a smile. "Except for Lila."

"Of course," he allowed, smiling back.

"But, come on, AJ. What if they… I don't know… disinherit you or something?"

"Then we'll live on love."

"Who are you and what have you done with AJ Quartermaine?"

"Yeah, I can't really pull off a line like that, can I?" He sniggered at himself. "I mean, I plan for us to love each other for the rest of our lives, but I also plan for us to be rich while we're doing it. Don't worry about my family. I can handle them. The way I see it, they don't think too much of me as it is. If they want to disinherit me, they can think of much better reasons than you."

"Anybody ever tell you you're a pretty good guy?"

"Just you… and that's all I need," he replied. "Uh oh, I think Francis is on the prowl. Here, you better take Michael back. Bye Michael. Thanks for letting me spend some time with you." AJ handed him over, feeling sad but blessed.

"He enjoyed it. So did I."

Chest a little tight with emotion, AJ just nodded his enjoyment. "I should go." He turned and walked a few steps, then stopped to offer some final words. "Think about what I said. And don't worry about Carly, okay? She'll probably just make some crack about how you have lousy taste in men. And she'll be right." He walked away smiling.

Her smile for AJ quickly fell as she thought about Carly. She had much more to worry about when it came to Carly than how she would react to her involvement with AJ. She would love to hear Carly make a crack like that about AJ, because it would mean she was back to her old self. As of now, her best friend was trying to recover from a devastating loss and resulting depression that had almost cost her her life last night. Leticia didn't know details, but Sonny had made it sound pretty bad. She knew it was meant to be kept a secret from everyone and that he had only told her because she was Michael's caregiver. She almost wished she didn't know.

"God, please look after Carly… Carly and Sonny both. Help them help each other."

After offering a whispered prayer to the heavens, she turned to Michael and blew a raspberry on his cheek, making him laugh. "Come on, Michael. Let's get Frankie and go home. What would you say to a snack?" She switched to a high-pitched voice as they walked back to the swings. "Hellooo, snack!"

xxxxxxxxxx

Trusting Sonny had led Carly to paradise… a part of the house she didn't know existed… more specifically, the Jacuzzi. The exquisitely hot water soaked into her every pore, trying to melt the misery away, the jets massaging her tired muscles and weary soul, bubbles tickling her skin. They had started out sitting across from each other, but Sonny had slowly drifted closer until he was able to put his arm around her, which he did.

"I want to tell you something about the party last night," he said. Immediately, Sonny felt her tense up.

"Sonny, please don't make me talk about it."

"No, not like that. Carly, look at me." With a wet hand, he turned her face to his. "I just wanted you to know… I know what made you run off."

_Then he knows it's true. Is this the moment? Is this the moment he tells me goodbye?_

_Solitary girl  
__I have been  
__Living in a cell made of skin  
__Sealed inside myself  
__Nothing gets out or gets in  
__I can't feel what you feel_

"What you heard, Carly… You didn't hear everything."

She couldn't figure out why he would torture her with this. "I don't think I want to hear the rest of it," she whispered.

"I think you do. The things Elizabeth and Emily and Amy said that upset you were only half the story. What they actually said was that they used to think those things, but they don't anymore. Now I'm not excusing them. They had no right to ever think what they did, much less talk about it in Bobbie's house. But, on the other hand, if you held it against every person who'd ever been stupid and wrong about you, we wouldn't be together right now." He kissed her steamy shoulder.

_Show me the way to my heart  
__Show me the way  
__Show me the way to my heart, baby  
__Show me… show me_

Carly tried to take in what he was saying, but the flutters he was causing in her stomach made it even more difficult to figure out if she believed the words. "I know you want to make me feel better, Sonny. But they're lying."

"I didn't find out from them. I found out from Georgie Jones. I might not have Jason's truth radar, but she seemed like a pretty honest kid to me. But the real truth is, it doesn't matter what anyone says. You and I know… we know what's true."

Looking into his eyes, he was right… She knew. But that was still what she was having the hardest time believing.

"And I want you to know… I didn't do… what I almost did because of what they said. I mean, obviously it sort of made something snap, but… I wouldn't give them that kind of power. I just… I don't know what happened." Carly cursed herself quietly as she started to cry.

Sonny pulled her against his chest, tucking her head under his chin, stroking her back with one hand and her hair with the other. "I know, sweetheart. Shhh. It's okay."

_My fingers search for you while I sleep  
__Looking for something to keep  
__Help me feel what you feel_

They were quiet for a while, before Carly's ragged voice spoke up with an unexpected sentence. "I thought you would put me away."

"Away? What are you talking about?"

"Ferncliff, Sonny… after, you know."

Sonny kept her close, but held her face to look in her eyes again. "You thought I would do that to you?"

"I wouldn't blame you! God, after what I did? What I almost…? I don't remember it all, but I remember enough. Mostly it's just… like it was somebody else."

"Yeah, I know about that," he said softly, thinking of last August… among other times.

"I just can't believe I… Ferncliff's probably where I belong."

"Well, then maybe I'm just being selfish, 'cause I want you with me."

_Show me the way to my heart  
__Show me the way  
__Show me the way to my heart, baby  
__Show me… show me_

"Still?"

She stared at him as deeply as she could, as if waiting for him to look away, thus proving that he didn't really mean what he was saying. But he did not look away, even as he leaned forward and kissed her with as much honesty and desire as had shone in his eyes. It was their first real kiss since they lost the baby.

"Yes, Caroline… still."

(Lyrics - "Show Me," Bree Sharp)


	28. Feeling So Alive nc17

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 28 - Feeling So Alive

(NC-17)

It was becoming increasingly difficult for Sonny to be so close to Carly all day and night without making love to her. And he was ashamed of himself for even feeling those things. A man is supposed to desire his wife, yes, but his wife was still in a fragile emotional state. Despite the location being the same, Sonny told himself, this was not the honeymoon they hadn't gotten to go on. This trip was all about Carly, resting and healing. God knows he would do anything in his power to help her do that. But something had been reawakened between them in the Jacuzzi… feelings, a need, that wouldn't be ignored much longer. Still, Sonny was determined to give her time.

What Sonny didn't realize was that Carly didn't want time… She wanted him. It had been so wonderful in the Jacuzzi, kissing him and finally really touching each other again… with intent that went beyond comfort. It was the most she'd felt like herself in as long as she could remember. All she wanted was to be closer to him. Then suddenly he pulled back, mumbled that she should eat something, and the next minute they were out of the tub and drying themselves off.

She was sure whatever he cooked was delicious, but she was so in shock and disappointed from what she took as his rejection that, although she ate the food, she didn't taste it. Carly was convinced Sonny didn't find her attractive anymore. Losing the baby had obviously changed the way he saw her, and she couldn't blame him. She did not cry, however. A few days had passed and she had not cried once in that time, even when she'd wanted to. Maybe at last she was truly empty… nothing left, not even tears.

It was evening, shortly after dinner, and Carly was walking along the beach… alone. It had happened again. This time, their hands had collided while putting the dishes away. About five seconds worth of perfect moment, looking in each other's eyes, ended abruptly when he pulled his hand away and claimed he had phone calls to make. She said okay but mentioned that she was going to take a walk on the beach, in the hope that he might join her. Gazing sadly at the house, she decided not to expect him. She didn't even know if he was really making calls or simply avoiding her.

Left to her thoughts, and trying not to think about Sonny, her mind and heart landed on thoughts of the baby and what might have been. Of course, those thoughts of the baby inevitably involved Sonny. Visions of him wheeling her out of the hospital, their baby healthy and nestled in her arms… of the two of them at home, giving the baby his first bath… of Sonny holding his child at the balcony window to show him Port Charles, as Sonny had told her he'd done with Michael before he even met her… teased her with their beauty and then faded away.

Carly wrapped her arms around herself. The night was warm, but reality was cold. And every time she let herself dream and then had to face reality again, it was like she died a little more inside.

She knew what she needed to do. The sound of the crashing waves was calling to her. With purpose, Carly walked toward the ocean and into the water, stopping when it reached about waist-high. There she stood and waited… waited for the waves to come and crash down on her, slamming her under the surf until she couldn't breathe.

Meanwhile, Sonny had decided he couldn't keep hiding from Carly, especially if he wanted her to believe he would always be there for her. He'd put on some swim trunks and grabbed a blanket and a couple of towels, hoping to talk Carly into taking a late-night dip and then relaxing with him on the sand. He walked out onto the beach, looking around for her and calling her name.

"Carly?"

Though it was night, the moon provided more than enough light to see by. Out of the corner of Sonny's eye, he glimpsed a figure in the water and looked more closely. He realized it was definitely Carly just as a monstrous wave rose behind her and swallowed her up. Sonny blinked a couple of times in disbelief, waiting for her to reappear… but she didn't.

_Oh my God… She's trying to drown herself._

"CARLY!!!"

Sonny dropped the things he carried and ran like never before out into the water. He started swimming, and was just about to dive under the water to look for her when Carly finally floated to the surface. She was coughing up a lot of water and splashing around, somewhat disoriented. Sonny silently thanked God and swam to her, wrapping a strong arm around her.

"I'm here. I'm here, Carly. It's okay now. You don't want to do this. Hold on tight now. I'm gonna get you to shore," he promised in her ear. She nodded, looking only slightly confused, and they swam back to the beach.

Sonny picked up one of the towels he'd dropped, shook off the sand, and wrapped Carly up in it. He didn't even bother with drying himself off. He pulled her to him with the towel and hugged her tight.

"You can't do this to me again, okay?"

Carly pulled back enough to look at him. What was he talking about? Looking at him, feeling him so close, she finally realized that he was shaking. He wasn't cold. He was scared. His words played in her head… _"You don't want to do this."… "You can't do this to me again."… _and suddenly it hit her. _He doesn't think that… Does he?_

"Do what, Sonny?" she asked gently.

"I told you I don't want you out of my life. So you can't treat your life like it doesn't matter, Carly, because you…"

The next words out of his mouth were to be, "You _are_ my life." Not knowing that, Carly interrupted.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself, Sonny. I understand how you would think that, but I swear to you I wasn't."

He didn't know whether she was telling the truth or she was in some kind of denial, but her eyes told him it was safe to believe what she said. He dropped his head and blew out a breath, calming a bit, but tension still ran through him.

"Then what the hell were you doing out there?" Sonny asked as he again faced her, trying his best to not sound accusing.

Carly wondered if she could make him understand. "Can we sit down?" She gestured to the blanket on the ground, which Sonny picked up and spread out for them. They sat next to each other, facing the water. "I was kind of… playing a game."

His mind screamed that she couldn't play games with her life, but something told him to keep quiet and listen to the whole story.

"I don't know if this will make any sense, Sonny, but I'll tell you anyway. I actually had a best friend other than Jason once… a girl. You remember Carly Roberts? The girl I came to Port Charles pretending to be? Destroying her good name, don't ask me why. She was my best friend when I was growing up. She was beautiful, rich, classy, but still wild enough to keep up with me. We did everything together, even pretended we were sisters."

"The Carly sisters?" Sonny asked, smiling at the cuteness of it.

"Um, yes and no. Her name was actually Charlotte, but she went by Carly. I wasn't Carly at all back then, always Caroline… poor, smart Caroline Benson."

He noted that her own name seemed to taste bitter in her mouth, but she continued quickly.

"Anyway, she and I would go to the beach a lot. We did live in Florida, after all. And there was this thing we would do… mostly I would do… where I would stand out in the water and wait for the biggest wave ever to come knock me down."

"Why?"

"Charlotte didn't really get it either. She'd be up on the sand, screaming at me, _'Are you CRAZY???' _I just always told her yes and that she should try it. See, there was a point to it. It's just a little hard to explain. There's something exhilarating about the moment that wave takes you down. The water hits you so hard, and you go under, and you can't breathe. But then suddenly you pop out of that water and… stupid as it may sound, it's almost like being reborn. For just a few seconds you felt like you might die, but you didn't. You're still breathing, and your lungs have never been so full of air."

"Your lungs were full of water."

She bit her lip guiltily. "I never said you didn't save me. I haven't done that for a while, and I guess I didn't hold my breath quite in time. So thank you. But please know that I wasn't trying to hurt myself, and certainly not you. I was just trying to feel…"

"Feel what, Carly?"

"I told you coming out of that water was like being reborn, right? And you know that when… the baby died, some part of me died with it. I was trying to get back that feeling I remembered… of feeling so alive."

Sonny sighed and wrapped his arm around her, though both still watched the ocean. "Isn't there any way for you to feel alive that doesn't involve almost drowning?"

Carly got quiet. She whispered into her knees. "There was."

"What do you mean _there was_?"

She shut her eyes and cursed inwardly at the realization that he'd heard. His fingers, gentle on her cheek, forced her to look at him. Swallowing hard to summon her courage, she spoke.

"The only other thing that ever made me feel so alive was… being with you."

Sonny was not expecting that answer, but to hear the words from her lips made him feel incredible. He tucked wet strands of her hair behind her ears with a smile. "You're with me. And I'm with you."

He thought that would coax a smile back from her, but instead she muttered sadly, "You don't get it," and ran off down the beach. Sonny scrambled to his feet and quickly caught up to her.

"Carly, wait! What… what did I say?"

"Nothing! It doesn't matter! I know you don't want me anymore!"

That floored him. "What are you talking about? Of course I want you."

"You don't touch me! If you do by accident, you pull away like your hand's on fire! It's okay! You don't see me the way you did before I lost the baby! I've accepted it! So just let it go!"

Sonny couldn't just tell her she was wrong. He had to show her. He grabbed her face in both hands and pulled her mouth to his, silencing her insecurity with a long, slow, loving kiss.

"I know you like to be right," he breathed against her lips, "but you're way off base on this one. If I pull away from you like my _'hand's on fire,' _it's because that's what it feels like when I touch you. It burns like fire. I _crave_ you, Carly. You get that? I was afraid that if I let myself touch you, I wouldn't be able to stop."

Her heart was beating so fast. "What's wrong with that?"

"Sweetheart, you've been through a lot. I'm not going to rush you."

"You're not. You wouldn't be. Sonny, when I said the only other time I felt so alive was when I was with you, I meant… _with_ you." Carly looked at him meaningfully. "I need you."

That was more than good enough for him. Sonny scooped Carly up in his arms, never losing eye contact with her as he walked them back to the blanket. "Here?" he whispered before laying her down.

She nodded and smiled, appreciating the moon and starlight that bathed them, before pulling him down with her. "What else is a private beach good for?"

He smiled and kissed her again quickly, but held back for just another moment. "Carly, know that I want you as much as I always have. In fact, I want you more because of everything you've been through and how strong you've shown you are."

"That can't be true, Sonny. All I've done is fall apart."

"But you're still here, right? No matter how many times, how many ways you've been hurt, you've held on."

"Because of you."

"No, no, no. It's in you. You don't break, Caroline."

The power of what was possibly the best thing anyone had ever said to her made her stomach clench deliciously and her mouth fall open. Sonny took advantage of the latter, reclaiming her lips with his, nibbling and tasting her delicately. No matter how hungry they were, he knew they needed to take a slow pace.

"You cold?" he asked, noticing her shiver.

She was pretty sure the shiver was a result of his kisses, not the cold, but she only said, "Maybe a little."

"Let's get you out of those wet clothes, then."

He carefully pulled her snug-fitting tee over her head and tossed it aside, then unbuttoned her denim shorts and brought them down her legs so she could kick them away. She was wearing a black bikini underneath.

"Maybe if you'd just worn this out in the water, I would have gotten that you were playing a 'game,' and I wouldn't have freaked out," Sonny teased.

"No, you would have freaked out," Carly replied, knowing him too well.

"Yeah, you're right," he admitted. "Besides, this probably would have come right off if a wave hit you. I mean, look how easy this happens." Sonny gave a little tug on the string that tied the top behind Carly's neck, and another tug on the one behind her back. The flimsy material shifted, then was completely removed, revealing her beautiful full breasts. "Look at that."

He began kissing the sensitive skin of her throat, feeling her pulse beat quicker under his lips. He continued down to the dip in her collarbone and on to her breasts. At first palming and then gently massaging them with his hands, he bestowed kisses on their rosy peaks, circling them slowly and applying pressure with his tongue. She squirmed under him, and he grinned when he felt her hands in his hair, holding him to her.

When Sonny moved down to her stomach, his lips barely grazed her skin once before she had pulled him back up and started kissing him fiercely. He reciprocated gladly for a few moments, but he knew her motives, and the knowledge made him pause.

"Carly, look at me." He waited until she focused her hiding eyes on him. "Let me love all of you."

_If only you really meant that. _Nervous, but also awed by how well he could read her, she nodded. He knew she hadn't wanted to let him near her stomach and why. As she felt his warm, soft lips press against the skin, she remembered every time he had done it before. Every time before, she had been pregnant. They'd only slept together one time when she hadn't been pregnant, that time being the conception, and there was no slow worshipping of her body then. Every time he had kissed her stomach like this, there had been a baby inside of her. She always felt the affection was meant more for the baby than for her. So why was he even bothering now?

But even as her head was telling her one thing, Sonny was showing her heart another. His hands grabbed her waist, fingers pressing against her back, and brought her tummy up to meet his kisses. She arched, her head pushing back, sinking into the sand that lay beneath the blanket. He licked a leisurely circle around her navel, her skin, salty from the ocean, somehow sweet on his tongue. With every touch, every contact, he was communicating her importance to him. Sonny was making everything better.

He silently undid the ties at each hip that held her bikini bottom on. Carly lifted her hips so he could remove it completely, allowing her legs to leisurely drift apart. Sonny sucked in a breath at the sight of her, naked and waiting for him. Beautiful, like some kind of island goddess. His goddess.

Sonny's fingers slid lightly over her abdomen and danced down through the inviting triangle of soft, golden curls, before suddenly finding the ticklish spot behind each knee and placing her legs over his shoulders. Carly couldn't suppress a gasp. Her eyes began to flutter closed from just the anticipation and the look of desire he was aiming at her. He was almost too much for her senses sometimes, but she knew she couldn't help but watch him, especially pleasuring her. She thought that might be all it would take to make her…

"Oh my God."

He had cupped her ass with his hands and brought her waiting heat to his wanting mouth. After a little preliminary nibbling of her inner thighs, he delved into her wetness fervently, drinking from her like a man dying of thirst who had just found his oasis. Reaching deep inside with his tongue again and again, he sucked the sweetness her body had made just for him. He then spent several minutes kissing and blowing cool air on her tender clit, watching her watching him, as she was rocked by her first orgasm. She grabbed his hair harder this time, keeping him in place throughout the ride. Her body started to tremor from the satisfaction, and she screamed his name into the night air.

"Ohh… Sonny!!!"

He gradually lessened his attentions to her as she calmed, setting her gently back down, and sliding back up her body to share the sweet taste of her. He kissed her, devouring her whole mouth, sensually swirling her flavor between their tongues. His thumbs rubbed her cheeks as he did so, and he pulled back when they encountered tears.

"Carly, what's wrong?" he whispered, concerned. "Do you want to stop?"

She smiled through her tears, shaking her head and stroking his hair. "No, no. Don't you dare. These are good tears. Just part of that feeling alive thing."

His eyes showed his relief. "Good, I'm glad. But you know it's still okay if you don't want…"

"Sonny," she said assuredly, "I want to love all of you."

He answered her with a surrendering kiss, during which he felt her legs wrap around his waist. She gave a little sound of displeasure, feeling something besides skin, and was soon hooking the sides of his waistband with her toes and pushing his swim trunks down his legs. She sighed at the touch of him hard against her hip and wrapped her arms around him, ready. Sonny pressed his forehead to hers as he guided his tip to her dripping entrance and slowly pushed inside.

Both moaned at the sensations produced… she, at the exquisite stretching of her walls, and he, at the way they squeezed him, silky hot. Her legs tightened around his waist, and for a while they just held that position, having missed this feeling of oneness for too long. After a minute or two, the need for more was too great, and Sonny began to move inside of her.

At first, she actively encouraged the motion of his hips, her hands shifting from his back to his buttocks, digging in her nails to drive him deeper into her. But she soon became so lost in the pleasure that her hands fell from him and to the blanket, which was bunching up thanks to the ride they were giving it. Continuing to slide in and out of her body, Sonny found Carly's hands with his and brought them up above her head, their fingers linked and clawing at the sand.

"Sonny?" she choked out on a heavy breath.

"Yeah?" He raised his head to look into her eyes.

"Call me '_baby_,' like you used to."

"Are you sure?"

Carly nodded. "I miss it."

Sonny kissed her shoulder, then pressed his now sweating forehead back to hers. "Anything you want, baby."

The tingling throughout her body only intensified at the sound of those words. "You know what I want," she countered.

He took that as his cue to speed up his movements, thrusting faster and harder inside her, increasing the friction every time. All of Carly's senses and feelings became an intoxicating blur… flashes of the dark of Sonny's eyes and the light of the moon… the sounds of crashing waves and crashing bodies… the scent of the tropical air mixed with Sonny's pure masculinity… the feel of his smooth, strong chest rubbing back and forth against her breasts… getting closer and closer to the edge, and Sonny reaching down between them and pinching her clit.

"SONNY!! Ohh my God, yes… yesss…"

Her muscles contracted around him, sparking his release and milking him dry.

"That's it, baby… unhhh… mmm, Carly."

_When we wore a heart of stone  
__We wandered to the sea  
__Hoping to find some comfort there  
__Yearning to feel free_

_And we were mesmerized  
__By the lull of the night  
__And the smells that filled the air  
__And we laid us down  
__On sandy ground  
__It was cold but we didn't care_

_We were drawn to the rhythm…  
__Drawn to the rhythm of the sea  
__We were drawn to the rhythm…  
__Drawn to the rhythm of the sea_

Bodies gradually stilled and heartbeats returned to something near a normal rate, but both now felt as if they had melted into one another. Sonny reluctantly slipped out of her and rolled them over, bringing her to lie on top of him. He noticed tears on her face again.

"Are those the good tears?" he asked, praying he hadn't hurt her.

"Unbelievably good."

"You feel alive?"

"Too alive to sleep any tonight," Carly said, then yawned. "Maybe not."

Sonny chuckled. "You want to go in?"

"I don't want to move yet." She snuggled into him more to make her point.

"Then go to sleep, cariña. Sweet dreams."

He kissed the top of her head, which lay on his chest, and she drifted quickly to sleep.

_We fell asleep and began to dream  
__When something broke the night  
__Memories stirred inside of us  
__The struggle and the fight_

_And we could feel the heat  
__Of a thousand voices  
__Telling us which way to go  
__And cried out is there no escape  
__From the words that plague me so_

_We were drawn to the rhythm…  
__Drawn to the rhythm of the sea  
__We were drawn to the rhythm…  
__Drawn to the rhythm of the sea_

He stayed awake just to watch her. Time lost any kind of meaning, so he couldn't be sure how long she was sleeping. But she started to whimper and shift restlessly, and all of a sudden she was screaming herself out of a dream… obviously a nightmare. He gently shook her out of it and then hugged her with all his might.

"Carly, baby, it's okay. Shh, it's okay. What were you dreaming about?"

She pulled back shakily and tried to speak, but instead just stared at him, glassy-eyed and terrified.

_In the still and the silent dawn  
__Another day is born  
__Washed up by the tireless waves  
__The body bent and torn_

_And in the face of the blinding sun  
__You wake only to find  
__That heaven is a stranger place  
__Than what I've left behind_

_We were drawn to the rhythm…  
__Drawn to the rhythm of the sea  
__We were drawn to the rhythm…  
__Drawn to the rhythm of the sea_

(Lyrics - "Drawn to the Rhythm," Sarah McLachlan)


	29. Come Back In

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 29 - Come Back In

"Tell me about your dream."

"You mean _nightmare_. Although… it didn't start out that way. Seems my subconscious gets a kick out of lulling me into a false sense of security with happy stuff, and then destroying it." Recalling also the dream she'd had while in the hospital, she shuddered slightly. "I guess my life's like that, too."

He furrowed his eyebrows briefly at that last muttered comment. "So how did it start?"

Carly looked down at her hands in her lap, fidgeting. "Sonny and I were making love." Embarrassed, she shifted in the plush armchair. Funny, he didn't even have a couch in his office. "I'm sorry, Dr. Byers, I don't think I can…"

"No need to apologize for feeling a little uncomfortable. I realize this is our first session. But you did come here for a reason."

"Yeah, Sonny made me."

A smile teased the corners of Dr. Byers' mouth. "And for what he's paying me, you might as well make this worth it, don't you think? Mr. Corinthos is concerned about you, Carly. He doesn't know what to do for you. When he scheduled your appointment, he seemed to me like a man stumbling in the dark. Am I correct to guess that you didn't share your dream with him?"

Carly nodded, a hint of guilt in her eyes.

"Why not?"

"I couldn't!" she asserted quickly. "And… I can't."

She studied the island's resident psychiatrist, who was now staring at her, waiting for her to spill her innermost thoughts. With his kind eyes and white beard, the older gentleman reminded her of a cross between Benny and Santa Claus. Maybe she could confide in him.

"Okay, you want to hear the story? I'll tell you."

"Whenever you're ready."

Carly took a deep breath and began to let everything out.

"Like I said, we were making love… on the beach, like we just had been. It was the first time since losing the baby, and it was… it was wonderful. So, um, suddenly the scene changes. We've just finished making love, but now it's our wedding night. We're in our bedroom back home. I'm just about to fall asleep, when I hear Sonny whisper… whisper, um… _'I love you'_… and it seems to echo and get louder. But then all of a sudden it changes again. I'm on the Quartermaine stairs and I am falling. Slow-motion at first, but then _BAM_. And I felt it, too. I felt it when my body hit the floor. But then it changed again… _BAM! _I'm standing in the ocean getting knocked down by a huge wave. I start to swallow water, but I can hear Sonny calling my name. And then I can see him swimming out to me. But I slip back under the water. I manage to struggle back up to the surface and I see Sonny. He's… floating face down in the water. He drowned trying to save me. I know it's too late, I know he's d-dead, but I still try to save him. But the second I touch him, he just sinks like a stone. I scream… and that's when I woke up."

_You dream of drowning  
__Of sinking  
__Of going under  
__Caroline,  
__You don't want to leave him there  
__Well, fine  
__But what if he's not coming up for air?_

_Caroline,  
__Everything is broken  
__Caroline,  
__It's time to come back in_

"That is quite a dream, Carly. Here, take one." Dr. Byers handed Carly a box of tissues, noting that a few tears had resulted from her recount. "Take two, they're small."

She managed a quiet chuckle while dabbing at her face. "Thanks."

"What happened when you woke up?" he asked once she'd calmed.

Carly shrugged. "Sonny was there, alive of course, hugging me and asking what the dream was about. Part of me wanted to tell him, but words just wouldn't come out. Maybe I could have told him something, but not…" She stopped there.

"Not what? What part of the dream are you too afraid to tell Sonny?"

Her frightened eyes demanded the truth from his. "You have to keep all this between us, right? No telling Sonny what I say because he's paying you?"

"I promise, Carly. The only way Mr. Corinthos will find out what is said in this room is if you tell him… which, honestly, I do recommend. But it's completely up to you."

She nodded, reassured, and steeled herself for this confession. "The thing is… when Sonny said 'I love you' in the dream… I realized that wasn't just a dream. It was a memory. He… told me he loved me on our wedding night." Her voice dropped to a whisper, hardly able to believe the words coming out of her own mouth.

From the way she was acting, Dr. Byers took a long shot. "Was that the first time?"

"Yes… first and only. It must sound weird, right? We're married. Married couples are supposed to say they love each other all the time. Only, we… we didn't do the normal relationship thing. We were having a baby, so we got married. And now… you know, we're not even having a baby anymore."

"So, you only agreed to marry Mr. Corinthos because you were pregnant? You didn't really want to?" Dr. Byers pressed, feeling pretty sure he knew the real answer.

"No," said Carly, arguing his first sentence. "I mean, yes, of course I wanted to marry Sonny. He's… he's incredible." She brought her tissue-filled hand up to her heart. "He's everything."

_Here on the surface  
__You're held in place  
__By a tiny thread  
__But underneath a hook runs through  
__To the bottomless  
__It captures you_

_Caroline,  
__Everything is broken  
__Caroline,  
__It's time to come back in_

"Do you love him?"

Carly's eyes widened and her heart began to pound. She knew the answer, of course, but that didn't mean she was prepared to say it. From the way the doctor was looking at her, however, she had a sense he knew as well.

"I don't think I feel right telling you before I tell him." She rolled her eyes at herself once she realized how obvious she'd made her true feelings.

Dr. Byers smiled. "Then why are you afraid to tell him that you remember him saying he loved you? Are you worried he might take it back?"

"See? You think it, too."

His smile fell. "No, Carly, no. I'm just trying to figure out what has you so upset. If you'd like to throw me a clue here, maybe I can help."

"You can't help. You can't fix this. If it's true that Sonny loved me, then yes, he said that when I was pregnant. I really don't feel like I can still hold him to that, so it's probably just best he never knows I heard. But that's not the part that has me upset. That's not the part that I can absolutely never tell him."

"What is, Carly?"

Dr. Byers' image became blurry before her as Carly's eyes refilled with tears. "Sonny can never ever know that remembering him saying 'I love you' was what caused me to fall down those stairs and lose our baby."

_Your skin's so pale  
__It's see-through  
__I know you don't much want to  
__Caroline,  
__All the signs say  
__It's time  
__Won't you try  
__To float?_

xxxxxxxxxx

Sonny was doing his best to keep busy, so as not to worry constantly about how Carly was doing at her session. He decided that if any doctor could help her, it was Dr. Byers. Sonny had never actually seen him in a professional capacity himself… though perhaps he should have… but he'd known Harvey Byers for years and trusted him with his life… pretty much what Sonny had done by sending Carly to see him.

Carly had asked Sonny not to come with her, which he accepted, staying at the house. After making some phone calls… checking in with Leticia and Michael, and also Bobbie… he decided to get to work preparing a delicious lunch that would be ready when Carly got back. He had just begun chopping up the vegetables for the salad when this time the phone rang for him.

"Yeah?" he answered in typical fashion. "Benny. What's wrong now?"

"How's Carly enjoying the island weather? Tell her I said hello."

"What? Yeah, fine, I'll tell Carly you said hello. But that's not what you called for, Benny."

"Well, of course, I have a few business matters to discuss with you, boss."

"I can hear it in your voice. There's a problem. So? Out with it."

"What's that noise?"

"I'm chopping vegetables."

"Please, put down the knife, boss."

Sonny dropped the knife on the counter, rubbing his hand across his face. "Damn, I'm not gonna like this." He walked over to the couch and sat. "Fine, the knife's down, I'm down. Just tell me, Benny!"

"Sorel's been meeting with Carlos. Twice so far that we know of."

Sonny was glad he'd put down the knife. His fist was looking for something to pound. "Carlos is working for that scum, Sorel?"

"No, no," Benny quickly responded. "At least not yet. Sorel's just trying to shake Carlos' confidence in you. There's no evidence that it's worked. Carlos hasn't taken any action that shows disloyalty."

"Yet. Yes, I have trusted Carlos in the past, but I'm not willing to swear on my life… and damn sure not my family's… that he can't be turned by some slick promises from Sorel."

"That's why someone needs to go to Puerto Rico, have a talk with Carlos, and stop a situation before it starts."

Sonny paced. "I can't go, Benny. I can't. Carly needs…" He had to remind himself that no one knew the full reason they were there. "This time is important for the two of us. I won't leave her."

"It's all right, boss. I had a feeling you might say that. I've found someone else who's willing to go."

"Who?"

"Jason."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"Yes, Ned," Chloe told her ex-husband-of-convenience as he helped her load her things into his car. "Moving out is the logical next step after a break-up. Look, I'll miss you, me, Jax, and Alexis always hanging out together. But this isn't the part where you and Alexis have to choose sides. Jax and I ended on… fairly good terms, at least. I still care greatly about him. It was just time for it to end."

"No, I meant are you sure you want to move back into the Quartermaine mansion?" Ned only semi-joked.

"Yes, Ned," she replied again, this time through her laughter. "Believe it or not, I love those crazy people. Oh, don't scoff. You know you love them, too."

"Well, yes. But I have the excuse of being one of them, and therefore also crazy. You have the fortune of being only distantly related."

"So, that makes me only distantly crazy?"

"Exactly."

He and she both cracked up at that, their silliness only interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone.

"Excuse me," Chloe offered before answering. "Hello? Oh, hi… Elizabeth. Um, could you hang on for just a second?" She turned to Ned. "Apparently, I've got her interested in a fashion design career and she wants some advice. I think there's just one box left. Could you get it while I talk to her?"

"Sure." Ned looked at her strangely for a moment before heading back inside the Port Charles Hotel. She seemed nervous about something.

Chloe climbed into the passenger seat of the car and returned to her caller. "I'm so sorry about that."

"You never struck me as the type to lie," said Johnny, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"I know," she sighed, disappointed in herself. "I'm really not. It's just, Ned was here, and I really didn't want to get into some kind of fight or lecture…"

"You think people are gonna lecture you to stay away from me?"

"Well…"

"Yeah, 'cause I'm a baaaad boy," Johnny growled. "Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when I come for you?" He could hear her practically whimpering with suppressed laughter. "It's okay, you're supposed to laugh."

"Thank you!" she burst, dissolving into uncontrollable giggles. "You really are too cute."

"Well, if you think so, maybe you'd like to come with me to… Nah."

"What?"

"The town 4th of July picnic is only a week or so away. I thought maybe you'd like to go with me. But, that would involve being seen with me in public. I don't think you'll be able to pass me off as a 19-year-old girl."

Chloe's stomach filled with delightful butterflies. "Did you just ask me out, Johnny?"

"Depends on what your answer is, Chloe."

"My answer is, I don't want to pass you off as anything other than what you are… a handsome, sweet, all-around wonderful man, who I was lucky enough to get asked out by… Johnny?"

He was in a happy, stunned silence. "Uh… was that a yes?"

"YES! Oh, and it's official: I moved out of Jax's."

Johnny grinned. "That makes Elizabeth very happy."

xxxxxxxxxx

"You remembered that Sonny had told you he loved you… and then you fell? In real life?"

"I'd just been talking to Lila… Quartermaine. She's this old woman that everyone loves. She's just really wise and really sweet, even to me, after all I did was make her family miserable. I mean, they sure as hell made me miserable, but… Doesn't matter. We'd been talking about my relationship with Sonny. Lila basically told me that if I realized I was in love with Sonny, I shouldn't get spooked. I should just be happy that I was actually married to a man I loved."

"Sounds like Lila could put me out of business," Dr. Byers gently joked. "Go on."

"As I left her and was walking down the stairs, I just kept remembering moments with Sonny. And I was fine… until that one particularly vivid memory, of what was actually just the night before. As soon as I heard him saying those words in my head, my knees buckled. I got dizzy, I started to fall forward, and… that was it."

"So, you blame Sonny for making you lose the baby?"

"NO!" Carly yelled. "No, never! But Sonny would blame himself! I know he already does to some extent. The man can find a way to blame himself for anything and everything. He does not need to know about this."

Dr. Byers did know Sonny well enough to know that what she was saying was true, and he nodded slowly.

"Besides, the only person responsible for me falling is me. I don't want to drag Sonny down with me any more than I already have."

"Under the water?"

"What?"

"Sonny. Like in your dream."

Carly shook her head dismissively, but without actually disagreeing. "You shrinks really do put a lot of stock in those things, don't you?"

Dr. Byers looked as though he'd tasted something sour. "I really do find the term 'shrink' so… well, just incorrect. I consider myself more of a _mind expander_." He reached for something on his desk, just hidden by the picture of his late wife. "Now my colleague, Dr. Freud here, is indeed a pretty big believer in dreams." In his hand was a six-inch Sigmund Freud.

"You have a Freud doll?" Carly asked, a tad incredulous.

"Certainly not! He's an action figure. See? You move his arm, and he points his cigar at you, and I make him talk to my patients… '_You vill pay beeg money for my brilliance_,'" said Freud, accent and all.

Carly couldn't help but laugh. This guy was a nutcase, but she had a feeling that was why she found it so easy to talk to him. "Nice. So, what would he say about my dream?"

"Hmm… I don't know if you want to involve him in this. Freud's theories kind of revolved around sex, you know. So he'd glom onto the first part of your dream, most likely. Of course, he wasn't completely literal. Everything non-sexual actually represented sexual desires as well," Dr. Byers chuckled, barely exaggerating. "Water… that was a big one. So he'd have a field day with the end of your dream, too."

Carly smiled but said nothing. It was still weird discussing sex with Benny-Santa Claus. She looked at her watch. "Um… are we about done?"

He looked at the clock above her head and nodded. "Yup, I guess we are. Would you like to schedule another appointment now?"

"Oh, no. This was just a one-time thing to appease Sonny. I really don't think I need to come back. I mean, it's nothing against you, Dr. Byers. You're cool and all…"

"I wasn't offended, Carly," he assured with a simple smile. "That's fine, if that's what you want. Just know that you can come back anytime, should you change your mind, and I'll make time for you. After all, there are a lot of things we didn't get into."

Carly's eyes crinkled. "Like what?"

"Like what happened right before you came to the island."

She froze at those words she'd hoped she wouldn't hear, dropping her purse back to the floor. "Sonny told you about that?"

"Of course. He was very worried that perhaps he hadn't given you the proper medical attention in just bringing you here to the island. But he wanted to respect your wishes and not make you talk to anyone before you were ready."

"Look, whatever he said… I wasn't going to try and kill myself."

"What were you doing with the gun and the pills, Carly?"

"I don't know! Maybe I'd thought up a great new way to practice my skeet shooting at home!" she raved, dripping sarcasm. "What's your problem?" she added, as she eyed her currently doubled over with laughter doctor.

"That was really very funny," he managed between laughs. "Are you always that funny?"

"What the hell does it matter if…?" Carly started up with attitude but stopped herself, realizing something. "No. I haven't been… lately. Not for quite a while." She smiled slowly at this small triumph, picking up her purse. "Thanks, doc. But if Sonny's not as happy to have my trademark wit back as you are, I'm sending him after you."

"I'll take my chances." He turned to her as she reached the door. "Carly, one more thing before you go… I know my job is about being analytical and detached, and I'm supposed to help you see things in your own life and mind more clearly, not tell you what to do. But if you can't take my advice on love, at least remember Lila's. And listen to your heart, as well as his."

His eyes wandered back to, and this time stayed on, his wife's photo… all he'd had of her for the last eight years.

"You don't want to waste a single second you have, trust me. Love is too important to pretend it doesn't exist."

xxxxxxxxxx

"What do you mean, Jason? He's back?" A mix of emotions hit Sonny.

"No, sir. I didn't mean to give you that impression. But I did receive a phone call from him recently. When the subject of Puerto Rico came up, I didn't even have to ask. He volunteered."

"Why'd he call you and not me? I mean, I haven't heard from him since we got Carly free of the Quartermaines."

He waited, dreading the answer to his question. After Emily said Jason had wanted her to attend Sonny and Carly's wedding in his place, Sonny felt like things between them were okay. But God knows, if their roles were reversed, Sonny could not forgive so easily.

"I believe he heard about Carly's accident, most likely from Emily. He didn't want to intrude on your healing as a family. But he said this was something he could do for you and he wanted to do it."

Sonny sighed, shaking his head in wonder, though not surprise. _That's Jason… Still trying to give us something after all we took from him. _

"Fine, Benny. Send Jason. But you tell him something for me. When it's done, I don't want a report by phone. I want him to check in, in person… in Port Charles. Got it?"

"I got it, boss."

"Good."

Sonny had just set down the phone when he heard a movement behind him. He turned to find Carly standing there.

"Did you… say something about Jason?"

(Lyrics - "Caroline," Lori Carson... Dr. Byers is my original character.)


	30. No Fair

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 30 - No Fair

"Sonny? Were you just talking to Jason?"

Sonny looked at Carly as she walked towards him, trying to decide what he could tell her, as well as what she was hoping he would say.

"How'd your appointment go?" He figured he might as well give avoidance a shot.

"Sonny, I'm serious. Tell me the truth."

"No, Carly. I wasn't talking to Jason. I was talking to Benny."

"About Jason?"

Sonny ran his hand over his hair in frustration. "You're not gonna let this go, are you?"

"Do I ever let things go? Look, Sonny… Jason is our best friend. If you know something about him, I'd like to think you wouldn't keep it a secret from me. That's all."

He wasn't even sure if she was trying to guilt him or not, but it was completely working. He took her hand and walked them over to the couch, sitting down.

"Okay, okay. Apparently, Jason got in touch with Benny. Benny told Jason about a little something that needs to be taken care of in Puerto Rico, and Jason said he'd do it. End of story."

"What kind of 'little something'? Is it dangerous?" Her face filled with worry.

"No," he answered without hesitation. God willing, that was the truth. Dealt with early, it really shouldn't be a dangerous assignment, except that anything to do with this life held the capacity for danger. But he knew she knew that, if she let herself think about it.

Carly seemed to accept his simple reply. "Why did Jason suddenly call Benny now?"

Sonny looked down at her hand, still held in his. "I guess Emily told him about the baby. He wanted to help us somehow."

He watched her mouth fall open and her eyes well with tears. He himself had been touched by Jason's caring gesture, but he couldn't even imagine the effect it was having on Carly, who had loved Jason for all those years… no doubt still did, to some degree. Sonny prepared himself to hear her go on and on about the one man she could always count on.

"You mean if Jason hadn't volunteered… you would have had to go?" Carly asked, her voice tremulous.

Sonny just stared at her for a moment. "Uh… well, yeah. I was determined not to leave you. I would have found some other way. But, technically… yeah."

Carly threw her arms around him. "Thank God Jase decided to come out of hiding. I don't want you going anywhere… even if you tell me it's not dangerous. I'd worry about you too much," she whispered in his ear.

"What about Jason?"

"Of course I worry about Jason. I mean, the boy forgets to eat half the time. But I know he's good at his job. And he always manages to take care of himself… and us."

Sonny pulled back and smiled at the honesty in her eyes. "Yeah, he always does."

He couldn't believe it. She was more concerned about him than she was about Jason. He knew he was her husband and that she cared for him, but he was used to Jason being the number one focus of her life, next to Michael. Maybe it was wrong, but her unexpected reaction was making him more than a little hot for her. He wanted to grab her face and kiss her senseless. But… she beat him to it.

"Whoa… uhh…" was all Sonny could manage, once her lips released him. "What was that for?"

Carly looked at him like she wasn't sure he was all there. "I didn't think I needed a reason. But I told you… I'm happy you're staying here."

"You'd rather Jason be in danger than me?"

She sat up straight and smacked his arm. "I thought you said nobody was in danger!"

"Nobody is," he laughed, rubbing the sore spot. "Nobody… _ow_… is. I just… You threw me a little."

"What are you talking about?"

He shook his head and decided to just be glad for this gift. "Nothing. Are you done dodging the subject of your appointment now? How'd you like Dr. Byers?"

"He's, uh… unique. Did you know he has a Freud doll? Excuse me, action figure?"

Sonny blinked in surprise, then laughed. "I can believe it."

"He made it talk."

"Oh, you loved it. I can tell. Are you trying to pretend you didn't like him?"

"I didn't say that. He was really nice, actually. He's a fruitcake, but I guess that made him more human… not just a degree with a notepad. Make sense?"

"Yeah, it does."

"Did you ever…? You know. Did you ever see him as a patient?" she asked carefully.

"Ahh… no, not really. He's been a good friend over the years. I can count on one hand the people who have seen me…"

"Like last August?"

"Yeah, like then. You're one. Harvey Byers is another. We're not close like… I don't know, like I am with Jason, or anything. But he's cleaned up more than his fair share of my broken glass."

She rested her chin on Sonny's shoulder. "I think I like him even more now."

"So, what did you talk about?"

Carly thought of her dream, and of her confession that the memory of Sonny's words of love was what made her fall down the Quartermaine stairs. She could never tell him such things. "That's confidential," she whispered, trying to play coy.

"Come on, Caroline. I just want to know if it helped you at all."

_No fair calling me Caroline_, she sighed. "Okay, fine. Yeah, I think it did. We didn't talk about that much, because it took a while for him to open me up. But towards the end we talked about… What the hell do I call it? The NON-suicide attempt."

"Okay. That's good. What did the two of you figure out?"

"It wasn't really about figuring anything out… except that I never want to kill myself, and I knew that already. The thing was… I don't even remember what he said or I said back, but… I made a joke. I said something sarcastic and made a joke out of a really horrible topic. Maybe it was inappropriate, but he was laughing, and he seemed proud of me. I was proud of me. I realized it's been… forever since I've been able to be funny. I guess that's not much, but…"

Sonny grabbed a plant mister off the table next to the couch and spritzed Carly in the face. She let out a little squeal and stared at him, dumbfounded. He grinned at her indignant sputtering and her bedraggled, now wet, hair.

"Funny is good. Funny's great. I love funny."

"Oh yeah? Yeah, Mr. Chuckles? Well, let's see how it looks on you!" Carly tried to wrestle the spray bottle out of his hands, but Sonny was having none of it.

"Hey, hey, hey. Truce? You don't have time to waste with these childish pranks."

She raised her eyebrow at him. "You realize you just called yourself childish, right? Nevermind. What do you mean, I don't have time?"

"I am going to resume cooking this delicious meal for you. You are going to go take a shower… I already got you started… come back here and eat with me, and then doll yourself up for a night on the town."

Carly felt the mixture of excitement and apprehension. "A night on the town? Sonny, I don't know if that's a good idea. Look how the last one turned out."

He brushed a wet strand of hair that was stuck to her cheek back behind her ear. "Carly, just trust me."

She hugged him, not even intending revenge for watering her like an errant fern. "No fair, Sonny," she whispered. "You know I do."

xxxxxxxxxx

Leticia examined herself in the full-length mirror, turning to check out the dress from all angles. It was black, but not what she would call basic. Accented with wine-colored beading, the material hugged her body tastefully yet showstoppingly. Maybe she had spent too much, but it's not like she did so often. Sonny paid her well, and she didn't have to worry about rent, so why not this once? Besides, she had to look her best tonight.

AJ had followed through on his declaration of not wanting their relationship to be a secret. He had invited her to come to the Quartermaine mansion for dinner. There, he would announce to all of his stuffy family that she was the woman he loved. The last time she'd been in that house it was basically as a servant. Hired help, anyway. She had to be classy this evening. She had to be one of them.

Michael was happily situated at Bobbie's, and Leticia was dressed and ready as she would ever be. She grabbed her purse and headed down the penthouse stairs and out the door.

"Wow." Johnny let out a low wolf whistle.

"Watch it, Johnny. I have a date."

"Uh, yeah. I won't ask who, 'cause I'm afraid I already know. And I'll say that… I don't get it. But you do look really happy, so I guess that's something."

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek.

"I guess this means no more flirting with you, huh, Let?"

"Well, I think a certain Miss Chloe Morgan might appreciate that," she responded with a wink. "Good grief, look at you. One mention of her name and your face goes all goofy. You have got it bad."

"I know. And if you're half as goofy as I am, then you'd better…"

"Yes?" Leticia waited for some advice about being careful or snapping herself out of it.

"Enjoy it."

She pushed the elevator button, smiling as she stepped inside. "Oh, I will."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"We're almost there. A little impatient, are we?"

"Me? Nooooo."

Sonny had placed his hands over Carly's eyes before she even stepped out of the limo, and she'd been leaning on him and stumbling her way towards… wherever they were going, blindly… and a bit annoyed… since.

"Okay, you can look," he said, once she'd felt them walk through a door.

Carly opened her eyes and took in her surroundings eagerly. Her cheeks grew wide with a slow smile at the familiar locale… the glitz, the grandeur… the roulette wheel. "I know this place. You brought me to your casino?"

"Disappointed?"

"You kidding? I loved it the first time. Until you made me stop, anyway," she giggled. "But… something seems different. Where is everybody, Sonny?"

"My casino, my rules. And I rule that this place is just ours for the night. No one else is invited."

"No one else?"

"Well, about half of my employees are here, staying hidden until they're needed. Got to be sure we have the people it takes to give you whatever you might wish or need tonight," he rumbled promisingly in her ear.

"You're here. You're all I need," she replied facing him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Aww, that's sweet. But you're wrong."

"I'm _wrong_??"

"Yeah, you need something else."

"And what would that be?"

"These."

And she didn't see where they came from… seeming to appear like magic… but suddenly Sonny was presenting her with a fat stack of betting chips.

Carly looked at the chips, then through her lashes up at Sonny, and let out this subtle little "hehehe," which he got a kick out of. Lacing her arm through his, she steered them confidently to her favorite table.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Well, isn't this a twist?"

"Hi… Reginald."

Leticia stepped into the foyer of the Quartermaine mansion, already extremely uncomfortable. She hadn't allowed herself to think of the fact that her ex-boyfriend would be the one opening the door for her and waiting on her tonight. Of course, Reginald didn't really wait on people quite like a typical butler, but still… it was weird.

He took her coat, covering the fact that he missed her with a roll of his eyes. "You're gonna pretend like you don't even know me?"

"I said hi, Reggie. What do you want? If you're waiting for me to call you 'Pookie,' it's not happening."

He winced at the old pet name. "Why did you act so upset when I said I didn't want to get married, anyway? Obviously this has been going on for a while."

"It wasn't like that."

"You think you're one of them now? You think he's just gonna make you one of the family?"

"Did AJ explain…?"

"He said he's in love with you."

"And it goes both ways. Now, I'm sorry you have to be here for this. It's a little awkward for everyone. But I have the right to love whomever I want and be introduced to his family like a normal girlfriend."

"Introduced? It's not like they don't know you, Leticia. You lived here. They signed your paychecks. Monica would give you some of her clothes that had gone out of style every now and then to feel good about herself."

"They never really got a chance to know me as a person, but now they will… as the woman who loves their son." Leticia turned on her heel and walked straight into AJ.

"I like the sound of that," he said, kissing her cheek and wrapping an arm around her. "Thank you, Reginald, for seeing Miss Juarez in. Why don't you, eh… take the rest of the night off?"

"Your grandfather won't be happy about that."

"He'll gripe if you're not here, and he'll gripe if you are here. At least, if you take the night off, you won't have to listen to him."

Reginald had a feeling there was something else AJ wasn't letting on… some other reason why he shouldn't stick around… but he just said, "Good point." With one last look at the girl that got away, he took his cue to leave.

"You look stunning," AJ whispered.

"Thank you," Let whispered back, heart beating nervously.

"C'mon, everyone's in the living room."

By 'everyone,' he meant Monica, Alan, Edward, Lila, Ned, Chloe, and Emily. All were basically friendly faces… even Edward for the moment… but a tad overwhelming when gathered all at once. Leticia wasn't sure what AJ had told the family. They all seemed a bit confused upon seeing her with AJ, but they also seemed genuinely happy to see her again. Maybe they thought for a split second she'd brought Michael with her. Whatever the reason, they were being quite kind. The ladies were taking turns complimenting her dress, when Edward's voice came booming through the conversation.

"Leticia, my dear… What in the world are you doing here with HIM?"

"I ask myself that a lot," said AJ. "What's she doing with me?" He caught the sudden look of recognition on his mother's face and nodded. "That's what I gathered you all here to tell you." Sitting next to Leticia, he held her hand to reassure her. "I love this woman. And what's really crazy is she loves me back." He waited for a reaction. "Well?"

The room was silent for about a minute, until good ol' Eddie again had something he had to share. "Good lord, you're supposed to give people a chance to get a few cocktails in them before you say something like that!"

"Father!" Alan admonished.

"Stuff a sock in it, Edward," Monica joined in, though she and her husband were still rather unsure how they felt about this news.

"I think it's absolutely wonderful!" effused Chloe, winking at her friend Let.

"Of course you do. You're the biggest sap… sorry, I meant romantic… in Port Charles," Ned teased.

"No, I believe that title still belongs to me," Lila chimed. "And it is romantic… very."

"I didn't say I disagreed." While Chloe and Lila gave him doubtful looks, Ned turned to the couple in question. "Leticia, if you think AJ can make you happy, more power to you. And Junior, you may have finally done something right."

"I think it's fabulous!" Emily declared. "I'm really happy for you, AJ. Leticia is definitely a step up over… Oh, oops." She stopped at the uneasy expression on Leticia's face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to insult Carly. She and I have actually reached a peace. I just meant that you seem to really love AJ, and Carly never did."

"I understand, Emily. Thank you."

"Mom? Dad?" AJ prompted his rather quiet parents.

"Ahh," Monica shook her head, as if trying to straighten things out. "I'm… I'm happy for you both. I guess I'm just a little confused as to how… this… got started."

"And what exactly your plans are now," added Alan.

"The first question, we'll answer as much as we feel is your business, which may not be very much. But let's do that over dinner. The second question…" He smiled mysteriously. "That will have to wait until after dinner. But it will most definitely be answered."

"Since Reginald's not here, why don't I go check on Cook, and then we can all adjourn to the dining room?"

"Good idea, Chloe, since you're the only one, besides Grandmother, she's never thrown anything at," Ned snarked.

A few minutes later, everyone began filing out of the living room. AJ and Leticia were the last ones remaining.

"How are you doing?"

"Better than I could have expected. That went pretty well, AJ. I mean, your parents are still getting used to the idea, and Edward's Edward, but…"

Just then, they could hear Edward grumbling from the foyer, "I'm still trying to decide which of them is too good for the other!"

The two laughed and toasted each other with their glasses of sparkling water. "Here's to surviving dinner."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Eleven, eleven, eleven," Carly chanted under her breath, while Sonny stood by, grinning at how in her element she was.

"Eleven black," called the croupier.

"Yeeeessss!" Carly shrieked, before bumping her human lucky charm with her hip. "Sonny, I don't know if you're playing fair or if you've got this thing rigged, but guess what? I have a feeling I'd be winning any damn way. I am that hot."

"No argument," Sonny replied, looking her up and down. "I told you you're gorgeous, right?"

She cuffed his chin playfully. "Your eyes did. And this dress you got me certainly helps." She ran her hands over the white shimmery fabric, still amazed that he chose it.

"Are we betting again, Mrs. Corinthos?"

"I don't know about you, Paul, but I sure am," she giggled to Sonny's man behind the table. "Hmm… thirty red."

Sonny quirked his eyebrow at her last couple of number choices, smiling but saying nothing as the wheel spun.

"Thirty red."

Carly did a little dance as Paul once again added more chips to her ever-growing pile. "Thank you very much. Okay… I'm done."

"You're done? No more bets?" Sonny was surprised. "Don't tell me you're actually following my advice and quitting while you're ahead."

"Okay, I won't tell you." She smiled and shook her head. "No, my… whatchacallit… my vibe is just telling me it's time."

"Thanks, Paul. That will be all for tonight," he informed the croupier, watching him exit, before turning back to his wife. "So what is your vibe telling you it's time for now?"

"It's taking suggestions. You got any?"

"Yeah, actually. I thought you might take some of that happy dance energy you had when you won and use it to dance with me."

"Right here?"

"Why not?"

She felt his arms slip around her and was lost. "Okay. But… there's kinda no music."

On cue, a sweet slow groove began to play all around them.

"Now there kinda is," he responded with triumphant dimples.

_You knew before I ever told you  
__Descend the light on me, baby  
__I could not see through the darkness  
__Through the darkness to the dawn  
__I prayed that you'd come along_

"How did you do that?"

"Paul knew ahead of time that when I said, '_That will be all for tonight_,' I really meant, 'Go start the music.'"

"But what if I hadn't wanted to dance?"

"I wasn't worried about that." He laughed as she stepped on his toe on purpose for his arrogance, albeit adorable. "I guess it would have just been nice romantic atmosphere."

_I felt before you even touched me  
__Descend the light on you, baby  
__I can see right through the darkness  
__Through the darkness to the dawn  
__You showed me  
__You helped me keep on_

"It sure is," Carly purred contently, head resting against Sonny's shoulder as their bodies swayed.

_You are the reason  
__The reason, it's true_

"You have fun tonight?" Sonny whispered.

Carly knew he knew she had, but she wanted to really let him know what he'd done for her. "More than I thought I was capable of. Thank you."

_Our story is unfolding  
__The sunlight on our faces  
__We can see right through the darkness  
__Through the darkness to the dawn  
__Tomorrow a new day  
__Will show me a new way_

In her high heels, she didn't have far to rise up on her toes to kiss him. As their hot mouths met, Carly was thankful again… that his strong arms were holding her up, and that he was hers.

'_Cause you are the reason  
__That I am alive  
__The reason, the reason_

"Can I ask you a question?" said Carly when the kiss had ended.

"Try me."

"Was part of the reason why you wanted to bring me here tonight almost as a reward of sorts for me not making a big deal about Jason this afternoon?"

_Leaving the darkness in the past  
__Now that I've found a love to last  
__You're the reason_

"I've been planning to bring you here since before we left Port Charles, Carly. Today, I thought your session with Dr. Byers might have taken a lot out of you, and this would be good for you. But, uh… I'll admit, it made me feel good that you were more worried about me than Jason."

She touched his face. "You're my husband, you silly goose."

_So beautiful and full of bliss  
__A little piece of happiness  
__You're the reason_

Sonny took her hand from his cheek and kissed the palm. "Never thought I'd say it… but it's good to be me."

_You are the reason… the reason… the reason_

xxxxxxxxxx

Dinner at the Quartermaines went well, Leticia thought. Of course, a successful dinner in that house pretty much just meant that a food fight hadn't broken out. Still, everyone had seemed receptive to the idea of her as AJ's girlfriend. They had mostly hinted at how their relationship had come about, just saying enough to pacify the household. Any details she intended to share needed to be shared with Carly and Sonny first. She was dreading that conversation and wondering, when Carly was ready to deal with it, if she herself would be.

After dinner, everyone headed back to the living room for coffee, except Leticia, who excused herself to the nearby ladies room. Minutes later, as she opened the door, she heard AJ's voice in the foyer. He was talking to Edward.

"Grandfather, I don't want to hear it."

"I'm just thinking of your own best interests… yours and the whole family's. You should have a woman of your own class."

"What the hell are you talking about, old man? You are such a hypocrite. I'm not putting Carly down, but you convinced yourself she was the best thing that ever happened to this family, and she grew up in a trailer park!"

"Yes, well… when called upon, she could do a good job of hiding her true upbringing."

"Leticia has more class than this whole family put together. She's such a wonderful woman and always believes in me. I tell her she reminds me of Grandmother. How can you stand there and tell me I shouldn't be with her?"

"AJ, you stand poised to take over ELQ when I'm gone. You and the woman you choose need to represent the family company properly. How are you going to introduce Leticia to the investors at parties? 'I'd like you to meet my former maid'?"

"She wasn't the maid! She's Michael's nanny!"

"Oh, you know I'm quite fond of Leticia, but… Ahhhh, I see. I see now! Bravo, AJ!"

"Okay, I don't even want to know what you think you see."

"Getting close to Leticia was so you could have access to your son. And marrying her, a woman already so closely bonded with the boy, would definitely help your chances in winning a custody suit. I guess it's worth the initial social embarrassment to get little Michael back in this house where he belongs."

"Damn, you figured me out. That's what my whole relationship with Leticia has been about… just trying to win time with my son."

"I'm proud of you, AJ."

"Go to hell, Grandfather! The only one I'm embarrassed by is you! Sonny has me on arson charges. I gave Michael up. I'm with Leticia because I love her. If I get to see Michael ever, that's a blessing, but it never entered into my reasons to be with her. And don't you try to bribe me with ELQ. Next time Ned gets bored with the music thing, you'll give ELQ to him. And I don't think you'll ever really give it up. You're too mean to die."

Edward blustered but was unable to say anything. Behind the now closed bathroom door, Leticia was killing time washing her hands again, too overwhelmed to listen to any more of that conversation. She missed AJ's final sentence before walking away from Edward.

"I'm marrying Leticia no matter what you have to say about it!"

(Lyrics - "The Reason," Soulstice)


	31. Worlds

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 31 - Worlds

"Are you going to sleep in that?"

Carly, stretched out comfortably on the chaise, opened one eye to glimpse Sonny looking down at her as he removed his jacket and tie. She was still wearing the dress she'd worn to the casino, though she had kicked off her heels.

"Of course not. But I'm far from ready to sleep. I was just reliving my glorious hot streak. This is my lucky dress, you know. I don't want to take it off."

"Ever?"

"Well, okay… Maybe later."

At her coquette eyes, he climbed onto the chaise and stretched out alongside her. "I thought I was your lucky charm, not some dress. Isn't that why you picked the numbers you picked?"

Carly feigned ignorance. "Why, whatever do you mean?"

"I was paying attention. First you picked Michael's birthday. No big surprise there. But then you picked my birthday. And my favorite of all… 11-30?"

"Hmm… Are those numbers supposed to mean something to me?"

"Yes, little girl, they are."

She playfully elbowed his ribs. "Shut it with the 'little girl' stuff! I thought you were done with that!"

"Just trying to jog your memory," he replied with a wicked grin.

"Flag Day? Arbor Day? Martin Scorcese's birthday?"

"Say that to me again," Sonny dared, and began mercilessly tickling her sides.

Carly screamed with laughter and tried to get him back, though she knew he wasn't nearly as ticklish as she was. "Okay, okay, okaaaayyyy… I give!"

"What's 11-30?"

"It's the day that… the night we first…" After all this time, she still didn't quite know how to describe it. "It's when our baby was conceived," she finished quietly.

He kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Sonny, I'm not going to stop thinking about the baby just because it might make me sad. But if it makes you feel better, I am capable of thinking of that night simply in terms of incredibly hot sex."

"Oh yeah? How hot?"

"Lamp-breaking, wall burn on my back for days, think I blacked out for a couple seconds during HOT. And tied with every other time with you for best ever."

His laughter rumbled as he hugged her. "Damn, that was a good answer."

"Was pretty good for me, too."

"Seriously, though… I'm sorry I was… well, kind of a bastard to you after."

"Only after?" Carly teased. "Sonny, if that night all of a sudden you had turned into this big, cuddly teddy bear and started being nice to me, it would have totally freaked me out. Most likely, I would have thought you were fucking with me and punched you. 'Nice' just wasn't us then."

"Yeah, but isn't there a halfway point between bastard and teddy bear?"

"I think that would be you. Sonny Corinthos, teddy bear in a bastard's body."

"Wha-?"

"And what a body it is," she added, giggling as she undid a couple of his top shirt buttons. She turned on her side to face him. "Sonny, I wouldn't change anything about that night."

"I guess I wouldn't either. Not just 'cause it was so _HOT_," as you pointed out, but 'cause it got us here. Even with how we hurt Jason, I could never take it back."

"Speaking of Jase… Don't make that face, okay? I'm not going to start bugging you about Jason… It's just that I remembered something he once said, about then. He said that if we had…" The rest of the quote was "fallen in love," but Carly couldn't quite muster the courage to say those particular words. "If we had really cared about each other, he would have understood. Now that he's doing this for us… you think he understands?"

"I think he does, yeah."

"What have you told him?"

"I haven't spoken to him since I told him you were pregnant. Left him a voice mail on our wedding day. Not the kind of thing you leave on a message, but…"

"What did you say?"

Sonny circled his arms around her waist, facing her so closely the tips of their noses touched. "I told him you're the most important thing in my world."

"You did?" Carly whispered in teary disbelief.

"Carly, you are my world. You know that, right?"

She held his face in her hands and tried to compose herself before she risked gazing unabashedly into his eyes. "Um… yeah. Yeah, I do. It's just that… knowing it and hearing it are two very different things. Thank you, baby."

Carly tilted her face only an inch and her lips pressed against Sonny's. She kissed him gently, just barely, at first… just feeling the warmth and softness. Then she licked his lips until they parted slightly. With that invitation, her mouth sought full entrance to his, her tongue finding its mate and clinging in delicious need. Suddenly, she pulled back like nothing had happened.

"Wha- what are you doing?" Sonny asked, confused.

"I just realized you should be the one kissing me."

"I got no problem with that. But why?"

"Oh, I don't know. I just thought you might want to reenact the infamous night."

Sonny raised a surprised eyebrow. "You thought _I_ might want to?"

Carly closed her eyes, embarrassed. "Talking about it got me kinda… revved up."

He quickly rolled her under him. "Carly, I'll make love to you any way you want. Just don't ask me to pretend I hate you. I can't do that."

"Okay, then try to make me black out the sweet way… Teddy Bear."

"Cut it out with the '_teddy bear_.'"

"Uh oh. Am I making you mad? Have I been naughty?"

Sonny got into the game. "Very naughty, little girl."

Carly smiled and threw her arms up above her head. "Ooh, teach me a lesson!"

xxxxxxxxxx

"Leticia, there you are!" Chloe glided over to welcome Leticia back into the Quartermaine living room. "Edward keeps shaking his head and muttering something about 'foolish, ungrateful children.' But what else is new?" she chuckled in a hushed voice. "I believe AJ's mood could definitely benefit from his lady love."

Leticia followed Chloe's eyes to where AJ stood off by himself in the corner, chugging his water and alternating between staring resentfully at his grandfather and at the bar. Nodding thanks to her friend, she made her way through the rest of the family, talking amongst themselves, and headed over to him.

"AJ."

As soon as he saw her, his face lit up once more. He was so happy to see her that he grabbed her face and planted a very enthusiastic liplock on her.

"I was starting to get a little worried that maybe you'd slipped out the front door."

A bit dizzy from the kiss, she held onto his arm as she tried to string words together. "No, no… of course not."

"Let, I was kidding."

"Yeah, I knew that," she brushed off, seeming nervous about something, and a bit sad. "AJ, I think we should talk."

"You know what? You're right. And I know exactly what I want to say to you. And you… you only have to say one word back to me."

Before Leticia knew what was going on, AJ had dropped to one knee before her. Holding her left hand in his, his other hand reached inside his jacket and emerged with a ring box.

She was speechless, but the family was not. As everyone noticed, the room was filled with various reactions… from Emily and Chloe's squeaks of happiness, to Alan and Monica's muttered queries to each other as to whether or not this was a good thing or a disaster, to Edward's resoundingly displeased "Dear God!"

"Leticia Isabel Juarez… I know I don't deserve you, but you have made me a better man than I've ever been before. I love you and need you with me for the rest of my life." He opened the box and presented the sparkling diamond and emerald ring. "Will you marry me?"

Leticia opened her mouth but no sound came out. She hadn't seen this coming. She didn't know what to do. Her emotions were swirling and her head and heart battling. Why did he have to do this now? Why didn't he listen when she said they needed to talk? Her gaze shifted from AJ's hopeful face to the ring, back again, and then quickly to the family, noting the deadly scowl Edward was aiming at his grandson.

"Well?" AJ finally pressed.

"I… I… I can't."

"What?"

"I can't because I know the truth, AJ. I know that you've only been using me to get access to Michael. I heard you talking all about it with your grandfather." Tears started to fall as she choked out the hurt, angry words.

"Leticia, no. No, you misunderstood what you heard. He came up with that theory, and I told him he was crazy!"

Edward spoke up. "I believe your exact words were, '_That's what my whole relationship with Leticia has been about… just trying to win time with my son._'"

AJ stared daggers at Edward. "You know damn well I was making fun of you! You and the sick way you think!"

Leticia moved to slip past AJ. "I need to leave."

"No!" He stepped in front of her, blocking her path. "Let, you have to believe me. I've only ever been with you for you. I love you."

She could barely breathe, her chest was so full of stifled sobs. "I'm not mad at you, AJ. The chances of this lasting were next to nothing anyway. Two different worlds and all that. This is just how I know… it's over."

He watched, shell-shocked, as she ran out of the house. The ring box, still clutched in his hand, fell to the floor.

After a minute of uncomfortable silence, Alan was first to comment. "AJ, how could you do this? I know we all miss Michael, but to use a good woman like Leticia?"

"Dad, did it ever occur to you that maybe Leticia did misunderstand and AJ's telling the truth?" Emily defended her brother.

"Don't answer that," said AJ, his tone dead. "Everybody go. I need to be alone."

Monica was concerned. "AJ, I don't think that's such a good-"

"GET OUT!!!!!"

Everyone filed out of the room quietly, even Edward. Chloe, on her way out, picked up the ring box and placed it gently on the coffee table…

Leaving behind only AJ, his heartache, and a stocked bar.

Outside the front door, Leticia had not yet found the strength to leave. She finally pushed herself off the door, wiped her tears, and took a few shaky steps. One last look back…

"Goodbye, AJ," she whispered. "I am so, so sorry."

xxxxxxxxxx

Sonny and Carly lay cuddled together amongst a makeshift bed of pillows and sofa cushions they'd made on the veranda floor.

"I can't believe we broke the chaise," she mumbled against his chest, then raised her head. "I'm kind of proud of us."

"Hell, yeah. Much more impressive than breaking a lamp."

"Oh, absolutely."

"I'll have it replaced in the morning."

"I'll try to control myself a little better so we don't kill the new one, too."

"Don't try too hard," Sonny said, voice warm with satisfaction. "I'm serious. I love seeing you really passionate like this."

She hid her eyes, regretful. "I barely let you touch me at all after we lost…"

"You needed time to heal. I felt lucky to hold your hand."

"But I know I pushed you away so many times, even when I didn't mean to. You could have let me, but you didn't. And you didn't even push back. You just wouldn't let go."

"Never," he whispered in her ear. She kissed his mouth lightly and then rested her head back on his chest, looking up at the stars.

"Is that a star or a plane?" she asked, pointing upward. "Maybe it's Jason off to work. BE CAREFUL!" Carly yelled at the sky.

Sonny squinted just beyond her fingertip. "I think it's a planet."

"Really? Which one?"

"Definitely Planet Carly."

"Ahhh, okay. Want to move to Planet Carly with me?"

"How are the taxes up there?"

"Oh, economy's great. But there's no, um… coffee… so I'm afraid you'd have to be a house-husband. And on Planet Carly, it's illegal to keep your wife out of her own kitchen."

"Then I'd get arrested even more than I do in Port Charles. But I'll still go, if Michael wants to."

Carly sighed, thinking of her son. "I miss Michael."

"Me too." Sonny stroked her arm.

"I know I needed to get away from him… or, more like he needed to get away from me… but I just hope he doesn't feel abandoned or something."

"He doesn't feel abandoned. He's got Leticia. He's got your mom. Leticia or Johnny calls every day to let us know he's okay."

"I know. I miss them, too. There's just a difference in knowing he's still breathing and knowing that he's really happy. And the summer's going by so fast… Oh my God. Sonny, what's today's date?"

"Well, it _was_ July 2nd. Pretty sure it's the 3rd by now."

"It's almost the 4th of July. Wow. It's weird how, when you're in a place like this that's kind of like another world, you lose touch with time and holidays and stuff like that. I didn't realize we were going to be away from Michael for a holiday. I mean, I know it's not like it's Christmas…"

"Carly, don't worry. Michael is going to have a great 4th of July. I promise. And so are you."

She simply nodded, kissed his chest and closed her eyes, ready to sleep, not guessing what Sonny was now planning.

xxxxxxxxxx

It was a good thing Leticia wasn't expected to pick Michael up from Bobbie's until the morning. Then again, maybe it would have been better to have the little boy to focus on, rather than the night's events. As it was, she was shut up in her room, crying on her bed. She'd had to put on a big smile to get past Johnny. She wasn't sure he believed the act, but he'd left her alone. Now, that's what she truly was… alone. And it was all her own fault. Leticia picked up her phone and started punching the numbers, waiting impatiently to get through.

"Hello?" said the voice on the other end.

"Chloe! It's Leticia. I need you to help me."

"Let! Oh my goodness. Are you okay?"

"No. No, I'm not."

"What happened tonight? AJ, the proposal, Edward…?"

"Chloe, I really can't talk about that right now. I just need your help."

"Of course. Whatever I can do."

Leticia took a deep breath. "Um, I need you to look out for AJ for me. I'm worried he might… start drinking."

"Oh dear. I'll do my best, Let, but…"

"I know you can't be with him all the time…"

"It's not that," Chloe said thoughtfully. "I was going to say that you don't sound very mad at AJ, if at all. After that scene tonight, I would have thought you'd still be furious with him… not taking care of him."

"I just don't want him to destroy his whole life. He's already lost me. He doesn't need to lose his sobriety, too."

"You're a good person, Leticia."

She couldn't handle someone telling her that now. "No, I'm-… I've got to go, Chloe. Thanks." The phone dropped from her shaky hand, and she doubled over crying once again.

Why? Why did she do what she did? Why did she say what she said? Why did have to hurt AJ like that when he never did anything but love her? She'd heard the rest of his conversation with Edward. She knew what she'd said to him in front of everyone about him only being with her to get to Michael was total bullshit.

When she'd heard the things Edward said to AJ, it stressed her. He brought up a lot of issues that she had already been concerned about. She worried about how she would fit into his upper class world, and how she would affect his standing in the family and in ELQ. She started to doubt the reality of how well the rest of the family seemed to accept them together. She started to think things she didn't want to… like maybe AJ would be better off without her.

It both touched her and scared her how willing he seemed to throw away everything he knew… his work, money, family… if need be, to be with her. But she hadn't made any kind of decision. She just wanted to talk to him about it. She had little doubt that he would calm her fears, hold her until none of it seemed to matter anymore, and all would be well. But before any of that could happen, he proposed.

Like that's such a terrible thing to do, right? God, when she looked back on it, it could have been the best moment of her life, if only she'd let it. But AJ's unexpected question and her not yet assuaged doubts collided, and the result was panic.

So, she didn't ask to speak to him in private before giving him an answer. She didn't even simply say no, although that would have broken his heart bad enough. No, something inside her decided that she needed to hurt him in a way that would keep him from going after her and putting his job, his inheritance, and whatever else at risk.

Leticia wanted to call him, go see him, say it was all a big mistake. She wanted to take it back. But she convinced herself that she had done the best thing for him. It just hurt like hell right now. She never thought she would have to say goodbye to him again.

x

_(flashback)_

Leticia was packing up her room at the Quartermaine mansion. Carly and Michael had moved into Sonny's penthouse the day before. Taking an overnight bag, Leticia had gone along as well, but she asked that Sonny let her pack up her own room, rather than sending one of the guards. She said she didn't want them going through her stuff, but that was just an excuse. She knew she needed to say goodbye.

"You're really leaving."

She slowed her actions for a moment, then continued packing. "You know I am, AJ. Where Michael goes, I go."

"And where is Michael going? To Sonny Corinthos," AJ growled. "How the hell did that happen?" At her silence, his tone softened. "You haven't asked me… why I gave Michael up."

"I know Sonny had some kind of information on you. It had to be pretty bad, or else you never would have given up your son. I don't need to know what it was." She finally turned to face him. "I'm just… I'm sorry."

"You don't think I'm a horrible person?"

"For giving up Michael? You did what you thought you had to. I know how hard it was for you. And it's not like you left him alone in the world. As for whatever Sonny knows, the past is past. I've seen you change a lot."

AJ stepped closer. "Leticia, any change in me has been because of you. Now I'm losing you and Michael at the same time."

She tried to go back to packing. "AJ… I know we've gotten closer, but there's nothing here for you to lose. You're still married to Carly."

"Now that she's pregnant with Corinthos' kid, I really don't think he'll let her keep my last name for long. Besides, you know Carly and I never had any kind of real marriage."

"Look, I'm dating Reggie. He's who I want to be with." She quickly looked away, but AJ grabbed her face gently and wouldn't let her turn from him.

"I'm looking in your eyes right now, Leticia, and I don't believe you."

"I'm just saying… we don't even know what's going on with us."

"I do! I know exactly what's going on with me! I'm falling in love with you!"

Before she could manage a response, he put one hand behind her head, the other on her waist, and pulled her in tight, accentuating his declaration with a kiss. She kissed him back, dropping the clothes in her hand and wrapping her arms around him.

"Leticia? You need some help?" a man's voice called from the top of the stairs.

They broke apart suddenly. "That's Johnny. He's driving me," she whispered.

"We need more time."

"No, I… I'm done in here. I should… I should go."

"Let… I'll call you."

"I don't know if that's a good idea. Let's just treat this like it's…"

"What? The end?"

"AJ, just go. Don't make it harder."

Eyes stinging, he nodded and slowly backed out of the room. Just before he was out of sight, she called after him.

"AJ… what you said… Me too."

An amazing smile took over his face for a few seconds, until he remembered that he was losing her anyway and the smile faded fast. He walked away, right past Johnny.

Johnny peeked into the room, spying a tear-stained Leticia, boxes at her feet. "Something going on?"

She pretended she wasn't crying and forced a cheery tone into her voice. "Yeah. I'm moving. Grab a box."

x

Leticia was shaken out of her memories by the ringing of her phone. She fumbled with it in her hurry to answer, desperately hoping he was the one calling.

"Hello?" Disappointment filled her as she heard the voice, though she tried to conceal it. "How are things going? Everything's just great here… Mm hmm… Oh, that's… that's a great idea. We'd love to."


	32. Fireworks and Expectations

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 32 - Fireworks and Expectations

"Sonny, they're closed. My eyes are closed, I promise."

He walked over to where Carly sat upon their brand new chaise, pulling her to stand, and placed his hands firmly over her eyes for good measure.

"This bit again?" she grumbled good-naturedly, remembering him surprising her with the casino visit just two nights previous. "What's the big mystery today?"

"You'll see, right about… now."

On cue, Leticia, with Michael in her arms, crept out onto the veranda. "Carlee Corinzos? No, zis cannot beee. Ohh, zis is ze highlamp of my life! I must 'ave ze autograph!" Let goofed around, in a surprisingly convincing French accent.

"What??" Carly wailed in confusion, tugging in vain at Sonny's hands.

"You don't recognize the voice?" Sonny asked, trying not to burst out laughing.

Suddenly, a second voice piped up… "Mama!"

Carly gasped.

"How about that one?" Sonny grinned, finally removing her blinders and letting her take a good look at their guests.

"Oh my God, Michael… Let… hi." She was obviously thrilled to see them, but when Leticia started to bring Michael to Carly, she shrank back a bit. "Maybe he doesn't want to…"

Before she could even finish her thought, Michael began to struggle in Leticia's hold until she set him down. Once she did, he ran straight for Carly and threw his little arms around her leg. Carly felt tears of joy and relief fill her eyes.

"I kinda think he wants to see you."

She picked Michael up and hugged him for all the lost weeks, smiling warmly at Sonny. "I thought maybe he'd be afraid of me."

"Doesn't look like it."

Their eyes locked and lingered. She mouthed the words "_Thank you_." After about a minute, a distinct throat-clearing sound broke through the spell.

"Ahem. Hellooo? Your best friend has arrived," Leticia said, silently noting with delight that Sonny and Carly were obviously even closer than before.

Carly handed Michael over, who went happily to _Unca Sonny_, and turned to her girl. "Do I know you, madamoiselle?"

"Shut up and give me a hug. I was just having fun with you."

"Sonny told you that was possible again, huh?"

Let pulled away from their hug slowly. "Um, something like that. I can tell just looking at you that you're doing so much better. You look fabulous."

Carly could actually believe that now. "Thanks. It's the island air, you know," she claimed, staring at Sonny.

Let, who had followed Carly's eye, just nodded. "Air. Right."

When Carly finally broke her gaze from Sonny, she really took in Let's appearance for the first time. "You look… Sweetie, are you okay?"

"Gee, thanks."

"No, I didn't mean… C'mon. You're always beautiful. But you do look a little tired. Has Michael been giving you problems?"

"No, not at all. I just haven't slept so well the past night or two. I don't know why," she lied, thinking of AJ. "But that magic island air should fix me right up."

"Okay, ladies. Break up the gab session." Sonny and Michael strolled over to them. "It is the 4th of July, and it's gonna be the best one ever. Everybody go get your swimsuits on. We're gonna go on a boat ride." He said the last part specifically to Michael, with wide, excited eyes. "After that, you guys can swim while I cook us up the traditional holiday fare."

"What? Eggplant parmigiana or salmon en crut?"

"Don't give me ideas, Carly. No. There's only two things you can eat on the 4th of July… hot dogs and hamburgers."

"You?" Carly was flabbergasted. "You're going to make us… junk food?"

"Hot off the grill. And don't call it junk food. This stuff's good for you… once a year, anyway."

"Ooh, well then, we better enjoy it while we can. Right, Michael?" She gave both her men… both her Michaels… a kiss on the cheek. "You're putting your swim suit on, too, aren't you?" she inquired under her breath to Sonny.

"Yes."

"Then I'd be happy even if I had to eat eggplant."

xxxxxxxxxx

"How about right here?"

"Ooh, perfect."

Johnny and Chloe halted their arm-in-arm stroll through the park upon finding just the right spot in which to join the Port Charles 4th of July picnic. Johnny set down the basket they'd brought and spread out their blanket.

"Miss Morgan?" He took her hand regally and helped her to sit.

"Thank you, kind sir." Once she was down, she pulled on his hand, laughing as he tumbled down next to her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, no problem. The ground broke my fall," he kidded, sitting up. "Seriously, I'm more than okay. It's a beautiful afternoon… my favorite holiday… and I'm spending it with you."

"And the rest of the town. I mean, I enjoy seeing everyone, but I know my family and friends can be… a little less than accepting of you."

They had run across several people they knew on their way through the park… Bobbie, with son Lucas, was very nice to them, being used to Johnny as a result of Carly's marriage to Sonny… Lucy Coe went into a surprised babble upon realizing that Chloe's date worked for Sonny Corinthos, though managing to mostly babble about how cute Johnny was, and luckily preventing her companion, Scotty Baldwin, from doing any more than giving Johnny a dirty look… Juan and Emily greeted them as true friends, with their trademark youthful enthusiasm… Ned did his best to swallow his dislike for Johnny and his profession for Chloe's sake, but you could tell he was gritting his teeth… His girlfriend, and Chloe's good friend, Alexis Davis, had met Johnny on several very brief occasions through being Sonny's attorney and said a friendly yet nervous hello… The rest of the Quartermaines - all except an absent AJ - were… well, typical.

"All those people are just wondering what the hell you're doing with me. And I ask myself that all the time, so how can I blame them?"

"Johnny, hush."

"I did like when you told Edward that if he didn't like you being with me he could stick a sock in it… but you recommended watermelon as a better-tasting alternative."

"And Monica shoved a piece in his mouth," Chloe giggled. "Yeah, that was fun."

"Look on the bright side. I think we gave the Quartermaines something to worry about besides AJ."

"I think you're right," Chloe sighed sadly. "I wonder where he is. I told Leticia I'd try to look out for him, but obviously I'm not doing a very good job."

"Here's your chance."

Chloe looked up to see AJ making his somewhat unsteady way across the park, a flask in his hand.

"Oh, God. Johnny, I need to…"

"I know you do. Go talk to him. But stay close. He gets nastier than usual when he drinks."

"It's nice to know I've got a superhero protector on call. But don't look too hard for the Johnny signal in the sky. I'll be fine." With a quick peck on the lips, she hurried off towards AJ, calling over her shoulder, "And keep your hands off that fried chicken! I'll be back before it gets cold!"

Johnny snatched his hand out of the tempting basket of goodies, trying to ignore the smells of the food and the rumbling in his tummy. Determined to distract himself, he lay back and let his imagination paint a very enjoyable picture of he and Chloe under the fireworks later.

"AJ?"

Chloe crept up softly behind AJ and spoke his name. He whirled around looking angry, and then smiling way too much.

"Cousin! Happy Independence Day! 'S a good thing, independence. It means you're alone. And that means you can't disappoint anybody… and you can't lose anybody. Watch me celebrate." He brought the flask to his lips and took a deep swig.

"AJ, don't. You're just hurting yourself worse. Give me that." She grabbed it away from him before he could argue. As she brought the flask close to her body, she noticed that it was lacking the expected strong odor of alcohol. She sniffed it pointedly. "Vodka?" Chloe asked. Wasn't really her drink, but she remembered that it supposedly didn't smell.

AJ shrugged. "Ranked the #1 booze by drunks like me."

Chloe looked at AJ, then the flask, suddenly suspicious. Without hesitation, she guzzled what remained in the flask herself. AJ's eyes grew wide, apparently shocked at her intuition, if not her drinking abilities.

"I take that back… Water."

AJ shrugged again. "You got me."

Chloe was incredulous. "But, but… why? You're pretending to have fallen off the wagon? You want your family and everyone else to think you're drinking again? Why?"

"Why not? It's what they expect."

"That's not…" She started to correct him but stopped herself.

"It's what you expected, isn't it? Besides, when they go into _tough love _mode," he continued, rolling his eyes, "it gives their ignoring me a sense of purpose."

Silent for a few moments, she settled for saying, "It's a sorry kind of life spent living down to other people's expectations. But, I guess it's better for you to be fake drunk than really drunk."

He took back the now empty flask, dropped it, and then sat beside it on the soft grass. "Don't think I didn't consider giving in and doing it for real. It'd be a hell of a lot easier."

"So why didn't you?"

AJ stared off into nothing. "For myself… but also for her." There was no doubt who "her" referred to.

"It was a beautiful ring, AJ," Chloe chanced remarking.

That could have upset him more, but he smiled slightly. "I didn't know what to get her at first. I wanted her to have the very best, so I thought that meant having a diamond bigger than the one I gave Carly. But she had told me once she thought Carly's ring was a bit too much, and I knew there was no way she'd wear one bigger than that. I knew she liked emeralds… Whenever any of the women in the family wore emerald jewelry, she would always compliment them on it… So I decided the diamond and emerald ring was perfect for her." The happy aspect of that memory faded suddenly. "The ring was perfect for her… I wasn't." He stood quickly and started to walk away. "Enjoy your day, Chloe."

"AJ, Leticia asked me to look out for you."

He turned back. "What?"

"She was worried about you. She was afraid you might… well, start drinking again."

He laughed dully. "What did I tell you? It's what everyone expects of me… even her."

"She obviously still cares about you."

"She cares about everybody! It doesn't matter that she thinks I'm the lowest snake to ever slither the earth! She still has to make sure I'm okay! Doesn't surprise me!" AJ took a breath. "Look, I know you've got to report back, so… tell her I'm drinking or tell her I'm full of shit. I don't really care." He started walking away again.

"I don't believe you, AJ," Chloe called after him.

"Yeah?" he responded without looking back. "Me either."

Feeling unsure as to whether she had helped or perhaps made things worse, Chloe tried to shake the conversation off and concentrate on returning to her first real date with Johnny.

xxxxxxxxxx

Sonny's idea of _plain ol' hot dogs and hamburgers _included serving up sides of potato salad, coleslaw, baked beans, French fries, and just about every kind of fresh fruit imaginable… Oh, and apple pie with loads of vanilla ice cream. Everyone had stuffed themselves so much, he made them wait nearly _two_ hours before going swimming. Though they had complained, they were so full they could hardly have moved if they'd tried.

Or, maybe they were just too busy laughing at his _Kiss The Cook _apron.

Eventually, they all made their way to the ocean. Sonny, Carly, and Leticia took turns holding Michael in the water and watching him swim like a little fish. Then Leticia took Michael aside for some splash time, while Sonny and Carly did likewise with each other… Of course, their playful splash fights dissolved into kissing and cuddling. Michael noticed and giggled at them. Let averted her gaze, allowing them privacy, but couldn't help but be envious of their closeness.

Night fell, and it was time for the "super duper" fireworks show Sonny had promised… arranged personally, just for them. He and Carly had agreed that Michael could stay up to see them, but the tired little boy fell asleep before a single spark of color hit the sky. Leticia took him in to bed and told Sonny and Carly she would see them in the morning, claiming she could see the fireworks just fine from her bedroom window.

"Just the two of us?"

"Works for me."

Just then, there was a distant whistling, followed a loud boom and lots of little pops. The stars up above were joined by those awaited little sparks of color, and the sky exploded with a hypnotizing show of sight and sound.

_Fourth of July  
__Everyone is on the beach  
__Waiting for the sky  
__To explode_

_It all felt as out of reach  
__As the bursts of color  
__It all felt as out of reach  
__As the sky itself_

"Definitely the best fireworks I've ever seen," Carly purred in contentment. "Not that I've seen a lot."

"What about growing up?"

"Mmm, nah. I grew up in a trailer park, Sonny. The community fireworks were pretty unspectacular. In fact, they were the complete opposite of you… cheap and over in two minutes."

"Oh yeah?" Sonny raised an eyebrow in amusement and nibbled her neck a bit for that.

"Mm hmmm… Charlotte snuck me in to see the country club fireworks once. They kept them too low for the common people to get a look at, see. But I got in trouble for it the next day, and… eh, I didn't like the stuffy, elitist bullshit they stood for anyway. This is much, much better."

"Good. I had some pretty decent 4ths with the Cerullos."

"I know your mom… and Mike, according to him… taught you how to cook, but the Cerullos must be where you learned to cook for an army."

"Yeah, probably," he laughed, watching the fireworks vary their patterns and stroking Carly's hair. "This is my favorite 4th of July, hands down."

_And I wondered where you were  
__My darling  
__And when the loneliness  
__Would be kissed away_

_It all felt as out of reach  
__As the bursts of color  
__It all felt as out of reach  
__As the sky itself_

"Thank you for my fireworks. And thank you so much for bringing Michael and Leticia out here, Sonny. You knew just when I was ready and you gave me what I needed. You always do that." Carly trailed a finger across his chest and kissed his jaw.

"I do my best," Sonny replied, voice thick.

"Know what I need now?"

Being out on the sand at night, with the warm breeze and lapping waves, the two of them tangled on a blanket, was making him think of their lovemaking on the beach. Her eyes said she was thinking the same thing. He pulled her on top of him and began kissing her slowly.

"You sure it's okay… out here… now?" Carly asked around Sonny's kisses.

"Leticia's probably asleep… But, if she's not, and she can really see out here from her window, she'll know not to go for a moonlight walk." He rolled her under him and continued to kiss her through her laughter.

"But we'll miss the grand finale," she argued weakly, hazy eyes taking in the fireworks with lessening interest… starting to feel the real fireworks within her body.

"Baby," Sonny growled, making her gaze focus on him, "we are the grand finale."

xxxxxxxxxx

_I've been dreaming this day would come  
__For such a long time  
__Do you know how much it means to me  
__To have you be mine?_

"You know, I haven't celebrated too many 4th of Julys. Spent most of my life in Europe."

Having emptied their picnic basket, Johnny and Chloe laid next to each other on the blanket, sides just touching, awaiting the start of the PC fireworks display. At her comment, he turned to look her way.

"You've seen fireworks before, haven't you?"

"Oh, sure. They do have fireworks in other countries, for various celebrations, though I couldn't say I remember what. I was actually terrified of them as a kid. No matter how far away they were, I was convinced the sparks were going to land on me. But then one summer my parents, when they were still together, brought me here on vacation… Colorado, actually. I think I was maybe nine. I enjoyed the 4th so much, my attitude just totally flipped. Not only was I not afraid of the fireworks, I was so excited, I kept running around waving sparklers and making 'BOOM!' noises." She laughed a little at herself. "What can I say? It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind."

"That's a pretty cute picture. Want to try it again? I bet I could rustle up some sparklers."

Johnny started looking around as if to spot a vendor selling them, but the only vendor he and Chloe noticed was selling cotton candy… at the moment, to a tall, blond man who gave the treat to a shorter, dark-haired woman.

"Is that Jax and…?"

Chloe blinked a few times. "Hannah."

Jax and Hannah walked away… feeding each other pieces of cotton candy and laughing… thankfully without noticing they had been noticed. Johnny watched Chloe's face as she tried to digest this new information.

"Are you okay?"

Chloe shook off the uneasiness and focused on Johnny's concerned face. "What? Oh, I'm fine." She touched his face reassuringly.

"Because I'd understand if that bothered you, or if you wanted to… talk to him." He forced that last bit out.

"Johnny, listen to me. I don't want to talk to Jax. If I run across those two outside Kelly's tomorrow, I will say hi and wish them well, because Jax is a good man and we had a good relationship that just didn't quite work. But he's not who I'm interested in. You are."

She put her arms around him and drew herself closer. He hid his eyes for a moment, then pulled her closer still, smiling.

"I will admit it was creepy as hell seeing them together at first," Chloe added. "It was like seeing an old picture of Jax and Brenda come to life."

"I give it two weeks," Johnny said dismissively.

"I… don't care." She moved in to kiss him.

"Good timing. He's looking right at us."

"What? You want to try to make him jealous?" Chloe shook her head at the silliness of that idea. "Let me know when he stops watching."

"Still watching… Still watching… Still…"

"Good lord, Jax, get a life."

"He wants you."

"He does not. I think he's only looking because it's you."

"Jax wants _me_?"

"Haha, very cute. But you know what I mean." She sighed impatiently. "Is he still watching?"

"Yep."

"Then forget whatever point I was trying to make. I want to kiss my date."

And that she did, for quite a long time. They couldn't tell you if anyone was watching, but they also couldn't care less. As the fireworks rocketed and exploded over their heads, Johnny and Chloe were lost in their own sparks.

_You once felt as out of reach  
__As the bursts of color  
__It all felt as out of reach  
__As the sky itself_

xxxxxxxxxx

"Let? Are you still up?"

Changed into her nightgown and silk robe, Carly knocked lightly and peeked her head inside Leticia's not quite closed door. She spied Let sitting upright on her bed, staring at something… from what Carly could tell, her left hand. When she heard her friend's voice, she jumped up.

"Yeah, Carly, I'm awake."

"Just to check… how was the view from your window?"

"Great. I had a perfect view of the sky from right here on my bed."

"Just the sky?"

"Pretty much."

"So you couldn't see the beach? No sand? Or whatever or whoever might be on the sand?"

"All I saw was fireworks. Geez, what are you so worried about? What were you and Sonny doing…?" Leticia suddenly put her hand to her mouth in an exaggerated gesture of shock. "Carly, Carly, Carly!"

"Even with a blanket, you get sand in some weird places, but damn it's worth it."

Leticia's hand was now holding in laughter. "I swear, whatever or whoever you were doing out there, I didn't see."

"Thank you, God."

"You had a happy 4th then, I take it?"

"Yes, for many reasons, some G-rated even. I had no expectations of this day, but Sonny managed to go beyond anything I could have dreamed. He always does."

"Mm hmm… So where is Mr. From Here To Eternity?"

"He's in the shower working on those weird places, and I should be helping him. But I sacrificed that to come have a talk with my best pal. Tell me what's going on with you."

"Michael is getting so smart…"

"Let, you know I love hearing about my son, but I asked about you." She shot her friend a knowing smile. "Tell me about this man in your life… and I don't mean Michael."

Leticia was shocked. "What, what man?"

"The man you've been seeing? C'mon, I know there's someone. I've known there was something going on with you for a while, but I just… had my own things I was dealing with. But now I can see it in your eyes clearly. You're in love. You also seem like you're trying not to be sad, but I'm not sure if that's just because you're away from him or if something went wrong. Talk to me. True, I'm a little hurt that you'd keep something this important a secret from me, but I'm willing to get over it if you dish now."

Leticia was still so knocked over with surprise that she couldn't figure out what she should say in response. Should she tell Carly everything, nothing, a partial truth? Carly was well enough now to hear about AJ, but now that they were broken up, Leticia really didn't want to relive it. Before she could choose a word to utter, they were interrupted by the sound of a crying Michael. Both women hurried to the nursery.

Carly picked him up and began cooing to him, bouncily walking him around the room. He quieted somewhat but was still acting fussy. Leticia went digging into the toy bag she'd brought for him and pulled out a stuffed bear with reddish brown fur. Once she handed it to Michael, the child became all smiles.

"Nicely done, Mary Poppins." Carly surmised the bear. "That's new, isn't it? Where'd it come from?"

Leticia hadn't realized what toy she had pulled out. She hadn't even realized she'd packed that particular toy. AJ had bought it for Michael because of its reddish hair. He sent it to her mother's house, rather than the penthouse, so that it wouldn't have to be inspected by the guards. Michael took to the bear as soon as she placed it in his arms, and she had spent a good while that day telling the boy about his mysterious benefactor… ("_Remember that nice man at the park_?").

"Um, it's from… from…"

"J!!!" Michael spat that one syllable with a two-year-old's enthusiasm.

Carly looked at her son and then Leticia. "J? What…? Ohhh, Jason sent it? That's so sweet. Kind of strange, though. Jason usually gives Michael books. I wouldn't have guessed he'd send a teddy bear." She screwed up her face, trying to picture Jason buying it.

Leticia was relieved when Michael's letter "A" had been silent, buried under the excitement of the approaching second letter. But she had to clear up at least some of the confusion.

"It wasn't Jason, Carly. It was… the guy you were asking me about."

"You mean your new boyfriend bought Michael a present? Aww. I already think he's wonderful. So who is he? J, J, something with a J… Johnny??"

Leticia briefly considered going with that idea, but then she thought of Johnny and Chloe. She'd destroyed her own relationship, but she wasn't going to risk messing up someone else's. "No, not Johnny. Carly there's no point in talking about this, anyway. It's over."

Carly carefully placed a sleepy once more Michael into his crib, and then hugged her friend. "Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I guess he's not that wonderful after all, if he let you get away."

"I didn't give him much choice," Leticia whispered bitterly.

"What do you mean?"

"Carly, I just want you to know how much your friendship means to me. I will tell you everything, soon. Right now I just want to concentrate on how great you're doing and how beautiful it is here. Actually, right now I just want to go to bed. Is that okay?"

"Of course, of course. Go to sleep. We'll talk more later." Carly hugged her again. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too. G'night."

"G'night."

After blowing Michael kisses, Leticia walked back to her room, and Carly walked downstairs to the kitchen in search of leftover fruit. On her way down, Carly heard the start of a distant ringing, which turned out to originate from a cell phone that had been left on the kitchen counter. At first she assumed it was Sonny's, but then she recognized it as Leticia's. The caller ID simply said "out of area." Rather than ignore it, Carly decided to answer the forgotten phone for her friend.

Before she could even say, "Leticia Juarez's phone," the voice on the other end started talking.

"It's me. Look, you don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know… I'm sober. And I plan on staying that way. Not that I've haven't wanted something to dull the pain of you being gone, but… I'm not guilty of what you think, Leticia. For once in my life, I'm innocent. I wish you could believe me. Don't be like everyone else… I love you."

And he hung up.

Carly pushed the end button and set the phone back down, moving mechanically, still confounded by the all too familiar voice she'd heard. _It couldn't be._

"Oh my God… J… J is… _AJ_."

(Lyrics - Fourth of July, Lori Carson)


	33. Confession

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 33 - Confession

Sonny walked out of the bathroom into his and Carly's bedroom dressed in his pajama bottoms and black tank top, still rubbing a towel over his wet hair.

"Hot shower was nice, but definitely would have been better if you'd been in there with me, babe."

He peeked out from under the towel and saw his wife sitting on their bed with her back to him. Looking closer, he noticed her shoulders were shaking.

"Hey, hey… Carly, baby, what's wrong? Don't cry." He stepped closer and placed a comforting hand on her back.

"I'm not crying," came her muffled reply, as she wiped her eyes. All of a sudden, she turned around, and he saw not sadness in her face, but uncontrollable amusement. "I'm laughing my ass off!" she cried out through a gut-busting string of giggles.

Sonny's dimples burst forth. Even in the happiest of times, he'd never seen her quite like this. "Uh… I'm glad to see you so happy."

"Oh, I'm not happy! Not about this!" she corrected, still laughing. "But it's just so… so… ridiculous!"

"What is?"

She opened her mouth to answer him, but she just started laughing even harder. Sonny did the only thing he could think of to get her to stop… He sat down next to her on the bed, grabbed her face, and kissed her hard, swallowing all the extra air she laughed into his mouth, until she calmed and became too busy kissing him back to laugh anymore. Then he pulled back and tried his question again.

"What's ridiculous?"

Carly blinked a few times, feeling the loss of the kiss… remembering what had struck her as so funny just moments before… now not finding it funny at all. "It's about Leticia."

"Okay. What about Leticia?"

"You know how I told you earlier when we were swimming that I thought she was seeing someone? That she had some kind of secret boyfriend? I was right. I found out who it is."

"Well, don't keep me in suspense."

Carly took a deep breath, still in disbelief at the name she was about to utter. "It's AJ."

Sonny just stared. "What's AJ?"

"AJ is Leticia's secret boyfriend. Or was. I mean, they seem to be broken up. But… he loves her!"

"AJ Quartermaine?"

"Is there another one?"

"God, I hope not."

"I feel nauseous now," Carly muttered. "I don't know why the hell I was laughing like that. I guess I was in shock. It's just ridiculous, isn't it?"

"AJ Quartermaine," Sonny repeated.

"You keep saying that, honey. Are you in shock?"

"Leticia actually told you this?"

"No, AJ did." Before he could freak out trying to figure out when AJ had been anywhere near her, she continued explaining. "Leticia told me tonight that there was someone, but she wouldn't tell me who. She said it was over and she didn't want to think about it yet, so I let it go. But, after we said goodnight, I found her cell phone ringing and I answered it. I recognized AJ's voice right away. He told Leticia that he's not guilty of whatever she thinks he is and that he loves her. He just made his little declaration and hung up. He never knew it was me he was talking to."

"Sure he wasn't drunk?"

"No, he wasn't. That's another thing… He said he was sober and staying that way."

"Yeah right. I'm just glad Michael's nowhere near him while he tests that out."

The mention of Michael recalled another of the evening's events. "There's something else I should tell you, Sonny. Leticia and I were in Michael's nursery tonight, and he was playing with a new teddy bear. She said that her boyfriend had given it to him. And Michael said, 'J!' I had no idea that meant AJ at the time, but…"

"AJ's giving Michael presents now? What, you think Leticia's been letting AJ spend time with him?"

"I don't know. I would have said no, but I wouldn't have thought she'd keep this from me either. If she really does love him… and he wasn't drinking… maybe."

"You know he's just using her to get access to Michael."

"Probably. But…"

"What are you thinking? Don't tell me you think the little weasel is sincere."

"I don't know, Sonny! I'm not going on a lot of information here!" She ran her hand through her hair, still frustrated that her best friend had kept this huge secret. "All I know is what I saw in Leticia's eyes and heard in AJ's voice. I knew looking at her that whoever this guy was, she was in love with him, and she was in a lot of pain from not being with him. And AJ… I said I recognized his voice right away, but he still sounded… different. When I was listening to him, my skin didn't crawl. I could hear his sadness and it was real. Trust me, I know what his bullshit sounds like."

"You really believe he loves her?"

"Yeah… I do."

Sonny shook his head, not yet sold. "I just don't see him becoming this great guy out of nowhere, Carly."

Carly took his hands in hers. "Okay, first of all, at no point did I call AJ a 'great guy'. I do figure there must be something in him… as weird as it is to think… good and legitimate that Leticia fell in love with, 'cause otherwise I'll never make any sense of this. But, when you really think about it, this change in AJ isn't as 'out of nowhere' as it seems." _How long has this relationship been going on? _she wondered, but not out loud.

Sonny looked at her skeptically, but he had a feeling he knew what she was about to say.

"AJ found me at the bottom of those stairs, Sonny. I know we don't like to remember that day, but that makes it easy to forget what AJ did. He found me and he called for help. Yes, he was drunk, but he still managed to help me. I was unconscious, but I remember hearing pieces of what he said to me, you know? He stayed close to me until you got there, and he kept saying things like not to worry and that help was on the way. It didn't matter that it was AJ. It kept me hanging on for you."

He placed his hand on her cheek and stroked his thumb over her cheekbone. "I threw him against a wall at the hospital."

She put her hand over his, mouth dropping open a bit in surprise. "You what? Why did you do that?"

He sighed. "I was so crazy with worry over you, everything that happened at the Q's is kind of a blur. I didn't even remember that AJ was there. Then when I ran into him at the hospital and he said something about you, I got suspicious of how he knew and I all but accused him of pushing you down the stairs."

"Oh my God. But, Sonny, you know now it's not true, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I know. Leticia set me straight as soon as I said… Well, there it is right there. Maybe I would've figured it out if I'd been in any shape to think about anything but you."

"What about Leticia?"

"As soon as I got in his face, she suddenly appeared, shouting that he saved your life. I thought it was a little strange how passionately she was defending him, but I had no idea…"

"Tell me about it. I wonder if they've been keeping this a secret from everyone in Port Charles, or if we're the only ones who didn't know. If it's the first one, maybe I can deal with that, but if it's the second, I'm gonna be majorly pissed."

"If AJ's gonna be part of our lives, I'm majorly pissed right now."

"You wouldn't fire Leticia for this, would you?" Carly asked, worried he might.

"For having bad taste in guys? Nah. If I find out she's been sneaking Michael to see AJ, she and I are gonna have a nice, long talk. But she's like family. I wouldn't fire her."

"Good. But, you know, it does seem like she's been having a positive effect on AJ. Visiting me at the penthouse, risking your wrath, and being genuinely kind and concerned about me? The old AJ would've only rubbed our noses in our pain and taunted us for it. But this AJ… even said something nice about you."

"Do I want to know?"

Carly closed her eyes and remembered that day, so soon after losing the baby.

x

"_How's Michael doing?"_

"_I haven't really been able to be around him. I tried, but… Leticia's been great with him. She told him, you know, and she said he took it well. Sonny's great with him too, but he's been so busy babysitting me…"_

"_Carly, somehow I doubt Sonny thinks of it that way. I was there when he first ran in and saw you unconscious on the floor, before the ambulance got there. The man was a wreck. He was frantic, begging you to wake up, come back to him. And it wasn't just about the baby, either." _

"_Why are you telling me this?"_

"_I don't know. Because for some reason, I think you need to hear it. And you know I hate Sonny, so I've got no cause to lie about this. Carly, that guy really loves you. I'm not sure whether that's good for you down the line or not, but right now, I figure you need each other. Right?"_

x

Carly couldn't tell Sonny the part about him loving her. "Just told me about how upset you were after I fell… and that you obviously cared about me, not just the baby." She looked down at her lap as she spoke.

Sonny swallowed the catch in his throat, along with his pride, and tilted her chin back up. "Listen to me… AJ was right. I can't tell you how much I hate that he needed to say it, but hell, I'll be grateful to him if you just tell me you believe it."

Carly wrapped her arms around Sonny and hugged him tightly. "I do. You're my husband, right? I know how much you care about me, Sonny."

_Care? It's more than care, Carly. You could see love in Leticia's eyes. You could hear it in AJ's voice. I'm looking at you, talking to you, but you still can't find my love for you. Maybe I need to stop hiding it. Maybe I need to finally tell you so there's no way you can miss it again._

He whispered over her shoulder, "It's more than that. I…"

"I wonder what AJ meant about not being guilty," Carly interrupted, unaware, letting go of the hug.

Sonny huffed out a breath of frustration coupled with relief. "What now?"

"That thing he said on the phone about not being guilty of what Leticia thinks. What could that-? … That son of a bitch! He cheated on her!"

"Wait a minute. Two minutes ago, you were all about finding the good in him, and now you're calling him a cheating son of a bitch? Which position are you taking?"

"I haven't decided yet. Depends on what he really did to Leticia."

"And how are you gonna find that out?"

Carly's eyebrows rose at the mental formation of a plan. "She'll tell me everything." Leaning forward, she whispered her tactics into his ear.

Sonny laughed. "That should be fun."

"I'll tell you all about it after."

"Just thought of something… something Francis told me that you might be able to use. C'mon, I'll tell you in the shower."

"Sonny, you just took a shower."

"Yeah, baby, but you didn't. Besides, I think I missed some sand."

xxxxxxxxxx

The next morning, the three adults and Michael had breakfast together like everything was normal. Neither Sonny nor Carly gave any indication of their newfound knowledge. Afterward, Leticia started to take Michael outside to play with the toy blocks they'd left on the veranda, but Sonny picked him up instead.

"S'okay, I'll take him. Male bonding time. You just relax."

With an imperceptible wink from Sonny to Carly, the women were left alone in the living room with lots of time to talk.

"You heard the man. Relax! Sit yourself down on that couch. Get comfy. I actually have something I want to ask you."

Leticia tensed at those words. "Carly, if it's about what I didn't want to talk about last night, I'm still not ready to…"

"Oh, no. This has nothing to do with your mystery boyfriend," Carly promised. "This is about AJ."

Leticia nearly choked on the juice she was drinking, but she recovered. "Uh… what about him?"

"Has he been making a nuisance of himself lately? What am I talking about, _lately_? When is he not?" Carly chuckled. "I just wanted to know if he's been showing up places you go with Michael, trying to get close to him, that kind of thing."

"Not- not really, no." Let didn't know what to say. If she said yes, she'd give Carly the wrong impression about AJ… and she already had a pretty wrong impression about AJ.

"Leticia, it's okay. You don't have to protect me anymore. I can handle it."

"Handle what?" Let asked, genuinely confused.

"The truth. Francis told Sonny about that terrible scene at the park. You were playing with Michael on the swings when AJ, on a drunken spree, came up behind you and attacked you!"

"What?? No! He wasn't drunk and he didn't attack me, Carly."

"Oh. But he put his hands on you, right?"

"Well… yes."

"Then what was he doing if he wasn't attacking you?"

Leticia didn't have a good answer for that. "I don't know. I just think the… incident… may have gotten blown out of proportion."

"I just thank God you and Michael were unharmed and AJ's evil little plan didn't go off. He gets himself drunk…"

"No, he didn't," Let mutters.

"He physically attacks my son's nanny…"

"_No_, he didn't."

"He attempts to kidnap my son…"

"NO, he didn't." Slightly louder this time.

"All because he's insanely jealous of Sonny and wants desperately to be with me again."

"HE DOES NOT!!!"

This time it was Carly who nearly choked on her juice, from laughing, at Leticia's possessive outburst. "Excuse me?"

Let stood up and went off. "I can't take it anymore! Carly, I know you and AJ have an ugly history, from the stupid laundry cart to your whole miserable marriage, and I know he's deserved a lot of what you've said about him in the past, but now you're just making stuff up! You don't really know him! You never really did, but especially now! He's changed a lot, and I've been lucky enough to be there to see it! He's not still hung up on you, Carly! He moved on… a lot longer ago than you might think!"

While Leticia paused for breath, Carly calmly prompted her for the final confession. "With?"

"Me." While it came late, it was spoken proudly.

To Leticia's surprise, Carly smiled in satisfaction. "THAT was what I was waiting for."

To Leticia's greater surprise, Carly didn't seem surprised at all. "You knew?"

"No thanks to you."

"How long?"

"Only since late last night, after you went to bed. You left your phone down here, by the way. I took a message for you… AJ says he's not guilty of what you think, he wants you to believe him, and he loves you."

Let closed her eyes at AJ trying to convince her of his innocence, when she knew she was the guilty one. "AJ talked to you?"

"He didn't know I was there. He assumed it was you. He said what he had to and hung up. It would have been nice to hear the truth from my best friend first, but that didn't happen."

Leticia sat back down, put her head in her hands for a moment, then lifted it to look her friend right in the eyes. "What do you want to know?"

Carly's eyes showed their hurt. "Why did you keep it from me?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. When it first started, we didn't really know what it was. We both had other commitments. It was easiest to ignore it, or try to. Our feelings soon became clearer, but I moved out of the Q's along with you and Michael, and AJ and I decided to just let what we had go… Correction - I decided. I was scared to tell you because I knew you wouldn't approve, and I convinced myself there was no need to tell you anything since I wasn't actually with him. It wasn't until your accident when he called me… and we met up at the hospital and comforted each other… that things started up with us again. I wanted to tell you then, I did, but you had such a rough time over losing the baby, I didn't want to risk saying anything to upset you more. Can you understand that?"

Carly sighed. "Yes and no. It's all very logical reasoning, Let. But you still should have told me from the beginning… which was when exactly?"

"I don't know exactly. Maybe… eight months or so ago?"

"You were sleeping with AJ when he was married to me?"

"No! Carly, of course not. We just talked, mostly… or watched Michael sleep. Yes, there have been a few kisses. But, as a matter of fact, I still haven't slept with him."

"Oh. Sorry. Just don't expect the earth to move if you do, okay? 'Cause I bought a ticket for that ride, and it wasn't too thrilling."

"Carly, that's not fair. I don't think there was one time in your marriage to AJ that you actually wanted to sleep with him, at least not without an ulterior motive. Because he wasn't who you wanted. Jason was the one in your heart."

Carly made a little face, but nodded. Her days of being in love with Jason just seemed like a childish crush to her now.

"AJ is the only one in my heart," Let continued. "I am _very _attracted to him. When he's standing close to me, my heart races, my body gets warm… I can feel my lips tingle remembering the first time he kissed me. I can promise you, when AJ and I do make love, it will be amazing."

"That's beautiful… and absolutely disgusting." Carly was slowly adjusting to the idea of this bizarre coupling, but she still had no interest in hearing it discussed in sexual terms. "So you and AJ doing it is a '_when_' now?"

Leticia froze, realizing that she had indeed changed Carly's "if" to "when." She shook her head sadly. "No. It's never going to happen."

"Why? Because of me?"

"No, because of me! I told you my relationship ended? It ended because I ended it… killed it… destroyed it."

"He didn't cheat on you?"

"God, no, AJ didn't cheat on me. He proposed to me."

"He what?" Carly moved closer to Leticia. "AJ asked you to marry him?" Let nodded and Carly lightly grasped her left hand. "So why is there no ring on this finger?"

"Because I freaked out. I let all my stupid insecurities gang up with some really stupid things Edward said, and I just wasn't expecting a proposal, and… My reasons sound more pathetic every time. Please don't expect an intelligent answer."

"Let, turning down a proposal is not a crime. You weren't ready. Okay, so you wounded AJ's pride, but he'll get over it and you two can make up… if that's what you want."

"Carly, you don't understand what I've done. I didn't just say no. I accused him of something that I know was completely untrue."

"You mean he was telling the truth when he said on the phone he was innocent? Wow. Well, tell me what you said. It can't be that bad."

"Yes, it can. Carly, he invited me to dinner at the mansion. He made sure the whole family was there so that he could reintroduce me to them as the woman he loved."

"The Quartermaines all knew before me. Great."

"Everything was going really well. The majority of the Q's got over their shock fairly quickly. But, after dinner, Edward cornered AJ and started going on about I wasn't in his social class, and how it was an inappropriate relationship for the heir to ELQ…"

"Blah, blah, blah. And I'm sure AJ leapt to your defense." Carly spoke with mild sarcasm in her voice, seeming to know inside that it wasn't called for.

"_Yes_, he did. I've never heard him stand up to Edward like that. He told him I had more class than any of the Q's, with the exception of Lila… Made it clear that I was more important to him than the family or ELQ… and that he loved me for myself, not as a way to Michael."

"Damn. I don't know if it'll last, but at this moment, I think I kinda respect AJ."

"He didn't know that I overheard all that, though. I met him in the living room, wanting to talk about some of the issues Edward brought up, but we never got a chance. One second he kissed me, the next he proposed in front of everyone… and, in front of everyone, in a twisted attempt to do what was best for him, I told him I'd learned the truth. I took something he said to Edward 100 percent out of context and made it sound like he'd bragged about being with me just to get to Michael… when really he said the exact opposite. I watched his heart break and I ran away."

Carly could not have imagined anything like this. Her heart actually hurt for both of them. "Let, why?"

Leticia shrugged. "You know, I've heard you and Sonny, and even AJ's own family, call him a coward many times. Maybe it was true. But I've watched him find his courage. Maybe I took on his fear along the way. Because I am a bigger coward than he could ever be."

"Hey," said Carly. "Don't talk like that about my best friend."

"I'm still your best friend? Besides Sonny and Jason, I mean?" Let managed a smile at her own joke.

"You are my best friend in your own right, missy. And it's gonna take a lot more than falling for my ex-husband and forgetting to tell me about it to change that." Carly gave Let a hug, which Let gladly returned.

"Ahhh… I'm really glad everything's out in the open."

"Me too."

"And… we're okay?"

"Sonny may want to have a li'l talk with you about any occasions on which you may have given AJ access to Michael. But as long as Michael doesn't start calling AJ 'Daddy,' I think you're fine."

"Don't worry. AJ is 'AJ' to Michael. I have a feeling 'Uncle Sonny' will become 'Daddy' any day now."

"I have that feeling, too." Carly smiled. "Now, I just have one more question, and then I'll leave the AJ topic alone for a while."

"Yes?"

"Why AJ??"

Leticia actually laughed. Carly said it in a really funny way.

"Beyond what I've already told you… I don't know. I can't put it into words. I mean, I could sit here and list wonderful things that AJ has said or done… Believe me, I could. But no one can really understand how I feel about AJ but me. It would be like asking you why you love Sonny."

Carly's silly expression quickly fell into one of near tears. She looked away. "Don't say that."

"Why? Don't tell me you still haven't owned up to it. Carly, you know you love him."

"I didn't say I didn't."

"But… neither one of you has said it?"

Carly flashed on Sonny's whispered wedding night declaration, which she only truly became aware of as she stood at the top of the Quartermaine stairs. She didn't respond to Let.

"Carly, you need to get it started. Tell Sonny how you feel. Are you afraid that he won't say it back? Because I know that he will."

"It's not that."

It was only partly true, because Carly always remembered that she was still pregnant when he said those words, and she couldn't help the slightest doubt that his feelings were the same. But over their time together on the island, deep down she had come to believe he loved her still. Something else was holding her back.

"I don't think I can handle hearing him say it back to me."

"You'll probably be a big mess of goopy tears, but just think how happy you'll both be."

"No, no, no. I can't handle it. I just… hear the words and I feel like I'm falling again. It hurts."

Leticia realized she was talking about something really serious. "Falling… like how? Not like…?"

"The stairs. That's where I was when I remembered. Lila told me not to be afraid to love Sonny, so I wasn't going to be. I started down the stairs, and I was thinking about Sonny, and I felt so happy, so lucky. All of a sudden it hit me, the memory… the night before… in bed, after making love… so quiet I didn't hear it until the next day, but Sonny said it… He said, '_I love you_.' He made me the happiest woman in the world and tore our world apart with the same three words… Because that was what made me fall… and lose our baby."

Carly broke down crying in Leticia's arms. Leticia, feeling stunned and helpless, stroked her friend's hair and whispered "shhhh" to her softly.

Just outside, the little boy was napping, but the man holding him was wide awake… and now felt himself falling, fast… everything falling around him… everything falling. It couldn't be true.

His love nearly killed his wife. It killed their child.


	34. Last Day in Paradise

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 34 - Last Day in Paradise

"Sonny? Sonny, are you out here?"

Carly turned her head left and right, looking for her husband on the beach but not finding him. She didn't know why she was even looking for him there. He'd said he had some business to take care of at the casino and would be back before dark. Then they would board Sonny's plane and leave for Port Charles.

After her talk with Leticia, Sonny had come in, given Let the sleeping Michael, and taken Carly off to the side and told her it was time...

x

"We're going home tonight."

"Tonight? Why so all of a sudden, Sonny? Is this about business?"

"That's part of it, but mostly it's just because you're ready."

She paused, considering his words. "Yeah, I am. Thanks to you."

Sonny looked away and said nothing.

"I guess we've got to go home sometime," she reluctantly agreed.

"Nothing lasts forever," he muttered.

"Just promise me we can come back here for lots of plain ol' vacations." Wrapping her arms around him, he tensed strangely and stepped back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I've just got to go take care of something at the casino before we leave. I'll be back in a couple of hours and we can go." He started walking away. "Go pack up."

"You want me to pack your suitcase?"

"That's okay, I can do it. I'll… see you."

x

She had stood there for about a minute after that, staring at the space where he'd been, and trying to figure out what was going on with him. She wasn't as upset about leaving as she thought she would be. Sonny was right when he said she was ready. And, she supposed, she was beginning to miss the better parts of Port Charles… her mom's hugs, even the watchful eyes of Johnny and the other handsome guards… not to mention frozen pizza. Sonny claimed when they first arrived that none of the stores on the island carried frozen pizza, but she didn't believe him for a second.

Something about Sonny's sudden announcement still felt wrong to her… Like the way his eyes jumped around as if afraid to settle on her face, or the way he withdrew when she touched him. Maybe it really was just that he had work on his mind. Accepting that she wasn't going to get anything figured out in that moment, she went to tell Leticia the news and begin the battle of trying to close her soon-to-be overstuffed suitcase.

An hour and a half later, everything was ready, except Sonny. He wasn't late yet, but Carly was getting more and more anxious to talk to him. Drawn to the empty beach, she took in the gorgeous view for a few final minutes, finally retreating to the veranda and the chaise lounge to wait for Sonny's return.

xxxxxxxxxx

_Taken that vow  
__You know he's taken by now  
__Upset you  
__Talked you all round  
__In sympathy_

Sonny was on the beach after all. He must have walked at least a mile down from the house, so that she wouldn't see him. He had made up the casino excuse, just needing to get away. He didn't like the lie, but it hardly seemed of consequence next to telling Carly he would protect her and their baby.

Carly… He could barely even look at her now that he knew what he'd cost her. His world imploded with one accidentally overheard sentence. He'd thought losing the baby had hurt like hell, but it was just a pinprick compared to the dagger that now pierced his heart.

He couldn't even comprehend the part where she'd said hearing him say he loved her made her the happiest woman in the world. All he could hear and all he could focus on was that the same love caused her to fall, miscarrying their child and putting her own life at risk… in more ways than one. She was so destroyed by what happened she became a shell of herself, afraid to touch her son, and coming much too close to trying to end it all.

He'd never known anyone as full of life as Carly. And he had drained that life away with his selfish wanting of things he'd learned long ago he was not supposed to have… family, children… love. He wouldn't make that mistake again.

_Walk by the sea  
__Forgive me all my sins  
__Sift through my memory  
__And find where I begin  
__Lie in the warm sand  
__Dig in my heels  
__Cry for my dead child  
__Forget how that feels_

Sitting, staring out across the vastness of the ocean, Sonny thought of Carly letting herself get overtaken by the wave. He would try it himself, if he wanted to feel alive, but he didn't. He wanted to shut down. He wanted it all to go away… the feelings, the memories, the voices… He didn't want to remember.

"_So… does this mean you are happy?"  
"Yes, I'm happy, dammit!! I probably shouldn't be saying it out loud, but yes! Okay, where's the bolt of lightning?"_

_"I promise to honor you… protect you and our children… to love them, and hopefully be as good a mother as you are a father… You already are, Sonny… And to cherish you… my family."_

"_Looks like you just might have to get used to being happy, Michael."_

Why did he let her ask for the lightning? Didn't they know it was bound to come? And damn Mike. When would he learn? Innocent people always paid the price for Sonny's happiness.

_Closer to home  
__He cuts you close to the bone  
__He won't leave you  
__It's too far to crawl  
__And everyone knows_

"_You could probably get away with packing light. That's as much of a hint as I'm gonna give."  
"Not very much of one."  
"Okay, how about this to make up for it? You get to say when. Any time you want us to leave, we can."  
"How about now??"  
"Ahh, unfortunately I do have to check in at the warehouse, take care of just a few things first. Is tonight soon enough?"  
"Ohhh, I guess it'll have to do."_

"_Carly, where the hell are you going!!!"  
"To the Quartermaines, all right!!!"  
"Why on earth would you want to set foot in that house ever again? That place you so lovingly termed 'a prison'? That place I got you out of so you'd never have to go back?"  
"Sonny, I'm not afraid of that house. I was afraid I'd never get Michael and me out of there, but you made that happen for us, and you know I will always be so grateful. But that place, those people, they have no power over me anymore."_

"_Carly, just… just be careful, okay?"  
"Always."_

_"I thank God every day that we were blessed with this pregnancy. That wasn't what changed how I saw Carly, but it gave me an excuse to finally stop fighting so hard… fighting the truth."  
"What is the truth?"  
"The truth is… Carly was there to catch my fall. And, for the rest of our lives, I will be there to catch her."_

The warehouse was more important than she was? God, if they had left for the honeymoon right away like Carly wanted, she wouldn't have gone to the Quartermaines' and everything would have been fine. Or would the same tragedy have occurred, only this time on the penthouse stairs, so he could hold onto the image of her crashing down, in a cruel slow motion, in his mind forever? Not that it mattered that he hadn't seen it. He imagined it over and over. _"There to catch her"… _He was so wrong. His wife was probably falling as he spoke those foolish words.

_Walk by the sea  
__Forgive me all my sins  
__Sift through my memory  
__And find where I begin  
__Lie in the warm sand  
__Dig in my heels  
__Cry for my dead child  
__Forget how that feels_

Sonny pressed his hands against his ears, but the voices were inside his head and they kept getting louder. And squeezing his eyes shut only made the images more vivid.

_Their heartbeats slowly returning to normal, they held each other, their bodies having nearly melted into one. Carly's hand settled over Sonny's heart, and his hand tenderly caressed her back.  
"I love you."_

"_You need to take the baby."  
"We need your permission, yes."  
"Yeah... Do what you gotta do."_

"_Thank you, Sonny."  
Don't thank me for killing my child._

"_Sonny, what happened?? Please tell me... You have to tell me…"  
"Caroline, you had an accident… a bad fall. You got hurt pretty bad. And the baby…"  
"Say it."  
"The baby didn't make it."  
"No, it's not true… It was just a dream… Dreams can't hurt you, remember… Our baby is okay, he's okay… Where… where is he?"_

It seemed like one minute the words "I love you" were skimming over his lips and her, he thought, sleep-drenched body… and the next, she was lying in that hospital bed, so fragile… her heart shattered.

_I can feel me rising…_

"_No, I can't… I can't touch him. I can't touch him, I'll hurt him. I always hurt my babies."  
_"_Carly, you're not gonna hurt…"  
_"_YES I AM!!!"_

"_Your first instinct is to put all the blame on yourself, but that's a pretty big guilt trip for you to handle right now. Takes a lot of strength out of you, and you need all you can get to take care of me. So you blame the easiest enemy, AJ. But it's no good, Sonny. You need to put the blame on the right person."  
_"_Who?"  
_"_Me."_

"_Carly, give me those."  
_"_It's okay, Sonny. It's best this way. I get to go to sleep and be with our baby, and you get to be without me."_

It was too much. It had to stop. He had to make it stop.

Sonny made his decision quickly. Shaking his head violently to dispel the memories and their paralyzing influence, he took out his cell phone and stabbed the numbers, making a quick but crucial call to his pilot. That done, he dialed again… One more person to talk to.

"It's me. So it's done? You're home? Good. There's something even more important I need from you…"

_Walk by the sea  
__Forgive me all my sins  
__Sift through my memory  
__And find where I begin  
__Lie in the warm sand  
__Dig in my heels  
__Cry for my dead child  
__Forget how that feels_

Done with the call, Sonny threw the phone as hard as he could and watched it sink into the ocean. Then, at last, he broke down, collapsing on the wet sand… crying for what they had lost… and what he was about to.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Carly?"

Leticia walked out onto the veranda, a semi-sleepy Michael on her hip, and found Carly had drifted off to sleep on the chaise. She nudged her lightly. "Carly, wake up."

Her eyes opened slowly, noting that the sun had gone almost completely down. "Where's Sonny?"

"I haven't seen him."

"He said he'd be back in a couple of hours."

"A couple as in _five_?"

"What?" Carly sat up, looked at her watch and realized that much time had indeed passed. "Okay, now I'm getting worried. Hand me my cell, would you?" Taking her phone from Leticia, she dialed Sonny's number… waiting…

"He's not answering?"

"Damn it," Carly cursed quietly under her breath, mindful of her son. "_The cellular customer you have dialed is not available_," she spoke robotically, mimicking the automated voice she had gotten instead of her husband's.

"Not even his voice mail?"

Carly shook her head. "I'm calling the casino manager." Finding the number, she dialed again. "Humberto? Hi, it's Carly Corinthos. Is my husband still there?" She sighed in relief at the response, just knowing he was safe somewhere. "Could I talk to him? What? Oh… He said that? Well… okay then. Tell him we'll go on and meet him there… Hey, Bert? Tell him to hurry, please. Thanks."

Leticia took Carly's spot on the chaise as Carly jumped up and started pacing. "So what's going on?"

"Apparently Sonny is still there, but he couldn't talk. Humberto said something about last minute glad-handling of the high rollers. Whatever. But he also said Sonny's going to be just a little bit longer, so he wants us to go ahead to the plane and get settled."

"Why not just wait for him here?"

Carly didn't really get that herself, but she tried to explain it. "Maybe for Michael? You know, so he doesn't fall asleep here and then have to be woken up and moved?"

"Yeah, I guess that's sensible. Your Mr. Man is about to conk out for the night any minute now."

Carly leaned forward to where her son drooped against Let's shoulder, kissing the top of his tired head. "It's probably good that we're going home now, huh? Michael hasn't been here long enough to get too used to this place, so he won't be sad when we leave."

"What about you? Will you be sad?"

Looking around fondly, Carly sighed. "I have spent more time being sad the last couple of months than in my whole life before. And I grew up feeling sorry for myself pretty regularly. But recently… things have really turned around. I haven't forgotten… anything. But now I'm happy more than I am unhappy, and that's okay. Hell, it's wonderful. Sure, I'll miss the island. It's beautiful and magical, and the majority of my memories are…"

"Beautiful and magical?"

She smiled, cheeks coloring with a slight blush. "Exactly. But I have those to keep. I don't need the island anymore."

"So, what do you need… or should I say who?" Leticia asked, knowing the answer.

Carly winked. "Just Sonny."

The phone rang. Carly picked it up, curious and hoping.

"Hello? Oh, hi… Yeah, his casino manager told me… We're on our way." Hanging up, she looked at Let. "That was the pilot, making sure we knew to come ahead. He said the car should be outside waiting for us within five minutes."

Leticia stood up. "Port Charles, here we come," she halfheartedly declared.

"Why do you sound less into this than I am?"

"Just a little… nervous maybe."

"Oh, about being in the same town as AJ? I have felt a form of that before, but not for anything close to the same reason. Wait, wait." Carly reached a hand to her friend's shoulder when she seemed about to walk away. "I'm not AJ-bashing. Just being honest. And, look, I really hope things work out… in whatever way is best for you."

Let nodded, lacing the arm that wasn't holding Michael through Carly's. "Thanks. Now let's go watch that pretty Tomás and his pretty muscles carry our luggage."

Carly's mouth dropped open, a loud laugh escaping. "Yes, ma'am!"

xxxxxxxxxx

About ten minutes later, Sonny had made his way, somewhat weakly, back to the house. He stepped onto the emptiness and stillness of the veranda. They were gone. She was gone.

She must have spoken to the pilot, and maybe the casino manager. He had given instructions… told them both exactly what to say. Good, they had done their jobs. Now everything can be how it should have been.

He walked a few steps, face cast down, and noticed something shiny by his foot. Kneeling down, he picked it up to examine it. The golden rose with the ruby sparkle was, of course, familiar. It was his mother's pin, that he had given Carly… though it wasn't actually a pin anymore. After a broken Carly had used the piece of jewelry to get inside his lockbox and get hold of his gun, it was pretty much broken, too. But the decorative face was still perfect, so he'd had it converted to a necklace for her. He'd never had a chance to present it to her, deciding just to leave it in her empty suitcase for her to find. He didn't really know why he'd given it back to her, considering… But it still belonged to her.

Fitting, that it had been left behind.

The smooth gold chain slid across his fingers and Sonny was reminded of the smooth skin it had lain against. Holding it to his heart, he felt himself sinking into the silence all around. But suddenly, it no longer was.

"It has to be here, it just has to… Sonny?"

His head popped up, eyes connecting with Carly's, which were lit with surprised delight. His first thought was that he was seeing things. He hadn't thought he was that far gone yet, but how could she be here except as a hallucination? Her realness was soon proven, however, as she rushed forward and down to the floor, enveloping him in a hug.

"Here you are! I was starting to wonder!" She pulled back slightly. "Have you been having 'From Here To Eternity' moments without me?"

Still stunned by her presence, on the island and in his arms, his face showed only confusion. "What?"

Carly pulled her hands from his back and held them up in front of him. "Sand, Sonny. You've got it all over you." She brushed her hands against his shoulders, trying to rid them both of the granules, laughing. "What, were you making sand angels?"

"No, no, I… I walked a little, on the beach… I don't know. Maybe the wind."

She wondered at his lack of joking. It was a windless night, and the sand on him was far beyond a sprinkling, some of it wet. Before she could even figure out what to reply, he spoke again.

"Why are you still here?"

She looked at him with playful indignation. "Well, aren't you the sweetest?"

He shook his head. "I just meant… Didn't you get my message?"

"Yes, I did, twice over. Leticia and Michael are out front in the limo. We were about to leave, but I realized I lost… the necklace." Carly whispered the last words guiltily, not wanting to tell Sonny she had lost his mother's precious keepsake, after already nearly ruining it.

He dropped his eyes to his still closed right fist and slowly opened his hand for her to see the contents.

"Oh, thank God! You found it!" She grasped her necklace and his hand in both of hers, kissing his knuckles with gratitude, not noticing his wince. She examined the chain and the clasp with relief. "It's not broken. Would you put it on me?"

Before Sonny could even register her request, she had turned around, cross-legged, waiting. Holding the ends of the chain between his fingertips, and trying to hide the shaking of his hands, he brought the necklace down in front of her and around her neck, as she scooped up her hair to make his task easier. Distraction was what came easily, in the beautiful line of her neck, curve to her shoulder, and the softness of the skin his fingers now couldn't avoid. Trying to halve the problem by working with his eyes closed did not help matters with the tiny clasp.

"Can you get it? It's a little tricky."

He wasn't sure how, but somehow he managed to get the necklace fastened securely. Her hand reached around to check, tangling with his on the way… His casually sliding away as she found the proof of his success.

"Hey, you did it! Thanks." Carly turned her head to kiss him, but found Sonny in the middle of standing. She extended her hand up to him, which he did take, and was gently pulled up to stand next to her husband. "This is great. Now we can all go together."

"Carly, I can't leave yet."

She blinked at him, thrown. "What? Why not? What is it now?"

He looked mostly at his shoes as he gave his reasons. "I've got to change clothes, obviously. I still haven't packed. Plus, I need to talk to Harvey Byers."

"Why on earth do you need to talk to Dr. Byers before we can go home? It's a little too late to schedule me a second appointment, Sonny."

"I need to thank him for helping you."

"Why can't you call him from Port Charles?"

"The man's my friend, Carly. I haven't seen him at all since we've been here. I want to thank him in person."

"Okay… Now that you mention it, I should probably thank him, too. I'll go with you."

"No!" Sonny looked up, catching the look of hurt that formed on Carly's face. He was getting panicked, but he couldn't let that show. He calmed his voice. "I mean, I'm not gonna be long. But you've got Leticia and Michael out there, waiting for you. Just go with them, be with your son… I'll catch up later."

"How much later? Sonny, why did you decide for us to leave today if you had so much to do?" Carly demanded, frustrated.

Sonny was feeling a deeper frustration. He couldn't keep coming up with answers to feed her. He couldn't deal with this unexpected contact anymore. "Just… just give Michael a kiss for me," he said, and started walking away.

"Wait a minute," Carly called as she caught his arm. "Just Michael? You know, this last day in paradise could have been a lot better… if you'd been with me for more of it. But I'm giving you a chance to make up for it right now."

Carly threw her arms around his neck, rose up onto her toes, and kissed him for all she was worth. She felt him tense up and decided he was stressed from trying to do too much before leaving. To alleviate this, her hands began massaging the base of his neck, while she pried open his lips with her tongue. Sonny tried to stay numb, tried not to feel or give in past appeasing her, but he just couldn't do it. He surrendered, running his hands up her back, pulling her in tight, drinking in every breath of her… while he could. She felt the change, and when she tilted her head back to look at him, she was smiling.

"That's more like it."

"Yeah." His voice came out like gravel and molasses. "I have to- to go."

"Okay," she relented. "I guess that'll last me a couple of hours, as long as that doesn't mean six like last time. You'll meet us at the plane?"

Sonny just stared at her for several seconds, and then nodded his head yes.

"All right then. I'm gone." She lovingly swept a bit of sand from his hair, then brought her hand down to cradle to his cheek. "Don't be long." She turned to go and was almost out of sight when he called to her.

"Carly… you… the necklace… it looks beautiful."

Carly touched the gold rose lightly as the unexpected compliment tripled her smile. "Thank you… Sonny." She kept her eyes on him until the last moment, and then disappeared with a little wave.

Sonny sank back down to the floor, asking God in his mind why the cruel tease. His wedding band now carrying the full weight of his conscience, the feel of her hand still pressed against his face, he didn't need to be reminded how much he was letting go.

As it grew darker and he lost his tenuous grip on his mind, that would be the one thing he understood perfectly.

xxxxxxxxxx

Aboard the plane, Leticia, Michael, and now Carly sat waiting for Sonny… Leticia reading a magazine, Michael sleeping, Carly attempting to play a game of solitaire but mostly just checking her watch every few minutes.

"Why is the plane all revved up, engines running, if Sonny's not here yet?"

Let looked up. "The pilot has to make sure the plane's working, I guess. Besides, maybe Sonny called and he's on his… way."

By the end of that sentence, both women were looking at each other in confusion. They were moving. The plane was beginning to taxi down the runway.

"What the-?" Carly searched for clues out the window… still no Sonny. What was going on? She grabbed the phone that connected to the pilot. "What the hell are you doing? Why are we moving? Sonny-"

"Mr. Corinthos called and instructed me to fly you, your son, and Miss Juarez home to Port Charles without him."

"What? Why would he say that? You must have misunderstood!"

"He was very clear, Mrs. Corinthos. But I'm afraid he didn't offer any further explanation. Now, weather conditions for our flight are excellent. We should arrive in Port Charles in about-"

"Don't bother telling me, because I'm not going! I'm getting off this plane."

"Mrs. Corinthos, please let me do my job. If Mr. Corinthos wanted you to leave without him, I'm sure he had a reason."

Carly wasn't sure why the pilot's words knocked the wind out of her so, but they did. "Fine," she whispered, hanging up the phone and dropping, almost dizzy, to her seat.

Leticia studied her friend's face, paler than before. "Carly, what's happening?" she asked, as she felt the plane taking off.

Carly met her eyes, no answers besides the sick sense that was creeping into her, and nothing to say, except…

"I think a couple hours might mean forever this time."

xxxxxxxxxx

_Later, back in Port Charles_

Francis, who had met them when they landed, followed by Leticia with Michael in arms, and finally Carly, formed a rather solemn single file off the Harborview Towers elevator. Johnny, guarding the door, welcomed them back, stepping in front of Carly before any of them could go in.

"Someone's here."

"Johnny, if it's not Sonny, just get rid of them."

"You sure about that?"

He opened the door and Carly stepped inside, mentally preparing herself for a conversation with her mother she knew she could not handle at the moment. But she was not prepared for what she found… the muscular, T-shirt and jeans clad form that got up off the couch, and the familiar blue eyes she was suddenly looking into.

"Jason?"

"It's good to see you, Carly."

He started to put his arms out for a hug, expecting Carly's typically enthusiastic reaction to him, but she was in no mood.

"Jason, what is he trying to do? Why are you here and not him? You have to tell me!"

Jason sighed, offering the only real information he had. "Sonny called me and asked me to move back in here."

"That's great, Jase, but you being across the hall doesn't explain-"

"I meant _here_, in Sonny's penthouse, with you and Michael."

Carly froze, staring at Jason until she was sure he'd actually said what she'd heard. Any happiness that might have snuck its way onto her face at seeing him melted clean away.

"Oh, I don't think so."

(Lyrics - All My Sins, Mandalay)


	35. Searching For Signs

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 35 - Searching For Signs

"I don't know what you and Sonny think you're doing, but you are not moving in here, Jason. This is our home, Sonny's and mine. He is my husband, and this is our life together." _At least I hope it is._

Carly kept her voice controlled for Michael's sake, but the excitement woke him anyway. His head lifted from Leticia's shoulder, eyes falling not on Jason but a framed picture that sat on Sonny's desk.

"Daddy."

Carly heard her son, saw him reaching for the picture of the two of them with Sonny, and it brought tears to her eyes. She silently cursed Sonny for not being there to hear Michael call him "Daddy" for the first time. "Daddy will be home soon. I know he will," she whispered soothingly to him, taking him in her arms and turning back to Jason. "Sonny is my husband, and he's also Michael's father. He belongs here with us."

"I see that."

Jason felt the sting from Michael calling Sonny his father and not him, but he had known, especially since Sonny and Carly married, that it was inevitable. What surprised him more was hearing the way Carly spoke of Sonny. He knew things had changed with them, recalling the message he'd gotten from Sonny calling Carly the most important thing in his world. He knew his best friends had been through a lot together. And he knew Carly was loyal, but… considering how she felt about Sonny when he'd left town, her new attitude took getting used to. It didn't hurt him. It was just… different.

"I think we need to talk."

She nodded, handing Michael back to Leticia and saying goodnight. Jason smiled as Michael threw him a little wave on his way upstairs with Let, while Francis, who had already carried up the bags, headed down and off duty. Once it was just the two of them, Carly headed to the couch, Jason following her, and waited for him to start.

"Carly, first… I'm really sorry about the baby. Emily told me."

"Thank you. And thank you for going to Puerto Rico so Sonny wouldn't have to. I know you wanted to help us, and you did. I needed him with me." Her eyes glistened. "I still do, Jase. Now what happened? Sonny told you to take his place with Michael and I and you just said okay? Don't tell me you didn't ask any questions, 'cause not even you follow Sonny's orders that blindly."

"I asked, but I didn't get many answers."

x

_(flashback to phone call)_

"Morgan."

"It's me."

"Hey, Sonny."

"So it's done? You're home?"

"Yeah. Carlos knows what side he's on. And I'm back in Port Charles, like you asked."

"Good. There's something even more important I need from you."

"What?"

"I need you to take care of Carly and Michael."

"Take care how? Did something happen to them? To you?"

"What always happens. And you're gonna fix it."

"What is it you need me to do?"

"Move into the penthouse with them."

"Them? Sonny, where are you gonna be?"

"Just say you'll do it."

"Move in with your wife? What does Carly have to say about this?"

"Don't argue with me! I'm doing this so she'll be happy! I can't… I can't be with her now."

"Sonny, I don't…"

"You always take care of them, Jason. I know you will now."

"_Sonny_… Hello?"

x

"'_I can't be with her now'_?" Carly stood up and paced, trying to make sense of the mystifying quote. "What does that mean… right now or from now on?"

"I don't know, Carly. I didn't feel right about any of this."

"Then why did you go along with it? You probably thought, why not? Sonny doesn't want her with no baby, right? What took him so long?"

"No, Carly, I didn't think that. I went along with it because he sounded…" Jason searched for the right description, wanting to be honest without panicking Carly any more than she already was. "Like I haven't heard him for a while… very raw… struggling to keep it together."

She tried to not hear what he was saying. "Jason, don't talk like that. You almost sound like you think he's…" She heard anyway. "No, not… like before? Like last summer?"

Jason nodded. Carly crumbled. He held her as she cried.

"I don't think he's at that point yet, like you're thinking. But I'm worried it might be coming on him again."

"That… that must be what he meant by 'what always happens,' Jase. We have to help him. We have to help him."

Jason stayed until she calmed. She was determined to hop right back on the jet she'd just left, but it was the middle of the night, she was visibly exhausted, and he convinced her to get at least a few hours sleep first, promising to call her early in the morning. He knew there was no keeping Carly from Sonny, and he didn't want to, but he was a little afraid of what Sonny's reaction to her would be in this state, since he had apparently convinced himself that they couldn't be together. Jason knew Carly had handled Sonny's breakdown last year, but their relationship had changed considerably since. If he treated her the same harsh way, it would hurt a thousand times worse.

Carly lay awake in bed nearly all night, alternately trying to convince herself that Jason was wrong about Sonny and searching her memory for signs that he was right.

xxxxxxxxxx

_The next morning_

Chloe Morgan's morning jog came to an end outside of Kelly's. She slowed to a halt next to a table, placing one hand on the table's edge for balance to begin stretches, and using the other to check her pulse rate and make sure her heart would not pound its way out of her chest. She wiped the sweat beads from her forehead and tightened her damp ponytail. Definitely a good workout.

"Eat it! You can't go jogging without some kind of fuel."

"Oh yeah? What happened to your gross, green health shakes?"

"I'm saving that for your dinner."

Chloe's first instinct was to hide when she heard the familiar voices and the laughter. Looking up, she saw Jax and Hannah leaving Kelly's, Jax playfully trying to feed Hannah some kind of pastry. Rather than sneaking off, she remembered what she had said to Johnny at the picnic and decided to approach them.

"I never drank the green shakes without the promise of a chocolate shake as reward." Chloe stepped forward and offered them both a warm smile. "Lovely morning for a jog, isn't it?"

"Chloe," Jax uttered in surprise, feeling slightly awkward but trying not to show it. "Yes, it is."

Hannah felt a bit out of place but realized that she shouldn't. Jax and Chloe were broken up. Trying not to stare too jealously at Chloe's no-fat frame, she took the pastry triumphantly from Jax's hand and spoke to his ex with friendly confidence.

"He tried to sell me on the wonder of that green gook, but it's not happening. And I've discovered that if I, say, try skipping breakfast, he will happily buy me a danish instead."

Chloe had to laugh at that. Good thing she didn't need to hate Jax's new girlfriend, because she didn't. "Uh oh, Jax, she figured you out fast."

Jax just looked back and forth, confused by his ex-girlfriend and new girlfriend's sudden bonding over how much of a sucker he was.

Hannah, seeing Jax short circuit, thought it might help to simplify the equation. "Why don't I jog ahead a little? You can catch up in a few minutes."

Though he knew what she was doing, he teased her. "You need that much of a headstart?"

"You wish. Good to see you, Chloe."

"You too, Hannah."

"That was nice of her," said Jax after they'd watched Hannah run off. "Don't you think? Giving us a chance to talk alone."

"I think she-" Chloe started to say, "I think she's great," but stopped, thinking how Carly, Sonny, Leticia, and Johnny all had strong reasons to disagree. "I think she's good for you, Jax."

"Thanks. Me too. I mean, it's only been a couple of weeks… morning jogs, a few dinners. But I'm happy."

"And I'm happy for you. When I first saw you two together at the Fourth of July picnic, I said I was going to make sure I told you that."

"I didn't see you there."

"I don't think you saw anything but Hannah, and maybe the fireworks. I know what that's like." Chloe's eyes softened, like she was thinking of…

"You were there with Johnny… Sonny's thug."

"Jax, please! We were having such a nice, civilized conversation. Johnny is a bodyguard and a wonderful man. Don't take your issues with Sonny out on him."

"Sorry," said Jax, genuine. "Honestly, I didn't even think of it as an insult. I think I mentally made 'Thug' his last name."

"His last name is O'Neill. And how did you know we were there together if you didn't see us?"

"Ned and Alexis mentioned they ran into you."

"I see. Is that all they said?"

"Well, Alexis just basically said it was none of her business, but Ned wasn't too thrilled with you dating one of Sonny's th-… I mean, Mr. O'Neill."

Chloe giggled at Jax's careful reference to Johnny. "And what about you?"

"I don't like it, but it's none of my business either, is it. Besides, Ned had a similar reaction to me seeing Hannah."

"What? What does he have against Hannah?"

"It's not about her. It's about Brenda. Come on, Chloe. You've been kind not to mention it, but you must have noticed how similar looking they are, at least at first glance."

"Yes, I did notice."

"Ned sees my relationship with Hannah as some kind of cry for help. Maybe the whole town thinks the same thing, but it's not true. I'm not a masochist. I'm not dating her because she looks like Brenda… if anything, in spite of that. I just like her. And it gets easier as we go, because I get to know her more and more as her own unique woman. She's still getting over Sonny using her as a Brenda replacement, so no way would I do that to her."

Chloe discreetly rolled her eyes at Jax's inability to pass up a chance to slam Sonny - even if he might be accurate this time - and focused on all the good that he said. "I believe you know what you're doing. I'm even proud of you."

"Besides, if I were looking for someone to replace my lost love, I'd be dating a beautiful blue-eyed blonde… with a flair for design and a tendency to dance in the rain."

They shared memories through a smile, and Chloe held back a sentimental tear. "I don't know if I believe you on that one or not… but thanks for reminding me what a sweet, good man you are, Jax."

Jax nodded, glad she still thought so. "And Johnny makes you happy?"

"Yes, he does… very much."

"Okay. I'll leave it at that then. Just… be careful, please?"

"I will, Jax."

"I should go. Hannah's waiting for me. But thank you, for this."

"You, too. Bye."

Jax tentatively reached out for a hug. Chloe hugged him back for a few seconds, feeling both new hope for their friendship and a better sense of closure on their romantic relationship. He jogged out of sight and she waved.

That was nice, but there was someone else she wanted to talk to now. Pulling her cell phone from the nifty velcro holster at her waistband, she dialed the familiar number, swallowing her laughter when it rang from somewhere in the bushes behind her.

"Hello?" the voice whispered.

"Hey, it's me. Why are you so quiet? I can barely hear you."

"Oh, uh… must be bad reception."

"Really? Huh. You'd think reception would be great from this distance."

Johnny turned around to find Chloe aiming an affectionate smirk his way and clicking off her phone. "Hi," he offered sheepishly.

"What are you doing? You're a little too cute to be a stalker."

"I wasn't spying. Carly sent me to get the cookies Michael likes, and when I saw… Well, I didn't want to interrupt… Okay, I wanted to interrupt, but knew I shouldn't… and I didn't want you to think…"

Chloe stopped him with a finger against his lips. "Did you hear what I said about you?"

He nodded and kissed her fingertip, smiling. "Back at you. But… are you sure… you don't wish… you and Jax…?"

She tilted her head at his doubt. _Silly sweet man. _"Johnny, it's true you make me happy, but if you're going to keep rambling, you have to buy me a cookie first."

"Can do," he laughed, relaxing. Opening the door for her, they walked inside the diner. "Then maybe you can help me figure out what the hell is going on back at the penthouse."

xxxxxxxxxx

Earlier that morning, before anyone else was up, Carly wandered the penthouse, restless, unable to relax. She opened up Sonny's closet, running her hand over his shirts and suits. She checked in on Michael. She went downstairs, got a glass of water, and finally alighted in her husband's favorite spot for thinking too much, in front of the balcony doors.

Staring at the sunrise, she had tried to remember everything about how Sonny was acting before she left the island… what he said, the tone of his voice, the look in his eyes. The more she remembered, the more she was afraid Jason might be right. It hadn't been anything obvious. No broken glass. He hadn't even raised his voice. But something about Sonny was withdrawn. He'd kept his eyes hidden from her and once or twice moved to avoid her touch. And it all seemed to start with his announcement that they were going home.

x

"_We're going home tonight."_

"_Tonight? Why so all of a sudden, Sonny? Is this about business?"_

"_That's part of it, but mostly it's just because you're ready."_

"_Yeah, I am. Thanks to you."_

_Sonny looked away and said nothing._

"_I guess we've got to go home sometime."_

"_Nothing lasts forever."_

"_Just promise me we can come back here for lots of plain ol' vacations." Wrapping her arms around him, he tensed strangely and stepped back. "What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing. I've just got to go take care of something at the casino before we leave. I'll be back in a couple of hours and we can go." He started walking away. "Go pack up."_

"_You want me to pack your suitcase?"_

"_That's okay, I can do it. I'll… see you."_

x

Carly realized why he had refused her offer to pack his suitcase… He never intended on going anywhere. All the signs did seem obvious now. She knew then something wasn't right with him, so why didn't she try harder to find out what? They'd gotten so close and been so happy in those recent days, maybe she just didn't want that to change. But there was a sadness about him she hadn't let herself feel at the time, even as they kissed their goodbye. He had barely responded to her kiss at first, but then had kissed her back so intensely, desperately, it was almost… almost as if he knew it was for the last time.

x

"_That's more like it."_

"_Yeah… I have to- to go." _

"_Okay. I guess that'll last me a couple of hours, as long as that doesn't mean six like last time. You'll meet us at the plane?"_

_Sonny just stared at her for several seconds, and then nodded his head yes._

"_All right then. I'm gone." She lovingly swept a bit of sand from his hair, then brought her hand down to cradle to his cheek. "Don't be long." She turned to go and was almost out of sight when he called to her._

"_Carly… you… the necklace… it looks beautiful."_

x

Carly was broken out of her memory by the ringing of the phone, startling her so much that her hand would have flown to her heart if it hadn't already been clutching that little gold rose at her throat. She wondered at the early hour but figured it was probably Jason… though hoped it might be Sonny.

"Hello?"

"Is this Carly? This is Dr. Byers."

"Dr. Byers, thank God!" Carly began talking excitedly. "Sonny went to see you. How is he? I need to know. He sent us away and I don't-… Oh… Oh." She stopped, realizing. "He's not okay, is he? That's why you called."

"Without alarming you too much, yes, that's why. He didn't come to see me, but I've come to him. One of the housekeeping staff called me."

Carly felt her stomach lurch. "Lots of broken glass?"

"Some, yes. That and he ran her off. Marta says he reminds her of her son, and she's been around here long enough that she's seen hints of this before, so she called me to come help him."

"Are you? Helping him?"

"I'm keeping an eye on him. That's about all I can do. But there's someone I think can help him more than I can."

"Who?"

"You, Carly."

"Is he asking for me?"

"He's… talking about you."

"That doesn't mean he wants me there. I want to be with him, Dr. Byers. I wanted to fly back the second I got here. But what if… what if I make things worse?"

"Carly, there's no way to tell how he'll react to anything. He doesn't even know what he wants right now. But the one thing that is clear is how much…" Dr. Byers traded the words that had come to mind - "Sonny loves you" - for a safer sentiment, remembering Carly's issues with that particular one. "How important you are to him. It is my opinion… personal, professional, take your pick… that you are his best medicine. You have experienced this kind of episode with Sonny before, haven't you?"

"Once. I wasn't important to him then. He hated me. But I guess he needed me. And I think I helped him."

"Has his violence ever extended beyond breaking things?"

"Sonny has never hit me or hurt me and never could."

"I didn't think so. I only had to ask because, if I'm the one putting you in this situation…"

"You're not. I am. Sonny's my husband, and I need to be there to take care of him. I'll get the jet ready right away, and as soon as I can explain to my son why I'm leaving again, I'll be there."

"Good. I'll stay with him until then, and even once you're here, I'll be close by. I've canceled my appointments for the next couple of days."

"I'm really glad you're Sonny's friend."

"As his friend, I'm glad that you're his wife. See you soon."

"Bye."

As soon as she hung up, Carly thanked God that Sonny hadn't hurt himself and had someone with him. After that, she called first the pilot, then called Jason and asked him to come over in fifteen minutes. Heading upstairs to shower and dress, she cursed herself for not asking Dr. Byers what he thought had caused this latest breakdown. Whatever Sonny's reasons for getting her and Michael to leave him, that seemed to be a symptom, not the catalyst. She reached their bedroom on her left but kept staring straight ahead, to the end of the hallway.

The nursery.

God, that was it. The baby. When they lost the baby, she had so completely fallen apart that Sonny had to put everything he had into holding her together. He never had a chance to really grieve himself. Now it was truly hitting him, and he'd sent her away because he was afraid to make her sad again.

It was her turn to be strong.

With that thought, she ran to the bathroom and threw up.

xxxxxxxxxx

Jason made his way to the docks and sat down on his favorite bench, blowing out a breath that held the stress of the last 24 hours. He had just left the penthouse, where Carly had informed him of Dr. Byers' call and said that she would be going to the island alone to care for Sonny.

x

"Dr. Byers will be there, and I'll call you if I need you, Jase, but this is my place now. I'm not waiting for you to show up and take over this time. I'm his wife. I have to go alone."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. The fewer people he has to deal with, the better."

"Yeah, you're right about that."

"Anyway, he'd just yell at you for letting me come."

He nodded. "Just be prepared, Carly. I know how much you were affected last time, and you didn't even like Sonny. To watch him going through this now…"

"It's gonna hurt like hell. I know. But he watched me tear myself apart for weeks, and he was there for me, and it's because of him that I have enough strength now to be there for him. So that's what I'm gonna do."

She gave him a hug.

"I sent Johnny out to get Michael's favorite cookies in a pitiful attempt to soften the blow of me leaving. Something else that might help, though, is if you spent some time with him… I mean, only if you want… Don't if it's too…"

"It's fine, Carly. I'd like that."

Francis came and got her suitcase and took it to the limo.

"Good. And Jase… I will bring Sonny back. I'll bring him back and I'll bring him home."

x

Jason was brought back to the present by a soft uttered frustration.

"Damn it."

He knew that voice. He smiled. While he'd been remembering his talk with Carly, a beautiful young artist had settled at the other end of the docks with her sketchpad, and she was currently erasing something she wasn't quite happy with. Rather than make his presence known right away, he watched her work for a while. Though he couldn't see what she was drawing, and probably wouldn't understand it even if he could, he loved how caught up she got in her art, forgetting where she was to the point that she sometimes even…

"You're singing again."

Her hand stopped its fervent sketching, and any unconscious musicality quieted. _No, it couldn't be._

"Don't stop on my account."

She finally got the courage to turn her head and look… and hopped up so enthusiastically that she almost dumped her latest sketch into the harbor. Managing to catch it, she set the pad gently down, and then raced toward his now standing form, jumping into his arms.

"Jason!"

He held her, squeezing affectionately, and breathed the scent of her hair.

"Elizabeth."

xxxxxxxxxx

_Rising from the wreckage  
__Every single fear that you had  
__Every time that you felt bad will all fade away  
__And I'll be holding you like I always do  
__I have seen you through before and you never knew_

Carly was acutely aware of every long minute of the flight to the island. There would be no card playing or magazine reading to pass the time. All she could do was think about Sonny and how he was doing. She didn't want to think about it, and yet she did. She wanted to prepare herself. She wanted him to feel somehow that she was thinking of him, that she was on her way, and take strength from it. She wished he felt that connected to her.

_Oh I believe you're under mountains now  
__But someday you will rise like the tide  
__Oh you will find peace there sleeping by your side  
__You know that I believe in you  
__Yes I do, I believe in you_

Carly had told Michael that she had to go get Daddy and bring him home, and that happy thought was enough for her son to accept her leaving again, which she said wouldn't be for long this time. She hoped that was the truth. She also hoped that Sonny could deal with the gift Michael had given him. Maybe it was just what he needed.

_And you'll be getting better  
__Every single tear on your face  
__Falls a million miles away, oh and I'll be here  
__And I'll be holding you like I always do  
__I have seen you through before and you never knew_

"Sonny, hold on… for me."

xxxxxxxxxx

Sonny was in some unique state of consciousness… too manic to sleep, yet too sedated from alcohol consumption to be fully awake. Half-slitted eyes, he circled the room constantly, the darkness and the wreckage. It looked the same inside his mind, but now something else was playing over it. The image was much too light. Make it go away. But it was so beautiful. Come back. No. She doesn't belong here. Dark. Broken. She'll be destroyed, too.

"Carly, let go… for me."

_You'll be getting stronger  
__Every single time that you fly  
__From your tree branch to mine, oh and if you can't stay  
__I'll be missing you like I always do  
__I have seen you through before oh and you never knew_

(Lyrics - Secrets of the Lotus, Stephanie Dosen)


	36. Never Walk Away

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 36 - Never Walk Away

Carly stepped out of the car and was immediately hit with the tropic heat. Staring at the house and thinking about who was inside, she was also hit with fear… not of him, but of how much pain she would find him in and whether or not she could make it better. Though the same thoughts had tried to keep her awake on the jet, she'd managed to steal a couple of hours sleep, knowing she would need all the strength she could muster for facing her husband.

She thanked the driver and waved him away, insisting on carrying her own bag. She hesitated, however, before going in. _Where is Dr. Byers? _Carly had been hoping he would be waiting outside for her, but no sign… Just then, her cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Carly, it's Harvey Byers checking in. How long until you get here?"

"Not long at all," she nearly laughed. "I'm right outside. My hand is on the front door."

"Great. Come in. I'll meet you downstairs in the living room."

"See you in a sec."

Carly entered the house and had just dropped her overnight bag on the couch when she heard footsteps descending the stairs and turned to look. She smiled weakly at Dr. Byers as he came up to her and gave her a small, encouraging hug.

"Thank you for coming so quickly."

"Nowhere else I would be… How's he doing?"

"I don't believe his state has worsened any since I called you."

"But it hasn't improved."

"Give the man a chance, Carly," Dr. Byers gently admonished. "He hasn't even seen you yet."

"Did you tell him I was coming?"

"Yes… Yes, I did."

x

"Sonny… Sonny, it's Harvey. I just spoke to your wife, Carly. She's on her way here. She's going to stay with you."

In his head, Sonny is screaming no… _No, Carly isn't coming. She's not. She can't. She stays with Jason, not me. I made sure. I made her leave. She can't come back. My wives come back to me and then they die._

On the outside, he made no sound or movement beyond a blink of his unfocused eyes.

x

"I told him, but I can't even be certain that he heard me."

Carly blew out the breath she'd been holding. "I guess the only way to find out how he'll react is for me to go to him."

"Well, if you're ready, follow me."

"Dr. Byers, wait." Carly stopped him with a hand on his arm. "I should go by myself. I really appreciate so much you staying with Sonny and offering to stay even while I'm here, but I think I've got a better chance of getting through to him if it's like we're the only two people in the world. You know what I mean?"

He paused for a moment, before nodding his head. "Yes, I do. And, while I have some reservations, we'll do this your way. Just remember that I live less than five miles away, so do not be afraid to call me for any reason. I'll be here as fast as my Freud action figure can start up the car."

Carly smiled at the goofiness that made this doctor special, hugged him quickly once more, grabbed her bag and ran for the stairs. "Where is he?"

"Master bedroom. He started in the office… dark, no sunlight, being the only room without windows… lots of things to break. I think he moved to the bedroom because…"

"Why?"

"More personal memories to torture himself with."

Carly realized sadly that was probably true and looked nervously down at the bag in her hand. She prayed what was inside would prove to be healing and not torture. She took a step up and stopped, Dr. Byers calling to her one last time.

"Carly… how are _you_?"

He was wearing the closest thing to a look of fatherly concern that she'd ever seen aimed at her… besides maybe Mike when he walked her down the aisle… and she was given strength by it.

"I won't really be okay until Sonny's okay. But I'll be fine. I just… I hurt when Sonny hurts. And I need to not let myself. He was so strong for me when we lost the baby. He never let himself feel his own pain, and he's how I got through. I have to do that for him. No matter how much it hurts to see him like this, I can't let myself feel it."

With a small wave and final mouthed "_thank you_," Carly made her way up the stairs, and Dr. Byers exited through the front door.

Harvey Byers was frustrated with his inability to do more for Sonny. As a friend, the most he could do was be there. And the stubborn man refused to see him as a patient. He knew as well as he knew Freud was a pervert that Sonny Corinthos was manic-depressive, but if Sonny wouldn't go to him… or anyone else, for that matter… in a psychiatric capacity, no true diagnosis could be made, let alone any treatment begun. He prayed Carly was indeed the key to Sonny's recovery, and made a mental note to discuss his informal diagnosis with her down the road.

Meanwhile, Carly crept along the upstairs hallway quietly, listening. She didn't hear anything and couldn't decide if that was a good or a bad sign. All the doors were closed. She bypassed the master bedroom at first to skip down a couple of doors and peek into the office. She almost wished she hadn't. The computer had been turned over and crashed to the floor. The phone had been yanked apart by its cord. Papers were strewn all over the desk and everywhere. The bar had been trashed, evidenced by broken glass all around and wet walls where the liquor had been thrown. A painting had been knocked from its frame and apparently stomped on. Not much she hadn't seen before, but it was still a shock to her system.

_Maybe he got all the breaking out of the way, at least._

Closing the door, covering up the mess again, Carly crossed back to the door to their bedroom. She started to knock but decided against it. Instead, she gripped the doorknob to the point of white knuckles, turned it, and pushed open, stepping inside.

"Oh God. Sonny."

xxxxxxxxxx

After an extended embrace, Jason gently set Elizabeth back on her feet and took a half step back. "Did you miss me?" he asked almost shyly.

Elizabeth smiled, knowing he was echoing the question she'd asked him when he tried to end their friendship to protect her. She gave the same answer. "Yes." Then she grabbed his hand and excitedly led him back to the bench, sitting beside him. "When did you get here?"

"Yesterday."

"Are you back for good?"

"We'll see."

"Well, where were you while you were gone?"

Jason shrugged. "Here and there."

"Aarrgh." Elizabeth laughed in frustration. "I forgot what it's like talking to you sometimes. I do appreciate that I get more response from you than, say, that trademark stare you give Taggert, but I'm your friend, right? Tell me something. I mean, if it's business-related, skip it, but geez…"

She was so much fun to tease. "Sorry. Let's see… I rode pretty much across the country on my bike, just stopping where I felt like. Saw some interesting places."

"Yeah? Travel to any foreign countries?"

"Just one."

She thought of places she'd like to go. "Italy? France?"

"Uzbekistan," he said straight-faced, looking for recognition in her eyes and finding it.

"You did not," said Elizabeth.

She wanted to laugh but was too busy trying to decide if he was serious or kidding. This being Jason, serious seemed more likely. She couldn't even believe he remembered that day, staying at her studio last December, when they had spun her globe and he challenged her to tell him something about whatever country his finger landed on… which turned out to be perhaps the country she was least aware of… Uzbekistan.

"I did."

"Uh huh. So what was it like?"

"You know, you were right? I forgot my umbrella and it rained right on my head."

Elizabeth swatted playfully at him, laughing freely now, and Jason joined in. It felt good to laugh. It was something he couldn't remember doing in a long time. It felt good, too, to watch her eyes dance with light and see the smile he'd been without all these months. She'd cut her hair. It made her look older. Not that it had taken a haircut for him to realize she was far from just the teenage girl… his sister's friend… he'd attempted to think of her as.

She started to get lost in the intense blue of his eyes… a color she'd even tried to replicate by mixing paints, but couldn't… but noticed he was looking at her hair. She fingered the silky brown strands… that ended, for the first time, well above her shoulders… self-consciously.

"Too short?"

"I like it. Do you?"

"Yeah," she sighed, knowing he meant it. "Even better now."

For several moments they just locked eyes, as though they were making up for lost time looking at each other. Finally, a fluttering in the corner of Jason's eye pulled his attention away. Before she knew what he was doing, he had run to where she'd been sitting on the dock and run back, handing over her sketchpad.

"The wind's picking up. It was about to get blown into the water."

"Oh! Thanks, Jason." Elizabeth looked at her work and made a face. "Although, the bottom of the harbor is probably where it belongs."

Jason never really knew how to tell her she was crazy when she started criticizing her artistic ability. Jason Quartermaine probably could have, but Jason Morgan was lacking the ability to perceive art well enough to tell if it was good or bad, and she knew that. But he knew what he liked.

"You always say that, and then you end up with a really great painting, like '_The Wind_.'," he encouraged, citing the painting she'd done for him.

That made her smile a bit. "Funny you should mention that. I decided to make that painting the first of a series, using the four elements… Wind being a more dramatic form of Air," she giggled.

"Which one's this?"

"Well… this is just the rough sketch. The real thing will be done on canvas, with paints. But it's supposed to be Rain. I could have just done Water and painted the river, but there's just something about the rain. It's so… romantic, don't you think?" She turned her gaze from the sketch back to Jason and nearly gasped. _Was he sitting that close to me before?_

"I think it depends on who you're with when it's raining."

"Um, yeah, you're probably right," she said nervously, looking back down at the drawing. "Anyway, the weatherman on the news this morning said there was a chance of showers, but when I got here and skies were clear, I didn't want to wait. Plus, actual rain would be difficult to sketch in, so I was just trying to imagine. But I need it to inspire me. I want the painting to actually look almost like it's been left out in the rain."

Elizabeth noticed Jason still staring at her and this time interpreted it as his eyes having glazed over with boredom.

"Sorry, am I babbling?"

"A little bit, but I like it. It's better than your singing." He grinned as her mouth dropped open. "Why don't you just paint a painting and stick it outside in a rainstorm?"

Elizabeth loved the straightforward way Jason thought. "I did consider that. And it might even work. But I like to do things the hard way. I mean, _'The Wind' _was a much bigger accomplishment how I did it than it would've been if I'd just painted a regular painting and taken it with me on one of your motorcycle rides to see if the wind made the colors blur… though that might've been more fun."

"Yeah, I guess I get that. And hey, if there's a dry spell in Port Charles…"

"You gonna take me to Uzbekistan?" She winked at him.

"Sure… You gonna take me to your studio and show me everything you've been painting since I left?"

"Um, sure," she stammered, embarrassed. She knew art didn't really interest Jason, so he must just want to spend more time with her. "Maybe not everything. But I might have a few pieces worth seeing. _'Earth' _turned out pretty well."

"What about…?" Jason recalled what the fourth element was and stopped, placing a cautious hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. "You painted fire?"

She sighed deeply, painfully. "Not yet. Saving that one for last." She put her hand atop of his on her shoulder. "When I first got the idea, I cried every time I thought of… that element. But I decided it would be good for me. Maybe it would help me get past some things. And if it's true that emotion feeds inspiration, which feeds creation, _'Fire' _should be one of my best works."

Jason started to ask how she'd been getting along lately with her grief over Lucky, but Elizabeth continued.

"Besides, ever since Lucky came back, the fire hasn't had quite as much power over me."

Jason thought he must have heard her wrong, but somehow he knew he hadn't. "What? Lucky… came back?"

Elizabeth saw the true confusion in his eyes and realized he didn't know. "Oh my God. Jason, didn't Em tell you? Lucky's back. Jason, he's alive!"

With that joyous news, she hugged him tightly once more. Jason, feeling mixed emotions, forced himself not to smell her hair this time.

xxxxxxxxxx

_L&B Records/Chloe Morgan Designs_

"Peek-a-boo! You found me! Uh oh, where did I go? Here I am!"

Chloe Morgan was being very silly, hiding and then revealing her face with the aid of a red silk fabric swatch. But little Michael seemed to be enjoying it, smiling and laughing, and saying, "Again, Kwoey!"

She pretended to get bored with their game, taking the swatch and placing it on her head. "See? Now I'm a redhead, too."

Michael burst into giggles and then tried to reach for the swatch and pull it away. Chloe grabbed him in a bear hug and attacked him with kisses.

"You're gonna put me out of a job, woman," Leticia teasingly fussed as she walked back into the room. "I appreciate you inviting us to hang out here with you, but just remember that if Carly hires you as Michael's new nanny, then I'll be forced to design all the pretty dresses and be world-famous. How did you two bond so quickly?"

"No big secret, right Michael? We love a lot of the same people. We both have a fondness for colorful swatches. And for not wearing shoes." She tickled his bare feet. "And hey, we're family." Chloe watched the family comment bring a flash of sadness to Let's face. She was obviously thinking of AJ. "So, who did you call?"

"Your boyfriend, actually."

Chloe raised an eyebrow. "And what exactly did you have to say to him that couldn't be said in front of me?"

Leticia stuck her tongue out at Chloe's mock jealousy, before turning serious. "Not you… Michael. I wanted to ask Johnny if there was an update on… my employers… without Michael thinking there was something wrong." She sat next to them on the couch, slightly ruffling the boy's hair, while he contentedly circled Chloe's bracelet around and around her wrist.

"You and Johnny were both so cryptic about that. What happened?"

"I can't really say. Truthfully, I don't really know, except that Sonny's grief might finally have caught up to him. And now he's trying to push Carly away." Leticia eyed Michael, noting with relief that he didn't seem to be listening.

"Oh dear. Well, I know I don't know Carly as well as you do yet, but I can't see her standing for that."

"No, she won't. They'll… they'll be fine. Somebody deserves to be lucky in love."

"Hey, I'm very lucky. I've been lucky twice over. But, you're not talking about me." Chloe squeezed her friend's hand. "Let, you never did tell me how Carly reacted to the news about you and AJ."

"Maybe it was because Sonny and she had gotten to a really close place and she was happy, but she didn't go nearly as postal as I would have thought. She was shocked, confused, and angry that I kept a secret from her, but in the end…"

"In the end, what?"

"She pretty much told me that if I want to be with AJ, I should go for it."

Chloe smiled and clapped her hands together. Michael looked up and started clapping, too. Leticia knew he was just copying Chloe, but part of her wanted to think he liked the idea of her and AJ together and to take it as a sign.

"So, are you going to?"

Leticia sighed sadly. "I can't. Not after the way I treated him."

Chloe considered those words for a moment. It had seemed to her for a while that there was some unseen layer to this breakup, but she could only react based on what she knew. If there was more, maybe Leticia would open up to her about it.

"How you treated him? Wasn't AJ the one in the wrong? Let, maybe you think it was harsh breaking up with him in front of the whole family, and after he'd just proposed, but what else could you do? He was using you!"

"No, he wasn't," Leticia said quietly.

_A-ha… That unseen layer is about to be revealed. _"What do you mean?"

"I mean that AJ never used me to get to Michael. He loved me, Chloe. He really loved me, and that's why he wanted to marry me. I lied about what I overheard. I broke his heart… I ruined everything."

_Well, that explains why she remained so concerned about him. _Chloe shook her head in disbelief. "Let, why would you do that?"

"Because I'm an insecure… jackass." She quickly dropped her voice to a whisper in case Michael was listening after all. "Because I got wrapped up in a bunch of differences that don't matter, or at least shouldn't. Because I… Chloe, I don't want to talk about this anymore. There's no point."

Rather than tell her she needed to talk, Chloe decided to play it Leticia's way… for the moment, anyway. "Okay. Look, you need to cheer up. Why don't you go take a look around the recording studio? It's not being used today, and I don't think Ned would mind."

"Really?"

"Sure. You and Michael have fun."

"Aren't you coming?"

"I'll be up in a minute. I just remembered I have to return a call to Milan."

Leticia nodded, scooped Michael up in her arms, and headed up the stairs to the studio. Chloe took a determined breath and picked up her cell phone, dialing.

"Hi, it's Chloe. I'm at L&B. You need to come over as soon as you can. There's a situation here that I really need your input on."

xxxxxxxxxx

_Your past, it bleeds  
__Haunting, frightening screams  
__The voice of another soul  
__Looking for a way to go  
__Never step in sinking sand  
__I'll keep both feet on solid land_

Carly might have used the expression "déja vu" a few times before in her life, but now she truly knew what it meant. She stood in the bedroom doorway, experiencing a moment for the second time that she wished hadn't happened the first. She didn't wish that she hadn't found him, hadn't been there with him that August, but that he had never had to go through that kind of paralyzing pain…

So much for wishing.

He was sitting in much the same position she had found him in that time. He was on the floor, slumped back against the foot of the bed. He was even holding another broken picture frame. But Carly knew without seeing that the picture underneath the shattered glass had changed.

She set down her small duffle, stepped forward and nearly tripped over what looked like some rags. Kicking them away, she tiptoed to her husband and kneeled down before him.

"Sonny?"

He didn't look up. He just kept staring somewhere between the remains of the picture and whatever his hell looked like this time. She was worried about his lack of response but also wanted to check his hands for cuts. When she said his name again and he still didn't even blink, Carly decided to chance touching him. She gently moved the frame and took his hands in hers, turning them over for inspection.

Carly exhaled a tiny breath of relief at the simple fact that he had let her touch him rather than jerking away, but she was concerned that he was keeping his right hand closed in a fist. The way he was holding it, she could only assume he'd gotten hurt again.

She returned her gaze to his face and realized that he had turned his head to look at her… He was looking at her with the sweetest expression. She smiled back feeling reassured that he was indeed happy to see her.

"Hey you… Aren't you gonna let me see your hand? I'm a pretty good nurse, remember?"

As soon as Carly spoke, it was like a switch flipped in Sonny, and she got the reaction she had feared. He pulled his hands roughly from her grasp, bolted to standing as best he could on unsteady legs, and answered with an accusatory growl.

"What are you doing here?"

Gone was the sweet expression that had graced his face seconds before. His expression was now both angry and afraid, and… he kept squinting at her, almost as if he wasn't sure she was there.

_I will never walk away  
__I will never walk away_

"You're here, so that's where I am," Carly said quietly, clearly.

"NO! No, no, no, no, no, no… Last place you should be, it's the last place you should be."

Sonny started pacing, arms wrapping around his head like he was trying to squeeze out what was happening.

"What is, Sonny? The island? Or with you?"

Sonny stopped and fixed her with a look. "Jason. You're supposed to be with Jason."

Carly shook her head. "Sonny, I thought we both got past the days of not knowing any better. I don't know where this Jason idea came from, but it's not gonna happen. I don't want to be with him, he doesn't want to be with me… and I know you don't really want me with him. You're the one I married." She inched a step closer. "I'm your wife."

Sonny stiffened his posture in a warning to stay back. "You're not my wife."

Carly felt a deep sting at that comment, but she reminded herself that Sonny was liable to say things he didn't mean when he was like this. "Yes, I am. I'm your wife, and you need me… like I need you."

"Don't need me. Don't be my wife. Please, don't. Look what happens. One day married to me and look what happens."

At his words, Carly realized Sonny was blaming himself for her accident and the loss of the baby. It was like he thought just by marrying her he had cursed her somehow. Her heart, already fractured, broke still more for him. Of course, she had only learned a partial truth about what was going on inside of Sonny… The details of why he blamed himself for her fall would come out another day.

"Sonny, don't think like that," she whispered. "You… you are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Sonny tried not to hear her say those words but he did. A torrent of emotion ripped its way through him and his body was racked with sobs. He was so consumed that he allowed her to put an arm around him and guide him to first sit, and then to lie down, on the bed. He cried for nearly half an hour and she stayed beside him… not crowding him, just rubbing his back soothingly… until he exhausted himself and fell asleep.

_Your past, it burns  
__Like the lessons that are learned  
__Like the night air so cold  
__In the middle of the road  
__With the world in your hand  
__You don't know just where to stand_

"You've got to come out of this, sweetie. But no matter how bad it gets, I will never walk away from you."

Carly carefully pried the fingers of his right hand open so she could repair any damage. To her surprise, there was no blood… no cut… Only a crumpled picture and a small piece of cloth. The picture was a wallet-sized one of herself that she did not even know Sonny had. The piece of cloth, when she picked it up and looked at it, brought tears to her eyes… Now she knew what the "rags" she had kicked aside on her way in had really been.

"'_If you think I'm cute you should see my daddy.'"  
_"_What can I say? It made me laugh. Great, I can see your head getting bigger before my eyes."  
_"_You think I'm cute."  
_"_Oh shut up and look at the other one."  
__Looking under the layer of tissue paper, he found the other present. This one was a much larger T-shirt, but with a somewhat similar saying across the chest…  
_"'_IF YOU THINK I'M HOT, CHECK OUT MY WIFE'?"  
_"_I know you won't ever wear it, but… well, it's just so true."  
_"_Maybe I don't want people checking out my wife."  
__Carly didn't quite know what to say to that, but it didn't matter, because Sonny kissed her… powerfully, passionately…_

Carly hadn't even known he'd brought that T-shirt to the island, but there it was cut up into pieces on the floor… and one piece in particular, Sonny had been holding onto for dear life. She laid her picture back on his palm, along with the jagged edged rectangle of cotton… that said only "WIFE"… and closed his fingers back around them. She looked at him sadly, leaning over to kiss his damp forehead.

"I thought you said I wasn't your wife."

Quietly, she cried.

_But I will never walk away  
__I will never walk away…_

(Lyrics - Never Walk Away, Amy Pachelli)


	37. Deeper nc17

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 37 - Deeper (NC-17)

An hour later, Sonny was still passed out asleep. The damp curls stuck to his forehead with sweat made him look like such a sad child. And he was.

Carly tore her eyes away from watching him long enough to clean up the broken glass by the foot of the bed and set the picture... of herself, Sonny, and Michael the day of the wedding... carefully back atop the dresser. Her mind floated to the contents of the bag she'd brought with her and she crept silently over to it, unzipping it and reaching inside. She looked at the videotape in her hand with a hopeful heart, kissing it for luck before walking over to the VCR and popping it in.

_If I can't get through to him, maybe this will._

Carly climbed in bed next to Sonny, wanting to but not quite touching him. She didn't want to wake him... knew he needed this rest... but maybe he would hear it in his dreams. Maybe it would reach him. She just wanted him to know... wanted him to know how important he was... not in his business or at his casinos, but to her... and in the mind and heart of a two-year-old boy. She grabbed the remote to turn on the TV, lowered the volume a bit, and pressed play. The screen lit up with red hair and an angelic round face. The room filled with the sound of Carly's voice.

"What you got there, Mr. Man? Is that a picture? Yeah? Who's in the picture? Who's that? Yes, gigglyface, that is you. Now who's that?"

"Mama."

"Yup, that's me! You and me and... Who's that with us? Who's that man right there?"

"Daddy!"

"That's right, Michael. That's exactly who he is, even if he doesn't know it. You tell him... Sonny, your son is talking to you."

Carly felt Sonny stir slightly beside her and watched his eyes flutter open, knowing he was listening. She thought she saw the emotion flicker in his far-off gaze as Michael said, "_Daddy_," but Sonny had thrown his walls back up before even fully waking. He kept his face expressionless and made no movement to sit up and look at the TV screen.

"Home, Daddy. Ca home."

"I want your daddy to come home too, Michael. He will. I know he will."

The end of the tape showed Carly setting the camera down on Michael's dresser and coming into the shot with him, picking him up, and looking to the lens with a combination of determination and longing... a look Sonny was not seeing. But she wasn't giving up. She would keep replaying it over and over until he acknowledged it and - God willing - understood that he needed to come home. She had just run the tape back and let it play again when Sonny finally reacted, grabbing her hand that held the remote.

"Turn that off."

"Sonny, you need to watch this."

"I said turn it off, Carly."

She turned more fully towards him, imploring him with a soft gaze. "Sonny, you have to hear what Michael is telling you. You have to see how much he misses his daddy."

"I said TURN THE DAMN THING OFF!" Sonny pulled the remote away from her and hurled it across the room. It smashed into the wall and fell to the floor in several pieces.

Carly sighed, having known the tactic of the tape was a risky one, but still feeling it was the right one. She looked to the TV, video still playing, and then to Sonny... with a gently reproachful expression that seemed to say, _"That didn't do much good, did it?"_

Sonny responded with an eerie quietness. "What are you trying to do?"

"I'm trying to help you, Sonny. And I'm trying to share with you something important about Michael..."

"Are you trying to torture me or are you trying to confuse Michael? Jason is his father. You know it, Jason knows it, Michael knows it. If Michael's asking for his daddy, he means Jason. So why do I need to see that? Huh? Why do I need to hear that, over and over and OVER?"

"What you need to see and hear is the truth, straight from your son's lips."

Carly wanted to throw her arms around him and force him up and in front of the screen, but she knew he might still react badly to being touched. She marched up to the VCR and punched the button to rewind, her finger hovering over _play_.

"Please, Sonny. Two minutes. Just watch the tape. After that, if you want me to, I'll leave you alone."

He propped himself up a bit more and nodded almost imperceptibly. Carly, meanwhile, tapped her hidden, crossed fingers against her leg. No way would she leave Sonny alone. She might stop playing the tape... _maybe_... but that was about it.

This time Sonny saw Michael as well as heard him. He saw Michael hugging a picture of the three of them, touching Sonny's image with his tiny finger when he said "_Daddy_," and kissing it when he asked the picture of Sonny to come home.

Then Sonny saw Carly's face trying to communicate to him. He saw her sadness, her confusion, but also strength that she was offering to him. That and something else he couldn't quite bring himself to name. And he didn't feel the slow tear creeping down his cheek... just her hand brushing it away. He jumped but only slightly.

"As soon as Michael and I got back to the penthouse, he was reaching for that picture and calling you his daddy. And it was maybe the sweetest sound I'd ever heard, but you were the one who needed to hear it. It just magnified how wrong things were... you not being with us... where you belong."

He let her hand stay, now cradling his face, for a few moments, and even let himself look into her eyes, now right in front of him. They were saying the same things they had in the video, with the unnamed emotion coming to the front, strongest of all. He recognized it this time and felt his heart heal and then break in nearly the same second. She was looking at him with love.

"Why?" he tiredly begged of her. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" she whispered.

"Like..." Her face that day in August of '99 kept flashing in his head... the warmth and concern in her expression... the surprise soft touch of her hand on his cheek. And now her thumb was caressing his cheekbone... and there was so much more in her eyes. "Just stop. Stop."

"I can't stop, Sonny. I don't know any other way to look at you. You want me to look at you, what, like I don't care?"

"Yeah," he muttered, turning his eyes away.

"Yeah? Why should I, Sonny, when you can't even look at me like that?"

His head whipped back around, unable to debate Carly's words with anything but an attempt at an icy stare.

"Is that all you've got?" She climbed fully onto the bed, closer to him. "You can't do it, Sonny. Even when you try to go cold and look at me with contempt or disinterest, or you tell me you want me gone, I see deeper than that... underneath to what's real. And what's real is..."

_... that I love you. _His thoughts pounded the truth and he couldn't escape. _But don't. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. I love you. Don't say it._

Carly didn't say it. She leaned forward and kissed him.

Sonny was used to being able to anticipate people's moves, but Carly, even as well as he knew her, was always able to surprise him. This surprise was painful in its pleasure. Again, he tried not to respond to her warmth... her soft weight pressed against his chest... the persuasion of her mouth... and again he was failing... always failing her.

_Find me here  
__Speak to me  
__I want to feel you  
__I need to hear you_

Carly felt the war he was fighting with himself in the way his lips would tense up one second, almost keeping her out, the next would go soft and accepting, and then back again. She gently laid her hands against the sides of his face, feeling the smoothness of his cheeks and the slight roughness of his one day's growth. As she continued to kiss him, her fingers began a soothing motion, lightly rubbing from his temples down to his jawline, trying to heal the cracks in whatever inside of him had broken. Within a minute or two, Carly was rewarded with Sonny finally taking control of the kiss, his tongue entering her mouth to tangle with hers. He tasted like whiskey and honey.

_You are the light  
__That's leading me  
__To the place  
__Where I find peace again_

Encouraged, and without breaking the kiss, Carly moved to straddle Sonny's waist, needing to get closer to him. That was when Sonny broke the kiss.

"Mm mm... No, no, no, no."

She moved away for the moment. "No what, Sonny?"

"We can't... can't... Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything to you... yet." Her words were light, her tone playful, knowing he was quickly putting walls back up to block his own wanting to give in. "Don't think, Sonny, please. Don't even feel anything but this moment, now."

"What are you trying to prove?"

"I just want to be with my husband... the way I know he wants to be with his wife." At that, she reclaimed her position on top of him.

"Carly..."

"That's her name."

_You are the strength  
__That keeps me walking  
__You are the hope  
__That keeps me trusting_

Carly took hold of the skirt of her lightweight white sundress, now bunched up around her thighs, and pulled the dress off over her head, tossing it to the floor. Sonny tried to avert his eyes from the vision she made in her strapless bra and thong, but when she removed those as well, he could not bring himself to look away.

"And she's yours, Sonny... I'm yours."

In spite of himself, his hands reached out and took hold of her waist. "You shouldn't be mine," he said, even as he possessively gripped her tighter.

"Too late."

As Carly crept one hand underneath his shirt where it had come untucked, playing along his stomach, while the other snuck behind her to massage his developing arousal through his slacks, Sonny realized with a moan that she was right... It was too late. It was much too late for him to take control of this moment, and he didn't even have the strength left to convince himself that was what he wanted to do. He could barely think before this sultry angel showed up, and now... now he just wanted to be her husband again.

_You are the life  
__To my soul  
__You are my purpose  
__You are everything_

Sonny gave in. Grasping the back of her head, he pulled her down and into him for a kiss, his mouth open and giving, almost aggressive, from the start. An arm around her lower back, he brought her body fully parallel to his and held her close, then rolled them over so that he was staring down into her beautiful, flushed face.

Carly was amazed by the sudden change in him, but she knew better than to question it. She would simply match him, passion for passion. She grabbed handfuls of his shirt and ripped it open, buttons popping in all directions. Once she'd freed him from the material, her fingers danced along his chest, from exploratory touches, to scratches the more he sucked that sweet spot on her neck. She could feel how wet she was getting and she did not want to go slowly. She pushed him over on his back, her hands nimbly working on his belt and pants, and soon Sonny was down to silk boxers... royal blue ones, that Carly had bought him as a nod to the sheets that swathed their first time together. At that memory, she could not rid him of them fast enough.

_And how can I  
__Stand here with you  
__And not be moved by you  
__Would you tell me  
__How could it be  
__Any better than this_

Silently, she crawled like a cat back up the length of his body, pausing to wrap her hands firmly around the fullness of his erection and stroke a bit, up and down. She also gave one cruel lick to the tip. Meeting his eyes, which held the same needs and desires as hers, Carly whispered, "Don't wait."

Sonny didn't even pull her back up to him. He lunged forward and covered her body with his, their heads now at the foot of the bed. He ran his hands all over every inch of her, almost desperately, never wanting to forget the feel of her in his arms like this. He cupped her soft mound, loving the warm wetness on his fingers, and bent his head to kiss and nibble at her breasts, causing her to gasp. Reaching down between them, her hand found his and together they guided his sex to hers.

_You calm the storms  
__You give me rest  
__You hold me in your hands  
__You won't let me fall_

Staring, hypnotized, into each other's eyes, Sonny thrust powerfully inside of her. While they had made love just two days before, both felt like this was a long-awaited reunion. Both trembled in the sweet realization in this moment of completeness... a moment they had worried they had lost either the chance, or the right, to experience.

Carly scooted her legs higher around Sonny's back as she felt him begin to move inside her. She took firm grip of his ass to hold on for the ride as he left her body and entered again, giving her more. His skin was so hot and he felt so incredible. He couldn't deny this. He couldn't feel this and say they weren't supposed to be together.

"Ohh, Sonny, deeper... please..."

He gathered her hips up in one arm and pulled her into him as far as he could, burying himself as deep as he would go with every stroke. He'd been feeling so out of control, but out of control like this, with Carly, felt safe, and as needed as oxygen. She gave his painfully alive senses something beautiful to scream at him, and skin to skin, breath to breath, drowned out the deadened feeling he had inside. She was so hot, and squeezed him so tight... Deeper was never deep enough.

_You still my heart  
__And you take my breath away  
__Would you take me in  
__Would you take me deeper now_

"Oh God, Sonny... Don't ever leave again... Ohhhh... I'm gonna come."

At that moment, Sonny could not think of leaving Carly. She was everything to him. She surrounded him, she lived inside of him, and he allowed himself to picture a future full of this feeling. She made him feel like he was flying. He intensified his movements, not wishing for the end, but both of them needing it.

"Sonny, I lo-... OHH! Ohhh yes, yes..."

"Carly, baby, I lo-... unhhh... Carly..."

_And how can I  
__Stand here with you  
__And not be moved by you  
__Would you tell me  
__How could it be  
__Any better than this_

Though Carly's near declaration went unheard by either of them... the strength of their orgasms overtaking the ability to not only speak, but to hear or think... Sonny's was recognized by one of them.

_You almost told her you love her... Where the fuck do you get the nerve to do that after what it did to her the last time? Why are you trying to hurt her?_

He looked at her, under him, face etched with pleasure, and suddenly all he could see was that she was falling... because of him. Her closed eyes made him remember her lying at the bottom of the Quartermaine stairs... Her screams and cries called to mind the wrong kind, and he heard her in the hospital, devastated, broken... He exploded inside of her, unable to stop himself, and felt guilty for doing so, despite her hum of satisfaction and that she held him more tightly than ever.

_'Cause you're all I want  
__You're all I need  
__You're everything  
__Everything  
__You're all I want  
__You're all I need  
__You're everything  
__Everything..._

As they lay there in the aftermath, Sonny gave in for a few moments more... Let himself stroke her hair... enjoy her breath on his neck... the feel of her heartbeat. He looked around the room, the soft hiss of snow on the TV over his shoulder warning him not to get caught up in the beauty of this dream. Because he knew now that he had been right about what he had to do. He remembered yelling at her, remembered the wreckage of the room across the hall that she must have seen, and though he knew she would tell him not to be, was ashamed. He was convinced further.

Carly made him fly and he made her fall. He had to leave her before she broke again.

_How can I  
__Stand here with you  
__And not be moved by you  
__Would you tell me  
__How could it be  
__Any better than this_

("Everything," Lifehouse)


	38. Letting Go

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 38 - Letting Go

A new day had dawned, and the slim rays of sunshine peeking in through the curtains reached Carly's half-open eyes and opened them the rest of the way. Her body felt warm and deliciously worn out after last night. Her heart felt she'd made her way back home, to Sonny, and that everything was going to be all right once again. But it was her mind that interrupted, warning her she'd gotten too comfortable, when she reached her hand to his side of the bed and found it empty.

She sat abruptly upright, blinking her eyes into focus as she called his name. "Sonny?"

No answer. _He's probably in the shower. _But there was no sound of running water, and the bathroom door was open. Sonny was nowhere to be seen. Her heart started to pound. _C'mon, Carly, so he stepped out of the room. Maybe he went to go clean up the office. Maybe he wanted to call Jason without waking you up. Or maybe..._ She saw for the first time the tray of food sitting on the bedside table and wondered how she hadn't noticed its wafting aromas. _Of course, he's in the kitchen. _She smiled, thinking he must be getting back to himself if he's cooking.

Carly had just taken a sip of juice when she spied a folded piece of paper on the tray and picked it up curiously. She unfolded it and began to read, setting her glass back down with a shaky hand before she could drop it.

_Carly... Caroline... I made you an omelet like the first one I ever cooked for you, back when you were feeling trapped between me and the Q's. I hope you still like it. You were very stressed then, but please don't be that way now. I am going to make things easier for you, so you won't be trapped anymore. My lawyer will call you about the divorce and you tell her whatever you want in the settlement. The penthouse is yours... yours and Michael's. I'll make other arrangements. I just want the two of you to be safe and happy. _

_Thank you for wanting to help me, Carly. You always do, and you did. But now you need to help yourself and move on. Last night shouldn't have happened, and though I'm selfish enough to be glad it did, it was goodbye for us... So goodbye._

_Sonny_

Carly just sat there, clutching the note and staring into space... too mad to cry, too sad to scream. _Divorce? What is he talking about? _The delicious smells of the final meal he'd prepared for her started to get to her... They were making her sick, actually, so she knocked the tray across the room and watched the contents crash to the floor.

"I've lost my appetite."

She wrapped her arms around herself, gripping the sheets that draped her... that still smelled like him... and felt the tears well in her eyes.

_Sonny, I thought I reached you... I thought you understood how much we need each other... I thought we were on our way home... Why are you doing this to us?_

xxxxxxxxxx

_Port Charles, L&B Records_

Chloe tapped her dainty foot in impatience, waiting for her secretly invited guest to arrive. She watched the stairs nervously, not knowing how much longer Leticia would stay up there, or at L&B for that matter. At last, she heard the door opening and hurried towards it.

"Finally!" Chloe exclaimed, then dropped her voice to a whisper to add, "You're here."

"You called, cousin, and I came running," said AJ quietly back. "So, what's the big situation you need my help with? And why are we whispering?"

Chloe, remembering that Leticia was most likely in a soundproof recording studio, cleared her throat and spoke normally. "We're not... _ahem_... There, that's better."

AJ stood there awaiting more information. "So...?"

"Right, why you're here... It's just... you know I'm a romantic, and I want the people I love to be happy..."

Before Chloe could really start to explain, she noticed AJ's eyes widen, drawn to something over her shoulder, and turned. There stood Leticia holding a sleeping Michael.

"Chloe, wha-..." she stammered, caught off guard. "What is this?"

Chloe sighed and looked to AJ. "She's why you're here." A mischievous matchmaker's smile appeared on her face when she saw the way he was looking at Leticia.

"You wanted to see me?" AJ asked Let, taking a couple of steps in her direction.

Let opened her mouth but didn't know what to say to that question. _Yes... No..._

Chloe stepped between them, taking each by the arm and guiding them to the couches. "You _both _wanted to see each other, and you most certainly need to talk. Now sit."

AJ allowed himself to be gently shoved down into a sitting position. Chloe took Michael from Leticia's arms and then gave her the same little shove, onto the opposite couch. The estranged lovers sat facing each other, glancing into each other's eyes then quickly away... nervously down to their hands in their laps... questioningly up to Chloe.

"You seem so innocent on the outside," commented AJ. "I never would have guessed you could be this sneaky."

_Yeah, I only married my cousin in order to save my company, meanwhile sneaking around town, having an "affair" with another man for months_, thought Chloe, shaking her head and laughing.

"Then you have definitely not been paying attention... Look, I don't know the whole story between you two. But guess what? Neither do you. Maybe if you share your stories you'll come up with one that actually makes sense... and maybe even has a happy ending. While you do that, Michael and I are gonna go for a walk. If he wakes up, we might even swing by Kelly's and see if Bobbie's around."

Chloe turned towards the door, but AJ's voice stopped her from leaving just yet. "Chloe, could-?" He thought again and directed his request to Leticia. "Leticia, could I just...? I won't wake him."

Leticia nodded her acceptance, knowing what he was trying to ask.

AJ quickly stood and moved close to Chloe and Michael. He just stood there for a minute, looking at Michael's sleepy round face. He almost patted his hair, almost his back, but thought better of both, one finger finally reaching for a small bare foot in the briefest touch.

"Where'd you lose your shoes, kid?" AJ whispered with a smile.

"We don't believe in them," answered Chloe, proudly showing her own bare feet, and reluctantly showing the stylish slip-on sandals she carried in her hand. "Okay... we're leaving you two alone now. Talk. Listen. And be honest, please."

As the door closed behind Chloe and Michael, the silence stretched between the two that remained. They had missed each other, but their relationship had gone so wrong so fast, and they were afraid of what the other would have to say to them. Or worse, that they would have nothing to say.

AJ returned to his seat on the couch, wondering what exactly Chloe thought they had to talk about. Let was such a painfully beautiful sight to see. She hadn't responded or called him back after his phone call a few days before. Not that he'd expected her to, but what could she possibly have to say to him now?

"I owe you an apology, AJ."

He just stared at her, truly shocked at the words out of her mouth, and tried to understand. "About Chloe?" He shook his head, deciding he knew what she meant. "She gets a little fairytale in her head and wants to make it happen. Don't know what made her think this was a good idea though. It's my fault for coming. She said there was a situation at L&B and I thought maybe Nedly was being an ass about something and I could take him down a few pegs. I never imagined..."

"AJ, please, I'm trying to say something to you."

He stopped his nervous rambling and sighed, bracing himself, sure that what she was about to say would hurt. "What?"

"I... I lied to you. I never stopped loving you. And I just hope...you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

xxxxxxxxxx

_Elizabeth's studio_

Elizabeth turned on the light and dropped her art supplies and keys onto the table. Jason walked a few steps into the small studio that was so familiar to him and just stood, looking around, finding memories as well as noticing new things.

He saw some paintings that he figured must be the ones she'd been telling him about. He saw a few travel books that he had left there, one of which had a rather feminine-looking bookmark sticking out of it, and he smiled at the thought of Elizabeth reading it. He saw the couch he'd spent weeks on recovering from a gunshot wound. Maybe he should remember the physical pain, or maybe the emotional shock of finding Carly with Sonny, but mostly he remembered the time spent with Elizabeth and the way she took care of him. For such a horrible time, it was one of the best times of his life.

"Seems like a lifetime ago," she said from behind him.

Jason nodded slightly. "It's only been six months."

"I know. But I've thought about it a lot, all the time we spent together. I almost think it feels further away... almost like I dreamed it... because I've thought about it so much. That doesn't make any sense, does it?"

"It does to you."

Liz walked around him and sat down on the couch. "Right, I forgot. You don't look back, do you, Jason?"

He took a seat next to her. "I don't believe in regrets. You can't change the past. But that doesn't mean I don't think about the past sometimes."

"I can't seem to stop."

Jason wondered briefly at that whispered comment. "A lot has happened... Elizabeth, are you ready to tell me about Lucky?"

She smiled and took a steadying breath. "Yeah. He never died, Jason. It was all set up... an elaborate, cruel trick. Lucky spent a whole year held captive by Helena."

"Helena Cassadine?"

"You know she cursed Luke and Laura on their wedding day? Promised them a lifetime of misery. Making them think Lucky was dead was just the latest in her following through on that promise."

Elizabeth went on to tell Jason the story more fully... About Cesar Faison, how Luke figured things out, how she and Nikolas had searched New York City, and finally about seeing Lucky again for the first time on the docks... Jason could still hardly believe it. He smiled at how happy Elizabeth seemed. That was all he really wanted, even if it meant losing...

"Jason? Am I boring you already? I haven't even shown you my paintings yet," Liz quipped.

"No," he laughed. "Just... a lot to take in. I'm really happy for you, Elizabeth. Now you get to have the life with Lucky you always talked about."

She looked confused for a second, then realized she hadn't quite finished the story. "I'm happy too, Jason. I'm happy Lucky's alive. But he and I aren't together anymore."

Shock wasn't an expression Jason wore often, but he did at her words. "You're not?"

"No... One thing I left out, is that Helena brainwashed Lucky. Part of what she put in his head was that he didn't love me anymore and that I should be with Nikolas. That was... very frustrating at first."

Jason gave her a look that said she was holding back and didn't have to.

"Okay, it was horrible, it was hell... and it hurt, a lot. But once we all realized something was wrong, Luke and Laura had doctors working with Lucky around the clock and they managed to deprogram him."

"That's great. So why...?"

"Lucky and I did try. But even with the brainwashing erased, Lucky was still fundamentally changed. Maybe it's as simple as a year spent apart, but... we don't fit like we used to. And it's not just him. I changed, too. We're just not the same kids in love that we were. Coming to that conclusion was almost more painful that when I thought I'd lost Lucky in the fire, but now... I'm really okay. And we're still friends. He's actually started dating this girl, Gia, Taggert's little sister."

"But if Helena hadn't... You two would be together."

"Listen to you, talking in 'what ifs'... Trust me, I HATE Helena for the hell she put all of us through. But Lucky and I can't force a relationship just for old times' sake, or to stick it to her. I can't change what's happened or how it's affected the way things are now... All I can do is accept it... let go. C'mon, Jason, you taught me that."

"I just want you to be happy, that's all. You deserve that."

"I told you, I am. Lucky's alive, and that's a miracle. I have a good life... great friends, my grandmother, my painting... _you_." Elizabeth saw the surprise in his gaze at being mentioned individually. "You're home." She took one of his hands in both of hers. "And I know you said you don't know how long you're staying... but you're not leaving today, right?"

"No."

"Or tomorrow?"

He shook his head, threading his fingers with hers. She lit up with a smile.

"Then you can believe me, Jason... I am a very happy girl."

xxxxxxxxxx

AJ wanted nothing more than to just accept the moment at face value... Leticia looking so beautiful before him, telling him that she still loved him... It was like her running away from him at the mansion and everything since then up until now was just a bad dream... He just wanted to reach forward, hold her, kiss her... But things weren't that simple... no matter how much he wished they were.

"Did you hear me, AJ?" Leticia was becoming more nervous at his lack of response but she didn't waver. "I love you. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I let you go. Please tell me we can still..."

"Letting go? Is that what it was?"

AJ sparked at that, standing, nearly pacing with a mix of hurt, confusion, and a little anger. His tone was disturbingly casual.

"That sounds pleasant. See, that's not what it felt like. It felt more like all of a sudden you hated me, you denounced me in front of my entire family, and you were so disgusted with me you had to get away from me so fast you couldn't help but stomp my heart into the ground on your way out. More like that."

Leticia walked towards him, her eyes tearing at how she'd made him feel. He settled in one spot for a second and she grabbed his hands. "I am so sorry."

AJ sighed and squeezed her hands gently, calming. "I understand why you felt like that after what you thought you heard, but why couldn't you have given me a chance to explain? It wasn't true, Let. I swear to God it wasn't."

"I know."

AJ smiled finally, hopeful. "You believe me?"

Leticia's hopeful smile was tinged with sadness. "I always believed you."

Something in her eyes told AJ he couldn't just accept the surface beauty of this moment either... "What? What do you mean you always...?"

She knew she had to say it quickly, get it out. "I always knew what was really true. The things I said I heard you say to Edward... I made them up."

AJ stilled completely, waiting either for her to change her words or for himself to understand the ones she had spoken. Neither was happening.

"You made them up? You mean, you lied?"

"Yes."

He pulled his hands from hers and stepped back. "You told my family I was using you to get close to Michael... and you left me... what, just for fun?"

"No, AJ," she cried. "Not at all. Please don't think that. It killed me to hurt you like that, but..."

"But you did it anyway! Explain that to me!"

"I thought it was for your own good..."

"I don't believe you!" AJ roared. "Because nothing in my life has been good since you left! So that blows that theory! You did this for your own good, Leticia!"

In a quiet voice that resonated, she said, "You're right."

AJ nearly crumbled when she admitted it, but she continued before he could.

"I thought I was doing it for you, but I've realized that trying to save someone future possible hurt by hurting them twice as badly now just doesn't work. And I can talk all day about Edward's disapproval, and ELQ, and say that I was trying to save your family relationships as well as your business career... But bottom line is, I was a coward who knew she would never be the perfect little WASP wife... raised with money, well-educated, belonging to the right sorority and country club... that you needed. I felt insecure about the differences in our backgrounds, even before Edward said anything. So when he did, it was like that button got pushed the rest of the way and an alarm went off in me. Then when you proposed..."

AJ flinched at the memory and wished he could take it back. He'd given her his heart and she had plunged a knife in it for his own good.

"When you proposed... it was so beautiful, AJ... and so much of me wanted to say yes... But it was just too much... I was too wrapped up in my own doubts about myself... and whether or not I was the kind of woman you deserved."

"You were more than I deserved," AJ choked out, unable to stop himself, despite his anger.

Leticia looked at him, her eyes spilling tears of love and disbelief. "Do you still feel that way? How can you, after I...?"

"You've always been more than I deserved. I knew that. You didn't seem to get it, and I just kept hoping you never would. But that night, I thought, damn, it finally happened. She wised up. I could tell you you were wrong about my reasons for being with you, but I couldn't tell you you were wrong about deciding you didn't want to be with me."

She reached for him, shaking her head at his words, but he kept his distance, getting louder with emotion.

"I understood! I hated it, and it hurt like hell, but I understood! But this... I don't understand this! You're telling me you still love me, still want me... I should be relieved! Grateful, right? But it's not good enough now. It's more than I ever expected, but it's still not good enough. Because you were the one person in my life who I thought would never lie to me... would never play games with me. And that's exactly what you did."

When he was finished, AJ's gaze captured Leticia's face for a few moments... her mouth falling open with a million things she wanted to say yet unable to form them, knowing they probably wouldn't make a difference anyway... And, though pained at the tears that wet her cheeks, he forced himself to turn and walk away.

The sound of the door closing meant he was really gone, and it broke Leticia. She clutched at the arm of the sofa as she fell to the floor, sobbing for what she had thrown away and couldn't get back.

xxxxxxxxxx

Johnny did a double take when Carly stepped off the elevator. She looked so tired, her eyes were red-rimmed, and her skin was paler than he'd ever seen it. Still, he had been expecting to find her this way. He rushed forward to take her bag before she folded under its slight weight.

"Let me get that for you, Mrs. Corinthos."

She looked up at him through wounded eyes. "Didn't you hear? It really is just Carly."

He put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder and guided her inside the penthouse. She looked around at everything seemingly unchanged, but she could feel a new emptiness in what was supposed to be her home... It wasn't _their_ home anymore.

"He's already been here, hasn't he, Johnny?"

At his reluctant nod, Carly headed for the stairs. Johnny worried, but decided it best to let her go by herself.

She entered the bedroom knowing what she would find but not ready for it. Opening the closet, all of his suits were gone. All the drawers that just yesterday had held his PJ's, his boxers, socks, were now empty. In the bathroom, his razor was gone, his aftershave that smelled so good, his toothbrush... every trace of him. Carly looked in the mirror and wanted to see Sonny standing behind her, teasing her for taking so long to get ready... when really he took almost as long as she did.

But he wasn't there. And, according to him, he wouldn't be.

She walked back out into the bedroom and was drawn to a double-sided picture frame that sat on the bedside table. It held two pictures of her with Sonny and Michael... one a more straightforward smiling pose, and one where she and Michael were making goofy faces and Sonny was laughing. When she picked up the frame she realized the laughing picture was missing... He took it with him.

Knowing that Sonny didn't want to let them go, but did anyway, and not sure how that made her feel, she left the bedroom and peeked into Michael's room. Seeing no Michael or Leticia, Carly dragged herself back down the stairs to ask Johnny where they were, and instead saw Michael in Johnny's arms, and Chloe standing there with arms open, waiting to comfort her friend with a hug.

Carly, who had kept her tears at rest for the last few hours, let them flow once more. Kissing her son's sleepy head, and affectionately patting Johnny's cheek, she thankfully went into Chloe's embrace of sisterly warmth and soothing whispers.

"_Stupid man_," Chloe mouthed over Carly's head to Johnny.

Though Johnny felt a tad disloyal to his boss, looking at the pain Carly was in, he nodded in agreement back at Chloe.


	39. Purgatory

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope ()

Ch. 39 -- Purgatory

"Can I get you guys anything else?"

"Thanks, Liz, we're fine." Chloe smiled brightly at Elizabeth as she checked on their table at Kelly's, but once she'd moved on to the next, Chloe's smile fell. Johnny noticed.

"Are you sure we're fine?" He took her hand. "What's the matter?"

"I'm okay, it's just... Do you think Carly's all right? Maybe we should have stayed."

"Honey, you sat with her all night. She told us to go and have a nice breakfast. Besides, the one on one time with Michael is good for her."

"Even when he asks where Daddy is?"

Johnny sighed, knowing that moment would occur and that it would hurt, but still nodded. "Carly's a tough lady. And I don't think she'll let Sonny get away with this for long."

"I just feel so guilty."

"Why?"

"I just can't help it. I mean, here we are, so happy and in love, and meanwhile all our friends are miserable."

Chloe put her head in her hands, but soon looked up when she realized Johnny had gone silent and was staring at her... wearing a deliciously puzzling grin.

"What? Do I have food on my face?" she asked, with a self-deprecating giggle.

He shook his head and replied, "Don't mind me... I'm just happy... and _in love_." He stressed the last two words and threw in a wink.

Suddenly Chloe could hear her own voice from moments before echoing inside her head, and she blushed. "Oh... I said that, didn't I?... I mean... All I mean is... It's just, look at everyone... Sonny and Carly... AJ and Leticia... They're falling apart, and we're... not."

"So it was just an expression?" Johnny didn't really believe that, but he wasn't going to push her. "Okay then," he said, and nonchalantly returned to buttering his last piece of toast.

"Wait, no."

Having gotten his attention once more, Chloe really looked at the man before her... into his eyes... reached out and held his face in her hands.

"Chloe Morgan does not say the L word lightly. I know we haven't been together very long, but it feels like we have. I said those words because I meant them. I didn't even think about it, because it's just felt so natural that... it's just the way it is. I love you, Jonathan."

Johnny shook his head in grateful amazement, pulled her hand from his cheek and kissed it. "Aw shucks, ma'am." His happy laugh rang out as she stuck her tongue out at him in response. "I wanted to tease you some more, but how am I supposed to do that after you say something like you just did? I love you too, Chloe." He leaned across the table, not caring that his tie was now getting buttered as well, and kissed her lingeringly. "How in the world did you end up with me?" he marveled aloud as he sat back in his chair.

"Hmm. Well, let's see... You are a very caring man... strong... patient... You are the realest man I've ever known... the truth inside rather than the appearance of it, despite your Mr. Scary Guy facade..." Chloe paused to laugh at the accompanying _scary guy _face Johnny made before continuing. "You're also devastatingly handsome and have the finest collection of ties I've ever seen." She dabbed at his current tie with her napkin, trying to control her smile. "Bit too much cholesterol on this one, though."

He glanced down at the silk held in her fingers. "Carly got it for me." Not that he really needed to look down... Carly picked out all his ties... all the good ones, anyway.

"You know, I know I should be jealous... as your girlfriend or as a fashion designer, I'm not sure which... but I love that Carly does that for you."

"Yeah, me too," Johnny said, a bit sadly, as he put down a little more money than necessary for the check, and took Chloe's hand to help her rise.

The tinkle of a bell was heard behind them... a rather inappropriate sound to announce the arrival of Jason Morgan. The door opened and Jason walked in with a purposeful stride, eyes locked somewhere just beyond the counter. He didn't notice the familiar faces he passed by. Instead, he took a seat on one of the stools to wait until another familiar face came back from the kitchen.

"Elizabeth."

"Jason."

Smiles crept across both faces, the sight of each other the definite highlight of their day so far. Johnny and Chloe saw from across the room, and Johnny couldn't help but comment.

"Looks like we're not the only happy ones after all."

Chloe couldn't ask for more than knowing Johnny loved her, but this possible budding romance did her heart good. "Yes, but are they happy and in love?"

Johnny chuckled, watching Liz fill Jason's coffee cup with her gaze fixed unwaveringly on his eyes, as his on hers. To her credit, she didn't spill a drop.

"Give 'em time. All I can say is, it's not the coffee that has Jason hooked. It's the girl who pours it." Wrapping an arm around Chloe, Johnny added, "He just better not get so caught up with Elizabeth that he neglects Carly when she needs him," as they left.

Meanwhile, at the counter, Jason was trying an interesting technique for asking a woman out.

"You look like you could use a ride on my bike."

"Do I look that frazzled already?" Liz laughed and felt her hair to see if it was a mess. "It's true, though. And it's still early!"

"No, you look fine. I didn't mean now. I meant tonight... whenever you get off work."

"Yeah, I'd love to. That'd be great. I get off at six. Um, I'll probably need to eat something quick before I leave, so if you want to come at like six-thirty or seven?"

"Actually I was thinking I'd take you to dinner."

"Dinner?"

Liz was thrown a bit off balance by that simple word. She was used to hanging out with Jason, riding around on his bike, going nowhere, and then he'd take her home. This had been their routine dozens of times. But now with Jason adding dinner to the evening's activities, it kind of made it sound like a... like a...

"Dinner, yeah... There's usually a restaurant involved... sitting down, eating." Jason's eyes shone with teasing. "Sound like something you'd be interested in?"

"It sounds kind of like a... like a..."

"Date?"

Elizabeth nodded, even more nervous now that the word was out there.

"Well... I guess that's because that's what I'd like it to be, if you're okay with it. I don't want to rush you, Elizabeth. You sounded like you were over Lucky, but it's fine if you're not. I don't want to lose what we have by making you uncomfortable. We can just..."

"I'm in the mood for Italian."

"What?"

"Italian food. Big bowls of pasta with lots of sauce. Those crunchy breadsticks. Ooh, tiramisu! And, just to warn you, Jason... You might think I eat like some little bird, but I do not. I will eat my whole mountain of fettucine, and then start in on whatever you order... Lasagna, I bet you like lasagna."

Jason was still adjusting to the fact that she'd said yes, so to speak. The enthusiasm with which she was regaling him with tales of her eating talents was another surprise, and absolutely adorable. And he did like lasagna.

"Maybe you should eat before I pick you up after all, just so that when we do go to the restaurant, you don't put them out of business," Jason kiddingly suggested, prompting Liz to throw a dishtowel at his head.

Just then, the phone rang. "Kelly's," Elizabeth answered.

A sigh of not wanting to have to deal with the person on the other end of the line was heard, just before... "Liz, it's Carly. Is Jason there? I need to talk to him."

At another time they might have had a snippy exchange, but Elizabeth only felt sympathy for Carly now. "Sure, Carly. Here he is." She handed Jason the receiver, gesturing as if to say she was going to check on the tables and give him some privacy.

He nodded his thanks and readied himself to answer his friend's call for help. This time he wasn't worried what she had done, but what latest hurt had been done to her.

"Carly?"

"He's gone, Jase."

At first, Jason thought she might be talking about the baby, so he risked asking the question to be sure. "Who's gone?" It sounded like it would be a painful answer no matter what.

"Sonny... the one who was s'posed to be my husband."

Jason raised an eyebrow at the little slur in her words. "Carly, where are you? Are you home?"

"If you can call it that, yeah... I am at the former residence of Mr. Sonny Corinthos, the luxurious and dimly lit penthouse four of the very tall Harborview Towers in beautiful downtown Port Chuckles." Her voice was tired and, despite the silliness of some of what she said, her tone humorless.

"Carly, are you drunk? Where's Michael?"

"Leticia took him to the park. What, did ya think I had him? I wouldn't do that, I'm drinking... I'm not the world's worst mother, just a bad one... But to answer your other question, no I'm not drunk... Was kinda tryin' to be, but even alcohol doesn't like me anymore... Tastes wrong... You know I can drink you under the table, and I've had one glass, so you do the math."

Jason knew reassurances about her mothering - or anything else - wouldn't reach her now, and concentrated on just finding answers. "What happened on the island, Carly?"

"I tried to help him. Thought I did, but then he was just gone. Not coming back, gone. Left a damn note. He wants a divorce and now he's moved out. Where is he, Jason? You've gotta tell me."

He couldn't believe all the things that had happened so fast... and now Carly was living through them slow.

"I don't know where Sonny is."

"He always tells you everything, he's your best friend... So am I, and you won't tell me?"

"Carly, I didn't even know he moved out." Jason pulled out his cell phone, which he realized with some frustration had been turned off, and checked the voice mail. There was one from Johnny.

"It's worse than I thought, then," Carly mumbled sadly. "He wants away from me so bad he's willing to shut you out, too."

"Just look after yourself and Michael. I will find Sonny. I promise."

Elizabeth came back in time to hear the last thing Jason said. She didn't know what was going on, or if she had anything to contribute, but she offered what she knew.

"I saw Sonny a couple of hours ago."

Jason looked at her, surprised, and covered the mouthpiece of the phone. "You did?"

"Briefly, yeah. He was my first customer this morning. Did something happen? He's not missing, is he?"

"No... but Carly's missing him." Jason had an idea and hoped both parties would give it a try. "Elizabeth, could you talk to her? Tell her everything, no matter if it seems important or not, about Sonny coming in here this morning."

Liz took the phone cautiously. "You really think she wants my help?"

Jason said it straight. "No... but for Sonny, she'll take it."

Liz nodded and put the phone up to her ear. "Carly, it's Elizabeth again."

"Wha- Why? Where's Jason?"

"He's right here. He thought I should tell you that I saw Sonny today. He came into Kelly's just a couple of hours ago."

"Really?" Even coming from Liz, she would take this piece of hope. "You mean he's... still in Port Charles?" She hadn't even been sure he was still in the country. "What did he say to you?"

"Not much really. He said '_Good morning_,' ordered a coffee to go, and that was about it." Before the last syllable was out of her mouth, a few missed details came to mind. "Wait, I forgot... Sonny was carrying a big suitcase, and I asked him if he was going on a trip somewhere."

_Damn, I knew it. _"And?"

Elizabeth shifted a little in her stance, feeling awkward about her reply. "It was kind of mumbled, but I think he said... '_purgatory_.'"

Carly's mind wasn't willing to really think about what that meant, but she knew it made her heart hurt... and made her worry about Sonny even more than she already was. "Did he have a guard with him?"

"I didn't see Francis or Johnny. I guess there could have been someone outside, but then why would he have been carrying his own bag?"

"He wouldn't."

"Johnny was in here with Chloe just before Jason came, but I didn't think to ask him about Sonny. It didn't seem like my business."

Carly nodded slightly on her end, trying to digest the new information. "S'okay, Johnny doesn't know shit either... Anything else, Lizzie?"

For the first time, Carly didn't aim that name like an insult. Elizabeth answered her softly, honestly.

"He looked sad. He looked like... like he'd just lost his best friend."

"More like gave away."

"What?"

"Nothing... Listen, uh... thanks, Liz."

"Sure, um... Carly, before I put Jason back on, I just want to say one more thing... I want to apologize for what happened at Bobbie's, at your party. We truly weren't saying bad things, but it wasn't my place to talk about you and Sonny at all. So, I'm sorry about that."

Carly was speechless for the next few moments. She could do without being reminded of that night, but Liz's apology sounded sincere, and voluntary. And now, even if the girl was only trying to impress Jason, she was helping her.

"Apology accepted." What the hell.

"Thanks." Liz heard the impatient call of "Waitress!" and took it as a sign to end her conversation with Carly on that positive note. "I've got to get some orders out, so I'll hand you back to Jason now. Bye."

Jason wrapped his fingers around Elizabeth's on the receiver, briefly, as she handed it to him, and smiled proudly at her, saying quietly, "Thank you."

She beamed brightly, glad she could help, but walked away just a little bit sad, knowing that their date would have to be postponed.

"Okay, Carly, I'm gonna get on it right now. I'll find Sonny before the day is over."

"What about Liz?"

"What about her?"

"Did I interrupt anything when I called? I mean, she'll never be my favorite person, but... I dunno, I guess she's okay... And if you had plans I don't wanna mess anything else up for you, Jase."

"We kind of made a date, but Elizabeth will understand."

"Understand what? C'mon, you don't need to cancel. You're so smart, you'll find Sonny before she's done pouring coffee."

"I can't believe you're actually encouraging me to go out with Elizabeth. Are you sure you're not drunk?"

"I wish. Nah, it's just... I don't seem to be any good at the happy thing, but I want you to give it a try. Sure, I would have picked a girl for you a little more like... well, me..."

"She eats like you."

"What?"

Jason suppressed a laugh. "Nothing."

"Just find him, Jase. I have to know where he is and know he's okay. I have to ask him... why."

"I will if you promise no more alcohol."

"Yes, Dad, I promise. And hey... Thanks, Jase."

Carly hung up the phone and gave her nearly empty glass a dirty look. She didn't even like that stuff. But Sonny did. That was enough reason to try... enough reason to want to hold it and taste it tonight. God, she realized how sad that was... how sad she was. She let Elizabeth having seen Sonny that morning get her hopes up that he was still close by, but the suitcase he carried meant that by now he had to be long gone.

Didn't matter. With her body's refusal to go numb and drown out reality, Carly was feeling her resolve coming back. She wasn't just going to accept this. She wasn't going to let all their futures... hers, Sonny's, Michael's... be decided by a stubborn and self-punishing one, especially considering the state his mind was in when the decision was made.

Hell no. If Sonny Corinthos wanted to leave her for her own good, then, for his own good, she was going to fight him every step of the way.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Just put it down anywhere and you can go."

"Yes, sir." The young bellhop nodded nervously, set the suitcase down in the middle of the plush carpet, and walked quickly to the door. "Any problems with the room or if you need anything, just ring the front desk."

The man simply stuffed a wad of money into the kid's sweaty palm and walked away, effectively dismissing him. Once safely in the hall, the bellhop chanced a look at his bounty, and his eyes bugged out when he saw multiple Ben Franklins. Though the man had never fully looked him in the eyes, he had known whose suitcase he was carrying, and the two things he'd always heard about the infamous Sonny Corinthos were proven to be true... #1, he was scary... and #2, he was a damn generous tipper.

Inside the room... quite nice, but not his usual extravagant suite... Sonny stood stock still for about a minute, and then paced... slowly, and then feverishly... Now what did he do? He had done what he knew he had to... removed himself from Carly and Michael's lives. His thinking had been mixed-up and muddled on the island, and she had started to get to him, but his mind was sharper than ever now... at least, so Sonny had convinced himself. So why was it that every thought that raced through his brain seemed to have a question mark attached?

Why was he at the Port Charles Hotel, of all places? Did he live there now? Why didn't he just fly somewhere on the other side of the world, that can't even be found on a map, and disappear? Was he trying to torture himself, staying in the same town as everything he almost had? Were they happy with Jason now? Had he even talked to Jason since...? He couldn't remember. Was he going to? He'd told himself business was the reason he couldn't leave, and Jason was his most valuable and trusted soldier, but he was also...

Questions kept swirling, and he couldn't or didn't want to answer them, so Sonny decided to slow them down the tried and true way... drowning. The bar was very well-stocked, and he grabbed the rather large bottle of brandy. Even as he poured it, his mind disobeyed him, as it often did, and flashed to a memory from months before...

x

"Would you stop looking like that?"

"What are you talking about, Sonny? I'm just sitting here, reading my magazine, and drinking my milk like a good girl."

"Your milk is sitting on the table, untouched. As for your magazine, you're flipping the pages but you're not even looking at it. You keep looking at me and what I'm drinking, like..."

"Like what?"

"Like a puppy that's been told it can't have table scraps."

"You are sooo asking for a big dose of calcium all over your Armani jammies."

"Sorry, but it's true. Carly, you know you can't drink while you're pregnant. I didn't even think you liked brandy."

"First of all, thank you so much for the pregnancy reminder, Big Daddy. Somehow, between all the doctor's appointments, getting too fat for all my clothes, and the kid kicking me all night long, I forgot."

Sonny shook his head, amused by her sarcasm and chalking it up to hormones... though he really just should have chalked it up to... _Carlyness_?

"Second... I don't really like it, but now that I absolutely can't have it anymore... and here you are, all the time waving it around in my face, rubbing in the fact that you can... it just seems more, enticing."

Sonny sighed and started to say something about this being typical Carly... wanting what she couldn't have... but instead he thought for a minute and proposed an idea he deemed fair. "How about this? From now on, for the rest of your pregnancy, for every glass of milk you drink... I _won't_ drink a glass of brandy." He set his glass down to make the point.

"So, what does that mean? We'll be sitting here, you'll have six glasses of brandy, and be like, '_Oh well I would have had seven'_?"

He was getting frustrated. "Carly, you know I don't drink that mu-... You know what? Fine. I won't drink it at all."

Carly was amazed, and loved that he was trying, but... did she have to try, too? "But, I still have to drink milk? I hate milk."

"I know. And I love brandy."

She screwed up her face, trying not to think of what milk tasted like. "Okay, I'll do it for the baby."

"And I'll do it for the baby... and his mother," he admitted.

Wrapping an arm around her, he caught the surprise on Carly's face as her head slowly sank against his shoulder. One hand each on her tummy in a delicious overlap, they stayed like that for hours, drifting into sleep.

x

That was the night before they almost went to the No-Name... the night before they started sharing a bed... acting like a real couple.

And it was weeks before they got married... before he let the words slip out... before his love destroyed the baby, their dreams, and almost her.

Sonny took a sip from his glass and somehow managed to feel even guiltier. It tasted wrong and weighed too heavy on his tongue. With even this vice being taken from him, he tried the accompanying other, and hurled the glass across the room, into the wall.

She wasn't there to pick up the pieces.


	40. More Than Special

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 40 ~ More Than Special

"Carly, let me in!"

Leticia's knocking on the door to PH4 was becoming more and more insistent, still with no response.

"Damn it, chica... We both have a lot to talk about! Best friends, remember? Open up!"

"Shut up and go away before you break my door."

Let's answer to that was merely to pause her knocking long enough to pull out her key and open the door herself. Technically, it wasn't her home anymore, but Carly would have to get over it.

"_Your _door is safe, but I'm not going away. Did you seriously forget that I lived here until very recently?"

Within hours of Jason's arrival back in town, he and Leticia had come to an agreement that seemed mutually beneficial, to them as well as to Carly. Jason elected to move into his old room at Jake's, while Let moved into PH2. This kept Carly from feeling like Jason was babysitting her on Sonny's orders, Jason was happy at his old haunt, and it gave Let a sense of privacy and having her own space, for maybe the first time in her life. And the small stretch of hallway between her new digs and PH4 was all the space she was willing to give Carly, no matter how hard the girl tried to keep her away.

"No, I didn't forget," Carly replied, in a sullen teenager kind of way, watching Let toss her key into the air and catch it before putting it back in her purse. Sighing and running her hands roughly through her hair, Carly tried to shake off the antisocial attitude. "And I'm not really trying to keep you out, Let. I just started to get used to being alone." She stopped and looked at her friend, almost stricken by her own words. "I think I've finally found something that scares me more than being left alone... the thought of getting used to it."

Leticia wanted to hug her, but wasn't sure she'd be accepting of it right now. "Carly, you're not al-..."

"Thanks for taking Michael to the park this morning. He really enjoyed it."

Leticia played along with Carly's abrupt shift of conversation. "I always love doing things with Michael, not to mention that it is my job. We ran into Johnny and Chloe there, so Johnny offered to bring him back home while Chloe went shopping with me for stuff for my new place... mostly just to cheer me up. Was that okay?"

"That you gave Michael to Johnny? Yeah, of course." Carly waved that off. "Cheer you up about what?"

"Nothing, it's okay."

"Let, I know I've been too wrapped up in my own shit to be that good of a friend for a while now, but I don't wanna be that way anymore. Michael'll be napping for another half hour, easy. I'm tired of my drama. Tell me about yours."

It didn't seem like Leticia wanted to talk about herself any more than Carly had wanted to talk about herself a minute earlier... even though Carly was pretty sure that was the main reason she had been pounding on her door... but after a sad, thoughtful pause, Let spoke.

"Sometimes the truth comes too late to fix everything the lies... and the silence... broke."

Carly blinked once or twice at the heavy statement, then sighed, knowing who it was about. "AJ?" But even as Let nodded and began telling the latest chapter of her and AJ, Carly got a sick feeling in her stomach that the words... the lies, the silence, the broken... held meaning not only in her friend's life.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Jason asked you out? That's AWESOME!"

Emily Quartermaine could barely contain her excitement. She ignored the strange looks from the few other patrons of Kelly's. They just didn't get how cute it was... her brother... her best friend... _awww_.

"Emily, calm down. It's not really that big a deal." Liz looked around the diner, relieved that the post-lunch crowd was practically nonexistant. "You almost spit milkshake all over me."

"But this is a date, right? An actual date? The word 'date' was used??"

Liz's face warmed with embarrassment, remembering. "Uh, you mean after I turned into a stammering idiot at the prospect of sharing a meal with him? Yes. Yes, it was."

Emily threw her arms up in the air like a touchdown had just been scored and spun around on her stool. "So it's a confirmed DATE!"

Liz shook her head in amused confusion and leaned over the counter, putting a hand on Emily's shoulder to stop her spinning. "Em, I knew you would be happy, but I thought you'd be more happy just at the fact that Jason's back in town," she laughed.

"Trust me, I am! It's so great just to know he's here. Juan seems a little freaked, but whatever... Look, I love you both - you and Jase. I want my brother to find someone. It wasn't Carly, thank God, because it turns out I can halfway stand her when she's with Sonny... and Robin just seems like another lifetime now... Sometimes I worried he would just keep so busy with work and what _needs_ to be done all the time that he would never go for what he wants... but now he has!"

"Me?" Elizabeth felt a little thrill, tinged with doubt, at the thought of being _what Jason wants_.

"Yes. I saw how close you and Jason got last winter, and how sad you tried not to show you were when he left. You and Lucky were my very definition of love, but when he came back, I knew I had to let go the same as the two of you. And maybe things were different mostly because of Helena, but it was partly Jason."

"You think Lucky and I couldn't make it work again because of Jason?" Elizabeth started refilling the sugar shakers, her hands shaking as much as the sugar. "No... We were just different people, Em. We changed."

"Don't you think the time you spent with Jason changed you?" Emily just let that sink in, giving Liz that _I'm-wise-beyond-my-teen-years _look, and then bounded down off the stool and towards the door. "I know he's picking you up here, so I'll get a cute outfit from your room at your grandmother's and bring it by six! Something nice, sexy... Appropriate for both fine dining and motorcycle riding!"

"Em!" Liz called out, halting Emily before she could go out of sight.

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared. Jason and I made this connection... found this friendship... that I wasn't expecting, and... that just feels really good. It was probably the best part of my life for a long time, and... I don't know... I'm scared to change it. I'm scared to be greedy and try for more. What if I lose everything?"

"You won't lose Jason, no matter what happens between you. He gets lost from places, not so much people. And who knows? Maybe you'll find something unbelievably amazing. First love has come and gone... Forever love is yours for the taking!" With a wink and a melodramatic sweep of her hair, Em was off.

Elizabeth knew that her best friend could be overly enthusiastic, as well as an incurable romantic, so she was inclined to take her words with a grain of salt. But she was also incredibly smart, intuitive, and knew her and Jason better than just about anyone. Maybe... She cleared Em's dishes with a slow-building smile and finally relaxed enough to let herself happily anticipate the evening to come.

xxxxxxxxxx

_Over in a moment  
You've the only lifeboat  
Say you can soothe  
But you know that you don't  
__  
Bitterer because  
You said it was perfect and I thought it was  
Just like everyone does_

It's all on my shoulders  
You're the one who got to say  
"This has all been a shame"  
And I'm the one who had to stay

Bitterer because  
You said it was perfect and I thought it was  
Just like every fool does

It's all on my shoulders  
You're the one who got to say  
"This has all been a waste"  
And I'm the one who had to stay

Trying to find it  
A reason not to ache  
Like when you say that you don't care to stay  
You're still not on your way  
Anything... I'm still aching

Carly tried her best, but she knew she didn't make the engine noises as good as Sonny. Still, Michael was kind, able to tell even at two and a half years old that mommy missed daddy just as much as he did.

After Leticia left, Carly and an energetic post-nap Michael sat downstairs playing, "flying" his little toy jets over each other's heads. Being all too easy to wallow in the absence of Sonny, she chose instead to focus on what Let had told her about her confession/fight with AJ. Carly would always be on Let's side over AJ's, no question... but she couldn't decide if she actually faulted AJ for his reaction. Her girl Let had really done a number on him... breaking his heart, pushing him away... for his own good.

That sounded all too familiar, now that she thought about it. Seems that Leticia had "_pulled a Sonny_." Carly never would have imagined she would ever identify with AJ, in any situation, but there it was. Damn. It was making her sick just to think about.

There was a knock at the door. Carly stood up, Michael in her arms, and walked carefully to the door... She wasn't feeling well at all. Once she opened the door, she barely had time to register who was there, hurriedly hand Michael off to a pair of surprised arms, and run to the kitchen sink before she threw up.

AJ stepped inside the penthouse, genuinely concerned. He looked at his son, unable to believe he was holding him, or the even more unbelievable fact that Carly had given Michael to him.

"Your mommy really must be sick if she's willing to let me hold you, huh?" Michael smiled and clumsily flew the tiny jet he held through AJ's hair, giggling as it got rumpled.

Carly made her way back out to them a couple of minutes later and ignored her natural first instinct to grab Michael out of AJ's hands. Weak as she felt, she decided her son might actually be - for the moment - safer with AJ... And that was the thought that convinced her she was not a well woman, as she flopped down onto the nice, soft couch.

"Carly, uh..." AJ and Michael took a seat in the chair. "Are you okay? First, you let me hold Michael, and now you don't even make a crack about getting nauseous as soon as you saw my face? You're losing your touch."

"I can't believe I threw up in Sonny's kitchen," she mumbled.

"Hey, come on, it's not like it's sacred ground."

"Oh, yes it is, to Sonny. Not that it really matters now, I guess. You know what? That's what he gets." Before AJ had a chance to figure out what she was talking about, Carly finally seemed to fully register that he was there. "What are you doing here?"

"Wondered when you were going to get to that. What's wrong with you? You sick?"

She smirked. "I got sick as soon as I saw your face, remember?"

AJ knew he'd asked for that insult, and he was relieved to hear her give it. She didn't seem well, emotionally or physically, but at least she seemed more like the pain in the ass Carly he remembered than the shell he met with here the last time.

"I came looking for Leticia. Is she here?"

"Just missed her, loverboy. Actually, FYI, she lives across the hall now, but I doubt she's there either. She sounded like she was gonna be out for the day. So, if you're here to tell her you were crazy not to take her back, you'll have to wait."

AJ raised an eyebrow at Carly's pointed use of "_loverboy_." "I guess that means Let told you about us?"

"Eventually, yes... although, you told me first."

"What?"

"Yeah, it was a pretty one-sided conversation, but for once you held my interest... _'Leticia, I'm sober... I'm not guilty of what you think... I love you'_... yada yada."

AJ closed his eyes and cursed the sobriety that allowed him to remember. "You picked up Leticia's cell phone?"

"It's not like you gave me a chance to identify myself. And, trust me, I wished I didn't pick up that phone! Ugh. I think that's when I started feeling nauseous."

AJ sighed, surprised that it took this long for him to feel unwelcome. He stood and placed Michael next to Carly on the couch. "I better leave before you toss your cookies again," he said with mild sarcasm, walking away.

"AJ, wait." He stopped, and she went on. "She's good for you."

"But I'm not good enough for her, right?"

"Well, you weren't... But since she's made you better... now you might almost be." Carly's honest assessment ended with a stifled chuckle. "Hey, what do you want from me?" was her response to his rolling eyes. "She's my best friend. And you're... uh..."

"I haven't forgotten the laundry cart, Carly... or my constant threats of Ferncliff... or pretty much every damn day of a marriage that was all about agendas."

She nodded, thinking, _Ain't that the truth_... "I wanted to drive you to drink and win custody of Michael, clearing the way for us to be with Jason again."

_Two outta three ain't bad_. "And I wanted Michael, ELQ, to one-up Jason, and to shut up my whole family... not sure in what order... Maybe I even wanted you at one point, I don't know..."

"Oh, you did."

This time it was his turn to laugh. "Hey, you were the mother of my son... gorgeous... and I admit I sometimes got a kick out of how nuts you made my family."

"Until you were on the receiving end of it."

"Which was pretty often."

"You poor, poor thing."

"I'm just saying you did not want to be in that marriage, so it was never going to work. Besides, once Leticia and I... once I really looked at her, got to know her as a person instead of just the nanny... talked to her, and not just to give her an order about Michael... kissed her... I was a goner."

"Wow, listen to you... I can't remember you ever going all dreamy like this talking about anything... not even money. You really do love her."

"Yes... I do... Carly, why are you being so accepting of this? I'm not complaining, but I am confused."

"Okay, look, when I first found out..." Carly counted on her fingers to illustrate. "I was, in this order... shocked, a little angry, horrified, could not stop laughing, disgusted, a little angrier, curious, and... still disgusted but willing to try being accepting, especially since... though I can't believe I'm saying this... it was none of my business anyway."

"Doesn't the fact that we felt we couldn't tell you indicate that it probably was your business?"

"A lot of that secrecy was for my own good, and I know that. I couldn't handle a rainy forecast on the weather channel for a while there, much less anything that would really throw me."

"I don't know if you'll believe me or not, but I am sorry."

Carly knew he meant sorry in more than one way... sorry for everything she'd been through... and that they'd put each other through... but she answered to the most obvious.

"There was no reason for you to be honest with me about anything, AJ. I never trusted what you said... and vice versa. Leticia's a different story, but... still, all she's really guilty of is holding back some good gossip."

"I'm glad you two are all right. I mean, she's pretty much your only friend, so it'd be a shame if something came between you."

"I could say the same thing to you," she snarked defensively back.

"No, I said she was pretty much your only friend... She _is_ my only friend, no 'pretty much' about it... if I haven't ruined that."

"Hey, you came here. That's something." Carly suddenly remembered why he'd said he came. "You came here to see Leticia... So, was I right? You want to tell her you're sorry and you want her back and all that?"

"Basically, yes."

"Then go get her... Hang on." Carly picked up the nearby phone and dialed a familiar number. "Hey Let, what ya up to?... Still doing those ever so thrilling errands?... Oh there ya go, sit and relax for a while... Nothing's wrong... well, nothing new... Don't want to interrupt your view, so I'll catch you later... Bye."

AJ waited... her end of the conversation had told him nothing... for some word from Carly.

"She's at the docks."

He smiled, and then a little more. "She liked to look at that damn crane I bought ELQ... and make fun of it."

"I'm sure the making fun will be more fun with you there... Go."

AJ nodded, determined... waved a reluctant goodbye to Michael... and said to Carly two little words that sounded completely foreign and strange, despite being truly meant. "Thank you."

"Just treat her right. Be this guy, not the weasel I was married to. Oh, and AJ..."

"Yeah?"

Carly could either confess that she thought Leticia was primarily the one in the wrong in this whole scenario and that he should stand his ground while taking her back... or finally acknowledge what he did for her back in May. One or the other, but not both. Both would push this moment way too close to warm and fuzzy territory.

"This doesn't mean I like you now... but you kind of... saved my life a while back... and I just wanted to thank you for that."

AJ saw that she was allowing the painful memories in order to thank him. "I'm glad I was there, Carly. I wish I could have done more. Maybe if I hadn't been drinking..."

"Nobody could have saved-... The only one who could have saved the baby would have been me by not falling... I could have saved everything... Sonny..." Her face started crumbling into sadness.

"Sonny wouldn't want you talking like that. Where is he?"

"Gone."

"You mean he's off on '_business_'?" He did the air quotes and rolled his eyes.

"No, I mean the I don't know where he is kind of gone." She stood up, felt dizzy for a second, but pushed it aside. "The trying to be gone from my life kind of gone." She walked closer to AJ. "Why did you say what you said that time? That he felt that way about me? He doesn't, okay? He doesn't lo-"

Carly barely felt her stomach lurch before she bent forward and threw up all over AJ's shoes.

AJ put a hand on her shoulder, to make sure she didn't fall over, and tried not to look down. He couldn't help making a face and squirming a little. "Ahh man, those were Italian."

"Oh God... I don't know what's wrong with me... Is it flu season?" Carly asked, pulling her hair back a little too late.

"I don't think so... not for a few more months."

"Well, maybe I'm special. I got it early," she mumbled, feeling exhausted. She noticed AJ staring over her shoulder and turned her head to see Michael doing just fine on the couch, keeping himself entertained. "What?"

The sight of their little boy gave AJ an idea... one he didn't think Carly had thought of... and wasn't sure how she'd react to. He hesitated.

"AJ, I know I just threw up on you, so maybe I'm in no position to make demands, but WHAT?"

"I think you're more than special, Carly... I think you're pregnant."

xxxxxxxxxx

Leticia was as comfortably situated as she could get on one of those rather uncomfortable benches on the docks. She was still a little weirded out by Carly's random thirty second phone call. She sounded off, and not in the same way she had since Sonny left. It was almost as if she had something up her sleeve, which, if true, might actually be a positive thing for her.

_But God help the rest of us_, Let chuckled to herself.

The sky before her was just beginning the sunset melt into jawdropping orangey pinks and purples, reflected onto the water below. She cursed herself for how, with such an incredible view before her, she kept getting distracted by that godawful crane. And, no, not because it was ugly. It had become strangely endeared to her, as a reminder of him.

Leticia was soon distracted from both sights by a sound nearby... footsteps that slowed and then stopped... though as she looked up, the impression she got from the look in the man's eyes was that he wanted to take off again. That was the only thing that made her sure he wasn't a mirage.

"I can't believe you're here." After a moment of staring, she moved her bags to the ground and patted the space next to her. "Have a seat. Watch the sunset."

_And after that... we most definitely have some talking to do.  
_

(Lyrics: "It's Been a Shame," Trespassers William)


	41. What He Overheard

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 41 - What He Overheard

"So... are you ever planning to come home?"

Leticia's question sliced through the summer air, warm and muggy even as night fell. She was proud of herself, the way she'd covered how shocked she'd been to see Sonny there on the docks. She wondered if he had any idea Carly had all the men out looking for him. Part of her wanted to go off on him, but she didn't want to risk running him off, so she simply asked him to sit and watch the sunset with her. Nearly fifteen minutes passed in silence before Leticia could not stay quiet any longer.

"You know, Michael's calling you Daddy now... You're going to miss all sorts of moments with him, big and small."

Sonny kept his focus on the water, the skyline. A slight tightening of his jaw was the only indication he heard her. She kept on, undaunted.

"Oh, I moved into penthouse two. You know why?" Let didn't even pause, not expecting or really wanting response. "Partly just to have my own place, partly because she suggested it. But you know why I was happy to go? Because I knew I couldn't have stood it, listening to her cry all night long, every night. And that's what she's doing."

Sonny's gaze dropped from the skyline down to his hands, clenching and unclenching, in his lap. After about a minute, they stilled. His head turned the slightest fraction towards Leticia, and he spoke, sounding very small.

"Carly's all alone?"

In those three words, Let could hear both sadness and guilt. She used it. "Yep. Except for Michael, of course. God, I really hope he's not hearing her crying at night."

"I hear it... No matter where I go, I hear it."

Something in the way he said that sent shivers across her arms. "You're causing it, Sonny."

"I know. That's why I left."

Let shook her head. How was he not getting this? It was so simple. "She's crying _because_ you left."

Sonny shot up off the bench suddenly, turning to look Leticia full in the eyes for the first time that night. "She's crying because I didn't leave soon enough. She's crying because I made her promise her life to me and then gave her pain for a wedding present. Destroyed her dreams. She's crying because I loved her and the words beat her to the ground and cut her soul open. I won't watch her bleed any more because of me."

When he was finished, Leticia sat there, confused and stunned at the rush of his words, and the almost gothic quality they held. Her first thought was that Sonny must be talking about protecting Carly from his enemies, but then she started to think about his words more carefully... There was something familiar about the picture they painted.

"Sonny, what are you talking about?" Standing as well, she took a half-step towards him. "What... what do you think you did to Carly?... Sonny?"

"I married her."

He started to walk away, and she reached out to grab his arm. Sonny jerked his arm from the touch, but he stopped and slowly turned back to Leticia, afraid to hear her out yet also needing to.

"Wait... Something's really wrong here, okay? And don't say _you_. Sonny, I told Carly once that you weren't just my employer, but somewhere between a friend and big brother. And you know how important she is to me. She's like my sister. I want to help you with... whatever it'll take to get you back together where you should be. But you need to help me understand. Tell me what I'm missing."

xxxxxxxxxx

"I'm missing the humor here, AJ. If that's your punchline, it needs work."

"Are you saying it's not possible?"

When AJ had first spoken the words, "_I think you're pregnant_," Carly decided to remove herself from the conversation by getting some cleaning supplies from the kitchen and dealing with the mess she'd made on the floor and AJ's shoes. Fifteen minutes later, the floor was spotless, AJ was sitting on the sofa with his sock feet up on the ottoman, and Carly was doing her best to address the elephant now in the room and not appear terrified.

"I'm saying... it's just not so. It's too soon."

AJ sighed. He knew why this was a sensitive issue, and that he shouldn't push, but if he were a betting man... "Look, I'm probably wrong. I usually am. I just think you might want to get it checked out."

"Carly, no sign of him yet, but I really think I should be guarding y-..."

Johnny burst in with an update for Carly and was more than a little surprised to see AJ. He crinkled his eyebrows at the sight of AJ's socks.

"You want me to escort Mr. Quartermaine out?"

Carly thought about it for only a second. "No, Johnny, we're fine. Actually, could you take Michael out into the hall and keep him occupied while we talk?"

"Uh... sure." Johnny took Michael from Carly and went out into the hall with him, confused. Sure, Johnny might have had more respect for AJ than he used to... some being more than none... but he still couldn't help thinking he was taking the wrong one out of there.

Inside, Carly had begun to pace and point her finger at AJ. "I don't want Michael getting your crazy idea in his head."

"You don't think it's crazy." AJ tried to squash his natural tendency towards looking and acting smug. "You're acting all nervous because you think I might be right."

At that, Carly stopped. Her hands fell on her stomach for a moment, then, as she looked around the penthouse and felt the emptiness, her hands fell away. Her voice was a whisper.

"I can't be pregnant _now_."

"Why? Because Sonny left? Now that I don't understand. Could you explain it to me?"

"Someone would have to explain it to me first."

"You mean he just left? Didn't tell you why?"

Carly thought of the note he had left for her, with its vague message of wanting her to be happy and their marriage to be over. "Not in any way that satisfied me... not that there's a way Sonny could leave me that would."

"Man... I've never liked Sonny. In fact, hate's probably a much more accurate word. But Leticia always liked him. And, as much as it kind of burned me, he seemed good for you. I wouldn't have guessed he'd do this. I thought he prided himself too much on being a so-called man of honor."

"I'm not just gonna wallow in '_why me_?' anymore, AJ. I'm gonna find him. Let's see what he can tell me to my face."

AJ noticed that Carly was looking more and more tired, if not still a bit dizzy. He moved over to one side of the sofa, hoping she would choose to sit down, despite his presence. She did, well on the other side.

"You might have something important to tell Sonny, too," he couldn't help adding.

"AJ, let it go."

"I'm just saying, he'd definitely come back for a baby."

Carly thought she could remember AJ saying to her, not long after the accident, that Sonny wasn't with her just for the baby. Now, even he didn't seem to believe his words.

"One, I don't know that. I don't know what's going on in his head anymore. Two, no way would I use a child to hold on to Sonny when he wants away from me. Three, and most important... there's no child to use. I'm not pregnant. There are a couple of Dr.'s Quartermaine, but you are not one of them. Me throwing up on you was just a happy accident. Speaking of which, I think your shoes are dry. Didn't you need to go to the docks for something?"

AJ was anxious to get to Leticia, and rightly took that as his cue to leave. On his way out, he cautiously stepped into his not quite as good as new shoes, set next to the door. "I'm throwing these away when I get back to the house, but thanks for cleaning them up." He reached for the doorknob and thought of one last thing. "Pour yourself a glass of water or something before you get dehydrated."

Carly stared at him for a moment, not used to this AJ that seemed to actually give a damn about her. Finally, she chuckled. "You go get back together with Leticia or something before this kinda nice version of you wears off."

"That's the plan."

"Good luck."

"You, too."

The moment AJ was gone, Carly started thinking about how she could get a hold of a pregnancy test without Johnny, or anyone else, finding out. Well, maybe one someone else. Time to call Chloe.

xxxxxxxxxx

"C'mon, Sonny. I know your marriage had to withstand an awful lot in a very cruel, short time... and God knows I wish that baby were still with us... but, the thing is, you guys didn't just withstand... you grew stronger. Maybe individually you fell apart, but as a couple you never faltered. And you each stayed strong for the other... you for her, then her for you. You two need each other, and not just to take turns picking up the pieces. You forget, I've been with you two since the beginning. Since _before_ the beginning. I've seen your evolution. From trying so hard to hate each other, to cover up that pesky attraction... to this weird stage of being somehow enemies and allies at the same time... She used to crack me up, how with one breath she'd be saying you were the most miserable excuse for a man she'd ever met, cursing you up and down, and with the next she'd be defending you to someone and calling you her friend."

Sonny knew that, even though Carly tended to share most things about her life with Leticia, she never told her, or anyone, about his breakdown the year before. He was a possessive man by nature, and he was possessive of that time spent together, when Carly stayed with him. Even Jason, the only other who knew about it, didn't really understand the shift that had occurred between them that day. That was something only he and Carly shared.

"I swear, one day, you and Carly were more full of hate and venom than ever, and the next, you were in bed together. Of course, I didn't find out about that until way after the fact, but you might be surprised to know... I wasn't that surprised. After the initial shock, it seemed like it was always bound to happen. No matter how many silly excuses you came up with... that it was because of Jason and Elizabeth, or Hannah, or to prove some point... it just came down to you and Carly and what you wanted. But then it wasn't just the two of you anymore."

Sonny was doing a good job of looking at nothing, eyes not quite focused somewhere around the pier, but Leticia knew he was still listening when she heard his breathing change at her allusion to the baby.

"First, trying to be a family by force. Then becoming a family because it just worked. Then realizing you really liked each other, even wanted to build a life together, but claiming it was all for the sake of the baby. I knew it was more. And you proved it at that wedding, and again when Carly lost the baby. You said it yourself just a minute ago, Sonny. You love her."

Sonny began a shallow shaking of his head at those words. Leticia knew it didn't mean he didn't love Carly, but that, for now, he was fighting it... refusing it.

At the top of the steps, AJ had just come around the corner and heard Leticia's voice. He wanted to rush down there, but hearing her address the "missing" Sonny, he instead waited and listened.

"Okay, Sonny, I'm not sure exactly what's going on with you, but you're reminding me too much of me. I pushed someone away who I loved because I thought I was doing what was best for him. But you know what? I wasn't selfless. I was scared. I let myself not feel good enough. So I ran. You know what he told me later? He told me I couldn't have done it for his own good, because nothing in his life had been good since I left."

AJ's heart hurt from the pain in Let's voice as she quoted him. His anger during their fight had been, certainly, understandable, but he didn't like remembering how much he had yelled or how much she had cried. If there was a chance to still make things right, he was going to do it.

"It didn't make him happy. It didn't save him. Nobody's better off than they were before. We're all sad and alone, and it's a _waste_. I've lost my chance, but it's not too late for you and Carly. Sonny, go to her. At least talk to her, please."

Let was almost startled when Sonny moved... so used to the silent brooding statue she'd been talking to. He shifted, stood, and surprised her further when he actually spoke.

"Nobody needs to be saved from you, Leticia."

She heard what he didn't say in his tone. "But from you, they do?"

"You make mistakes, but your love doesn't destroy. You can make AJ the happiest man in the world... You won't tear his world apart with the same three words. He'll still be standing."

Sonny walked away then, and this time Leticia let him go. She didn't even have time to blink at the fact that he'd called AJ by name when she hadn't. Something inside her head started screaming, and gradually she was able to identify it as voices and memories. The feeling that she knew why Sonny had all of a sudden left Carly... a feeling that had been forming since he'd said, "_I loved her and the words knocked her to the ground and cut her soul open_"... was reinforced as Carly's voice now played in her head...

"_The stairs. That's where I was when I remembered. Lila told me not to be afraid to love Sonny, so I wasn't going to be. I started down the stairs, and I was thinking about Sonny, and I felt so happy, so lucky. All of a sudden it hit me, the memory… the night before… in bed, after making love… so quiet I didn't hear it until the next day, but Sonny said it… He said, 'I love you.' He made me the happiest woman in the world and tore our world apart with the same three words… Because that was what made me fall… and lose our baby."_

"Oh my God, no."

Leticia's hand flew to her mouth. He had heard them. That last morning on the island, when Carly told her the full story of the fall, Sonny had taken Michael outside to play. But he could easily have been right by the door. He would have heard everything. She had no doubt now that's what had happened. What he overheard proved to him that his love brought about their baby's death and Carly's breakdown. She couldn't imagine a greater pain than that.

"When are you going to stop hurting them? Haven't they been through enough?" Leticia raged at the sky. She knew her mother would swat her with her flip-flops if she heard her talking to God that way, but she was angry and hurting for her friends. "They're good people! Not perfect, but good people! They deserve better than this! If happiness is too much, then how about just going a week without being tortured? A day or two without some new hell being dropped on them?"

She began to calm after a minute, having shouted out some of her excess emotion. She breathed slowly and counted how long it took a tear to drop past her chin. She hugged herself, even though it wasn't cold, and this time spoke quietly and pleadingly.

"Please. Please, God, just... _please_. Help them."

xxxxxxxxxx

_The sun is shining  
__But I don't feel the rays  
__The boats are sailing  
__But I don't want to play_

AJ had ducked back a little farther into the shadows when Sonny stood up, and he stayed there for a minute or two, listening to the water lapping at the docks, getting himself ready. He was about to go change his life... his and Leticia's... for the better. He just hoped this was what she wanted. He could tell from the way she spoke about him to Sonny that she still loved him, but what if she decided too much had gone wrong for them to make it work?

_I don't think I can make it  
__Without you  
__I don't think I can make it  
__Without you_

Sonny, meanwhile, without even realizing it, was moving quickly towards a very familiar place. Though he may have seemed almost eerily detached for most of the conversation, Leticia's words about Carly and him did make an impact. He may have had the last word, but hers were still resonating inside him.

_"You two need each other, and not just to take turns picking up the pieces."_

_"You said it yourself just a minute ago, Sonny. You love her."_

_"We're all sad and alone, and it's a waste."_

Those and others were still taking turns playing in his head when he suddenly stopped and looked up at his unconscious destination... Harborview Towers.

_I live life in luxury  
__But I believe it's a crime  
__When you can't enjoy it  
__And all the time cry_

_Or maybe some kind of spell  
_'_Cause it feels like a curse  
__When there's so much water  
__But all the time thirst_

AJ was still in hiding when he heard Leticia's voice grow louder and louder. He was confused at first, because he thought she was alone, and then worried that maybe some creep that prowls the docks at night had shown up and was hassling her. Without another thought, he ran down the steps and over to her. He didn't see anyone else, but Let was tearstained and obviously upset. He walked closer to her and placed comforting hands on her shoulders. She turned her gaze from the sky to him, and the sight of him was such a welcome one she started to cry more. AJ pulled her into him and she curled her arms under his and up his back in a desperate, needed hug.

_I don't think I can make it  
__Without you  
__I don't think I can make it  
__Without you_

Before Sonny could make himself turn around from the Harborview Towers and return to his hotel, he was inside, up the dreaded elevator, and stepping off onto the penthouse level. He was both relieved and dismayed when no guard greeted him around the corner. Where the hell were they? He wasn't sure why he was there, and so far he was glad not to have to deal with anyone, but the guards were supposed to be doing their job, protecting his family... The job he couldn't do.

_My mind is a courthouse  
__My soul is a jail  
__My life is on death row  
_'_Cause you are not there_

_I need a pardon  
__I can't stand the pain  
__What I'd do for your love now  
__If there's love to regain_

Sonny walked to the door of his home... former home... and leaned his forehead against it. For a moment, his fingers found his key inside his pocket and swirled it around, considering. No. He couldn't do it. He couldn't let himself even think about it anymore... Their light, their sounds... Her smell... Everything he had left behind, behind that door.

He took a step back, but one hand lingered, pressed to the door, and finally let drop. Somehow, he just knew she wasn't home. Releasing a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, Sonny pushed the button for the elevator and got back on, with one thought...

_Baby, you better have a guard with you. _

_I don't think I can make it  
__Without you  
__I don't think I can make it  
__Without you_

(Lyrics - "Without You," Lenny Kravitz)


	42. Breathing In

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
**I have finally had to accept that I am NOT going to properly finish this fic. I have a couple of finished chapters left that I never posted, but that's all :( I will follow them with a summarized wrap-up of the rest of the story and how it was going to end. It's a lousy, half-assed trick, and I apologize to anyone who was actually reading this, but I hope it provides some sense of completion. **~ ah**

_**  
Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

Ch. 42 - Breathing In

Six-thirty that evening, Jason entered Kelly's, looking casual yet _fine_ in a snug blue T-shirt, black jeans, and leather jacket. Though Jason was a man who didn't really feel fear, let alone simple nerves, this was the first real date he'd been on in ages... and it was with Elizabeth. He wanted everything to go right.

On a glance around the room, Penny caught his eye and gestured towards the back, letting him know Liz was there. Jason nodded his thanks and headed to the kitchen, where he was greeted by the sight of Liz standing on a step-stool, reaching up high to put away just washed plates. Bending slightly to do so, her short skirt hugged the curves of her hips and showed legs that were surprisingly long for such a petite girl.

_~wolf whistle~_

At the unexpected sound, Elizabeth dropped a plate, but caught it before it fell, then turned to see Jason and gave an embarrassed smile. "Um, hi."

"Am I early?" He took her hand to help her down off the stool.

"No, you're right on time. I just, uh, I got changed and then I realized how many dishes there were and I felt bad about sticking Penny with them... I only drowned my shirt a little." She laughed, a bit nervously, and waved her hands at the few spots of damp fabric. Then, realizing she was drawing Jason's attention to her wet and possibly see-through top, she blushed, turned away and grabbed a dishtowel.

Jason waited until she'd deemed her shirt dry enough to turn back around before saying, "You look good."

She grinned and eyed him appreciatively. "You look good yourself."

"Ready?"

"Definitely." Liz grabbed her purse, and then Jason's arm, as he pushed through the swinging kitchen doors and ushered them into the dining area.

"Francis should be pulling up in the limo any minute now."

"The limo? You mean we're not taking your motorcycle?"

Jason tried not to laugh at the disappointment in her voice. "I thought a limo was more... date-type transportation."

"What happened to _'You look like you could use a ride on my bike'_?" she asked, one hand on her hip, remembering what he'd said just hours earlier.

"See, I knew it."

"Knew what?"

"You're only interested in me for my bike."

Elizabeth knew he was teasing and played right along. "Is that a problem?"

At that, Jason took her hand and led her outside to where his motorcycle was parked and waiting for them. He tossed her the helmet as he replied.

"Not for me."

"Good." Liz looked down, then at the bike, and back again, with a bit of a grimace. "Of course, now that I'm thinking about the logistics of this, I probably should've gone for the limo. I don't know why Emily picked this skirt." She pulled it down self-consciously.

"A longer one might get tangled up in the wheels."

"Don't take her side," she said, playfully annoyed. "Now, just... close your eyes."

Jason closed his eyes as requested, trying to control his smile, while Liz got on the bike as carefully as possible and tried to get adjusted.

"Okay, you can open... But keep your eyes up here, mister."

He walked up close to her, his eyes on her laughing ones. "Stop talking so I can get your helmet on right." He saw the warmth in her gaze turn hot as his fingers tenderly grazed her jaw, taking a little longer than necessary in fastening the strap. She held her breath.

"Jason! There you are! I need to talk to you!"

Jason sighed in frustration at the man's voice and the moment it interrupted. "I'm kinda busy here, Benny."

"My apologies... Miss Webber, is it?" Benny nodded his acknowledgment at her. "This will only take a moment, but it's very important."

Jason wished he could ignore Benny, but he realized he should have spoken to him already. "Sorry about this," he whispered to Elizabeth.

"Hey, it's fine, I'll just... keep the bike warm."

He mentally groaned, even more determined to hurry Benny. The men walked a few feet away.

"What's up?"

"You tell me! You're back, which is great, but I worry about what it means! Especially coupled with the fact that Sonny seems to have disappeared! Johnny's dodging my questions, Mrs. Corinthos I can't even get to talk to me, and the men are whispering about how he's up and left the business and what do we do now..."

"Benny!" Jason hoped the older man's health could withstand a rant like that. "Breathe."

"I'm sorry, Jason. Just... tell me... you do know where he is, right?"

Jason said nothing.

"Oh God."

"Sonny needs a little time off, that's all that's happening. I'm here now to take care of business like he would."

"You're taking over? Everything?"

"Until Sonny gets back, yes."

Though she was not consciously eavesdropping, the men had not gone far, and Elizabeth heard what Jason said about taking over. She knew he was not just talking about the coffee business, and she had to think about the question that brought up... How did she feel about dating a - temporary or not - mob boss?

"Good to see you, Benny."

Deeming the conversation over, Jason left a somewhat calmed, somewhat even more worried accountant and returned to his date. When he went to get on the bike, he saw that Liz had slid forward and was determined to steer. He chuckled, shook his head, and slipped on behind her.

"You don't even know where we're going," he said in her ear, as he reached past her to turn the key in the ignition.

Feeling the bike come to life, and Jason's arms wrapping around her, Liz decided to answer that question she'd thought of later. "I guess you'll just have to guide me."

xxxxxxxxxx

_The docks_

When her sobs subsided, AJ pulled back a bit to look at Leticia, who in turn marveled at seeing him. She placed a hand against his cheek and breathed his name.

"AJ."

"Let, what's wrong? Did Sonny say something to upset you? 'Cause, mafia don or not, I'll hurt him."

She shook her head, wiping her eyes. "No, no... It's what's hurting him... and Carly."

"Is this about Sonny leaving her?" He nodded at her surprised expression. "I saw Carly tonight. And I heard a little of what you and he were saying... You telling him not to push her away the way you did me... How it was a waste, not being together."

"Yeah... AJ, I know I ruined things, and I know it doesn't matter anymore how sorry I am, or how much I wish I could go back and take my own advice and be engaged to you right now, but-"

He silenced her with a kiss that tasted unbelievably like forgiveness.

"AJ... what...?" Breathless afterwards, she was afraid to ask him why or what it meant.

"That was me saying I don't care what stupid mistakes we've made... you for leaving, or me for letting you... I don't want to waste any more time. I don't want to waste what we have. I love you, Leticia, and that's not going to change."

"Oh my God." Shaky, her hands found his and held on tightly, to steady herself and assure her of the reality of the moment. "You really mean it... But everything you said before... I know you meant that, too. You said I was the one person you thought would never lie or play games with you, but I did. You said loving you wasn't good enough... How can it be good enough now?"

"How can it not? It's the best thing that's ever been in my life." AJ guided Let back to the bench and they sat next to each other. "You and Michael. But Michael is something different. He was a blessing, no matter how little time I've actually gotten to spend with him, but he didn't choose me to be his father. And Carly certainly didn't," he laughed, only mildly bitterly, before looking at Let with a sort of reverence. "You chose me. God only knows why, but you did. You chose to be in my life and to love me."

"Until I got scared," she pointed out, shamed.

"Yeah, but even then, you doubted yourself... You never doubted me."

"Never."

"You've just got to promise me... no more doubts. If I'm going to put my heart out there again, you've got to believe in us as much as I do."

Leticia breathed in deeply, almost overwhelmed by the feeling of her heart coming back to her. She locked onto his eyes and got lost. "I promise... I do."

"I like the sound of that. I like it so much that I'm about to risk a humiliating flashback."

"What?"

"You know, my mistake was subjecting you to my family."

"No, AJ, I loved that you did that. You tried to make me feel like part of the family, and it meant a lot to me."

"Yeah, but after dinner, I should have gotten you out of there. When I proposed to you, it should have been just you and me. Maybe I can get it right now."

As she watched him sink to one knee, and it dawned on her what was happening, Leticia realized how different she felt from the last time. There was no panic biting into her. There were no conflicting feelings of head versus heart. There was no sadness over what she was about to let go of, because she would never let go again.

"Leticia... Isabel... Juarez." AJ paused to pull out the diamond and emerald ring that would hopefully not go unworn tonight. "If I've still got my timing wrong, I'll put this away, but if I've gotten it right... would you please do me the incredible honor of marrying me?"

She didn't say anything at first, but before he could worry, she gave him her left hand. Coupled with the grin she couldn't stop grinning, it was enough for him to slide the ring onto her finger.

"Is that a yes?"

"Oh my God, didn't I say yes? I didn't speak? I thought I spoke... YES!"

Leticia slipped excitedly from the bench to the ground next to AJ. Both laughing and nearly crying at the same time, they fell into each other in an at long last embrace, kissing and breathing in the sensations of finally being home.

"You knew I'd say yes, didn't you?"

"Not really. I hoped. And thank God, 'cause who the hell else would put up with me, right?"

"Oh, well, that makes me feel special. You only want me because nobody else will put up with you?"

"Well, that does make you particularly irresistible."

"AJ... shut up and marry me."

xxxxxxxxxx

Johnny had taken Carly to drop Michael off at Bobbie's for the night with no questions. He had driven Carly to the nearest drug store with no questions. He had gone inside with her... despite her suggestion that he stay in the car... and watched her flit from the vitamin aisle to the contact lens solution and back again for twenty minutes, still with no questions, even though he was pretty sure Carly didn't wear contacts. But as he stood stationed at the magazine rack, pretending to look through his third stupid glossy magazine full of celebrity gossip, he was starting to have some questions... like what was he doing there when he should be with Chloe.

Meanwhile, in the aisle between vitamins and eye care, Carly was attempting to look casual amongst the home pregnancy tests.

"Don't worry. Help has arrived."

Carly jumped slightly at the whispered voice in her ear, then sighed in joyous relief at realizing it was who she'd been waiting for. "Chloe! Thank God you're... here?" Upon turning around, Carly was a bit baffled at the sight of a woman with dark hair and sunglasses.

"It's me," Chloe giggled, twirling a strand of the dark wig and tilting her sunglasses down to show her eyes. "On the phone, it sounded like you were talking covert operations, so I thought a disguise might be both fun and helpful."

Carly shook her head in impressed disbelief. "You look great, but... did you understand why I was saying I needed your help?"

"You were a little vague and rushed on the phone, but guessing by where you asked me to meet you, I'd say you think you might be pregnant."

"Shhhh!" Though Carly looked up and down the aisle and saw no one else, she still worried they might be heard. "Covert operations, remember? Covert and quiet."

"Sorry," Chloe whispered. "I don't really get what you're afraid of here, but if you need me to buy you a test, I'm more than happy to."

"More than one. I have to be sure. Here." Carly stuffed a $100 bill into her friend's hand and refused to let her give it back. "Get however many you can get for that."

"Because you want to be sure it's a yes, or because you want a lot of chances for it to be a no?"

Carly ignored the question as best she could, just staring at the rows of pregnancy tests until her eyes started to unfocus. She pointed to one. "That kind's good. I think I used it before. Get a couple of those." Leaving Chloe to choose the rest, she mumbled something made up about wanting to look at some new nail polish colors and started walking away.

"Hey," Chloe called after her, then silently mouthing "_Carly_" when she turned around, before speaking again. "If you are... this is a good thing. No matter what's going on with Sonny, or with you and Sonny, a baby would be a gift."

Carly nodded numbly at her friend's smiling, excited face... said, "I'll meet you outside,"... and left. So preoccupied was her mind that she didn't even realize she hadn't mentioned to Chloe Johnny's presence in the store.

In the same spot he'd been for nearly half an hour, Johnny was fed up with flipping magazine pages... something Carly had told him to do so he wouldn't "freak out" the customers or employees... and was debating whether to just return to the limo or to go see what was taking her so long. He was just thinking how he didn't want to come upon her picking up a box of tampons or some other such feminine hygiene product when a voice at the checkout counter snapped his head up to attention.

"Wow... are these all for you?" the curious 16-year-old salesgirl asked.

"Oh, yes... I mean, sort of... They're for a baby shower, actually."

The girl behind the counter quirked a confused pierced eyebrow.

"It's a new party game I came up with, called... _'Guess Who Else Is Pregnant'_!" The woman laughed nervously at the absurdity of her adlib for a minute, then gave it up and sighed. "Just ring me up, please."

Johnny couldn't believe how much Chloe was on his mind. This nympho brunette actually sounded like her to him. Ever since that morning, when they'd said they loved each other, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He wished he could have spent the whole day with her, but he knew Carly needed him. And, considering that Sonny had for some unfathomable reason left Carly, he could hardly ask for time off to go be with the woman he loved. But he was determined they would have the night together soon. Though getting to the love before the sex was a first for him, and he did see the beauty in that, he had no interest in waiting any longer.

Johnny tried to tamp down all sexual thoughts when he found himself watching the lady customer's ass as she walked to the door. He was just thinking how she even seemed to move like Chloe when she suddenly dropped her shopping bag, which was too small for the multitude of home pregnancy tests it had contained. Ever the gentleman, despite his lustful gaze, he ran over to help her pick them up.

"Let me help you with that, miss."

Both kneeled down at the same time, and when Johnny handed her a couple of the spilled boxes, he looked up and saw familiar eyes revealed from behind off-kilter sunglasses.

"Chloe?"

"Johnny? Oh my goodness, I didn't realize you were here!" She grabbed his face and gave him a happy kiss on the lips.

He touched the wig. "Uh... what's with your hair?"

"Oh..." She'd forgotten for a second. "I'm a designer... You know... eccentric!" She was doing her best not to lie to him. "You don't like it?"

Johnny was too focused on the... one, two, three, four, five... _six_ pregnancy tests held scooped in her arms to weigh in on her hair color. "Chloe, uh... what are you doing with-?" The wheels in his head started spinning furiously, taking his thought process from, _Oh my God, Chloe's pregnant_... to, _But we haven't even... _to, _She and Jax haven't even been broken up for two months_... before she snapped him out of it.

"No, Jonathan. Whatever you're thinking, no."

"Then what?"

At that moment, Carly appeared, walking in between them and out the door, without any verbal or visual acknowledgement. Johnny and Chloe looked at each other, and then quickly followed her. Reaching the car, she finally stopped.

"Relax, Johnny. Chloe was getting those for me."

Relief and understanding dawned on the guard, followed by greater understanding. "You mean you're-?... Oh."

"I don't wanna talk about it until there's two... make that twelve little blue lines staring me in the face, okay?" Carly rested against the limo, tired, and implored her friends softly. "Penthouse... please."

xxxxxxxxxx

_Harborview Towers_

AJ and Leticia stepped off the elevator, arms around each other. Let kept looking at the ring on her left hand, still almost unable to believe it was really there.

"God, I'm glad you said yes. I was worried that maybe you'd think too much had gone wrong for us to recover from."

Leticia glanced to the right and her eyes fell on the door to PH4. "No way, AJ. We had it easy," she said sadly. "You don't know how easy we've had it." She walked to the door and knocked.

"I thought we were going to your apartment."

"We are, but I... I really need to talk to Carly first."

"Can't wait to share the happy news?"

The now somber look on Leticia's face told him this was about something else... probably about whatever had her crying before... and he quieted as she continued to knock.

"She's not answering. Sometimes she doesn't answer, even when she's home... Carly, it's me!"

"Johnny's not here. That probably means they went out."

Leticia sighed and finally gave up. "I guess so."

"You want to call her?"

"It's really not... phone conversation. It's big, and I need to be there... literally there for her when I tell her."

"Okay, then you will. You'll talk to her as soon as you can. But, if there's nothing you can do right now... can you be happy for us? I was hoping maybe we could celebrate."

She smiled lovingly, grabbed his hand, and walked him to PH2. "I am happy. I'm so happy that there's an 'us' at all." She slipped her arms inside his jacket and pulled him close against her. "And I'm hoping that your idea of celebrating is the same as mine."

AJ sank a hand into her silky, dark mane of hair, and brought their lips less than a breath apart. "Making love to my fiancee sounds good."

Anticipation tingling through every inch of her body, Leticia whispered, "Finally," and captured his mouth with hers. Fumbling for the doorknob and for more of each other, they tumbled, tangled, through the door and into what they had been wanting for so long.

xxxxxxxxxx

_The No-Name_

"Wow."

"I think, yeah... I think you liked it a little bit."

"I know I told you I could eat a lot, but I topped myself tonight. That was the best fettucine alfredo I've ever had."

"And?"

"And the best lasagna."

Jason had shared a few bites of his lasagna with Elizabeth and proceeded to act like she'd eaten two whole meals by herself. She gave him a dirty look.

"Shut up. You're gonna give me a complex. You fed me... I wasn't going to be rude."

"Come on. You were making goo-goo eyes at my plate."

"I was not! And _goo-goo eyes_? Since when are you funny? I didn't sign up to go out with a funny Jason Morgan. I think you're a pod person."

"A pod person? What is that, like an alien?"

"Yes... On the other hand, what you're wearing is very Jason." Liz glanced around the restaurant at all the men in expensive suits. "If you had shown up in a suit, I would have known for sure you were a pod person."

"Yeah, I think there's actually a dress code in here. Once, a long time ago, they even tried to come at me with a tie. But they know me now, and they let me be."

"Oh no. What happened to the poor guy who tried to make you wear a tie?"

"Still in one piece. Think he might've quit though."

Elizabeth laughed, the sweet notes blending with the music as the band started to play. She saw a few couples make their way out to the dance floor.

"Okay... Final test to make sure you're really you... Wanna dance?"

"I'll order you two desserts if you don't make me dance."

"Yep, you're you." She laughed again as she watched him visibly relax. "Though, you know... you have danced with me before... that time at Kelly's."

"I remember. You needed to dance with Lucky. I was just filling in."

"Yeah, I was missing Lucky a lot. I tried to recreate a moment with him. But... when I think about that dance now, I remember you, Jason... I remember your arms around me... You're the one I feel."

The dim lighting couldn't hide the honest emotion laid bare in Elizabeth's eyes. She felt a flicker of wishing she hadn't said so much, but Jason's eyes made it okay, and his hand slid warmly over hers on the table.

Before the temperature could rise any more, something out of the corner of her eye drew Liz's gaze back to the dance floor. She giggled slightly. "Speaking of."

Jason turned and saw Lucky, dancing with a striking girl he could only assume was the "Gia" Liz had said he was dating. He looked back at Elizabeth, to see if she was uncomfortable or wanting to leave, but instead she was waving at them and smiling.

"It looks like they're coming over," she leaned forward to whisper. "You don't mind, do you?"

"I don't if you don't."

"Hey, Elizabeth. We didn't know you were here. Who's the hunk?"

Liz actually loved that unabashed quality Gia had. "Gia, this is Jason Morgan. Jason, meet Gia. And, of course, you know Lucky."

Lucky gave Jason a friendly slap on the shoulder. "Good to see you, Jason. Welcome back."

"I'd say the same thing to you, but it doesn't seem like enough for a guy who came back from the dead."

Lucky laughed. "Thanks, man."

Gia's eyes lit up suddenly. "Ooh... I hate to be rude, but..."

"Since when?" Lucky quipped.

She put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow, daring him to say more. "As I was saying, I think I just saw our waiter heading to our table with my cake, so..."

"It's Gia's birthday."

"Oh! Happy birthday, Gia," Liz offered sincerely. "I wondered if it was some kind of special occasion."

"Yeah. I wish I could say I can afford this place and I bring her here all the time, but I'm afraid this dinner was funded by her brother."

"That's Taggert, right?" Jason spoke up.

"You know Marcus?"

Jason nearly spit out the water he was drinking, somehow finding Taggert's first name hilarious. Gia cocked her head.

"Is there a problem?"

"Put away the attitude, babe. Jason and your brother just... aren't the best of friends."

"Taggert likes to arrest him a lot," Liz added.

Gia looked at Jason with new recognition. "Oh, yeah, Jason Morgan. I heard Marcus talking about you the other day. Something about you being back in town and him having another chance to put _'Anger Boy' _behind bars?"

"That's me."

"He seemed weirdly excited. Almost as much as when he talks about _Corinthos_." Gia exaggerated the way her brother always growled that name.

The four laughed at her Taggert impression, but Elizabeth hushed suddenly.

"Oh my God, it happened again."

"What happened?" Jason asked, concerned.

"_Speaking of_..."

He followed her line of sight across the room, to the person who had just walked in.

"Sonny."

xxxxxxxxxx

_PH4 - The next morning_

Carly looked up from her spot, curled up in the fetal position, on the couch, when Johnny let Leticia in. Let seemed almost to be glowing, but she also seemed on the verge of bursting into tears. Carly could relate.

"Did I wake you?"

"No, I didn't sleep."

"Carly, um... I have something to tell you."

Carly thought of the twelve little blue lines decorating her sink, and would have laughed if she hadn't been so terrified.

"I have something to tell you, too."


	43. Breathing Without

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**_by aprilhope

**Author's note: **REMINDER! This fic will not be properly finished. After this chapter, there is one more complete chapter, after which will follow a summary of the rest of the story.

Ch. 43 - Breathing Without

"I have something to tell you."

"I have something to tell you, too."

Leticia walked around the couch and sat down, nervous. "You… you can go first."

Carly looked at her friend for a minute… watched her hands fidgeting in her lap… and smiled a tired, knowing smile. "It's okay. I think I can guess what you have to tell me, anyway."

"You can?" _How could she have guessed… this?_

"Yeah, you're about to blind me." Carly reached out and grabbed Leticia's hand, taking closer inspection of the ring now sparkling away on her finger. "Wow. This is actually beautiful. Are you sure AJ picked this out?"

Realizing that Carly thought she was there to announce her engagement, Let was thrown, and a little slow in catching up. "Uh… yes, he did."

"Let, loosen up. I was kidding. You don't have to defend AJ anymore, and you don't have to be scared to tell me you guys are together. In fact, I told him you were at the docks so that he could do just what he did." Carly hugged her and held on. "I'm happy for you, girl."

Leticia squeezed back, for the moment able to just celebrate her happy news and her best friend's acceptance. "Thank you, Carly."

"You gonna give me details or what?"

"I'll tell you everything later, I promise… Well, maybe not _everything_."

Carly noticed the rosy flush in Let's cheeks and the dreamy, satisfied look in her eyes. "I guess I was wrong. Looks like the earth did move." She hurried on before Let could affirm. "Yeah, you can keep those details to yourself. But, good for you… and, uh… go, AJ."

Leticia laughed a small, sudden laugh, like a hiccup. "I'll tell him you said so."

"Oh yeah, he'll love that." Carly smiled, rubbed her eyes… still feeling the pull of sleep… and sighed, mind and heart wandering to their constant destination. "I had that, you know? That closeness with somebody. Somebody you think is gonna be there for the rest of your life."

Hearing Carly refer to Sonny, Leticia was reminded of the news… alternately good and heart-shattering… she had come to deliver. "Carly, listen… I saw…"

"I can't even make myself forget. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't now. Everything's changed now, except he's still not here." Talking almost to herself, her words were mumbled but still clear, and her voice held a new shade of sadness that worried Let.

"What do you mean, _'Everything's changed now,' _Carly? What's changed? Is this about whatever you had to tell me?"

"Yeah, it is." Carly turned to her friend and answered her matter-of-factly. "I'm pregnant."

"You're…" Leticia was shocked by the news, and hadn't had time to over-think it like Carly had. Her first emotional reaction was a positive one. "Oh my God, Carly! That's wonderful!" It was now her turn to wrap Carly in a hug. Feeling Carly oddly tense, Let pulled back, wondering if she'd jumped the gun. "Isn't it?"

"Of course it is… But it would be a lot more wonderful if…" Carly stopped herself from going on about Sonny being gone again. It was starting to sound like whining to her, and she refused to do that. "Part of me is so happy, Let. But there's another part that is beyond terrified, and I can't even blame it on my absent husband… It's only been, like, a couple of months… since I lost our baby. You know what that did to me. I'm not ready." Her words trembled with tears she was determined not to shed. "I'm not ready to let myself feel that life in me again… I still feel what used to be there. And I'm definitely not ready to have it ripped away from me again."

"Carly… that's not going to happen again."

"You don't know that." Carly pulled a pillow onto her lap and started picking off imaginary lint, thinking of the rough roads her life had taken since birth… Hell, before birth. "If it could happen to anyone, it could happen to me."

Leticia sighed, wishing she could just tell her she was wrong. "All I do know is… you're a great mom. You love being a mom. And, yeah, I know what it did to you when you lost the baby… and that's why I think it's so beautiful that you've been given a second chance."

"I'm someone who needs second chances… third, fourth, and fifth chances." Carly chuckled lightly at Leticia's over-the-top nod of agreement. "But I thought I'd lost any chance to have Sonny's baby, and now… I just want him here, Let. I want to be able to tell him and celebrate. It took us a while to celebrate the baby before, at least together. But this time I really think we could… except that I don't know where he is… and last I saw him he was like I was, after. Broken. I don't know if this news would heal him or hurt him worse."

"I hate to say it, but… I think it would hurt him worse right now."

"Why do you say that?"

No way to tell her but to tell her. "I saw Sonny last night, Carly. On the docks. Seems he's in town after all."

"You what?" Before all the colliding emotions that would follow, and all the instant questions that Leticia's statement begged, Carly just felt pure relief that Sonny was okay. "Oh my God… Jason and all the men have been looking everywhere for him… Europe, South America, I don't even know where… but I don't think any of them thought he'd actually be in Port Charles." She ran her hands through her hair, almost dizzy and almost laughing at the news that he'd been so close and yet so far. "Well, what did he say? How did he seem? Where is he now?" she demanded.

"I… I don't know, Carly. I don't know where he went when he left the docks. But, if we know he's in town now, he should be easy to find."

Carly's excitement fizzled as she stared at her friend in disbelief. "You know how worried I've been about him, and how pissed off at him, and how much I miss him. If you couldn't hogtie him and drag him back here, couldn't you at least have asked where he was going?"

Leticia's complete lack of response… just silence and sad eyes… terrified Carly.

"God, what aren't you saying, Let? Was he worse?" Her voice hushed, tightened. "Worse than he was before… when I went back to the island?"

"I don't know," Let answered honestly. "I didn't see him then. As for now… he's functional. But he's more shut down than I've ever seen, and at the same time way more… exposed. When he spoke…" She paused, sadly. "The things he said made me put it all together and realize something important… something painful."

Carly knew she didn't want to know, but she willed herself to ask. "What?"

"I know why Sonny left you."

xxxxx

The No-Name

"He's here. I don't believe it."

"Jason, do you think he's been right here in town?"

"Uh, who's here? What's going on?"

Elizabeth looked quickly at Jason before putting on a big smile for Lucky. "Nothing. Just saw someone we knew."

"You mean Sonny over there?" Gia piped up, not one to be left out. "Want me to wave him over? I may as well spend my birthday with all of my brother's least favorite people."

"NO," Jason and Liz said simultaneously, at which Lucky gently pulled Gia's arm down.

"Excuse me for trying to be friendly," Gia quietly huffed, until Lucky wrapped an arm around her.

Elizabeth turned to Jason and took his hand. "You have to go talk to him."

"I know."

"And I don't think some casual 'Haven't seen you around the warehouse lately' while you're out with me is going to do it."

Jason realized what she was saying. "What about our date?"

"It was wonderful. If it's ending a little early, I guess that just means you owe me another one," she hinted, eyes dancing.

"You got it," Jason promised, standing, though reluctant to leave that smile. "But, hey, I've got to at least take you home."

Liz shook her head. "You just worry about getting Sonny back home."

"We'll give her a ride," Lucky offered, looking to Gia for any objections.

"Yeah, no problem… as long as we get my cake first."

Lucky laughed. "Your cake is number one priority, babe. Let's go."

As Lucky and Gia headed back to their table, Liz called to them. "I'll be there in just a minute, you guys."

Standing by Jason, watching his face as he watched Sonny, she knew he was dreading this conversation. She slipped one knee, then the other, onto an outturned chair, raising herself just high enough to kiss him on the cheek without him seeing her coming. He looked at her in surprise.

"It'll be okay," she whispered as she stepped down. "Thanks for dinner."

"Thank you," he said quietly, as he watched her walk away.

When she was out of sight, he headed straight for Sonny's table for one.

"Sonny."

Jason stood there for about two minutes, wanting to give Sonny a chance to respond. To not ignore his presence completely. To act like he gave a damn about something. But Sonny didn't speak, look up, or even blink as far as Jason could tell. He just stared at the wine list, despite the fact that there was already a glass of wine… and a bourbon… on the table.

"Sonny, we've been looking for you… What are you doing?"

Finally, Sonny raised his head and looked at Jason, casually. He held up his wine glass and made a point of it, drinking the full contents, before saying, "Waiting for my dinner."

Jason sat down in the empty chair, the gravity of his concern for his friends evident from the set of his jaw to the slump of his shoulders. Anyone would look and think a serious business meeting was taking place.

"Sonny, you've got to pull yourself out of this and go home to your family. Carly's crying all the time, she hasn't been sleeping…"

Sonny's grip tightened around his now empty glass, dangerously close to shattering it. His mind had automatically jumped to thinking the reason Jason knew Carly hadn't been sleeping was because the two were sleeping _together_. He'd told her to be with Jason… but the thought hurt worse than a bullet hole in his chest.

"I don't-… don't wanna hear that."

"You need to hear it."

"Why aren't you with her now, then? Huh?" Sonny's voice started getting louder, attracting the attention of the other tables. "Why aren't you with her? You're supposed to be taking care of her!"

"No, you are!"

The waiter rushed up to soothe the angry voices with his quick service and a fresh basket of breadsticks. "Mr. Morgan, will you be joining Mr. Corinthos this evening? What can I get for you?"

Jason just shook his head no, without looking at the waiter, and the man knew to move on and leave them alone.

"Sonny, let me take you to the penthouse. Let me help you. Let Carly help you."

The part about Carly sent Sonny's mind along this path…

_Let Carly help… like last time?… damn pink dress… again and again… seeing Lily die, my child die… because of me… Carly… she helped me and what did she get?… our child dead… because of me… she'll be next… if I love her, she'll be next…_

So Sonny said nothing.

After a few minutes more, Jason gave up and stood to leave. "Sonny… I will always take care of Carly. But I'm not who she needs."

As Jason took a step, Sonny spoke, his eyes teary. "Carly doesn't… Not me. She doesn't need me. She needs me gone. And if you love her, you'll help me stay that way."

Jason didn't know how to respond to that, so he didn't, except by walking away… wondering if Elizabeth was still up… but knowing he had to talk to Carly.

xxxxx

PH4

The silence was so loud Leticia thought it would pierce her eardrums.

For Leticia, it was silence. For Carly, the words Leticia had said just kept screaming and crashing together inside her head. And her heart? Felt like each word had left a tiny stab wound and bled her… not enough to kill her, just enough to always remember that pain…

His pain.

"Carly, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry I had to tell you that, but I thought it was important… I know, it's horrible, but… I really believe you guys can get past this… I… I do."

"Let, can you go, please?"

Let looked at Carly, slightly startled, then nodded sadly and stood up.

"It's not you… I mean, thank you… I just… need to be alone now." Carly couldn't count the tears that had streamed down her cheeks so far, and she knew there were a lot more to come. She was still in shock, probably. It would hurt so much more later.

"Of course, yeah. I understand." Leticia walked quietly to the door and opened it, catching a glimpse of Johnny's face that told her he now understood as well.

"Let," Carly whispered, just loudly enough to catch her. "Congratulations."

It felt like a sick joke, whispering, "You, too," but Leticia did, meaning it. Then she ran across the hall, never so grateful for her own happiness.

Carly moved in front of the balcony window… Sonny's favorite brooding spot… _Sonny, I'm sorry._

_He heard me… That's why he left… That's why he's broken… He heard me._

_He heard me say that remembering that he told me he loved me on our wedding night was what made me fall and lose the baby._

_Oh my God. Oh God._

In the middle of crying, a bout of hysterical laughter caught her, making Carly think she was going crazy.

_Sonny so did not need any more issues, man. I didn't even think it was possible to fuck him up any more, but I managed to do it. What a talent to have._

_He really did tell me he loved me. That was real. Remembering should have been a beautiful moment. Except that, fucked up as *I* am, it was such a shocker I got goddamned weak in the knees._

_I guess that's why I've been so weird about just the word "love" ever since. Why even thinking it has kind of made me feel like I was… falling._

_But, God… Sonny. How has he been feeling? I thought the grief was finally taking him over. I worried that emotions seemed to hit him harder than most people, but I actually thought it was a good thing that he was feeling them… instead of having to be so strong for me all the time that he didn't let himself._

_This is so much worse._

Sadly, Carly knew Sonny well enough to follow his train of thought… to understand what those words had done to him. He believed that his love had killed their child. Not the word "love," not an unfortunately timed memory, but everything he felt in his heart and dared to try and give her. He believed his love was poison, dangerous, even cursed. He was well on his way to believing those things after Lily and Brenda, and now she was the final proof. Sonny wouldn't ever give her his love now, even if he did want to.

Carly had sunk to the floor, somewhere in the midst of her thoughts. She leaned her forehead against the cool glass of the balcony door and tried to calm her breathing, but Sonny's pain was so thick before her eyes she could see it. She could see it, maybe even touch it, but she couldn't breathe around it. Lights swirled and her chest felt a bit tight.

_Can't breathe… Living without Sonny is like breathing without… oxygen._

"It doesn't work," Carly managed, before everything went black.

xxxxx

PH2- Leticia's

_After your laughter like thunder  
__After your skin like coffee and cream  
__After it takes our bodies into the night  
__After we've come to the extreme_

The sight of AJ… shirtless, rumpled, reading the newspaper, and perfectly filling the so long empty side of her bed… waiting for her when she returned to her room, was almost too much for Leticia's heart to take after the morning it'd had already.

"I wasn't sure you'd still be here," she admitted, climbing onto the bed and sitting cross-legged in front of him.

"You kidding? You're going to have to kick me out to get rid of me. And, even then, you couldn't." He held her face gently and looked at her, seeing the sadness in her eyes. "How did it go?"

Leticia shook her head, even as she answered, "Fine," not wanting to get into it. She went gladly into AJ's arms and lay back with him, relishing the rhythm of his heartbeat under her cheek. "I just need to feel this for a while."

"How does the rest of our lives work for you?" He kissed the top of her head. "I love you."

She smiled into his skin. "I know. I love you, too."

_I want to lay down on your shoulder  
__Just inside your arm  
__I want to listen to your heartbeat  
__And your breathing on and on  
__I want to lay down on your shoulder  
__Surrender to your peace  
__And go to sleep_

xxxxx

_And when we've gone a million miles  
__Made true our dreams with sweat and bone  
__After we've built it up with our bare hands  
__Made strong a place we can call home_

Carly felt the familiar warmth of a hand cradling her cheek and opened her eyes. He was there. Sonny was there.

She traced his bottom lip with her finger. She could smell him. She could feel the heat of his body, so close. But only seconds of looking into his eyes and she knew. "This is a dream, isn't it?"

She sat up, smoothing down her hair, and felt his strong arms encircle and lift her. He carried her upstairs and laid her on the bed, finally speaking.

"Yes, Carly. This is just a dream."

"Mine or yours?"

He let her tug his hand until he was sitting on the bed beside her. "I think it's ours."

"Then I won't complain. I can see you… and you're looking at me like that… God, I've missed that. I can touch you. I can…"

Testing the boundaries of the dream, Carly kissed Sonny… one hand reclaiming its home in his hair, one at the back of his neck… with all the overwhelming emotion she'd been feeling with him gone. He kissed her back and Carly felt her breath returning.

"Why can't you come home and let me do that for real?" she asked, leaning her forehead against his.

"You know why," he whispered.

At his simply put, but tragically complicated answer, Carly swallowed hard. Her voice shook. "I am so sorry, Sonny."

_And when the light in my eye is fading  
__When running water becomes too deep  
__Finally angels turn my fire to dust  
__And when my soul's no longer mine to keep_

Her apology seemed to hurt him more. "Don't you be sorry. You lost everything because of me."

"Because of you, I have you. Except I don't, because you got scared and ran."

"I was protecting you."

"Or maybe you were just hiding once you found out that I knew."

"Knew what?"

"That you lov-" Carly just barely stopped herself. Even in a dream, that word shook her. She saw the fear on his face as well, and smiled, changing track. "You… fancy me?"

"What?"

"You desire me?"

"Obviously, but what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to come up with a code for us. Something we can say instead of _the L word_. Because that word got kind of tainted for both of us, but I still… I still feel it… for you. I have for a long time."

Sonny slid his arms tightly around Carly and hugged her, holding on, for admitting what they both felt, even in a dream.

"And I miss you, Sonny. I need you. I…"

"I breathe you."

Carly looked confused, not wanting to assume a greater meaning. Sonny held her face and looked tellingly into her eyes.

"I breathe you, Mrs. Corinthos… with everything in me. _Both of you_."

Sonny watched those dark eyes well with tears at his words, and more so as his hand made its way to her stomach.

"You know?" she whispered. "You're happy?" At his reverent nod, she threaded her fingers with his. "I breathe you, too."

With another kiss, Carly proceeded to do just that for the rest of the night, or however long the dream would last.

_I want to lay down on your shoulder  
__Just inside your arm  
__I want to listen to your heartbeat  
__And your breathing on and on  
__I want to lay down on your shoulder  
__Surrender to your peace  
__And just go to sleep_

Lyrics: "Sleep," by Melissa Etheridge


	44. Live In Dreams

_**Baby, Now That I've Found You  
**__by aprilhope_

Ch. 44 - Live In Dreams

Jason parked his motorcycle outside Elizabeth's building. He was headed to the penthouse to talk to Carly, but he stopped on the way, just to take a peek at the studio and make sure his date had gotten home safely. Looking up at her window, her lights were on. He knew from the time he'd stayed with her after he'd been shot that she rarely went to bed early, so Lucky and Gia had probably dropped her off at her grandmother's.

He couldn't figure out why he was taking his time to leave. It wasn't like he was waiting for her to show up. Even if she had been in her studio, he wasn't actually going to go see her, right?

He was just about to rev his engine and ride away when he heard her.

"Jason!" She ran full speed until she caught up to him.

"Elizabeth. I thought you were at your grandmother's."

"No, I'm here, but my painting wasn't happening. I thought a walk on the docks might help. I heard a motorcycle roar up and I just knew it was you."

"You were walking on the docks this late at night, alone? Don't you know how dangerous that is?"

Elizabeth put one hand on her hip and countered with, "If you thought I was somewhere else, but you're waiting outside my building, then who are you here to see?"

At Jason's look of confusion, she dropped her hand and laughed.

"I'm just teasing. But, as for me walking on the docks at night alone, I can't help it if my date cut out on me."

"Elizabeth, I'm sorry about that…"

"I'm teasing again. God, you're easy."

"Still, I mean it."

"I know, I know. How's Sonny?"

It was like Elizabeth could see the tension Jason had been trying to let go reentering his body at her question.

"Hey… forget I asked."

"Is that okay? I'm gonna have to go find Carly after this and have a conversation I'd rather not have. Until then…"

"Anything you need is okay. And I think I know what you need."

"Yeah?"

"A ride… with me."

"I see you changed into something more bike-friendly."

The blouse and short skirt had been replaced by a white tank top, flannel shirt, and sweatpants… one of her painting outfits. The comfortable clothes were slightly baggy on her tiny frame. She looked adorably sexy.

Elizabeth glanced down at herself, picking at a small paint stain she found, and laughed. "Yeah, I'm all schlubby Elizabeth now. You want to ride with me, anyway?"

Jason handed her the helmet, smiling at the excited little bounce she did when he started up the engine. "Hop on and hold on."

xxxxx

_The next morning_

_PH4_

The first thing Carly noticed when she woke up was that her pillow was dry. The past few mornings, the fabric beneath her cheek had been damp from too many tears cried as she'd tried to fall asleep alone. But last night she'd been happy - at least in her dreams - so no tears on her pillow today.

The second thing Carly noticed was that she was not on the floor downstairs, where she was fairly sure she had passed out. She was in bed, upstairs. She was in the bed where, in her dream, Sonny had carried her.

She sat up quickly with the realization. Looking down, she saw that she wore one of her silk nightgowns, not her clothes from the day before. _Is it possible… it was real?_

"Johnny!" Carly practically flew downstairs in search of answers, so anxious to find out if Sonny had really been there that the stairs gave her not even a moment's pause. She threw open the penthouse door and saw her guard and friend standing there, looking bored yet focused, like it was any other day. "Johnny, is he-"

"Hey!" he interrupted as soon as he saw her. "Morning, CC." Johnny had taken to sometimes calling Carly "CC" - a sort of abbreviation of "Carly" and "Mrs. C." Sonny probably wouldn't like it a bit, but Johnny wasn't too sure he cared what Sonny thought at this point. "Can I get you something? Like, uh… a robe?"

"Oh, whatever, Johnny." Carly rolled her eyes at Johnny's averted ones, but went and grabbed a blanket from the couch to wrap herself in, anyway.

"You know, you've got to start taking better care of yourself, at least for the baby's sake, if not for mine. Passing out is not good."

"Oh… sorry. You found me?" Carly felt the excited rush of her blood slow with the sluggish disappointment of reality. "Of course it was you."

Johnny coughed, nodding, as he cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'd like to not find you unconscious on the floor again, thanks. Now, no morning sickness today, I hope, because I got you a full breakfast from Kelly's… eggs, bacon, French toast, fruit. You need to build up your strength. I called your mother, and she and Michael are having a great time. Don't worry, I didn't tell her about you passing out. That's way down on the list of news you have to share with her." He meant the pregnancy, mostly, but he wished he could ask if Bobbie even knew Sonny was gone… without actually bringing up Sonny.

Carly squeezed his shoulder in thanks and turned back inside, hiding an amused smile at how much Johnny was reminding her of Sonny, telling her to eat. "It's so weird. I almost thought…"

"You almost thought… what?"

"Nothing, I-" Carly's arm brushed the softness of her nightgown beneath the blanket and she was reminded of still unanswered questions. "Hey, Johnny… You act all shy this morning, but am I to presume that you took my clothes off last night?"

Johnny's eyes bugged slightly out with surprise. "WHAT? Of course not!"

"But my clothes changed, sometime between me passing out and me waking up, so how did that happen?"

"You- you did that yourself. By the time I got you upstairs, you were half-awake, and I think you were going through your, um, sleepwear drawer when I left."

"Oh. Guess that makes sense." Carly started to walk away again but again stopped. "Did I say anything to you? Or, act any kinda way towards you that was… like I thought you were…?" Carly gave up on not making Johnny's eyes bug out again. "I didn't kiss you, did I?"

"Wha-? No, Carly, you did not… Although, you're obviously thinking about it a lot," he couldn't resist adding, a wink in his voice.

"Constantly," she replied, straight-faced and without missing a beat. "Thanks, Johnny. I guess I'm gonna get some of that breakfast." _Damn. I should have known better than to get my hopes up. Dreams die the second you try to make them real._

As Johnny watched Carly pad off to the kitchen, her previous energy muted, his hand was already reaching for his cell phone… dialing…

"Chloe. It's me. I need to… I'd just really love to see you. Soon as you can."

xxxxx

_Elizabeth's studio_

Dreams about Jason were not a new thing for Elizabeth. But this was the most realistic one she'd ever had. It was like she could actually feel him… even smell him… and the leather of his jacket. She was asleep on her couch, her legs curled up like they always did when she was really cozy. But that warm weight on her thigh… that was Jason's hand. And… God, how could a solid brick wall be so perfectly comfortable? Jason's chest was serving as her pillow.

Liz was trying to remember the earlier details of this dream, from within the dream, when she realized it wasn't a dream at all. She knew this because the only part of her that was still asleep was her right foot.

"Ow."

She sat up ever so slightly, trying to move her foot around and make the pins and needles stop, but she had to push up using a hand on his chest to do so. Before she could even absorb the fact that she was waking up cuddled with Jason Morgan, she was concentrating on not waking him up at all. Unfortunately, the subtle shifting of her body on top of him, coupled with another tiny "ow" she let slip, foiled that short-term plan.

"Are you hurt?" Jason managed to say, blinking his eyes clear and swallowing hard as Elizabeth turned her head and looked down into them.

Liz wasn't sure which got to her more… the sexy, rumbly, just-woke-up quality to his voice… or how worried he sounded. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. My foot was just asleep. And, up until a couple of minutes ago, I guess the rest of me was, too. On, uh… you." She blushed at her fumbling attempt to be casual about it, scrambling down the couch so he could pull his legs free.

Jason sat up and ran his hands over his face in a waking-up gesture, looking over and smiling at the extra pink on Elizabeth's cheeks and the cute way her hair was kind of mussed. "Guess so. I'm sorry about that."

"Are you?" She hoped that hadn't sounded too disappointed, but she was kind of pleasantly surprised with the circumstances of her slumber. Was Jason desperate to get away from her?

"I just meant that I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable in any way."

"No, you were very comfortable."

A second's pause and both started laughing, and kept going because they knew she didn't even mean it as a joke. Jason _almost _seemed shy about it.

"I can't believe we fell asleep talking. That is what happened, right?" Liz asked, still trying to discern what was real and what was not.

"Yeah. We went for a ride, came back here… It was really late by then, but you said I owed you some time?"

"Claiming my leftover date time already… Not very patient, am I?" she laughed, only briefly. "You center me, Jason. With or without the bike rides. I should try and use that more to help me paint, but I end up just wanting to spend more time with you."

About a minute passed in awkwardly warm silence. Jason smiled at her. Elizabeth smiled back, then looked away. He wanted to make her comfortable again.

"You made me some hot chocolate, which was really good… even though it's summer."

She stuck her tongue out at the endearing jibe and heard him laugh. "Which led to reminiscing about this place… me as fabulous hostess… my raggedy old hot plate and all the soup it heated up when you stayed here."

"Hey, that soup saved my life." He amended at her disbelieving rolled eyes. "Okay then. You saved my life. You literally picked me up out of the snow and made me keep going. You brought me here. You lied to your friends over and over just so you could keep watch over me. I know I thanked you, but… there's not enough I can ever say, Elizabeth."

"They say when you save someone's life, you become responsible for it forever… or something like that," she shrugged. _That totally sounded made up. Crap._

"You're not responsible for my life," he said, eyes darkening for a second. "You don't want to be."

"I just mean that… I put a lot of effort into your life, and I want it to continue… and for you to be happy. I'm really glad you came back so I can keep an eye on my investment."

"Fair enough." Jason smiled, nodded, wondering if there was more to her interest. "So, what were you dreaming about?"

_In dreams we do so many things  
__We set aside the rules we know_

"Why do you ask?"

"I don't really dream, so I'm curious. That and you were… making sounds." Jason thought better of mentioning it as soon as he had. "Never mind."

"Was I snoring?"

"No."

She thought briefly about what she suspected she'd dreamt… NC-17 as it was… and immediately turned pink again. "Ohh… I was… I was not." Elizabeth stood up… to go splash water on her face, or maybe pretend to paint until he left… but Jason caught her wrist. He ran his thumb once over her pulse point softly before pulling her back.

_And fly above the world so high  
__In great and shining rings_

"You said some things."

"Oh." Too busy being relieved, it didn't occur to her to be worried. "I did?"

"Mm hmm."

"Like what?"

_If only we could always live in dreams_

"It sounded like you said, 'Don't leave me again.'"

Liz just nodded, still absently wondering if Jason had felt her pulse rate quicken in that brief touch, but she had also remembered the dream. On the docks, on that same bench as the first time, Jason had told her he had to leave Port Charles again, this time forever. She'd stopped him from getting on his bike, kissed him passionately, and then they'd gone… _oh, right here to this couch_… to have hot, beautiful, amazing… She reluctantly snapped herself out of it before she gave herself away. Even if it meant being slightly less than truthful with Jason. He couldn't know. It was just a stupid dream, anyway… right?

He might have assumed she'd been dreaming of Lucky. But…

"'Jason.'"

Liz looked questioningly at Jason speaking his own name. "What?"

_If only we could make of life what in dreams… it seems…_

He took a breath and dove in. "You said, 'Don't leave me again, Jason… I love you.'"

xxxxx

_PH4_

"Gotta go, Johnny!"

"Whoa, wait a min- Where are you- Carly!"

He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her move that fast. At a normal pace, she had gone upstairs to get dressed, before wandering back down and making him come inside to help her eat what she called the "way too much buffet." They'd sat in amiable silence while she nibbled on a dry pancake for a few minutes. He'd finally succumbed to pouring himself a cup of coffee, and - in that _second _- she'd grabbed her purse and disappeared out the door, calling out only that _"gotta go."_

Nearly spilling hot coffee on himself, Johnny swore and ran out into the hall, only to see the elevator doors already closing. She shrugged at him and shouted something about "shopping." He didn't buy that for a second. He'd been shopping with her, and no matter how limited time the sale, he'd never seen that determined a look in her eye.

Johnny pulled out his phone and dialed Francis. "The cat has left the basket. I repeat, the cat has left the basket."

"It's not one of those baskets full of kittens getting tangled up in yarn, is it? Those are so cute."

Johnny looked up and realized the elevator had opened again. _Wake up, buddy. You're a little slow with the reflexes this morning_, he berated himself, but felt his heart lift like a helium balloon at the sight of Chloe.

"What was that about?" she asked, giving him a hug and a kiss and following him into the penthouse living room.

"Code, sort of. Frankie knows. The cat is Carly."

"And this is the basket? So that means, what? She went out?"

"Yeah. She distracted me with my own breakfast buffet."

Chloe stifled a giggle. "Sorry, honey. I saw Carly leaving and I was so happy that she was actually getting out of the penthouse for a while. Are you saying I should have tackled her in the lobby?"

He looked like he was picturing that in a little too much detail. She lightly thwapped him with one of her shoes, already off and in her hands.

"The point is, she's supposed to have a guard. Always."

"But you have to admit… you've missed this Carly. The fiery, mischievous Carly who just cannot be contained! Haven't you?"

"Yeah, yeah," Johnny grudgingly admitted. "There's some kind of… fight back in her eyes. I hope that's a good thing, anyway."

"And Francis will find her, and guard her, so you don't need to worry about that." Chloe gave Johnny a small nudge onto the couch and then sat herself in his lap.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, looking lost in thought. "That's the least of what I'm worried about right now, believe me."

"What do you mean?"

"What?" Johnny reacted to Chloe's simple question with a face that said, _Did I say that out loud? _"Nothing."

"Honey, you did ask me over here to talk to me, didn't you?"

Johnny realized she was right. "I have to tell you what happened."

"What happened when?"

"Last night. When Sonny finally came home."

xxxxx

"_What?" Johnny spat into his cell phone, unable to believe it. "He's really here? Okay. Thanks for the warning."_

_One of the newer guards, Max, had called from the lobby to let him know that Mr. Corinthos was on his way up._

_Johnny wasn't sure what to think about this. Sonny was his boss, even his friend, and he would be glad to see him. But Sonny had left, and the bulk of Johnny's loyalty now lay with CC. She'd just had one of the roughest in a long line of rough days, with Leticia's little newsbreak about Sonny knowing why Carly fell and lost the first baby, and at the same time finding out she's pregnant again. Johnny really didn't think the reaction Carly would have to Sonny at this moment would be good for her._

_The elevator dinged. Johnny faced the opening doors, and the man who stepped out from them._

"_Sonny."_

"_How is she?"_

_Johnny was glad, at least, that Sonny's first concern was Carly. "She's… she's okay. Better. But she misses you. Where the hell have you been?" He didn't even let Sonny question his lack of respect. "Fire me later. Answer now."_

_The way Johnny was talking to him didn't quite seem to penetrate Sonny's singular focus, as he walked closer to the penthouse door. "Is she asleep? I'll just take a look at her and then I'll go."_

_Johnny was dumbfounded. "That's all you came here for? Are you telling me you're finally back home to your wife and you're not even going to let her know you're here?"_

_Sonny just stood, staring at the door, like if he could just see through it, it would make things easier on everyone. "I didn't mean to come home. But I need to see her."_

_Before Johnny could even throw his hands up in confusion at "I didn't mean to come home," Sonny had slipped inside. Johnny heard his boss yell Carly's name, and ran in to find her on the floor, Sonny kneeling down beside her, begging God to wake her up._

"_Should I call the ambulance?" a worried Johnny asked, not knowing what had happened, but already picking up the phone._

_Carly started to move a little then, and to open her eyes for a flutter or two. Sonny took hold of her hand and seemed to start breathing again. "Carly, don't try to get up. Are you in any pain?"_

_Her head drifted slowly from side to side, no._

"_What happened, Carly?" Johnny asked her, tentatively lowering the phone now that she seemed okay._

"_Fell asleep," she mumbled, eyelids fallen shut again._

_Johnny smiled a little, but Sonny just wondered if he'd caused the sleepless nights that added up to her passing out asleep on the floor like that. He figured yes, but allowed himself the action of gently scooping her up into his arms to carry her upstairs._

_Carly woke slightly for another few seconds, like she'd forgotten something, then smiled and relaxed again, whispering, "Baby's okay."_

_Johnny heard this, followed by the choked sound Sonny made before walking her up the stairs. Carly's voice got smaller as it asked if this was a dream, and Johnny half wanted to stay to hear the answer. But, giving them their privacy, the guard returned to his post in the hall._

xxxxx

_But in the real world  
__We must say real goodbyes  
__No matter if the love will live  
__It will never die_

Chloe hugged Johnny, knowing he was as at a loss about how to help their friends as she was. Too many questions filled her head, but one broke ahead of the others.

"So, does that mean Sonny knows Carly's pregnant again? Or did he just think she was sleepy and confused and thinking for a moment she was still pregnant with the baby they lost?"

Johnny was almost certain it was the second. He hadn't thought either Sonny or Carly would have been ready last night to have the news come out, so why did it seem so tragic that Sonny left thinking his child was just a dream… and Carly thinking her husband was?

_But in the real world  
__There are things we cannot change  
__And endings come to us  
__In ways that we can't rearrange_

xxxxx

_Queen of Angels_

_I love you, and you love me  
__But sometimes we must let it be  
__In the real world  
__In the real world_

She came to the church where they were married, mostly for inspiration. To soak in the memories of that perfect day and get fired up about all she had to fight for. But she should have known, and maybe she had, that it was exactly where Sonny would be.

"I've been falling again, into the dark, like I do." His whisper echoed, and he stopped, giving one hauntingly humorless laugh. "But not like she did. Carly fell, I made her, and I can't hurt enough to ever make that okay. Still, I thought she needed me now, God. I don't know. I felt like she needed me, and that's why you were helping me crawl my way out. I'm trying, for her. But I'm also trying to let go of her, stay away, and it's not working. Last night I even…"

From her unintentional hiding spot, Carly held her breath, waiting for the rest of that sentence. Even without it, she heard what wasn't said. She knew she'd been right. Her dream of Sonny coming home had been real.

"Last night proved it. I make her hold on to what she should let go… pain, love, the past. It all ends up pain. And the baby… I'm not meant to have children and she needs to learn that. Not Michael and not a baby. I smiled for her, you know, when she said… But she just made me sad."

_When we were dreaming heart to heart  
__I wish that we had stayed right there  
__For when the dreamers do awake  
__The dreams do disappear_

Her heart clenched. She thought he was happy about… She had dreamed it wrong. Real or not, she had dreamed it wrong.

"Carly?"

She felt her legs moving in slow motion, carrying her somehow quickly towards the doors. Her name begged her to turn around.

"Wait… Don't leave."

His voice broke and it broke her, as it always had. Carly stopped. She turned around. She saw Sonny, squinting at her as if she were a ghost, a tear still on his face. And all she felt was pissed at _him _asking _her _not to leave.

"**I **didn't."

_If only we could always live in dreams  
__If only we could make of life  
__What in dreams, it seems_

(Lyrics - In The Real World, Roy Orbison)


	45. a less than satisfying end

_**A/N: **Okay, this is all I have. I realized ages ago that this fic would never be properly finished (SO far out of this fandom now) and I put warnings all over it saying so. But I can at least *improperly* finish it, lol. Here is the teeny tiny bit of the next chapter that I had written, followed by a very bare bones chapter breakdown of what was going to happen in the rest of the story. Not satisfying, perhaps, but it's something!_

_**Baby Now That I've Found You  
**__by aprilhope _

Ch. 45 -

_Queen of Angels_

"Your lawyer called me this morning. Offered me everything you said, including the penthouse. Sonny, what are you doing? Where are you going to live?"

"I'm at the PC Hotel."

"Oh, right. Because that's just as good. They've got bulletproof glass in all the windows. Security's just as good. It's not just like a giant ant farm or anything!" Carly shouted, spitting sarcasm. "What happened to the control freak I knew? You're trying to control **me** more than ever, but **you** don't know what the hell you're doing!"

"I have to deal with one thing at a time. Most important first: keeping you safe! Then... now, I can take care of business."

"So, you did that first thing? You can check me off a list now? You're done? Don't even have to think about me anymore?"

"I think about you."

"What do you think, Sonny?"

"I... I think about you."

xxxxx

Breakdown for _Baby Now That I've Found You_ Ch. 45-52

**Ch. 45** - Sonny and Carly have an emotional confrontation in the church. "Say Anything" by Edwin McCain f./ Maia Sharp plays.

_Say anything, save everything  
If we say nothing this love will die  
Give me just one word, you can scream or whisper  
If you want to stay with me tell me why  
Say anything_

_This love is true_  
_Even if you call it by a different name…_

AJ and Leticia plan their wedding. Elizabeth and Jason admit their feelings but Jason is still reluctant to start a relationship out of fear for her safety. Carly calls Dr. Byers to talk about Sonny and tells him she's pregnant again.

**Ch. 46** - Dr. Byers has lunch with Carly at Kelly's and meets Bobbie. Johnny and Chloe help AJ and Leticia with some wedding errands (possibly planting wedding-y thoughts in their own heads), then finally sleep together. Jason has to leave on a business trip and has a sweet goodbye with Elizabeth, who tries not to fear he won't come back. Carly (leaving a doctor's appointment) and Sonny see each other on the street outside GH. "Dimming of the Day" by Bonnie Raitt plays.

_Come the night you're only what I want  
Come the night you could be my confidant_

_I see you on the street and in company  
Why don't you come and ease your mind with me  
I'm living for the night we steal away  
I need you at the dimming of the day  
Yes, I need you at the dimming of the day  
_  
**Ch. 47** - Sonny turns out to be meeting Dr. Byers (joining GH staff?) for an appointment. Dr. Byers finds out Sonny doesn't know about the new baby but he is unable to say anything. The idea of Sonny taking medication is introduced. Carly has a talk about Sonny with Mike and Luke. AJ meets Leticia's family, who are prepared to not like him, but he convinces them of his love for Leticia (and charms them with an attempt to learn some Spanish).

**Ch. 48** - AJ and Leticia get married on the Quartermaine grounds. Carly is the matron of honor. (Leticia's brother is best man.) Sonny watches her walk down the aisle and is amazed by how beautiful his wife is. "A Simple I Love You" by Mandy Barnett plays.

_After all the pride is gone  
Hope has all but fallen through  
We can still make ourselves hold on  
To a simple I Love You_

_There's a time if love's to stay_  
_When no other words will do_  
_And all it takes to clear the way_  
_Is a simple I Love You_

**Ch. 49** - Wedding reception, part one. Bobbie and Dr. Byers (Harvey) flirt. Johnny sneaks Chloe away to a private spot and proposes to her, which she accepts. AJ and Leticia dance and bask in their happy newlywed glow. Sonny and Carly have a big fight in the garden. The news about Carly's new pregnancy comes out. "The Sound of Pulling Heaven Down" by Blue October plays.

_You make the sound of pulling heaven down  
You brought the rain's romantic pour  
You make the sound  
You make the sound  
Of pulling heaven down_

_I'm reaching farther than I ever have before_  
_(Tired of wasting time)_  
_Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore_  
_(Tired of wasting time)_  
_I may be some sort of crazy_  
_We may be some sort of crazy_  
_But I swear on everything I have and more_

**Ch. 50** - Carly can't believe that Sonny's happy about the baby or will let himself love her. Jason shows up and kisses Elizabeth. Emily (who's had a fight with Juan, who didn't show up to the wedding) catches a cute waiter almost stealing some silver but promises not to tell on him. He thanks her and their eyes sparkle. This is Zander. Sonny has a special song played for Carly - "There We Are" by James Taylor- announcing his love via the lyrics, and then saying it to her.

_Oh I don't know if I told you  
But you hold my heart in your hand  
And I found out something about you  
Baby, without you  
I'm a lonely man_

_So though I never say that I love you_  
_I love you_  
_Darling I do_  
_Carly, I do love you_

**Ch. 51** - S&C reunion love scene. "Love Will Keep Us Alive" by The Eagles plays.

_I was standing  
All alone against the world outside  
You were searching  
For a place to hide  
Lost and lonely  
Now you've given me the will to survive  
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive_

**Ch. 52** - More of an epilogue. Jumps forward to after their baby's birth. A girl. Carina ("beloved") Adela. Sonny is now taking medication for bipolar disorder. Dr. Byers is dating Bobbie. Jason and Liz dating. Johnny and Chloe engaged. AJ ("Uncle AJ") and Leticia happily married. Sonny and Carly renew their vows, not just to each other, but to Carina and Michael as well, to always love each other and always be a family. "Baby Now That I've Found You" by Alison Krauss & Union Station plays.

_Baby, now that I've found you  
I won't let you go  
I built my world around you  
I need you so_

end


End file.
